I do sincerely hope that's what they are called. Today, i'm sadder than i thought i was and i care to be. But this is what dawned on me today, and it won't leave. There are days like this too. It's funny also, how the analogy with the wheel is relevant to this feeling.
On Sunday the sweetest girl you ever did meet, D, called me after church and told me about a sermon she watched online, and about one thing in particular she felt related to me, based on the conversation we had has earlier...She said when the potters wheel is spinning, it feels like nothing is happenning and it's just spinning faster and faster..it's only later on that we see how, unseen to us, the vessel has taken shape..
So despite this sadness and whatever i'm going through and no matter how much it feels like a standstill and emotions insist on their own picture in spite of common sense...this too, will pass, and i'll be better for it. I believe this so...i'll just keep taking it one day at a time..lol..as if we have a say in it.
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for my job
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for lessons learned
I am thankful for a whole bunch of things...i really am..but right now, i'm off to sleep.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Thankful Thursday: I believe in Miracles...
I am overwhelmed by the fact that God does not leave or ignore us. Today, He reminded me, He showed me that there are no coincidences and that there is magic in the world. I don't have the words to describe the lessons He gives, or how subtle the connections are, but fine and delicate as they are, they have the strength to hold everything together.
It seems everything is a continuation and reflection of the thing before it and then it comes full circle and and...oh life is beautiful.
I woke up this morning and cried, just like i cried myself to sleep last night. I prayed for this day to bring me surprises and joy...and oh boy did they keep coming.
I am thankful for the rain, for people, for communication, for God, for art, for love, for life, for understanding, for friendship, for love.
I am thankful for things that do not need words
I am thankful for telepathy
I am thankful for Vika.
I am thankful for joy
I am thankful for tears
I am thankul for lessons
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for awareness
I am thankful for the silly things
I am thankful for care
I am thankful for being able to give of myself
I am thankful for God's guidance
I am thankful for His faithfulness
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for His patience
I am thankful for my sisters
I am thankful for miracles
I am thankful! for this day, for yesterday, for tomorrow, for prayer, for all those things i feel at this moment but can't put a name on...i am thankful!
It seems everything is a continuation and reflection of the thing before it and then it comes full circle and and...oh life is beautiful.
I woke up this morning and cried, just like i cried myself to sleep last night. I prayed for this day to bring me surprises and joy...and oh boy did they keep coming.
I am thankful for the rain, for people, for communication, for God, for art, for love, for life, for understanding, for friendship, for love.
I am thankful for things that do not need words
I am thankful for telepathy
I am thankful for Vika.
I am thankful for joy
I am thankful for tears
I am thankul for lessons
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for awareness
I am thankful for the silly things
I am thankful for care
I am thankful for being able to give of myself
I am thankful for God's guidance
I am thankful for His faithfulness
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for His patience
I am thankful for my sisters
I am thankful for miracles
I am thankful! for this day, for yesterday, for tomorrow, for prayer, for all those things i feel at this moment but can't put a name on...i am thankful!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Thankful Thursday: Everything is Everything.
If only i could get the ideas in my mind to take a number, line up, and come forward when their number lights up...if wishes were horses...
I guess i'll just pick one and take it from there. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start and all that...except that it's not the beginning in the sense of ascending or descending order..it's just grabbing one line of thought and pegging that down. I have no idea why..okay i have a slight idea why i allow myself go off on these tangents and rant about the seemingly mundane...it's because through this, i learn. I discover, i allow myself to be guided, to be that vessel to allow the words write themselves. Like with love, this needs to be treated with respect..i guess it is a manifestation of that great Divine Energy in its own way..and as such, we are simply not Allowed to control, or try to control it and make it do what We want. That ends in failure and disappointment...and it will just go away..or we kill it and reviving it is not something that happens as quickly. So yeah...you have to take yourself out of it and allow the words. For the sake of illustration, please keep the idea of "love" parallel as i speak of the energy behind this writing thing. It is a risk in its own way, because it demands that you take yourself and your desires and your will and need to control a situations and keep them aisde, and give yourself over to wherever it takes you...and that is not something we are encouraged to do in our everyday lives. We are taught to follow rule and form and Will everything around us to be the way we plan it to be and when it doesn't happen...we leave those disobedient things in a pile over there and either pretend like they never happened, or find ridiculous excuses for why life contradicts our imposed desires.
Perhaps learning to let go and be led is what puts us on the path that leads back to Truth and Love and the stuff All This is made of and at the center of- before we bound ourselves in chains, too afraid of the unknown, too afraid to go, to be led farther than what we can see and touch...We try so hard to exile trust and courage...and Love. We write them off as foolhardy and impractical and really quite unnecessary. Look at all the tangible facts we have in place of them! And that's all well and nice...But life itself is a mystery, and what is the point living in denial and trying to escape that? To be safe? To exist, comforted by we have chosen as guages of knowledge and happiness and never wander to the left or to the right of them..even if life constantly screams at you to please look at how much more it has to offer?
See...this isn't about me. This isn't about MY words and what I want to say because I want to impose my ideas on anybody. I have made this clear several times. In the first instance, i write for myself, because i am more curious than you can imagine about what i'll write down. Sometimes, i go back and read my posts or notes and see things as I probably hadn't thought of prior. Usually though, i write, post, and carry on. Writing is my therapy.
It's interesting how there are signs all around us, and all we have to learn to do is look, listen and feel for them..basically, be aware and acknowledge their existence. It's how things don't occour before their time, before they are ripe for understanding. It's like lessons and exams at school.Sit through the lesson, take notes, get down and dirty with it...it peaks, take your exam...and then you're ready for what's next. This though on its own helps me be calm when it comes time to part with people..because that was one lesson, and there is no reason to hang on after the purpose has been served. This has nothing to do with "using" anybody. People come into our lives (as we into theirs) and they have things to teach us, to learn from us, and to point us in the direction of what is next, and prepare us for it in their own little or large way.
Back to the idea of Love and this Energy that insprires (it probably is all one and the same...it is God that IS and is behind and In everything) - in the same way as we have no right to try and "own" them, so do we not own any person. In respecting their freedom, we practice true love..i guess. To want to have a person all to yourself is probably natural human instinct, and to want them when we want them and in the capacity we want them is also something that happens naturally...as is having this feeling overpower whatever consideration of THEIR desires that we ought to have.
People are free, and when time comes for us to move on, we must let them go, because anything outside the time they were meant to be in our lives begins to be destructive. We have meltdowns, things get ugly, love turns to hate...because our selfishness won't let us let go until we kill the very thing we once loved. And i do believe that if you once loved...then that's it. It is love and we can't go back on it. If we prance about claiming that we now hate or dislike that person..then we held on too long and turned it sour..i don't know if that makes sense..but it does..it's like...what happens after "that point" should not negate the truth and conviction of how we felt when we loved. Understand that how you will.
Argh..this started out as a short post and now i have about three quotes i'm not quite sure where to affix. hm.
from "The Zahir"- "Love is giving me a pretty hard time at the moment, as you know. Now this could be seen as a descent into hell of it could be seen as a revelation. It was only when i wrote A Time to Rend and a Time to sew that i understood my own capacity to love. And i learned this while i was actually typing the words and sentences/"
I do believe, that as one writer (or person who writes) to another- this makes perfect sense. It gives you that aha! moment...or maybe it's for those who God made to find answers in words. Some find revelation through music or dance or painting..or wherever it is God has put the portal to Himself in our lives. That moment when you start writing...and it just pours forth in a frenzy...there is so much to say..stopping to try and organize the ideas often means the stream of them just stops and you're left scratching your head, trying to recall those fleeting visions, mirages of ideas, each one a dam holding back an entire ocean of a story...it gets intense..keeping the words coming and juggling those ideas so the stuff gets through..it feels a bit like those people with gazillion km/h hands working on a loom...can't dull for a second :P
Continuing with the theme of signs and timing and learning through writing...this quote- i saw a bit earlier today. The part about writing, i identified with...Only re-typing it now did i realize how much it fits my situation and state of mind at 22:20 this Thursday night. Love is giving me a pretty hard time at the moment. Now this could be seen as a descent into hell, or it could be seen as a revelation. It is only as i write about it and theorize do i begin to see clearly and am able to learn and grow, and not get angry or sad. As i allow myself write and allow the thoughts go where they will to find answers, a much bigger picture is revealed to me..it's interesting how simultaneously, in moments i feel the heat of the hell that feelings bring...and then there is the burst of revelation that makes me realize that there is so much more to All This.
It makes me smile when the signs do this. It's reassurance, it's comforting..to know that they are there and that God speaks and that i'm not entirely off my rocker :P...and in keeping with the theme of this post,let me not hang on past That Point..so here's one more quote and i'll leave the rest of those ideas for next week...if they still want to be told.
"Never chase love,affection or attention,if another person doesnt give it freely it isnt worth having,"- off of a friend's Facebook. I do believe it summarises everything beautifully.
I am thankful for Life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for the relationship with Himself He blesses us with
I am thanful for prayer
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for diversity
I am thankful that He knows us all by name and has individual, exculsive relationships with us, based on how He made us.
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for love. Pure, simple, genuine love.
I am thankful for emotions
I am thankful for words
I am thankful for trust
I am thankful for adventure
I am thankful that there is so much more to life
I am thankful for freedom
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for lessons
I am thankful for gifts
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for food
I am thankful!!!
I guess i'll just pick one and take it from there. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start and all that...except that it's not the beginning in the sense of ascending or descending order..it's just grabbing one line of thought and pegging that down. I have no idea why..okay i have a slight idea why i allow myself go off on these tangents and rant about the seemingly mundane...it's because through this, i learn. I discover, i allow myself to be guided, to be that vessel to allow the words write themselves. Like with love, this needs to be treated with respect..i guess it is a manifestation of that great Divine Energy in its own way..and as such, we are simply not Allowed to control, or try to control it and make it do what We want. That ends in failure and disappointment...and it will just go away..or we kill it and reviving it is not something that happens as quickly. So yeah...you have to take yourself out of it and allow the words. For the sake of illustration, please keep the idea of "love" parallel as i speak of the energy behind this writing thing. It is a risk in its own way, because it demands that you take yourself and your desires and your will and need to control a situations and keep them aisde, and give yourself over to wherever it takes you...and that is not something we are encouraged to do in our everyday lives. We are taught to follow rule and form and Will everything around us to be the way we plan it to be and when it doesn't happen...we leave those disobedient things in a pile over there and either pretend like they never happened, or find ridiculous excuses for why life contradicts our imposed desires.
Perhaps learning to let go and be led is what puts us on the path that leads back to Truth and Love and the stuff All This is made of and at the center of- before we bound ourselves in chains, too afraid of the unknown, too afraid to go, to be led farther than what we can see and touch...We try so hard to exile trust and courage...and Love. We write them off as foolhardy and impractical and really quite unnecessary. Look at all the tangible facts we have in place of them! And that's all well and nice...But life itself is a mystery, and what is the point living in denial and trying to escape that? To be safe? To exist, comforted by we have chosen as guages of knowledge and happiness and never wander to the left or to the right of them..even if life constantly screams at you to please look at how much more it has to offer?
See...this isn't about me. This isn't about MY words and what I want to say because I want to impose my ideas on anybody. I have made this clear several times. In the first instance, i write for myself, because i am more curious than you can imagine about what i'll write down. Sometimes, i go back and read my posts or notes and see things as I probably hadn't thought of prior. Usually though, i write, post, and carry on. Writing is my therapy.
It's interesting how there are signs all around us, and all we have to learn to do is look, listen and feel for them..basically, be aware and acknowledge their existence. It's how things don't occour before their time, before they are ripe for understanding. It's like lessons and exams at school.Sit through the lesson, take notes, get down and dirty with it...it peaks, take your exam...and then you're ready for what's next. This though on its own helps me be calm when it comes time to part with people..because that was one lesson, and there is no reason to hang on after the purpose has been served. This has nothing to do with "using" anybody. People come into our lives (as we into theirs) and they have things to teach us, to learn from us, and to point us in the direction of what is next, and prepare us for it in their own little or large way.
Back to the idea of Love and this Energy that insprires (it probably is all one and the same...it is God that IS and is behind and In everything) - in the same way as we have no right to try and "own" them, so do we not own any person. In respecting their freedom, we practice true love..i guess. To want to have a person all to yourself is probably natural human instinct, and to want them when we want them and in the capacity we want them is also something that happens naturally...as is having this feeling overpower whatever consideration of THEIR desires that we ought to have.
People are free, and when time comes for us to move on, we must let them go, because anything outside the time they were meant to be in our lives begins to be destructive. We have meltdowns, things get ugly, love turns to hate...because our selfishness won't let us let go until we kill the very thing we once loved. And i do believe that if you once loved...then that's it. It is love and we can't go back on it. If we prance about claiming that we now hate or dislike that person..then we held on too long and turned it sour..i don't know if that makes sense..but it does..it's like...what happens after "that point" should not negate the truth and conviction of how we felt when we loved. Understand that how you will.
Argh..this started out as a short post and now i have about three quotes i'm not quite sure where to affix. hm.
from "The Zahir"- "Love is giving me a pretty hard time at the moment, as you know. Now this could be seen as a descent into hell of it could be seen as a revelation. It was only when i wrote A Time to Rend and a Time to sew that i understood my own capacity to love. And i learned this while i was actually typing the words and sentences/"
I do believe, that as one writer (or person who writes) to another- this makes perfect sense. It gives you that aha! moment...or maybe it's for those who God made to find answers in words. Some find revelation through music or dance or painting..or wherever it is God has put the portal to Himself in our lives. That moment when you start writing...and it just pours forth in a frenzy...there is so much to say..stopping to try and organize the ideas often means the stream of them just stops and you're left scratching your head, trying to recall those fleeting visions, mirages of ideas, each one a dam holding back an entire ocean of a story...it gets intense..keeping the words coming and juggling those ideas so the stuff gets through..it feels a bit like those people with gazillion km/h hands working on a loom...can't dull for a second :P
Continuing with the theme of signs and timing and learning through writing...this quote- i saw a bit earlier today. The part about writing, i identified with...Only re-typing it now did i realize how much it fits my situation and state of mind at 22:20 this Thursday night. Love is giving me a pretty hard time at the moment. Now this could be seen as a descent into hell, or it could be seen as a revelation. It is only as i write about it and theorize do i begin to see clearly and am able to learn and grow, and not get angry or sad. As i allow myself write and allow the thoughts go where they will to find answers, a much bigger picture is revealed to me..it's interesting how simultaneously, in moments i feel the heat of the hell that feelings bring...and then there is the burst of revelation that makes me realize that there is so much more to All This.
It makes me smile when the signs do this. It's reassurance, it's comforting..to know that they are there and that God speaks and that i'm not entirely off my rocker :P...and in keeping with the theme of this post,let me not hang on past That Point..so here's one more quote and i'll leave the rest of those ideas for next week...if they still want to be told.
"Never chase love,affection or attention,if another person doesnt give it freely it isnt worth having,"- off of a friend's Facebook. I do believe it summarises everything beautifully.
I am thankful for Life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for the relationship with Himself He blesses us with
I am thanful for prayer
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for diversity
I am thankful that He knows us all by name and has individual, exculsive relationships with us, based on how He made us.
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for love. Pure, simple, genuine love.
I am thankful for emotions
I am thankful for words
I am thankful for trust
I am thankful for adventure
I am thankful that there is so much more to life
I am thankful for freedom
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for lessons
I am thankful for gifts
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for food
I am thankful!!!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Thankful Thursday: Now that the Spring is in the air..
Pretty girls are everywhere...think of me, and i'll be there...
That foray into Westlife aside, Spring is in the air, and it is GLORIOUS!
I love Spring. I mean, everyone looks forward to Summer, me included because..well..it's the End, it's the reward..you know..but Spring is just...the smells, the freshness, the greenery..it's the most romantic season as far as i'm concerned..just glorious!
I am thankful for simple things, simple joys..they are the ones you embrace when you realize you're contented. You don't need more than you need. That's greed..The weather is beautiful, work is agreeable, and well...i'm just happy, okay? ;)
God is ever faithful, even when i'm stuck in the waiting room, not understanding how to proceed, i know He is there, and the signs of His love surround me. He cares, and He keeps His promises..Half the time i catch on when He's well into fulfilling the promise...but it's a fact..He does.
I have the worst all over body ache so this is a short one..
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for relationships
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful Yes (Prime) Minister- the most brilliant script i've come across in the longest time!
I am thankful for simple joys
I am thankful for genuine feelings
I am thankful for faithfulness
I am thankful for Prayer
I am thankful for His perfect plan
I am thankful for sleep, for rest in any form
I am thankful for the motley crew at the gym
I am thankful for Spring
I am thankful for His guidance
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for new experiences
I am thankful!
That foray into Westlife aside, Spring is in the air, and it is GLORIOUS!
I love Spring. I mean, everyone looks forward to Summer, me included because..well..it's the End, it's the reward..you know..but Spring is just...the smells, the freshness, the greenery..it's the most romantic season as far as i'm concerned..just glorious!
I am thankful for simple things, simple joys..they are the ones you embrace when you realize you're contented. You don't need more than you need. That's greed..The weather is beautiful, work is agreeable, and well...i'm just happy, okay? ;)
God is ever faithful, even when i'm stuck in the waiting room, not understanding how to proceed, i know He is there, and the signs of His love surround me. He cares, and He keeps His promises..Half the time i catch on when He's well into fulfilling the promise...but it's a fact..He does.
I have the worst all over body ache so this is a short one..
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for relationships
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful Yes (Prime) Minister- the most brilliant script i've come across in the longest time!
I am thankful for simple joys
I am thankful for genuine feelings
I am thankful for faithfulness
I am thankful for Prayer
I am thankful for His perfect plan
I am thankful for sleep, for rest in any form
I am thankful for the motley crew at the gym
I am thankful for Spring
I am thankful for His guidance
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for new experiences
I am thankful!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Thankful Thursday: etc etc
I am thankful for just about everything in my life. Genuinely, thoroughly thankful.
Also, i am cranky and tired and need.sleep.now.
I will say this..beauty is from within, it is made up of those things that physical beauty can't even attempt. Chaka Demus said it perfectly with "Girl you pretty, but your character dirty"...and even the beauty doesn't matter any more. Today i learned of the ugliness of clean, well dressed, otherwise presentable looking people, and was blessed with the kindness of a scruffy looking person that on most occasions, i would be prejudiced against and avoid. God uses contrast like no one else. Lesson noted.
I am thankful for everything...
etc, etc.
Also, i am cranky and tired and need.sleep.now.
I will say this..beauty is from within, it is made up of those things that physical beauty can't even attempt. Chaka Demus said it perfectly with "Girl you pretty, but your character dirty"...and even the beauty doesn't matter any more. Today i learned of the ugliness of clean, well dressed, otherwise presentable looking people, and was blessed with the kindness of a scruffy looking person that on most occasions, i would be prejudiced against and avoid. God uses contrast like no one else. Lesson noted.
I am thankful for everything...
etc, etc.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Thankful Thursday: In retrospect...
I could really use a foot massage right now. And an all over massage while they're at it. Deep tissue, leave-you-half-conscious type massage...But that's neither here nor there.
Over the past few weeks i've been having a bit of a lull in my relationship with God, because i got confused over certain things, and when that confusion comes, the way i deal with it is to just pause, freeze like The Mask, until clarity is granted. I am thankful that it hasn't pushed me away, but i cannot do things that do not come from my heart. I refuse to "perform" Christianity and say the right things with the right intonation when my spirit is not in harmony with it.
As God is forever faithful, whenever i've gotten to that moment of frustration, the one right before one is tempted to question everything, God's involvement in our lives included, He gently prompts me to see all the "coincidences" and confusing times even that have led me to where i am, that have led me through storms and brought me to this sunny place. Then i realize that while i may not understand a lot right now, some day i will look back and it will make sense and i will be Thankful.
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for Love
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for testimony
I am thankful for honesty
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for His plans
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for resilience
I am thankful for literature
I am thankful for my job
I am thankful that days when everything feels horrid don't last forever
I am thankful for numbness
I am thankful for distraction
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for friends
I am thankful for good atmospere
I am thankful for responsibility
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for who i am
I am thankful for no fear
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for this gorgeous weather
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for the unknown yet to be made known
I am thankful for the present
I am thankful for the future, and all the possibilities it holds, all the ways in which it could unravel
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for feelings
I am thankful.
Over the past few weeks i've been having a bit of a lull in my relationship with God, because i got confused over certain things, and when that confusion comes, the way i deal with it is to just pause, freeze like The Mask, until clarity is granted. I am thankful that it hasn't pushed me away, but i cannot do things that do not come from my heart. I refuse to "perform" Christianity and say the right things with the right intonation when my spirit is not in harmony with it.
As God is forever faithful, whenever i've gotten to that moment of frustration, the one right before one is tempted to question everything, God's involvement in our lives included, He gently prompts me to see all the "coincidences" and confusing times even that have led me to where i am, that have led me through storms and brought me to this sunny place. Then i realize that while i may not understand a lot right now, some day i will look back and it will make sense and i will be Thankful.
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for Love
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for testimony
I am thankful for honesty
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for His plans
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for resilience
I am thankful for literature
I am thankful for my job
I am thankful that days when everything feels horrid don't last forever
I am thankful for numbness
I am thankful for distraction
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for friends
I am thankful for good atmospere
I am thankful for responsibility
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for who i am
I am thankful for no fear
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for this gorgeous weather
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for the unknown yet to be made known
I am thankful for the present
I am thankful for the future, and all the possibilities it holds, all the ways in which it could unravel
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for feelings
I am thankful.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Thankful Thursday: Without a name...
I cannot for the life of me title this post.
I cannot even seem to choose what to write. I say choose, because i don't think it's a shortage of topics that is the matter. Only two days ago i had one of those thoroughly refreshing, epiphany filled, productive, mind opening days. I filled pages and pages of notebook. I understood things in whole new ways, my soul sang. That expression that often sounds cheesy was the only one i could use to describe the way i felt. And it's amazing, and i am thankful for that. The things i've learned will not be taken from me. They are oh-so-valuable and are building blocks and stepping stones for things yet to be revealed to be built on. I am thankful for days like that, i am thankful for the very gift of it all.
What i'm saying is...that even if i learned a lot of new things, today, now, doesn't seem like the right time to share them. There is nothing wrong with them, or any other topic that lays in wait somewhere in the archives of my mind...today is just one of those days...it's neither good nor bad..it just is...and the best way to go is the way your soul guides you to. The spirit within you bears witness, to what you, knowing in your heart, heed, or ignore. So..that's kinda how it is.
I am happy, my soul is at peace...somewhat i guess, compared to how it has been...there have been ups and downs and struggles and questions and reviewing and all those things that come with life...but that IS life...so no complaints..we only move forward, noting lessons as we go.
I am thankful for life, for laughter, for love and for family.
I am thankful for God, and communication, revelation and understanding.
I am thankful for inspiration.
I am thankful for love...and signs..and..whatever this is..i am thoroughly captivated, watching the picture unfold
I am thankful for His plans and His timing
I am thankful for health
I am thankful for the most delightful way the rain is drumming on the roof
I am thankful for communication..like..conversation..
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for salary...kai i never knew that thing can make somebody happy...i mean..i sit at work..and then i get money..amazing.
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for...I am just really, REALLY thankful.
I cannot even seem to choose what to write. I say choose, because i don't think it's a shortage of topics that is the matter. Only two days ago i had one of those thoroughly refreshing, epiphany filled, productive, mind opening days. I filled pages and pages of notebook. I understood things in whole new ways, my soul sang. That expression that often sounds cheesy was the only one i could use to describe the way i felt. And it's amazing, and i am thankful for that. The things i've learned will not be taken from me. They are oh-so-valuable and are building blocks and stepping stones for things yet to be revealed to be built on. I am thankful for days like that, i am thankful for the very gift of it all.
What i'm saying is...that even if i learned a lot of new things, today, now, doesn't seem like the right time to share them. There is nothing wrong with them, or any other topic that lays in wait somewhere in the archives of my mind...today is just one of those days...it's neither good nor bad..it just is...and the best way to go is the way your soul guides you to. The spirit within you bears witness, to what you, knowing in your heart, heed, or ignore. So..that's kinda how it is.
I am happy, my soul is at peace...somewhat i guess, compared to how it has been...there have been ups and downs and struggles and questions and reviewing and all those things that come with life...but that IS life...so no complaints..we only move forward, noting lessons as we go.
I am thankful for life, for laughter, for love and for family.
I am thankful for God, and communication, revelation and understanding.
I am thankful for inspiration.
I am thankful for love...and signs..and..whatever this is..i am thoroughly captivated, watching the picture unfold
I am thankful for His plans and His timing
I am thankful for health
I am thankful for the most delightful way the rain is drumming on the roof
I am thankful for communication..like..conversation..
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for salary...kai i never knew that thing can make somebody happy...i mean..i sit at work..and then i get money..amazing.
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for...I am just really, REALLY thankful.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thankful Thursday: Fading like a flower....
So i can't remember if i did the sequel to the post about love, but this could be one in a series.
After we get all fired up and go ahead and love, or learn to love, or pay attention to the lessons and strengthen our resolutions (believe me, sometimes you ask yourself why you're doing this again?) and love...
This is all well and good. But a good thing that does you bad is no longer a good thing and the trouble with love is that at some point our vision blurs and we accept pain and suffering as parts of love. Now, there are trials, and sometimes they will drive you mad and you will question your sanity, what with loving this person and all...but that is different from when love has truly gone sour and needs to be left alone.
Lesson 3.
Learning to let go and move on is just as important as learning to love with abandon. It is the yin to the yang of love. This is the act that completes love and makes it whole. I don't know if i'm making sense to you, but just the other day, that blissful thing happened when body, mind and soul, you understand something someone wrote or said with clearly more understanding than you had at the time.
My love is true and complete because should the need arise, i can leave it and move on. No regrets, and minimal anger and hurt, i hope, but i should be able to put it down and walk away. If love becomes a shackle around your ankle or an anchor you don't want, then you live in fear of it and resent it, much like something sinister but unknown in a King novel.
But when you know that you love because you CHOOSE to do so, because you chose to give in to it and to share it and to give someone this gift, this part of you, and that it doesn't oblige you in any way..then there is no fear because it's not a game or a gamble or anything of the sort.
I'm not entirely sure, but i think it was a Coelho book. Eleven Minutes or Brida, but there was an illustration with a flower and how all we can do is enjoy its beauty when it gives it to us. If we grow selfish and pluck it to keep with us, to be there at OUR whim, it dies and is no more. While we observe it when it is willing to share, it is beautiful, it is splendid. We can appreciate it. However the time comes when that flower moves on....but it's okay, because we allowed it give us what it will, and hold no grudges when it can do that no longer. It doesn't make the time when it bloomed wasted or untrue or not intense or anything of the sort.
Such is the matter with this love thing. Eleven Minutes described this near perfectly. I only understood it weeks after reading the book. Maria could love so truly because she knew she could, and would leave it all and move across the world...the story did have a happy ending, but my point here is that she was able to bring down her walls and love because she was giving in to it for the present. For what it is. While it was in its own er..natural bloom, if you would. Now i've started spouting silly phrases that are embarrasing me...but you get the point.
As with many things, it ends up being a circle, huh? The two seem to be necessary and beneficial for each other. Loving and letting go. I don't know about you, but knowing i'm not a prisoner allows me to enjoy the sunset without thinking it a traitor when it gives way to night...The moon and the stars are beautiful too, you know :)
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for confession
I am thankful for truth
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for lessons
I am thankful for His presence
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for the little things..that really are the big things
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for studying...like! Finals draw near yo!
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for me
I am thankful!
After we get all fired up and go ahead and love, or learn to love, or pay attention to the lessons and strengthen our resolutions (believe me, sometimes you ask yourself why you're doing this again?) and love...
This is all well and good. But a good thing that does you bad is no longer a good thing and the trouble with love is that at some point our vision blurs and we accept pain and suffering as parts of love. Now, there are trials, and sometimes they will drive you mad and you will question your sanity, what with loving this person and all...but that is different from when love has truly gone sour and needs to be left alone.
Lesson 3.
Learning to let go and move on is just as important as learning to love with abandon. It is the yin to the yang of love. This is the act that completes love and makes it whole. I don't know if i'm making sense to you, but just the other day, that blissful thing happened when body, mind and soul, you understand something someone wrote or said with clearly more understanding than you had at the time.
My love is true and complete because should the need arise, i can leave it and move on. No regrets, and minimal anger and hurt, i hope, but i should be able to put it down and walk away. If love becomes a shackle around your ankle or an anchor you don't want, then you live in fear of it and resent it, much like something sinister but unknown in a King novel.
But when you know that you love because you CHOOSE to do so, because you chose to give in to it and to share it and to give someone this gift, this part of you, and that it doesn't oblige you in any way..then there is no fear because it's not a game or a gamble or anything of the sort.
I'm not entirely sure, but i think it was a Coelho book. Eleven Minutes or Brida, but there was an illustration with a flower and how all we can do is enjoy its beauty when it gives it to us. If we grow selfish and pluck it to keep with us, to be there at OUR whim, it dies and is no more. While we observe it when it is willing to share, it is beautiful, it is splendid. We can appreciate it. However the time comes when that flower moves on....but it's okay, because we allowed it give us what it will, and hold no grudges when it can do that no longer. It doesn't make the time when it bloomed wasted or untrue or not intense or anything of the sort.
Such is the matter with this love thing. Eleven Minutes described this near perfectly. I only understood it weeks after reading the book. Maria could love so truly because she knew she could, and would leave it all and move across the world...the story did have a happy ending, but my point here is that she was able to bring down her walls and love because she was giving in to it for the present. For what it is. While it was in its own er..natural bloom, if you would. Now i've started spouting silly phrases that are embarrasing me...but you get the point.
As with many things, it ends up being a circle, huh? The two seem to be necessary and beneficial for each other. Loving and letting go. I don't know about you, but knowing i'm not a prisoner allows me to enjoy the sunset without thinking it a traitor when it gives way to night...The moon and the stars are beautiful too, you know :)
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for confession
I am thankful for truth
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for lessons
I am thankful for His presence
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for the little things..that really are the big things
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for studying...like! Finals draw near yo!
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for me
I am thankful!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thankful Thursday: For Testimonies.
Today is one of those days. One of those Thursdays that i am torn between unconditional Thankfulness, and confusion over the way things in life turn out.
I am thankful for so many things, and at the same time, there are things that happen that make me want to bury my head ostrich style and not face them. I grow numb and am unable to confront or make sense of the situation. I am not boasting of this, i am just stating how they are.
I am thankful for God, and i am thankful for life, and i am thankful for prayer and i am thankful for all the testimonies, personal and recorded that prove that He is there, and He is able to move mountains.
It's this very truth that makes it all the more painful when situations test and seemingly contradict that which your faith is built on. When faith and prayer and God moving seem to be the very things that remain impassive in the face of your calling on them.
P has tremendous faith. Faith that i even begin to hope to match. In the face of adversity, of questions, she does not waver in her declaration that God is able. I get hurt and throw tantrums and refuse to deal. Her faith has refused to allow me do this, even when i am on the verge of losing it and hurling questions and accusations skyward.
Surely our testimonies are not in vain? The prayers we believe in and the proof we have that they are heard and answered are also not in vain? Can faith and preseverance and prayer and love actually go ahead and amount to exactly nothing but pain?
I am one to turn cynical and bitter. I get over it eventually, but i am slow to trust and it burns deep when i place all of my trust, shamelessly in what i belive in...and it falls through. It cuts right through everything i am and healing is slow coming.
God is not a liar. God is not wicked to encourage us only to let us down. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He confirms His word. We believe this word and we turn to it for guidance and encouragement. All that we are in Him is based on His testimony. If then, this all comes to naught...shaken and overturned will not come close to describing my spirit and my faith.
If not for any reason other than honesty, our prayers should be heard on this, they should make a difference...if not...what is the point of it all, really?
She deserves a miracle. We don't earn this or that from God, but she DESERVES this miracle.
And in due time, we too will add our own testimony to the flabbergasting works that God has done.
Habakkyk 3:2
Lord, I have heard of your fame;
I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy.
He could not have shown me this only to mock me. He is not an evil God. He cannot possibly find pleasure in picking at our wounds, at the spots He knows are our weakest. Encouragement makes no sense if its only purpose is to slam us harder against the ground when we land.
My faith will not waver, and the end is only when He says. He is the Alpha and Omega and creator of everything. Nothing is beyond Him or impossible. There are no "that was then" and "this is now" about it. He doesn't change His nature because our concept of time has progressed from the moments we have as the testimony of His works.
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for faith
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for miracles
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for grace
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for persistence
I am thankful that "impossible" is not a concept of any relevance where God is concerned
I am thankful that He is faithful
I am thankful that He loves us
I am thankful that He is just
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for guidance
I am thankful.
I am thankful for so many things, and at the same time, there are things that happen that make me want to bury my head ostrich style and not face them. I grow numb and am unable to confront or make sense of the situation. I am not boasting of this, i am just stating how they are.
I am thankful for God, and i am thankful for life, and i am thankful for prayer and i am thankful for all the testimonies, personal and recorded that prove that He is there, and He is able to move mountains.
It's this very truth that makes it all the more painful when situations test and seemingly contradict that which your faith is built on. When faith and prayer and God moving seem to be the very things that remain impassive in the face of your calling on them.
P has tremendous faith. Faith that i even begin to hope to match. In the face of adversity, of questions, she does not waver in her declaration that God is able. I get hurt and throw tantrums and refuse to deal. Her faith has refused to allow me do this, even when i am on the verge of losing it and hurling questions and accusations skyward.
Surely our testimonies are not in vain? The prayers we believe in and the proof we have that they are heard and answered are also not in vain? Can faith and preseverance and prayer and love actually go ahead and amount to exactly nothing but pain?
I am one to turn cynical and bitter. I get over it eventually, but i am slow to trust and it burns deep when i place all of my trust, shamelessly in what i belive in...and it falls through. It cuts right through everything i am and healing is slow coming.
God is not a liar. God is not wicked to encourage us only to let us down. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He confirms His word. We believe this word and we turn to it for guidance and encouragement. All that we are in Him is based on His testimony. If then, this all comes to naught...shaken and overturned will not come close to describing my spirit and my faith.
If not for any reason other than honesty, our prayers should be heard on this, they should make a difference...if not...what is the point of it all, really?
She deserves a miracle. We don't earn this or that from God, but she DESERVES this miracle.
And in due time, we too will add our own testimony to the flabbergasting works that God has done.
Habakkyk 3:2
Lord, I have heard of your fame;
I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy.
He could not have shown me this only to mock me. He is not an evil God. He cannot possibly find pleasure in picking at our wounds, at the spots He knows are our weakest. Encouragement makes no sense if its only purpose is to slam us harder against the ground when we land.
My faith will not waver, and the end is only when He says. He is the Alpha and Omega and creator of everything. Nothing is beyond Him or impossible. There are no "that was then" and "this is now" about it. He doesn't change His nature because our concept of time has progressed from the moments we have as the testimony of His works.
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for faith
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for miracles
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for grace
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for persistence
I am thankful that "impossible" is not a concept of any relevance where God is concerned
I am thankful that He is faithful
I am thankful that He loves us
I am thankful that He is just
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for guidance
I am thankful.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Thankful Thursday: Lesson 2
Working through pain, distrust and rejection. Humility, apology, understanding, patience selflessness.
Continuing the series on how love teaches us what Jesus called us to. It's the way God is with us even when we are being difficult and unappreciative and misunderstanding His love.
Moving on. You have to be willing to take risks to make progress. Among those risks is losing what you love as a result. But that is also progress. Not necessarily subject to qualification as good or bad.
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for honesty
I am thankful for progress
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for learning and lessons learned
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for working out
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for care
I am thankful for emotions
I am thankful for indifference
I am thankful for Resolve
I am thankful for moving on
I am thankful for letting go
I am thankful for walks
I am thankful for rain
I am thankful for cold
I am thankful.
Continuing the series on how love teaches us what Jesus called us to. It's the way God is with us even when we are being difficult and unappreciative and misunderstanding His love.
Moving on. You have to be willing to take risks to make progress. Among those risks is losing what you love as a result. But that is also progress. Not necessarily subject to qualification as good or bad.
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for family
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for honesty
I am thankful for progress
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for learning and lessons learned
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for working out
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for care
I am thankful for emotions
I am thankful for indifference
I am thankful for Resolve
I am thankful for moving on
I am thankful for letting go
I am thankful for walks
I am thankful for rain
I am thankful for cold
I am thankful.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Musing Monday :P
There is no shame in loving.
1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.
1 John 4:7
Dear friend, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
In today's workd, love has been made the enemy. Misinterpreted, misplaced, it has been made out to be the source of pain and confusion. Cynicism is encouraged, bravado is hailed as the best defence. If you slip and love, you've lost. We teach ourselves to protect ourselves from the one thing we should abandon ourselves to, risks and all. We, if blessed to have this feeling should not be building walls to keep it out at all costs, relying on our wills and strength to resist it. We should obey God, even in this, a field that we subconsciously keep separate...when it is one thing that God CONTINUOUSLY instructs us to embrace...but we break it down in agape and eros and whatever other sort of love there is and decree and declare and act like God won't do anything as trivial as ask us to fall in love,to be in love, to abandon ourselves to love. We righteously carry on like the only Love God is on about is the feed the poor and clothe the naked love. (That is not the topic of this post. There is nothing the matter with that context of love). We act like pre teens and are embarassed to say yes, if i love, am in love, it is a blessed thing. It is not silly, it is not "unserious" spiritually...
We should give in to it, praying for God's guidance through it, not asking Him, who IS Himself Love to protect us from it, or to take it away from us because we fear potential pain.
Culture took a deceitful turn at some point, pulling the wool over our eyes, teaching us that love is pain and is to be avoided at all costs. And we blindly, stupidly follow this, not even noticing the lie we've been slipped, because it is a "small" "not so serious on a grand scale" thing.
We look to God's word for other things, but this one, we've let it slip. LOVE. Give in to it, embrace it, take the risk and plunge in. It IS the substance of God. God loves us passionately, we are His bride, He woos us, He gave His only son that we may be saved, He forgives us and loves us unconditionally. Crazily, like, He is NOT thinking that He looks silly or that we are using Him. He just goes on giving us His all. He went to the greatest length that can be gone to to save us, to have us with Him...and then someone tries to separate romantic love as a small, insignificant offshoot of Love? gimme a break.
His word instructs us to love. It doesn't say, in some situations, love, and in these here other ones, please hold back. There is no footnote with that sort of message. It says, listen to you heart. If your heart is particularly asking you to love, then why resist it? In the context that God instructs us to love.
1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made Complete in us.
:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears it is not made perfect in love.
:19
We love because He first loved us.
This relationship God blesses us with. This oppotunity, this intimacy, patience, relentlessly pursing us, loving us, forgiving us...this is the Great Romance. God is into head over heels. He IS head over heels in love with us. He puts Tom cruise on Oprah's couch to shame. That's how God feels about you...There is no selfishness in His love. He does.not.care. How He looks, going ape over you...this is love.
Fear has to do with punishment. This is the association of Love that the world has given us. That we are to fear love, because love is punishment and pain. When in truth, it is the opposite. It only becomes so when we expect something in return for the love we feel we have done someone the "favour" of giving. That is a misguided approach. This brings us to the very core of what love is, and what it is supposed to be. Selfless and unconditional, wanting NOTHING in return. Corinthians type love.
If and when you find it in you, if you allow God teach you, open you heart and at least glimpse the concept of just loving, because it is the desire in your heart, not setting down getting love in return as a prerequisite for giving it, not counting it an "investment" that should yield returns, THEN, love gives us joy from giving it, and not from receiving it. Receiving it is the cherry on top. In the way things are connected in this world, you will have no shortage of love, if you open your soul to it. But loving because you feel it in your soul, and giving in to it because it's what your heart wants, not looking for anything in return...that is ecstasy.
If for no other reason, then give in to love at least once, abandon youself to it, if for no other reason than a lesson in selflessness. Surely it will give you some insight as to what the Bible is on about on that topic.
I pray you are able to be vulnerable, to open your hearts, to unfold yourself to take down the walls at least a bit...and allow yourselves to love, without pride, without shame. It's not about winning. It is not a game. You have nothing to lose...and if you have nothing to lose, and you are not fighting, and no one is keeping score...then you are free, and there will be no hurt. Understand it like this. It's only when we keep score and turn love into trade that we are hurt. And even if, and when we do get hurt...it's all right, because you can say..i Loved. Totally and completely. For whatever period of time, my heart was filled with joy, i soared, i was alive, i am alive...and the growth it brings with it will never leave you..And that's all right.
And that's Monday's thought....hmm.
1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death.
1 John 4:7
Dear friend, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
In today's workd, love has been made the enemy. Misinterpreted, misplaced, it has been made out to be the source of pain and confusion. Cynicism is encouraged, bravado is hailed as the best defence. If you slip and love, you've lost. We teach ourselves to protect ourselves from the one thing we should abandon ourselves to, risks and all. We, if blessed to have this feeling should not be building walls to keep it out at all costs, relying on our wills and strength to resist it. We should obey God, even in this, a field that we subconsciously keep separate...when it is one thing that God CONTINUOUSLY instructs us to embrace...but we break it down in agape and eros and whatever other sort of love there is and decree and declare and act like God won't do anything as trivial as ask us to fall in love,to be in love, to abandon ourselves to love. We righteously carry on like the only Love God is on about is the feed the poor and clothe the naked love. (That is not the topic of this post. There is nothing the matter with that context of love). We act like pre teens and are embarassed to say yes, if i love, am in love, it is a blessed thing. It is not silly, it is not "unserious" spiritually...
We should give in to it, praying for God's guidance through it, not asking Him, who IS Himself Love to protect us from it, or to take it away from us because we fear potential pain.
Culture took a deceitful turn at some point, pulling the wool over our eyes, teaching us that love is pain and is to be avoided at all costs. And we blindly, stupidly follow this, not even noticing the lie we've been slipped, because it is a "small" "not so serious on a grand scale" thing.
We look to God's word for other things, but this one, we've let it slip. LOVE. Give in to it, embrace it, take the risk and plunge in. It IS the substance of God. God loves us passionately, we are His bride, He woos us, He gave His only son that we may be saved, He forgives us and loves us unconditionally. Crazily, like, He is NOT thinking that He looks silly or that we are using Him. He just goes on giving us His all. He went to the greatest length that can be gone to to save us, to have us with Him...and then someone tries to separate romantic love as a small, insignificant offshoot of Love? gimme a break.
His word instructs us to love. It doesn't say, in some situations, love, and in these here other ones, please hold back. There is no footnote with that sort of message. It says, listen to you heart. If your heart is particularly asking you to love, then why resist it? In the context that God instructs us to love.
1 John 4:11
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made Complete in us.
:18
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears it is not made perfect in love.
:19
We love because He first loved us.
This relationship God blesses us with. This oppotunity, this intimacy, patience, relentlessly pursing us, loving us, forgiving us...this is the Great Romance. God is into head over heels. He IS head over heels in love with us. He puts Tom cruise on Oprah's couch to shame. That's how God feels about you...There is no selfishness in His love. He does.not.care. How He looks, going ape over you...this is love.
Fear has to do with punishment. This is the association of Love that the world has given us. That we are to fear love, because love is punishment and pain. When in truth, it is the opposite. It only becomes so when we expect something in return for the love we feel we have done someone the "favour" of giving. That is a misguided approach. This brings us to the very core of what love is, and what it is supposed to be. Selfless and unconditional, wanting NOTHING in return. Corinthians type love.
If and when you find it in you, if you allow God teach you, open you heart and at least glimpse the concept of just loving, because it is the desire in your heart, not setting down getting love in return as a prerequisite for giving it, not counting it an "investment" that should yield returns, THEN, love gives us joy from giving it, and not from receiving it. Receiving it is the cherry on top. In the way things are connected in this world, you will have no shortage of love, if you open your soul to it. But loving because you feel it in your soul, and giving in to it because it's what your heart wants, not looking for anything in return...that is ecstasy.
If for no other reason, then give in to love at least once, abandon youself to it, if for no other reason than a lesson in selflessness. Surely it will give you some insight as to what the Bible is on about on that topic.
I pray you are able to be vulnerable, to open your hearts, to unfold yourself to take down the walls at least a bit...and allow yourselves to love, without pride, without shame. It's not about winning. It is not a game. You have nothing to lose...and if you have nothing to lose, and you are not fighting, and no one is keeping score...then you are free, and there will be no hurt. Understand it like this. It's only when we keep score and turn love into trade that we are hurt. And even if, and when we do get hurt...it's all right, because you can say..i Loved. Totally and completely. For whatever period of time, my heart was filled with joy, i soared, i was alive, i am alive...and the growth it brings with it will never leave you..And that's all right.
And that's Monday's thought....hmm.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Thankful Thursday: When it rains, it pours...
It's either life is like this in general, or my life has a special knack for taking the piss.
It's gotten so regular that i can predict certain things like clockwork...premonitions, confirmation, chain reaction...it's all so ridiculous sometimes that you just want to cry...there is no energy to even be upset or angry...just neutral tears...
You know...all loneliness wants from us is to spend time with us...And somehow, we keep running, looking for people and things to spend time with so that we can avoid it...but all it wants...is to cosy up with us...and we act like it has cooties...it provides the one thing we seek in our marathon escaping it...It's there when nothing else is...reliable, welcoming, open arms ready to comfort..why do we insult it so?
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for books
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for words
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for experience
I am thankful for solitude
I am thankful for who He is making me
I am thankful for God's love
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for our trainer :P cool people!
I am thankful for new things
I am thankful for finished chapters
I am thankful for moving on
I am thankful for being true to myself
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for routine
I am thankful for changes
I am thankful for distraction
I am thankful for numbness
I am thankful for feelings
I am thankful for letting go
I am thankful for Love
I am thankful for Joy
I am thankful for contentment
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for pain
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for beauty
I am thankful for nautre
I am thankful for art
I am thankful!
It's gotten so regular that i can predict certain things like clockwork...premonitions, confirmation, chain reaction...it's all so ridiculous sometimes that you just want to cry...there is no energy to even be upset or angry...just neutral tears...
You know...all loneliness wants from us is to spend time with us...And somehow, we keep running, looking for people and things to spend time with so that we can avoid it...but all it wants...is to cosy up with us...and we act like it has cooties...it provides the one thing we seek in our marathon escaping it...It's there when nothing else is...reliable, welcoming, open arms ready to comfort..why do we insult it so?
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for books
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for work
I am thankful for words
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for experience
I am thankful for solitude
I am thankful for who He is making me
I am thankful for God's love
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for peace
I am thankful for our trainer :P cool people!
I am thankful for new things
I am thankful for finished chapters
I am thankful for moving on
I am thankful for being true to myself
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for routine
I am thankful for changes
I am thankful for distraction
I am thankful for numbness
I am thankful for feelings
I am thankful for letting go
I am thankful for Love
I am thankful for Joy
I am thankful for contentment
I am thankful for food
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for pain
I am thankful for tears
I am thankful for beauty
I am thankful for nautre
I am thankful for art
I am thankful!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thankful Thursday: 1, 2, 3.
1. Do not ever let anyone intimidate you.
2. Thrive wherever you are planted, no matter the conditions...Work as though for God and not man.
3. Faith.
I am thankful for Life.
I am thankful for God.
I am thankful for Literature...
I am thankful for the opportunity to read all the books i have practically consumed in the last couple of weeks. Stieg Larsson was a blessed person!
I am thankful for Wisdom
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for Grace
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for my co-workers
I am thankful for the atmosphere at work
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for my mother
I am thankful for my relationships with my family members
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for change
I am thankful for chance
I am thankful for consistency
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for humour
I am thankful for faith
I am thankful that He leads us to where we are meant to be according to His perfect plan...one step at a time
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for lessons learned
I am thankful for thicker skin
I am thankful for resolutions...That have dawned on me while being enacted. Resolutions declared rarely yield positive results
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for positivity
I am thankful for good people..they exist. In varying shades of permanency
I am thankful that i have God, and nothing else matters. He sees everything, and He is fair and Just.
I am thankful for unanswered prayers
I am thankful that i have so much to be thankful for. Whatever i want and don't have, there's a good reason behind it. We shouldn't let focus on these things make us ungrateful for everything else. That i am thankful about so much doesn't mean i don't have pain you cannot even begin to imagine...i just know that it's not permanent...so we man up and move on...
I am thankful!
2. Thrive wherever you are planted, no matter the conditions...Work as though for God and not man.
3. Faith.
I am thankful for Life.
I am thankful for God.
I am thankful for Literature...
I am thankful for the opportunity to read all the books i have practically consumed in the last couple of weeks. Stieg Larsson was a blessed person!
I am thankful for Wisdom
I am thankful for music
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for Grace
I am thankful for blessings
I am thankful for favour
I am thankful for my co-workers
I am thankful for the atmosphere at work
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for my mother
I am thankful for my relationships with my family members
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for change
I am thankful for chance
I am thankful for consistency
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for humour
I am thankful for faith
I am thankful that He leads us to where we are meant to be according to His perfect plan...one step at a time
I am thankful for His love
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for lessons learned
I am thankful for thicker skin
I am thankful for resolutions...That have dawned on me while being enacted. Resolutions declared rarely yield positive results
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for kindness
I am thankful for positivity
I am thankful for good people..they exist. In varying shades of permanency
I am thankful that i have God, and nothing else matters. He sees everything, and He is fair and Just.
I am thankful for unanswered prayers
I am thankful that i have so much to be thankful for. Whatever i want and don't have, there's a good reason behind it. We shouldn't let focus on these things make us ungrateful for everything else. That i am thankful about so much doesn't mean i don't have pain you cannot even begin to imagine...i just know that it's not permanent...so we man up and move on...
I am thankful!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Thankful Thursday: No regrets.
It's very simple, really. Straightforward as the title. No regrets. Of course there are things i think i would have handled differently, given the chance. Of course i'm not sanctioning mistakes i've made or saying they are good and everyone should have a go. However, i do not regret any period or phase in my life, because they have led me to this very place i am right now. And this is a place, space that i'm quite content in. No, i have not peaked, no, i have not attained everything attainable...but that is not a problem for one minute. I have my whole life ahead of me, God willing, and there are things that are yet to happen, and have their own time and place.
The more i pay attention to the picture of my life, the clearer i see the connections, causes and effects, how things happen with that perfect timing that God has. At any given moment in time, i have everything i NEED. It may not be everything i want or crave, but as God is my witness, it's exactly what i need. God always sets it up such that there is a seamless transition between one phase and the next. He always provides a getaway when things get too much. He changes my scenery just at the point when i can't stand the previous one any longer in any way, He moves me on to the next. Lessons learned along the way, wisdom, and growth...Yup, i have no regrets. o
Maybe it's the same for everyone, maybe God wires our lives different, but i know that a long time ago i turned it all over to Him, and live with the trust and faith that He is in control, and whatever happens in my life, happens according to His will...and when i run away and try to go against it, He always leads me back, takes the situation, and shapes it into the way He intended..
So i am thankful. I am beyond thankful. My soul is doing that thing where it feels like it's swollen with joy and bursts out of my body in random smiles, and even more random tears. Have you ever been there? have you ever been so joyful you want to cry?
What am i happy about? Life. Here, now. His presence in it. It's that simple. It's nothing spectacular at the same time as it is everything amazing. He calmed my fears, he soothes my anxiety away, He provides for me, He protects me, He bestows favour upon me, He gives me joy. This is why i'm happy. Because God makes it all okay. And it is. All okay that is..and me? I'll be fine..i always am. :)
I am thankful for Life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for my mother
I am thankful for my sisters
I am thankful for my father
I am thankful for my grandparents
I am thankful for the favour He smothers me in
I am thankful for my Uni
I am thankful for Miss O, who hooked me up with this internship/job...God bless her over and over again. Y'all should say a prayer!
I am thakful for my job
I am thankful for the people at work
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for my friends
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for Joy
I am thankful for Church
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for new beginnings
I am thankful for shedding skin...figuratively, not literally..i am not a reptile.
I am thankful for humour
I am thankful for books
I am thankful for literature in general..words, language
I am thankful for God's blessings
I am thankful for all those little things He put into my life along the way that are suddenly the big things and decide big, important things
I am thankful for trust
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for His faithfulness
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for Time
I am thankful for Understanding
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for His peace
I am thankful for His Love
I am thankful!
Everything i am, is by the Grace of God. And for this, i am humbled and thankful and so very joyful.
The more i pay attention to the picture of my life, the clearer i see the connections, causes and effects, how things happen with that perfect timing that God has. At any given moment in time, i have everything i NEED. It may not be everything i want or crave, but as God is my witness, it's exactly what i need. God always sets it up such that there is a seamless transition between one phase and the next. He always provides a getaway when things get too much. He changes my scenery just at the point when i can't stand the previous one any longer in any way, He moves me on to the next. Lessons learned along the way, wisdom, and growth...Yup, i have no regrets. o
Maybe it's the same for everyone, maybe God wires our lives different, but i know that a long time ago i turned it all over to Him, and live with the trust and faith that He is in control, and whatever happens in my life, happens according to His will...and when i run away and try to go against it, He always leads me back, takes the situation, and shapes it into the way He intended..
So i am thankful. I am beyond thankful. My soul is doing that thing where it feels like it's swollen with joy and bursts out of my body in random smiles, and even more random tears. Have you ever been there? have you ever been so joyful you want to cry?
What am i happy about? Life. Here, now. His presence in it. It's that simple. It's nothing spectacular at the same time as it is everything amazing. He calmed my fears, he soothes my anxiety away, He provides for me, He protects me, He bestows favour upon me, He gives me joy. This is why i'm happy. Because God makes it all okay. And it is. All okay that is..and me? I'll be fine..i always am. :)
I am thankful for Life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for my mother
I am thankful for my sisters
I am thankful for my father
I am thankful for my grandparents
I am thankful for the favour He smothers me in
I am thankful for my Uni
I am thankful for Miss O, who hooked me up with this internship/job...God bless her over and over again. Y'all should say a prayer!
I am thakful for my job
I am thankful for the people at work
I am thankful for encouragement
I am thankful for my friends
I am thankful for love
I am thankful for Joy
I am thankful for Church
I am thankful for sleep
I am thankful for communication
I am thankful for inspiration
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for new beginnings
I am thankful for shedding skin...figuratively, not literally..i am not a reptile.
I am thankful for humour
I am thankful for books
I am thankful for literature in general..words, language
I am thankful for God's blessings
I am thankful for all those little things He put into my life along the way that are suddenly the big things and decide big, important things
I am thankful for trust
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for His faithfulness
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for Time
I am thankful for Understanding
I am thankful for patience
I am thankful for wisdom
I am thankful for His peace
I am thankful for His Love
I am thankful!
Everything i am, is by the Grace of God. And for this, i am humbled and thankful and so very joyful.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Thankful Thursday: A bit of salt, a little lemon...
Again, i find my voice in food references...what can i say?
First though..i've been on a break, a hiatus if you will...It is with hesitation i call it either since it has been more of chance than choice. Since the last post, i have spent every thursday either at my friend's, at my godmothers...or M or M came back from their holidays and we went out...I usually remembered it was Thursday and i had to do something on Friday morning, or afternoon.
I am not proud of this. Not that i have anything against breaks, or feel that they have no place where this blog is concerned..but that i know it's a reflection, or a result of the state of my spiritual life, if you will. Now, there have been times when i feel less than sunny, and still banged out posts, so the absence of posts is no indication of anything as a general rule. In this case, however, i recognise that if i was where i'd like to be, then i would actually remember, and plan the posts during the week, and would make the time, come rain or shine, to post it.
Again, though..everything happens as it ought to so i'm not beating myself up over it.
God has been amazing, and especially faithful to me this year. I mention faithfulness separately, because along with His Grace, i need that. Our relationship has been riding on His faithfulness, on His being there because from my side..whew! I've been running, i've been hiding, i've been slippin, and i've been slidin'...He is patient, He encourages me. In my darkest moments, He speaks to me and He tells me, He shows me He loves me...and i know we can never do anything to "deserve" or "earn" His love...but mahn...i know better than to be where i've been...that's all i'm saying.
He is faithful, and with every situation, He creates the path that leads me into His arms. If we must run, then let us run into His arms, if we must hide, then let us do it in His embrace. Sometimes, it's when we are beaten and low that we find it in us to crawl back to Him.
And i am thankful for this. It is dual reality of opposite sentiments. On the one hand, there are things in my life right now that upset me and cause me pain, and i feel it and want to wallow in it...on the other hand, i know the truth that is that these things are things i had no business reaching out for or having in the first place, and i'm thankful that God has set it up such that they are not part of my life..it's an interesting state to be in...I'm hurtin' over losses, and i'm so thankful to God for making it possible to let go...ha...
I have so much to be thankful for...it's been a whole month! Today is the last day of the first month of this year! like...whoa...I cannot wait to see what else this year holds for me...there are so many firsts, so many steps, so much growth to be done...
Back to the salt and lemons though.
During one of my mind wanderings and musings, i caught myself on the thought of relationships and the sort of people we ought to be with. (Yeah, i know, huge surprise there). This is what occoured to me. The best sort of person a person can be with, is one who makes you the best you that you are.
I was thinking about this in relation to how there are people, friends included, with whom i feel like there's a part of me locked away when i'm with them. And then there are strangers who make you come alive and achieve things that you never knew you had in you. I have seen this happen with encouragement from teachers, i have had this happen with people just trusting you, or having the sort of demeanour and conversation from which you just...you know...feel you can take on the world.
There is a distinction between this, and just a person who adores your amazing self. This is where lemons come in. and salt too...See, both do this thing to food where they make the original thing pop. A bit of salt in a chocolate cake makes a world of difference, or on a watermelon for instance. Or how lemons make seafood that much better.
I know this sounds silly right about here, but in my head it was a teeny eureka moment. I have had glimpses of this, and i know how amazing it is. I've been around people who make my very spirit shrink and close up...and i'll tell you this...it is the most horrible feeling bar none. To feel repressed in a relationship is the most pointless thing. Be with people- friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues, husbands, wives who water your spirit, the ones who make you pop :P...it goes without saying that you should be the same to them...
On that happy note...
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for favour. The blessings in my life are not worked by my own hand. I am not the smartest, the most hard working, the most kind, or the most anything.
I am thankful for His faithfulness.
I am thankful for His patience.
I am thankful for wisdom.
I am thankful for His patience.
I am thankful for His perfect timing.
I am thankful for love.
I am thankful for laughter.
I am thankful for my first official job yo! Write this date down! whoop whoop! All by His grace..
I am thankful for His provision
I am thankful for His protection
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for books! and free ebooks!
I am thankful for wifi
I am thankful for His LOVE!
I am thankful that He cares for me
I am thankful that i have everything i need
I am thankful that i have Him
I am thankful for 2Cor5:17
I am thankful for the relationship i am blessed to have with Him, even when i've done everything to not deserve it.
I am thankful!
First though..i've been on a break, a hiatus if you will...It is with hesitation i call it either since it has been more of chance than choice. Since the last post, i have spent every thursday either at my friend's, at my godmothers...or M or M came back from their holidays and we went out...I usually remembered it was Thursday and i had to do something on Friday morning, or afternoon.
I am not proud of this. Not that i have anything against breaks, or feel that they have no place where this blog is concerned..but that i know it's a reflection, or a result of the state of my spiritual life, if you will. Now, there have been times when i feel less than sunny, and still banged out posts, so the absence of posts is no indication of anything as a general rule. In this case, however, i recognise that if i was where i'd like to be, then i would actually remember, and plan the posts during the week, and would make the time, come rain or shine, to post it.
Again, though..everything happens as it ought to so i'm not beating myself up over it.
God has been amazing, and especially faithful to me this year. I mention faithfulness separately, because along with His Grace, i need that. Our relationship has been riding on His faithfulness, on His being there because from my side..whew! I've been running, i've been hiding, i've been slippin, and i've been slidin'...He is patient, He encourages me. In my darkest moments, He speaks to me and He tells me, He shows me He loves me...and i know we can never do anything to "deserve" or "earn" His love...but mahn...i know better than to be where i've been...that's all i'm saying.
He is faithful, and with every situation, He creates the path that leads me into His arms. If we must run, then let us run into His arms, if we must hide, then let us do it in His embrace. Sometimes, it's when we are beaten and low that we find it in us to crawl back to Him.
And i am thankful for this. It is dual reality of opposite sentiments. On the one hand, there are things in my life right now that upset me and cause me pain, and i feel it and want to wallow in it...on the other hand, i know the truth that is that these things are things i had no business reaching out for or having in the first place, and i'm thankful that God has set it up such that they are not part of my life..it's an interesting state to be in...I'm hurtin' over losses, and i'm so thankful to God for making it possible to let go...ha...
I have so much to be thankful for...it's been a whole month! Today is the last day of the first month of this year! like...whoa...I cannot wait to see what else this year holds for me...there are so many firsts, so many steps, so much growth to be done...
Back to the salt and lemons though.
During one of my mind wanderings and musings, i caught myself on the thought of relationships and the sort of people we ought to be with. (Yeah, i know, huge surprise there). This is what occoured to me. The best sort of person a person can be with, is one who makes you the best you that you are.
I was thinking about this in relation to how there are people, friends included, with whom i feel like there's a part of me locked away when i'm with them. And then there are strangers who make you come alive and achieve things that you never knew you had in you. I have seen this happen with encouragement from teachers, i have had this happen with people just trusting you, or having the sort of demeanour and conversation from which you just...you know...feel you can take on the world.
There is a distinction between this, and just a person who adores your amazing self. This is where lemons come in. and salt too...See, both do this thing to food where they make the original thing pop. A bit of salt in a chocolate cake makes a world of difference, or on a watermelon for instance. Or how lemons make seafood that much better.
I know this sounds silly right about here, but in my head it was a teeny eureka moment. I have had glimpses of this, and i know how amazing it is. I've been around people who make my very spirit shrink and close up...and i'll tell you this...it is the most horrible feeling bar none. To feel repressed in a relationship is the most pointless thing. Be with people- friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues, husbands, wives who water your spirit, the ones who make you pop :P...it goes without saying that you should be the same to them...
On that happy note...
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for God
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for favour. The blessings in my life are not worked by my own hand. I am not the smartest, the most hard working, the most kind, or the most anything.
I am thankful for His faithfulness.
I am thankful for His patience.
I am thankful for wisdom.
I am thankful for His patience.
I am thankful for His perfect timing.
I am thankful for love.
I am thankful for laughter.
I am thankful for my first official job yo! Write this date down! whoop whoop! All by His grace..
I am thankful for His provision
I am thankful for His protection
I am thankful for prayer
I am thankful for growth
I am thankful for forgiveness
I am thankful for understanding
I am thankful for books! and free ebooks!
I am thankful for wifi
I am thankful for His LOVE!
I am thankful that He cares for me
I am thankful that i have everything i need
I am thankful that i have Him
I am thankful for 2Cor5:17
I am thankful for the relationship i am blessed to have with Him, even when i've done everything to not deserve it.
I am thankful!
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