Thankful Thursdays: One of those days.,..

Hey..whagwan? It's one of those days when i feel like bleh..maybe it's the dark drizzly weather outside, cuz it sure as hell cannot technically be hormones...that's over...I'm upset at my friends for no reason and i want to curl up and cry..i want to yell at people and pick fights and at the same time i want them to all take a flying...yea..that.

However! i am thankful for today

I am thankful for the view outside this library window

I am thankful for the chatty chatty with the librarian..it's funny how she's the one i gist with when i cannot find a way to stand half my classmates...smh

I am thankful for my test..cuz even if i got 3 out of 4...damn it's always a pleasure watching that man ;)

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for my friends

I am thankful for S..who means more to me than his big head might guess :P

I am thankful for cartoons

I am thankful for facebook messages

I am thankful for facebook

I am thankful for youtube

I am thankful for dancehall

I am thankful for moodiness

I am thankful for tears

I am thankful for the internet

I am thankful for good vibes

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for blogs

I am thankful that i got to see Ivilinka today :) missed her silly

I am thankful for the rain

I am thankful for the sunshine

I am thankful for jokes

I am thankful for emotions

I am thankful that i don't have to study anything for tomorrow

I am thankful for who i am

I am thankful for His blessings

I am thanful for songs that get stuck in your head and make you smile for days...bwoi me just wan fi hold yuh, put me arms right around yuh...:D

I am thankful for diversity

I am thankful for people just like me

I am thankful for flowers

I am thankful for new things..

I am thankful for old things

I am thankful that somehow, we keep going

I am thankful that i am Nigerian..cuz we hot like that...George Bernard Shaw said a patriot is a person who thinks his country is the best simply because he was born in it...true..and at the same time, i want to believe that Nigerianness is something people who have experienced it envy :P

I am thankful forrrrr Herbal Essences..make me want to not be me so i can hug me and bury my nose in my hair

I am thankful for facebook groups and fan pages...with all them witty names that be makin me LOL

I am thankful for innuendoes...arguably one of the best forms of humour!

I am thankful for my mom..I love her..she rocks in every way..and her love keeps me going..

I am thankful for love...

I am thankful for indifference..it's the best defence sometimes...


aaand i'm out..late for a concert bullshittything...ihate everyone there..lol..emo moment here...*sigh*

be good!

Thankful Thursday: Treading water

That's what i suppose i feel like right now...i'm not particularly drowning anymore, but i'm not swimming yet..just here, treading, greatest concern being keeping my head above it all..actual movement is a whole other stage...i love analogies!

Again i'm amazed how i always end up coming full circle...i go through a phase of complete lawlessness..lol, okay so maybe that's a bit dramatic..but it is anarchy to go for weeks on end without actually praying, when you'd been going months with a very serious prayer thing happening. And the most painful part is that you are aware of right and wrong, and know that this isn't quite right...but you keep doing it, which makes you feel useless, which makes you depressed and when i'm depressed, i feel to guilty to act like best friends with God...vicious cycle, really...

However! i read a Jon Acuff post about the comma...and it was like he wrote that for me...i forget the verse, but there's a comma and not a full stop, and that makes all the difference. It's the point where God tells you that nope, you cannot screw up so much that it will be the final screwup, so get over yourself and get back on track...but even though you know this, it doesn't make it any easier...oh well.

He has been good to me. He has been beyond good to me..He has been good to me throughout periods of me all but ignoring Him, He has been good to me throughout periods of disobeying Him, He has been good to me while i do the exact opposite of what it is i know i should be doing, He has been good to me, unwavering in His love and support...that's the kind of love that stuns you...literally not based on any conditions, just the fact that He cares, and that's it...good o, bad o..He is just there, being understanding..I am thankful for that. The weird part is that i realize that being good, or living by His rules is for MY own good. God isn't using you not being angry to do anything, like i've said before, it doesn't affect His status anyhow...it's your life that's better when you're less angry..and there's the thing about that anger coming up as a wall between you and Him..and well...that is not a good thing at all..cuz when you're at that good place, you realize how amazing that communication is..and anger cuts it off..and you're like..so what do i do nowww?

I am thankful for God

I am thankful that due to several this' and that's i have the relationship that i have with Him..

I am thankful for life..

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for compassion

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for surprises

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for talented people and the beauty they create

I am thankful for people...they are sooo beautiful..each in their own specific way..

I am thankful for learning..from everything,anything..

I am thankful for people who care

I am thankful for people who get me

I am thankful for the people that i care for

I am thankful for the people that i get

I am thankful for sports

I am thankful for today! rawked too hard to put into words..wasn't expecting it at all!

I am thankful for inconsistencies...monotony kills!

I am thankful for Herbal essences! omdaze i'm in loveeeeeee!

I am thankful for communication mediums

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for Spring..and Summer that's coming

I am thankful for my daily devos

I am thankful for sincerity

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for my bed

I am thankful for His guidance

I am thankful for the abundance of unearned miracles and blessing in my life

I am thankful that He doesn't give up on me..i'd have given up on me

I am thankful..for solitude

I am thankful for time

I am thankful that i have no problems

I am thankful that i don't have any funky illnesses

I am thankful for where i am at this moment, who i am...i love me

I am thankful for each new day...each one is an adventure..24 hours..which i sadly often misuse/underuse

I am thankful that i kicked it..nasty habit ya

I am thankful for every single thing...because even the bad stuff- are a path to the good...call me crazy

I am thankful!!!

Thankful Thursday: It's the God in me...

No, no, no need to panic, i haven't caught some New Age confusion bug, i do not think we are God and God doesn't exist. That is silly. I believe in God, for the simple reason that i exist, and i know that for a fact. I think, i can poke and prod myself and i laugh and cry and see other people and the world around me and i know beyond a doubt that it is all real for me. This analogy never fails to cement my belief in God. Like Descartes said, i think, therefore i am. Simple. Profound.

I've had my moments of questioning, of wondering if it's a race without a point to it. Believe, worry, live..then die and face nothingness. Yea, i know. It's funny how this sort of thought used to make me have overwhelming Catholic style Guilt panic attacks, used to feel like, stop bloody thinking you oaf, stop questioning! But of course the rebel in me would accept no such foolishness..which led to extended periods of disbelief and rejection of all things religion tainted...

But then, i think i grew up and realized exactly that. I had a problem with religion and not with the concept of God. Any confusion i've ever had has been with the inconsistent pictures of God that religion keeps painting. Sometimes, it's a bit like 1984..He's supposedly one way today, completely opposite tomorrow and you better believe it, miraculously keeping those two concepts mutually exclusive and equally positive. It gets hard to wrap your head around, and obviously, no one is looking to give you answers for their whims. God is the way then need to be at given moments in time, isn't it? Today they are asking Him to roast their enemies, and tomorrow they are telling you how He is a God of peace and we are supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive 7 times how many times again? and don't forget to love your neighbour, thief or not and, please, please God keep me away from the unholy filth. Uh huh, pick and choose.

Well, see, the God i know gave me a brain, and He proceeds to make it physically hurt every time i try to brainwash it into accepting ridiculous things. That's the point of this blog, isn't it? It's called my God and me. It's me letting go of all these forced misconceptions of God and having a relationship with the One that is alive in my life, the One that is realer than any story i've ever read. That is the God in me, and all i want at this point, is to figure out how he really is and then get in line..easier said than done when half the time you're read a long list of protocol to observe, and the other time you're told to just go up and hug Grandpa G and throw in some cuss words cuz He cool like that and will even do the Scoobi Doo with you...*sigh*..

Sometimes, i speak in crazytalk...but there is no such thing as crazy talk..only talk that other people are not comfortable with believing.

Noooowwwww!

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for Prayer

I am thankful for second chances

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for Spring, sunshine and those pretty purple flowers!

I am thankful for hope...

I am thankful for the triviality of things in the big picture

I am thankful for the complexity of the simple things eventually

I am thankful for the simplicity of the complex things

I am thankful for the beauty of the simple things and how much meaning and value they manage to pack

I am thankful for heels. God bless whoever invented them..naturally while slapping them severely..what sort or sadist invents those things? aaaah...heels...

I am thankful that i am so blessed. That is the truth. I am blessed, and i'm still trying to figure out why. I could do so much more, you know? but i don't and He seems to pick up the tab and everything turns out okay..why? i keep having this fear that soon, it's going to all come crashing down..good things like this don't last, do they? i mean..i did not earn this...i...i have my theories sha..but they are little more than desperate rationalizations...

I am thankful for S, and just how cool it is that i actually think of someone throughout my day, sometimes, we talk a little, again, i really am not nuts! sometimes i just flip through the memory album, and most times, i make sketches for future pictures...and it's all so easy, it comes so naturally...i am thankful for that :P

I am thankful that it's almost the weekend...i seem to be an odd sort of alcoholic/junkie..See i don't abuse any substances, but i manage to actively numb myself so i can get through the week with the least amount of consciousness...i don't even know what's so terrible about my weeks- i'd just rather be doing something else, really, instead of going to that place to fill my head with useless information that keeps me from doing anything truly productive..lol sometimes, i'm a hippie like that

I am thankful for who i am..love me or hate me, i'm pretty cool with me :D

I am thankful for moments of enlightenment and epiphany

I am thankful for literature...Nick Hornby was interesting..strengthened the distrust of marriage in me once again..and now...it's Stephen baybayyy! been wanting him for a while now..been putting him off so i could savour every page when i finally got to him..oddish logic, i know..

I am thankful for writing...which i need to do more often

I am thankful for intelligent conversations

I am thankful for Satire...George Orwell is my hero! and allegory and metaphor...because in some twisted way, talking about something else is the ideal way to convey crystal clear message about something.

I am thankful for my nap this afternoon ^_^...nothing beats sleeping when you really feel like it..might be worth staying up till 4am for sef :P

I am thankful for the way literature is a means of escape...somehow your problems go somewhere long enough for you to get the strength to face them while you read about such and such needing to get to here or there so that God forbid this and that happens to another such and such...and in books...the problems all get solved! do you realize what a burst of positivity that is? problems apparently get fixed! there is hope for you...hehe

I am thankful for our silly convos and my dry jokes and the often juvenile innuendoes we come up with...my dayze they are the best thing ever!!!!

I am thankful for movies and cinemas and holding hands

I am thankful for Old Dogs ;)

I am thankful for Old School..notice a trend here?

I am thankful for Enid Blyton...lmao..okay, random, but again, literature has seen me through so many hard times!

I am thankful for my mom...her love keeps me going meyn, for real..the power of it floors me...

I am thankful for my dad..i am thankful that we have become friends and we mostly cool and i love him :D..might seem a perfectly normal thing to say..but it wasn't always like that so..

I am thankful for friends..real ones..cuz they rawk!

I am thankful for jokes...

I am thankful for cereal!

I am thankful for awful things that you endure, then realize that they made you grow..

I am thankful for my grandma..i really am..keep praying we finally find that balance..

I am thankful for my grandpa...well because he cooool!

I am thankful for me sisters!!! they so kewl! sharp az anyfink meyn..they catch on to my most complex and vague of jokes...mainly because they have a better memory and grasp of pop culture than i do..but no movie/song/book reference, no matter how vague goes unconnected by them..we have day long games based on this!..it's the simple things that mean the world..

I am thankful for my uni...it's all so warm and friendly..you know, especially if you also ignore the idiots :D

I am thankful that my friends live in the hostel. And that the hostel is in practically the same building as my faculty..because i do not know how i would have gone through yesterday without putting my feet up on KiKi's stomach and chillin for a couple of hours...i for commot shoe waka go house meyn :P

I am thankful for Kiki! and all the stuffed toy animals that make my life a brighter place..yes, i have stuffed animals, ndso? hush!

I am thankful, really that i am so blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me, the nastyness in my life is damn near non existent and things seem to go my way even when i'm screwing up majorly..yes, i do realize that screwing up majorly to me is probably a joke to the average person..but it is what it is..

I am thankful for all the things waiting to be learned, and no i do not mean yet another useless formula on how to calculate devaluation of a bloody table...are you SERIOUS? you want to tie ish like that down to numbers? get a therapist. STAT.

I am thankful for intuition...embrace the erm..gut feeling. Voices in the head need special screening..

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for individuality

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for sleep.

Good night!!!!...ZzzzzzZZzzzz

TGIGF!!!

Maybe it isn't so bad after all that i didn't post yesterday. Good Friday is a good day for a Thankful Post. It is all symbolical, isn't it? it is the whole significance of Jesus. His birth is all well and good, but it really wouldn't matter if He hadn't been born to fulfill the purpose of dying so our ungrateful selves could keep messing up and asking for forgiveness and recieving it despite overwhelming evidence supporting the position that we should on no account receive this forgiveness...

For God so loved the world...

Which just about sums up the importance of this day..

I am trying so hard to use this as a springboard for getting right, for finding my way back to that "good" spiritual place where i can afford to go over my day and feel at least a teeny bit smug..No such luck lately...i evaluate my day and want to give myself a ringing slap..the kind that leaves you so fascinated with the colours you start to see that you do not feel the pain at all but casually assert that this is what the 'shrooms they keep talking must do...Trying...

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for knowledge

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for being understood

I am thankful for grace

I am thankful for Patience...lol..grace and Patience..even if i barely know girls with these names..

I am thankful for purity

I am thankful for trust

I am thankful for friendship..when it's true, it's like magic..somebody trusting you honestly, earnestly to be their friend..i have been through some "tough" friendships so i KNOW...

I am thankful for the person i had a tough friendship with...we wouldn't have the great one we have now if we hadn't gotten through those times of madness...i love M2!

I am thankful for new friends...i love making new friends..if it's by surprise, or by strategy..you know them one's you've been smiling at for ages and then finally discover that they are actually pretty decent people...

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for strong people...i hear some people's stories and realize what a wuss i am..they Inspire me

I am thankful for people who care..VV is a awesome person because he cares about our useless lives :P he really does, and that is special

I am thankful for uni..even if sometimes....all i have are nightmares

I am thankful for nightmares...for a whole lot of reasons that will prolly make me sound a bit potty so i won't even go there

I am thankful for literature

I am thankful for football

I am thankful for the Internet! i would totally fail with a side order of epic without it...

I am thankful for Youtubeeee!!! what can't you learn from youtube?

I am thankful for rainy days

I am thankful for sunny days

I am thankful for diversity

I am thankful for strength

I am thankful for my Parents

I am thankful for my sisters

I am thankful for my grandparents

I am thankful for Jelly...how did i live so long hating it? damn jello brand jelly which it the ultimate yuckydom

I am thankful for series

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for nerdiness

I am thankful for the way He never leaves me

I am thankful for the light that's always waiting for me whenever i decide to get up off my behind and make progress down the tunnel

I am thankful for language

I am thankful that there's so much to living..so much to learn, so many ways to live it...

I am thankful that He just won't quit on me, no matter how far gone i think i am

I am thankful for last Wednesday...i had a GOOD day :D

I am thankful for the way S makes me grin from ear to ear with every message, memory, mindread...no really..who knew that you could go so inexplicably happy for no reason other than this person...hmmm

I am thankful for everything about who he is...he just..works :P

I am thankful that he's there..

I am thankful for sleep

I am thankful for tension-free environments

I am thankful that it's factually Saturday and i have Monday off

I am thankful that i know..somehow, that everything will be okay...

I am thankful for nailpolish

I am thankful for psychobabble and cliche's...because as much as anybody wants to be uber posh and look down their rhinoplastied nose at them..they are what they are for a reason-they are true...and thus often repeated..it's not just a case of mass poor taste

I am thankful for people that get you..when you discover such people, shame on you if something as race/age/sex/height/religion/status/job/hair colour/piercings/addictions/faults..get in the way of you appreciating the fact that this person has not, and will do you no wrong in the relationship that the pair of you have going on. Anything else, is none of your damn business,so don't let it mess with the good stuff

I am thankful that i "discovered" that 3D cinema nearish my ends...

I am thankful that in the end..everything happens exactly the way it's meant to..if you like wish and work until you're rainbow in the face..you will not take a breath one second earlier than you are meant to...figuratively speaking..lol who knew i was such a fatalist?

I am thankful for where and who i am right this moment...i love life

I am thankful for life

I am thankful that there are Other People in my life that make everyday worth looking forward to and living to the fullest

I am thankful that all is well with my world even when nothing looks the slightest bit well

I am thankful that that silly optimist in me is coming out of hibernation...

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for second chances

I am thankful for me and S's jokes...we have more than i have managed to accumulate with people i've known all my life...jokes are special :D

I am thankful for smiley faces :D

I am thankful for touch typing..i am SO impatient that i will go crazy without it

I am thankful that i have truly amazing people in my life on the daily...

I am thankful for care. I could give up almost every emotion/situation for the single emotion of care..think about it...nothing has value if it's not done with care. If you like run from China to Cali via Europe to meet Ms. She'sTheOne, and you do it out of spite, then it means bloody nothing..make a cup of tea out of care and it means the world..abi it's just me? lol

I am thankful for the little things...i know i've said this before..but it's always the little things...ALWAYS.

I am thankful!!!!

Have a blessed Easter Weekend..and try to spend at least a couple of minutes reflecting on the reason why you have a day or two off...in any case, set some time out to do the spiritual thing..Christian o, Muslim o, Hindu, Buddhist o...

Muchos love!