Thankful Thursday: Contentment.

These Thursdays just come around so fast! It's really funny how radically different the place i'm at is every Thursday too..it feels like lifetimes apart sometimes...It just goes to show how beautiful and dynamic life is, and that whole "nothing is permanent" thing...i dunno..i don't see it as a problem..

Sure, when everything is good, at the time, we most definitely want it to continue that way because at the time, it is the epitome of what the awesomeness you have access to feels like. All that a bird in hand lark...we don't want to trade for an uncertain "better" or even worse, a "worse"..but the truth is..sometimes, bad times follow an absolutely amazing time, and you are completely annoyed at how things aren't permanent and fall into long monologues about how "good things never last" and similar pessimistic things...for some reason, it's easy to marinate in pessimism..we don't tend to complain about how...bleeeeh bad times never last! always switching up and giving way to better times :P

That bad times, too, will pass, is not the only thing that gives me hope, even more than hope, is the beauty of the bad times serving to improve us and make the good times better. I keep siting the last ten months of my life as possibly some of the best and most fruitful of recent times.

The truth is, within that time, and even now sometimes, i have gone through more pain and hurt that i thought i could bear..heck, more than a year's worth! There have been dark times, painful times where i had no clue why on earth life had to be so frustrating, been angry at God for teasing me (yeah, i know..misguided to the max :P) but that's what it felt like...

But now, standing here and looking back, i just keep thanking God..like, i could go on and on repeating the words and trying to pack what exactly i feel into them..thank God that He can see what i feel without the words. Looking back, i see how every single incident has led me to where i am, has led me to the clearer vision i am now enjoying, has led me to the understanding and peace i now have.

Like, for the first time in a long time, i am content. It's not that i don't have hopes, dreams or aspirations...it's the contentment that comes with knowing that it's all in His hands and when you come to the bridge, you'll cross it, and there is little reason to get so worked up and anxious about it now. It's the peace of knowing that whatever the challenge may be, God has your back. Like, He's got it. That is what gives me peace and calm in the middle of the storms that sometimes blow my way.

A lot of the time (very often in recent times, actually) i feel like i need to apologise for my laid back attitude...but then i realize that i'm not quite sure i'm sorry for it. It's not that i have no plans or i don't care..it's just working with the fact that i.do.not.know. We plan, and God has His plans...so MY plan is basically to be available to do HIS plan..and He has His ways of revealing that to you. The big picture of this plan is that you trust Him. For the most part, this is what you work with. That you trust Him enough to go where He leads..A lot of the time, He tells you where to go on the go...you do not get instructions in the mail 5 years prior..so i take it one day at a time, and do that bit, because i trust Him entirely to steer me to where i need to be...

So that's that basically...that my contentement is not about being lazy, or not caring about anything...it's just the peace that comes with knowing, with realizing that He has this. Like, He really does, and no matter how a situation looks or feels...it's all okay..I'm happy with where i am, i'm thankful for all that has led me here, and i'm thankful for what's in store....diiiiig?

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for His presence in my life

I am thankful for the song "City on the hill" by Casting Crowns and also, for Jango :P

I am thankful for God's guidance each and every day

I am thankful for His conversations :P

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for everywhere He leads me...dood my life is like...not coincidental :P

I am thankful for my family..they are ze Best!

I am thankful for my sisters and how loving and supportive and wise and kind and good they are

I am thankful for BigBro's wife...i keep saying that she's an angel..it's like not only does she feel when to hola at me, whenever i talk to her, it's like my spirit experiences a shot of nourishment...okay that sounds...flowery but yeah..

I am thankful for my friends! old, new...side note on the new...sometimes, a lot of the time, things happen without fanfare and you don't realize that your prayer has been answered to the very last detail until a while later...especially if you're blonde like me...i prayed for friends that are godly, that would encourage me right, that would be moral support and understand me on this walk with God...i was lacking those...and you know...God has blessed me with awesooome new friends..and not even new in the technical sense of new human beings alone..but old friendships have has these whole new dimensions opened..and it's amazzzziiing!

I am thankful for faith. For real. That's one word i've seriously considered getting tatted...i cannot hype the concept enough...FAITH! it is a blessing, it is a source of strength, it is hope, it is worth it, it is beautiful!

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for happiness

I am thankful for Joy

I am thankful for inspiration, for creativity

I am thankful for blessings

I am thankful for talents

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for His Spirit

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for summer days..i walked into the kitchen today at about 8pm and the sunshine/beginnings of a sunset was just breathtaking...

I am thankful for beauty..a la the above mentioned...so simple...yet it's enough to make you cry..the fragile innocent beauty of it

I am thankful for humour! i don't know what i'd do without it..and even more than just humour, is when people understand your humour..oh that is epiiiic! and you're vibing and everything...i am thankful that God has placed people that get me in my life...and a LOT of laughter ensues...and laughter...is the best!

I am thankful for this post

I am thankful for today

I am thankful for His perfect plan

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful!!!!

Thankful Thursday: Surrender

Sometimes, we aren't so upbeat. And that is okay. Being a Christian, being born again doesn't mean your life becomes rainbow unicorn fairydust sunset days... Sometimes we panic and set these ridiculous standards that we think we have to meet...and when we don't...we feel bad, and that affects our relationship with God. Sometimes i lapse into thinking that everything going right and sunshine and smiles are the only things that confirm my "good" relationship with God..and i know that is false.

That is untrue. Your relationship with God is not about only what you judge to be happy times. There is a time for everything under the sun, and sometimes there is a time to go through trial to come out stronger.

Underneath the depression and helplessness and outright fear i've felt since last night, i feel, i see the lessons learned, and i believe that God is not leaving me hanging and in just a little while i'll see the purpose of it all...it doesn't change the ratty way i feel, it doesn't make the anger and bitterness just poof and go away..quite contrary to my last post, right now i feel like i've learned that i need to NOT trust as opposed to trust and...on and on it goes...i will keep praying that this helpless feeling goes away..but mahn i'm tempted to just run with anger...and that would not end well..i'd just wallow, and it will get more and more dismal...so...yeah...being a christian doesn't mean you're always upbeat and everything is going just super duper...it knowing that no matter what, and no matter how desolate it seems, the Lord is your joy and comfort and His joy comes with the morning light..so...yeah..lol pray for me to overcome this sadness and anger and loss of faith...

In time, His perfect purpose will be revealed. 

We need to learn to surrender to Him. Completely, totally, give all of you to Him, don't be hiding any part as per "for a rainy day"...Surrender to His will, to His purpose..He won't ever let you down..no matter how it may feel like you're heading for disaster...be assured that you will arrive safely to where He purposed you to be...

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for Uni! Baba God noni!!!!! wrote my last exam for the semester today..cannot believe it's over!! God just poured favour over me meyn! i cannot be thankful enough

I am thankful for my friends....He has blessed me with amazing people..old and new :P

I am thankful for M...her soul agrees with me

I am thankful for God's presence in my life

I am thankful for praise and worship music

I am thankful for the Quackster! my very own angel!

I am thankful for understanding...as hurtful as things may get, i am thankful because my vision is more 20/20 than it was and i'm losing that naivite

I am thankful for our pastor at church! His humility and honesty are inspirng, and i am thankful for his life, for his family, and that God made our paths cross

I am thankful for church! i have been blessed with a lovely extra family :P for real..my church is like...family!

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for His guidance and protection

I am thankful for His perfect plan

I am thankful for my family..my mom, dad, sisters, grandparents

I am thankful that He never allows me to lack anything..everything i need, i have...He provides without fail

I am thankful for my relationship with God

I am thankful for miracles

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for do-overs

I am thankful for junk food

I am thankful for literature

I am thankful for holidays

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for progress

I am thankful for revelations

I am thankful for Life.

I am thankful!!!

Thankful Thursday: Suspecting God.

I jotted down this topic as a post idea about two weeks ago....it's funny how the last couple of days have helped me understand how it  happens in my life.

God is good, God is faithful, God never lets us down....and yet somehow, we hesitate when He asks something of us. We stop, squint and go...are You suuuure? like, are You serious serious? Do You not see that i'm going to get hurt if i do this?

Quacky and i once talked about how if you're not  being pushed out of your comfort zone, then you're probably sleeping on a bicycle. God is constantly challenging us; it's the only way to grow. If you surround yourself with things that make you comfortable, you will remain stagnant. Growth requires you to go out and do something new...and yes, it's a risk, yes, it feels like you'll fall flat on your face, and even if you do, you won't be where you were and that is already worth it i guess. No lesson learned is a waste...

Now see, apppaaaarently, as i've only recently started to understand, i am not a very trusting person. I might have picked it up somewhere along the line, but i've noticed that i maintain an attitude of not allowing myself believe people for the most part. It's conducting relationships (with people in general) with the acceptance that the person is going to up and leave at any moment, or that whatever they say may or may not be true..And for the most part, i'm really rather okay with it..it's safe. It means that i don't get let down, i don't get as disappointed as i know i would if i threw my heart into it..because when i do trust, when i do let people in..mahn, it's no holds barred and there's a whole different set of expectations...and i've had that thrown in my face and it's the worst..

So anyway, here i am, all comfortable and walled up and it's working out...and God throws me this situation where i'm going on nothing but trust. Different scenarios, but i've noticed the common theme has been having to just go on trust. It sounds crazy, and is most probably walking the thin line of dangerous...but here we are. I have prayed about this in so many ways, i've turned and fled, i've dug my heels in and asked God if He's sure, i've pleaded that it is madness and He should allow me skip whatever this may be...

He just keeps saying that i should look back and answer if anything bad has befallen me so far...and the truth is that nothing has. So He says to keep going, that there is a lesson in there...and b'leeee me! i am learning them, i'm seeing them, and i'm understanding them...And in the face of this, i'm still anxious as crazy most of the time..

God says He will never abandon us, He'll never put us in a situation He isn't planning to get us through...and i testify to this...yet somehow i'm still looking back like...er, God? You want me to go there? like, You're sure? i should keep going? and He's there nodding..and i'm still double checking each move...He understands...

But mahn...He's put me smack in this situation where i have to confront this trust issue. It's pure madness! It's so in yo face it's crazy. I probably am too. I've been in situations where all things considered, i wasn't safe, save for the trust that this person won't decide to cause me any harm. That's crazy...don't do that..but to each his own, and you cannot dictate anyone's course of events but your own.

I believe in God. like believe believe. Some people may find it nuts that i talk about Him guiding me..but it is what it is...i don't think words will ever be able to convey what it is to another person until they experience it. Taste and see that the Lord is good. A couple of months ago, i would have raised eyebrows at myself...but here we are, and too much has happened in my life for me to discredit my relationship with God...

So yes, i do believe that He leads us, i do believe that we need to go where He leads, i do believe He has a purpose...and sometimes it seems to defy logic and common sense...and even i will be the first to tell people to not get carried away and not put themselves in comprmising situations because they think God led them somewhere...maybe i'm being a coward about it, but i would not want to take that kind of responsibility...i am speaking for myself.

What i can say is that i do not regret going where He leads. He has already taught me a lot with the situation to date...it's the continuation part that leaves me apprehensive...but i cannot lie and say it's been without result. Quackster pointed out to me that this situation saved me in one sense...and it's true..i do not fully understand how far the ripples go, but i do know that in one moment, things i've misunderstood, things that have caused me hurt for so long just became so clear that i burst out laughing....so my verdict is that it's worth it...

It's just this thing where i have no safety net, and a lot of logical arguments against going ahead...but there's nowhere to go but there, armed with nothing but faith in God, and my limping trust in mankind...it's a challenge, and i have a lot to learn, so LGT.

I am thankful for life.

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for the relationship He makes possible between us

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for His love

I am thankful for His grace

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for experiences

I am thankful for the great weight He lifted off my soul this week...it was a much needed unburdening

I am thankful for do-overs

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for doing things His way...truth is, sometimes, it's hard. The alternative is all shiny and begging to be used...it is however, not impossible to do it His way. It's not even that hard once you get round to it..it's just hard choosing it, because our minds scream that it's not rational and will never work, so we try to do what we think is "fail proof"...If you choose to do it His way, He will see you through, best believe. ah, see temptation..you just need to keep your mind on what He says about it and don't allow yourself to fall for anything else...in a short time, you'll come around and wonder why you were even considering to break His instruction...

I am thankful for my family...i am blessed to have them

I am thankful for my friends...shout out Quacky! in my trust issue riddled world, my friends are few...but when they are my friends...dizzamn! My soul agrees with her :P

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for just how much i have changed..in a good way..you don't notice these things from day to day..but at some point you meet situations and realize that you cannot imagine how or why you once handled them the way you did...it's amazing, really...

I am thankful for Uni! i am an anxiety champion...but to say the truth and shame the devil...every single thing i've been nervous about just gets sorted in an instant and it's grace and favour all the way and i'm like :D

I am thankful for church

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for Quackster listening patiently to my ranting and commenting with wisdom and calming me down...that's special

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that God will use everything to bring you to Him..in Love...He doesn't create bad situations, but He will use them to save you...things would move a lot faster if you were seeking Him as well :P He doesn't hide

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for protection

I guess i'm thankful for trust...

I am thankful!!!

P.s...i'm still kinda acting like a ram and digging my heels in and fearing to go on with this...*singing* everything rides on faith somehowwwwwwwww...He is faithful and cannot deny Himself.

Have a blessed week!!!

Thankful Thursday: For pride is sneaky...

Proverbs 26:12 says this: Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? there is more hope for a fool than for him.

⁹ “Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, 
    those who are nothing but potsherds 
    among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter, 
    ‘What are you making?’ 
Does your work say,
    ‘The potter has no hands’?- Isaiah 45:9

In who's understanding of wisdom is your wisdom rated? Does it come from God, who gives it abundantly? Is it rooted in truth and integrity and love? Is your wisdom fair? or does it find it's beginnings in arrogance?

It's a thin, tricky line to walk, this line that separates us from pride.

Pride is a tricky sin, because we tend to be commiting it at exactly those moments when we feel most holy and self righteous.

argh...this is not flowing today...i have had a wonderful, exhausting, and rather productive day. I learned a lot, ate a little and am thankful for everything...but i do find that this writing thing..so i'll do it this way...bullet points of sorts

Isaiah 43- because it always overwhelms me with God's love and also because coincidentally, my dad mentioned it to me yesterday.

43 

But now, this is what the Lord says—    he who created you, Jacob,    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;    I have summoned you by name; you are mine. ² When you pass through the waters,     I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,    they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,     you will not be burned;    the flames will not set you ablaze. ³ For I am the Lord your God,     the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,    Cush^[a] and Seba in your stead. ⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,    and because I love you,I will give people in exchange for you,    nations in exchange for your life.⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;     I will bring your children from the east    and gather you from the west. ⁶ I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’Bring my sons from afar    and my daughters from the ends of the earth —⁷ everyone who is called by my name,     whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made. ”

...until the end, if you will...

2 Corinthians 12:6-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, ⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Also, The Shack. I haven't read it to the end, but God has clarified so many things already...so...critics will always be there, and i'm not even saying that you should drop everything and BELIEVE in this book...i'm just saying that it's not irrelevant. God makes no mistakes.

Well that's the long and short of it...meditate, ponder, and go to the Lord in prayer and listen, don't try to make Him fit into your box of what He is and isn't...allow Him show you the truth.

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for my relationship with God.

I am thaknful that God is...GOD! He is so cool, if only you'd get over yourself and have a relationship with Him...i'm ever working on this

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for dreams

I am thankful that God has a sense of humour

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for experience

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for rest

I am thankful for church

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for the favours and blessings He bestows on me

I am thankful for His perfect timing

I am thankful for the weather

I am thankful that He leads me away from what is bad for me

I am thankful for Grace...His grace is enough, it is all we need

I am thankful!!!!

Thankful Friday ;) : Don't leave those gifts sitting around wrapped up...

Yes, i'm well aware that the packaging is oh so pretty, but at some point you're going to have to get over yourself and open it up, and not only be wowed by the gift itself when you see it...but be completely blown away when you actually start using it and seeing all the amazing functions it has and how much joy and goodness it brings..

We all have gifts that have been given to us. Sidetracking from the sort i mean for the purposes of this post, which are talents more or less...gifts include blessings that you just...have and may nor may not be able to manipulate or develop or...you know..you just have it like..hey! smile!

Okay, now everyone has a talent, a gift for something. That thing you do that when you do it, it makes you happy...no, lazing about for days on end doesn't count..it can be pleasant, but it's not something you actively do. More often than not, when you do this thing, it not only brings you joy..but it just seems to work. It's smooth sailing and even when you hit bumpy road, it doesn't matter, it doesn't annoy you, you work your way through it instead of tantrum throwing...okay it doesn't mean you don't ever every ever get frustrated...it's just the kind of frustration that's more like a minor invonvinience.

For some people it's singing, for some it's writing, dancing maybe? Maybe there are people who just loooove balancing checkbooks (i cannot understand this but hey..), maybe it's encouraging other people, sailing...whatever it may be..the fact is that you are drawn to that particular activity because you are uniquely wired to be good at that, to like that.

A disclaimer before i go any further..yes, i understand that the world needs engineers and the people passionate about it may not be enough to supply the need..but that is neither here nor there...you can still do what you love, do it on the side, dedicate time to nourishing your gift, growing it, and in time, whatever told you it was foolhardy or not wise to indulgine in it will be proved wrong and you will find satisfaction, and even more, you will change your world, you will touch people by doing what you love...and i think that is the best sort of work to be doing..i'm sure i'm not the only one that has been ticked off by someone acting like you forced them to choose the job they feel stuck in...

Like the Bible says, the body is made up of many parts, none more important than the other. They are all important, and whatever your gift is, it is a way to reach out and touch other people, and works together with whatever else everyone brings to the table for the best.

What i'm saying is this. We are each given a gift. The best part of this gift is that it doesn't wear and tear. More like the more you use it, the better it gets...the more you train it and allow it to run free, the more you listen to its promptings, the more it expands and shows you the ways in which it can manifest, and honestly, it will be beyond your wildest dreams.

I'm personally still trying to pin mine down..i have a few suspicions and i do try to indulge the pulling of them..it's a process, and sometimes i'm unsure and cannot see where they may lead..but that is not really the point..the point is to not kill those gifts, do not lock them up in a cage. If you don't let them out, they will never show you where they could have gone..I don't too much have a personal testimony, but i think Jon Acuff over at stuffchristianslike.net has a story that inspires...also, you may want to buy a copy of his book, Quitter..(and send me one too :P) but i think he does show what it is to take a bold step and ride on your gift. God gave it to you for a reason, and He will always bring you up tops, will ALWAYS bring you victory..best believe...also, the Alchemist..follow your own unique purpose in life, and then you will truly find joy..lol i'll see what i can do about an update report every year? two? five?

King James Bible (Cambridge Ed.)
A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.

I don't think it's about bribes, by the way :P

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful for each day

I am thankful for God's presence in my Life

I am thankful that He saved me, and is NOT letting go

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for my mother...She is my first and continuous blessing on this earth...

I am thankful for my sisters!!! i am so grateful that i have them, just the way they are..

I am thankful for uni and the fact that God has gotten me through every situation that was giving me anxiety attacks

I am thankful for His comfort and reassurance...half the time even when i'm being anxious...He has told me everything will be fine, He has even given me a glimpse of the timeframe we are working with, Him and i...buh yea, for the most part i'm still a panicky little girl...and He gets that

I am thankful for my friends

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for prophecy

I am thankful for Love

I am thakful for dreams

I am thankful for the way He makes events unfold...will just leave you awed and smiling

I am thankful that my internet is working! i was stubborn and went to sleep instead of writing the TT yesterday...then at night the thing refused to come on..see me talking to my modem ehn...

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for faith

I am thankful for His perfect timing

I am thankful for time alone and growth

I am thankful for everything that has led me to where i am today..the good, the bad, the ugly and the shameful..it's okay if it joins in moulding me into who i am, and makes me able to be sensitive and relate to other people and encourage them or whatever it is i am to do in their lives

I am thankful for omens, that guide us to fulfilling our purpose

I am thankful!!!!