Thankful Thursday: Happen already!

The thing that ought to happen, before i forget, is that moment where i resolve to stop hovering between my hiatus from spirituality, and embracing it.

So it's Thursday, 12:45am. Momsi's office, and determined to write. In fact, the challenge before me is to update all my blogs..uh oh...Blog Therapy..didn't think of that one..ironic, how this resolution to write is prompted by that exactly- Therapy... Ah well.

I am Thankful. I am thankful for my life..every aspect of it. That kind of thankful that hits you when you sit down, revise where you're at and go..nna mehn, i am BLESSED.

Problems, i don't have them. Even when i do, they are never too much to move out of the way; sooner or later, they go away...

I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that by His Will, these people are in my life to start with, and that they are still there. I have some good friends. You know? The type that you know you're stuck with for life, if not physically, then sentimentally. Those people who you will never let go of, because, simply put, they rock. Spent the day with M and Babym today... Nothing of the important has changed. Mona trying her best to compose herself while me and Babym loose the understanding of er... being worried about people's opinions...and then we tease M...and on and on..just like Js3...i am thankful for that :D..and M went makeup hunting with me and and...they both truly care about me and i know that not because of the words they say...I am thankful that i have them... I am thankful for all my friends who made me laugh today...lol..corporate beating...laughs!

I am thankful for my sisters...wonderful widdle people them... they just might be the ones who know me through and through and still...ah well..not like they can get rid of me :P...they listen to me whine, they give me massages on demand, they can complete my jokes, they are so goshdarn smart, talented, patient, understanding, caring..you know, when they are in the mood :P...and above all..forgiving

I am thankful for my mom...cuz shun...our occasional misunderstandings aside...she nurtures me like no other...she is always there for me even when i act the fool :P...she is special...

I am thankful for my dad...i owe a lot of who i am to him...

I am thankful for prayer...been doing that a bit more diligently in recent days...it's weird how i could go from praying every 10 minz...lol including short ones nau..to not praying in days..i know..i know... but there is something to slowing down and consulting with...God? Yourself? directing your energies? listening to yourself? there is something to prayer...and i suck majorly for letting that part of my life slip up...mmmm rewarding to get back on it :D

I am thankful for books...you cannot think all the thoughts in this world on your own...and even if you do, you cannot analyze them to their fullest capacities...which is why people write books, in which aside from novel ideas, you get to see your suspicions expounded upon...abi two heads are better than one?

I am thankful for psychobabble and spiritual books...the ones that guilt makes me run away from...*sigh*...

I am thankful for psychology

I am thankful for philosophy

I am thankful for writing...cuz this is kinda good...forces you to think..or at least allows your conscience wreak havoc, allows your words come out more or less unhindered, uninterrupted by our own editing...at least if you're writing the way i write these posts...some people scoff at rants, raise snooty noses in the air and things...well i say a huge ass sorry...is it really possible to confront your thoughts and real issues if you are too busy making them PC and trying to write what you THINK is the right thing? sometimes, for you..just let it rip and be introduced to yourself...i go back and read my posts sometimes, and notice that they are me in what is possibly the truest form...we get so caught up in being the way we ought to be...that we become strangers to ourselves...(yes, i gag at the cliche that whole sentence is drowning in)

I am thankful for the little things...lol.S's concern in me getting away from the cinema today, him calling on my way home...texts in the mornings, goodnights..asking if i'm okay..eh, that way in which he just generally looks out for me..."watch that step" an things...shhhhhhhh! :P

I am thankful for S...every day, over and over..I am thankful that i pray for him, i pray for us...this is no small thing. It is a big thing when it's something you feel you can and want to pray about...it's like

It's like the way i'm thankful for loving him. best.feeling.ever. i care about this person...i care about this person so much that my sisters will soon start shanking me for mentioning it :P...oh have i said how much i love him?...aunty T today mentioned that just being loved...well..that gets old if you don't love the person in return...but now loving a person...well...that's a whole other euphoria :P

I am thankful for love.... Jesus knew what he was on about, eh?

I am thankful for optimism, for happy people... touches me deep when you see people who are (not judging meyn) worse of that you in certain aspects, and they don't hate on you, instead, they wish you well and ask God to bless you... Takes a big person and i am always humbled...

I am thankful for His Word..recent epiphany involved revising an epiphany...at some point i decided that the Bible was just simplified philosophy for the masses....and then one day..i think when i read the lost symbol..it hit me that it is the most brilliant paradox ever... The Bible is simultaneously stupendously simple, and mind bogglingly complex...i guess it depends on how you are reading it...speaking of which..need to get on that..

I am thankful for Bloggerrrrrr!!! which has me writing again *cough* yes, by that i do mean this post but that's beside the point :P...bloggers are just...special..there's this solidarity, there's this beauty of this world of ideas thing happening...just might be my drug...each post touches you in it's own way..dissolved over Chari and Buttercups blog last night...cuz their story is so me right now...*sigh*

I am thankful for lotions and potions...for yes, i am an addict

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for cuddles

I am thankful for all those inexplicable things that make me so damn happy whenever i think of S

I am thankful for who he is...he is sooo considerate, caring, thoughtful (these are not synonyms...for reasons i don't think i can explain sensibly :P), intelligent, kind, sweet..and oh so sexay ;)...talented :P O:-)..funnnyyyyy!!! cute! adorable! deep...arghhhh my baby is perfect.

I am thankful for the way he gets me :D....really...there are not many things more important than this, are there?

I am thankful for the way he is there for me...my hero ^_^

I am thankful that i know him. That we text. That we talk...that i get to stare at him. That all is well with the world when we're cuddled up, "watching" Tv...

I am thankful that God will put you where you need to be...and when it's meant to be...it just works...without you going crazy to get it...

I am thankful that even when i do not realize/acknowledge or appreciate a situation at the moment, i ultimately believe that things work out the way they ought to be, and anything that happens, happens for the best..

I am thankful for trust... It is only trust that will get you through people talking bullshit...and love and support and things of that nature too :P...but trust...that ish is way up there

I am thankful for...vulnerability *..side note on that..i am borrowing a bit of Funms post to put up on the Strangest thing blog...for i stumbled upon it and thought...that is kinda what i was setting out to try to write...it is not easy to open up and trust...it is not easy to get walls down....it is not easy...but the reward is worth it...you cannot experience a relationship (in this case), if you're too busy waging what is essentially, a war. Like, hello..you are supposed to be on the same team..so all this getting battle ready and armed to the teeth, God forbid you get hurt and can't hit as hard in return..omo, in the words of M...go and enter bush and die..you iz confused :P

I am thankful for series...Family Guy has been the poison of choice this past week.....Stewie Griffin is my widdle crush :P #Now what did you learn? BWahahahahahaah! evil little baby!

I am thankful that i am healthy o!..dunno what high tech deficiency or thing i (or anybody for that matter) might have...but i am walking, talking, eating and sleeping without any major palaver...so i am thankful for being healthy ojare..it is not beans!

I am thankful for blissful coincidences

I am thankful for advice..of the well meaning sort..even if at the moment you want to slap the giver sideways...

I am thankful for my, if i might say, not too shabby people scanner...some people will just out of the blue start acting weird...meyn, i don't care how normal you were three years ago..if i sniff "idon'tnecessarilywishyouwell"...er...Goodbye! Anne Robinson style :P...nip that ish in the bud...don't need negativity messin up my aura and things :P

I am thankful for diversity

I am thankful for spirituality

I am thankful for thought

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for art..for a host of reasons...

I am thankful if you have read this far... i have been writing for the past hour!!!! oya..it's enough...let sumn remain for next time...lol

I am thankful more than words can express...but He knows...He knows cuz i can't fake it..

Seek first abi? Prioritize...and everything else will be added on to you...simple words..but the truth, when you see it happen, will blow your mind...

Thankful Thursday: Forgive me for Forgetting...

I read yesterday, that guilt is the most selfish emotion. This is true.

I am sorry that i have let guilt make me forget that this God and me thing, it's a relationship.

I am sorry that i have forgotten that i can do nothing without Him, and instead have been actin' like mizz Independent...there are people you form that Shakara for...He is not among these people.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to cast my burdens.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk things through with Him.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk to Him plain and simple, forgotten to spend time in His presence. What is a relationship without communication?

I am sorry that i have let life get in the way..Ironic, seeing how this "life" does not measure up to what i have with Him in it.

I am sorry that i have neglected Him.

I am sorry that i have taken Him for granted.

Most of all, i am sorry that i forgot what our relationship is, forgot just how amazing it gets, forgotten everything. That is probably the biggest sin there is, yes? I cannot remember the chapter and verse right now, but i suddenly understand what it means that the people who have it worst are those who have seen, and then turned away..those who have felt, known, and then forgotten. It's not that God will smite you ( He doesn't act all petty like tat, contrary to sensational opinion)..it's the fact that the emptiness of a life without spirituality after you have BEEN there will consume you...slowly, quickly and totally. Not a place where you want to be.

So today, i had a long prayer during my massage...saw a couple of mistakes in previous requests..See i used to go to Him and be all "i will be good this time, i will turn over a new leaf and i will do this, and i will stop doing that"...during this prayer, it occurred to me that i just might have it all wrong.

See i'm going to God and promising to do and be all these things....on my own? I am, in essence, telling Him, look, hey, You just forgive me and that's it..i got this....WRONG! as goeth the thing with casting burdens, He doesn't expect you to come to Him all fixed and perfect...the thing is in you coming to Him and asking Him to fix you and make you right...and all this while i have been waiting to get right on my own, and THEN "feel" worthy of His conversation...*sigh*..we wander about blindly in the dark..led in opposite directions because of our own misunderstanding...

So i am thankful for this epiphany...

I am thankful that the future isn't some obscure date some days ahead...it kinda starts when you want it to. Make your changes and stop finding excuses!

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for family

I am thankful that He knocks sense into me

I am thankful for the big picture...because when you look at it...all the day to day wahala looses it's significance and scare ability...it's all so trivial...like how in the big picture..the beef i was having with my mom is such a joke..looked at the big picture and suddenly felt very little, stupid, and selfish..

I love my mother. I love her like none other... Everything and anything she can do for me, she does...continuously...without fail...I love her

I am thankful for my life..all of it.. :D

I am thankful for massages

I am thankful for cooking...for food

I am thankful for art

I am thankful for MY BOYFRIEND!!!! lol.... proof that God loves me no matter how big of an idiot i am? He blessed me with this this this superamazing person, and i still can't figure out where what when or why...but i am so thankful it's not even funny...God makes plans..and His plans...oh they rawk :)

I am thankful that S..is who he is, the way he is...

I am thankful for my friends...them true ones..the ones that matter...

I am thankful that Babym is backkkkkkk!!!!! i can already feel the laughter induced migranes....boy iz a heeeeedyattt!...the best one you'll ever meet

I am thankful for laughter...my new book says that laughter is crucial...S makes me laugh like none other...my sister has accused me of glowing lately, and blames him :P

I am thankful for...thought....which i am off to indulge in...mommy needs PC...

I am thankful that i get to sit here, all then fingers and toes, type this thing out, and be genuinely thankful ,because i have SO MUCH to be thankful for....i am blessed, and it is not a coincidence...there is a God, and that God loves me..

I am thankful for learning...a little bit each day..

I am thankful for open mindedness, open minded people..

I am thankful for how S gets me... He just does and that...that is special.

I am thankful for Us..me and him...i am thankful.

I am thankful that...He brings me joy :P a la LL Cool J and er...kai who was it in that song with Gabrielle Union?..have.to.google.

I am thankful that tomoz is Friday and thus begins the weekend....we get to spend time togetherrrrr :P

I am thankful ooooooooooo! e no get end point meyyyn :P

Stay blessed...and and stop trying to fix your damn self and get over yourself and ask for some help..baby steps...

Thankful Saturday... Because why not, eh?

Ooh so by some miracle, no insinuation intended, the internet seems to be working more or less sensibly today..and it's been ages since my poor deprived fingers have been let at a keyboard(redundant argument, seeing as the person imposing the deprivation is er, well..me :P)..Now...

I am having the best holidays ever, so really, without exaggeration, i have only things to be thankful for. Wallahi, anything that might have bothered me is some minor ish that i miiight have blown out of proportion...

I am thankful for books...i've let my whole reading game slip meyn...but in the moments i do read...nothing but bliss :D

I am thankful for my family...my sisters are the sweetest human beings...you know, when they aren't being..ARGHHH! :P

I am thankful for communication..

I am thankful for HELPFUL advice

I am thankful for real friends

I am thankful for intuition

I am thankful for Him

I am thankful that He plots out all these uberfab plans and everything just falls into place of its own accord, you know?...true word that most things you have to fight for to make work..probably aren't yours to have. Not to be confused with working towards a thing that you KNOW is meant to be...eh figure it out :P

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for not being indifferent

I am thankful for every new thing i learn

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for tact and knowing how and when to employ it...recruit me into diplomatic work stat! lol...except...it's like the proverbial psychologist who can help everybody but themselves...

I am thankful for FOOOOOD...grrrrrrr..gettin fat an things...:( oh well...

Yummy food....

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful that i am in love...it's the strangest thing, you know, how you very subconsciously loose any selfishness you have and find yourself er..attuned seems to be the word, to this other person. For what is probably the first time, i have caught myself more than all the time :P thinking, "oh what would he think of this?" "hmm he'd like that ,i should get/link/tell him" and on and on...note to world...caring rawks..lol does it count as selfish if you know...you are incredibly happy because of it?

I am thankful for S...every day, all day. Words would not describe how happy i am because of him.it's this sort of happiness that i can't even say where exactly i feel it (mind out of gutter!)..He's just..the bestester and i can't stop thanking Him for him :P..

I am thankful for the way he gets me, the way he makes me laugh, the way he makes me happy even when he's nowhere near ,texts that make me act like i'm on something and grin like the cat who got the cream..

and i could go on and on, and prolly would..but my mommy just came and said i should haul ass....

TBC and things of that nature.. :)

OOOH..i am thankful^infinity for every moment we spend together...