Thankful Thursday: and all was well with the world

Honest to goodness, hand on heart, until 5 seconds ago i was sure i didn't have a sermon for today. That changed once i typed the last word of the title. The World. A couple of days ago, it hit me that somewhere along the line, i stopped praying for the world.

Call it growing up and loosing your illusions of good and evil, call it loss of innocence or naivite, but i stopped praying for the world, because i made peace with the fact that the world, essentially, is not, will not be, and isn't even meant to be great. That's the whole point of Heaven and the afterlife, right? That this world is what it is, evil and unfair, and what will be will be, you can only live your part and enjoy what there is to enjoy. So i stopped praying for fairness and love and bad people turning good. I sad-smiled over that memory for sure. I seriously used to pray along the lines of, "And God, please let all the armed robbers change, let them see that they really do not have to hurt other people, provide for them and their families so they stay the hell away from evil."...I used to pray that. And then i stopped.

But then there's the Buddhist stuff i read, and their meditations and mantras involve "peace be on to the world, unto all the creatures, stones, trees..." you get my drift.

It made me pause, think, and re-evaluate. The next day after this situation, one of my daily devo's was about the little boy with the bread and fish and feeding the crowd. They put it so...thoughfully though, that this little boy had NO idea how the hell this cwazy man was gonna feed this stampede of people, but hey, he was the only one with food here, so he will give it. He will do his part, even if he has no idea how this stunt was going to work.

In the way that all things God involved work, this seemingly far fetched story spoke to the issue that was raised out of the blue for me. I stopped praying for the world because I decided that I didn't see the logic, I decided that it was futile. Stop. Rewind. What do i know? Did God ever, at any point tell me that i was my job to plan the party? All that is asked of me is to do my part. The rest, He will handle. Isn't that how prayer in general works? You just let Him know whats up, you put it out there. How it will come to pass is really none of your business after you do your part and say your prayer. All you know is that somehow, it will get handled.

And so i came to my conclusion. Even if i've been bitter, even if it defies my logic, i shall learn to pray for the world again. I will embrace the fact that it is not my business to figure out how it works, my business is to honestly care, to genuinely summon the love and concern that fuels wanting to pray for the world. To pray for happiness for one and all..Surely this is not a bad thing? The result is not/may not be in the format, or any of the formats i can imagine, it may not be here, or now, it may not in unicorns and rainbows and strawberry fields forever..It may just be in the life of one person..but we all know that the life of one person if often magnanimous enough to change the fate of millions..And so, i will learn to pray for the world again...

:-)

That being said, On to the Thankfulness!

It has gone full circle, and balance has been restored, i am right proper happy again, and all is well with the world! I had a great day today, and even in the midst of it, i realize that the reasons why i'm so happy today are as a result of what happened a week ago. Sometimes, you need to cry to see the light, you need to be sad so that whatever "it" is can snap and cause you to make crucial decisions that show their effects in ripples long after the moment has passed. I realize this.

I am thankful that even if i woke up er..2 hours later than my new "regime" requires me to, i was fifteen minutes early.

I am thankful that my bus came smack on time, and i didn't have to wait, or run to catch it...also, there were free seats...Yay!

I am thankful for the way my classes were today. Very grateful that they weren't in the order in which i mistook them. All the studying i didn't do yesterday, i did today during first snooze class, missing lecturer second class, and 20 minute break..oh, and during 10 minute walked out of class lecturer ^_^

I am thankful that last mentioned lecturer is truly awesome. We are very VERY lucky to have someone who knows what the hell he's on about, someone who genuinely cares that we get something into our thick skulls, and someone who has the patience to deal with us lot...

I am thankful for my Grandma..who truly cares about me..a tad too much sometimes..but it's okay :D

I am thankful for my grandpa and his jokes and his constant, very practical concern...he fixes EVERYTHING! talk about being useful :P

I am thankful for my friends...had the noicest time after classes today..and Nadia rawks for knowing how to twist people around her little finger for the benefit of me :D

I am thankful for sincerity and friendships without ulterior motives

I am thankful for Life and all the things that come along with it...it is such FUN

I am thankful for Him getting me through this week...it's a miracle everyday!

I am thankful for the way my mind opens up each day..Wisdom, insight, growth...the best things ever!

I am thankful for all these sites i stumble upon..abi that stumble upon me...They have the best material!

I am thankful for StumbleUpon, speaking of which...because it led me to MarcandAngel, which is a very VERY interesting blog

I am thankful for the Twilight Saga..and to think i was prepared to snob the life out of it...It is soooooo....lol read it...

I am thankful for the Twilight Saga again, because in some very odd..or not so odd way, i feel closer to S whenever i'm reading. Now, i realize that Edward is a friggin Superhero..but there's something about him and Bella and....most of the time i think, but that's kinda us right there! and yes, i've retracted my earlier sentiments about them being dysfunctional..it really does even out the farther you go along...

I am thankful for S..i cannot stop saying this. I am thankful for him several hours a day, everyday. I am thankful for the way i look forward to him...to seeing that i have a fb message in my inbox, to *cough* just knowing that he's there. It's very..it's a very good feeling to cayre about somebody.

I am thankful for fb, speaking of which! whatever would we do without it, hmm?

I am thankful for the way he makes me oh so happy, even when he does nothing at all :D

I am thankful for the way God just looks out for me all day, everyday

I am thankful for hot showers!

I am thankful for books unread

I am thankful that tomorrow is Friday and i have only two classes...can i get a witness!

I am thankful for youtube

I am thankful for Google! if you can't find it on Google, then PEBCAK! you ID10T! lol the nerdy things you pick up on the internets, yes?

I am thankful for jokes :)

I am thankful for languages...i will German accent you under the table meyyn

I am thankful for food! and ingredients that inspire :)

I am thankful for sugar!..even if i really should stop indulging

I am thankful for chillin out

I am thankful for the shower i'm going to have once i'm done typing this

I am thankful that i am so thoroughly blessed! You think you know, but you have NO idea :D

I am thankful for this communication thing Me and God have going..i am Thankful that He's answering this my prayer to understand Him, to be in tune with Him..nowadays, i can actually point to the reason why something happened...

I am thankful for spellcheck!

I am thankful that He sees to it that i am surrounded by material for growth..i do not lack!

I am thankful for old friends and old memories...me and M2 been trading "do you remember that time when.." jokes back and forth...I laugh myself to tears each time!

I am thankful that, from what i hear, i am able to make people feel better by hearing them out and encouraging/advising them..it's what i live for! Like the epiphany i had while talking to Vika...that's what Other People are in your life for. You may be the wisest person to crash land on this planet, but when YOU are involved in the situation, logic fails you and you are too biased to do what you know you should..which is why you need friends...and sometimes not friends to guide you through those moments...maybe that's why you don't always take your own advise..it's too hard to discipline yourself so..

I am thankful for my mommy!...and the fact that she rawks more than i ever will :D

I am thankful for my daddddyyy...and his advice..that i'm too thick to get until way after...

I am thankful for my amazing sisters, who's love astounds me each and every day

I am thankful for Love..for having it, for giving it, for seeing it all around me...

I am thankful for my bed...dear sweet bed and jumbo pillow!

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for intelligent, rational people

I am thankful for when people are caring in small ways...grand gestures tend to make me uneasy..and doubt their honesty, see...it takes a series of small gestures to validate the grand ones..if that makes sense..it's hard to pretend for the little things..but that's a whole other post...

I am thankful that Spring, my dears, is, albeit timidly, here...i felt it today..YAY!

I am Thankful that i'm alive, breathing, and able to live this life in a way that i hope, is at least slightly beyond the surface, slightly beyond the superficial..it is so much more fulfilling! and worth every seeming "sacrifice"

I am thankful that...we have this situation even if when i count the years i'm thinking...what tha? i can't survive that long without him! :(

I am thankful that God has His plans, and had them without my suggestions or advice...i am confident in the fact that He knows what He's doing..and He's never wrong or off point :)

I am Thankful for all the kind small talk that happened in the bus on my way home+the seat+the pleasantness of the wardrobe lady+her kids before i left school...

I am thankful and could keep on going like the energizer bunny meyn!

I am thankful for anger management!

I am thankful for the Bible and all the wisdom within

I pray for you guys then, to seek the good, and turn a blind eye to the bad. When you look with the intent of seeing happiness and joy, you will find it. And you will also find despair if that's what you're shopping for..it's that easy :)

Be happy and seek wisdom for all you're worth...the Peace that comes with it is astounding!

Mwaaah!

Thankful Thursday:...and some days, i am just human

At some point, i must have subconsciously thought that Thankful Thursday=mandatorily happy me...uh, to quote Em, "snap back to reality, oops there goes gravity". You know what? Thursday is a day, and there are days that suck..for big reasons or small ones, there are days that you are not the most cheerful of people. That's life, and that's being human...you can add it's called being a girl to that..damn you PMS!

That i've had a sucky day doesn't mean i'm not thankful..i am, there are so many things to be thankful for at this moment in time, for this week. I know it's silly and immature and "not proper" to let one thing cloud everything else, but again. It's being bloody human, and yes, i know quite well what is right, and what is wrong and how things ought to be...that fact is doing very little to improve my situation, so it can just rest.

The weirdest thing today though, was that in the midst of silently bawling my eyes out in the toilet stall on the third floor today, i suddenly went.."well this BETTER mean that at least S's day is going good, cuz there's no way in hell i'll accept two sucky days and no compensation for the madness!"....just read his fb message...i am thankful for S :D

I am thankful that i have friends who will just go on a cheer me up campaign without asking questions

I am thankful for nice people..for real! If you are ever upset, just go to the market and smile at someone...I totally got happy for ten minutes gisting with the lovely saleswoman and bonding with her Persian oga over black eyed peas!..grr, they have green, red lentils, all sorts of funny looking legumes,and NO black eyed peas...we agreed that we both miss them dearly :P yum yum to dried apricots and that sesame nougat thing...i am thankful for discovering that shop!

I am thankful for how my bus was right on time ^_^..yea, He does look out for me...

I am thankful for my daddddy! He called me yesterday and it was the sweetest thing..every time i realize that i actually love the man! i miss him :(

I am thankful for my mommmy! and the sometimes scary realization of how much she loves me

I am thankful for my sisters..who are the daaahlingest people

I am thankful for sugar and flour and all that good stuff mixed together..viva la confectionery!

I am thankful for the way He has totally gotten me through things i was worried about this week

I am thankful for youtube!..and CTFxC cuz Charles and Alli are the most adorable people and they always make me smile ^_^

I am thankful for my grandpa..cuz he cool like tha!

I am thankful for His Word...there is more wisdom than you could guess in the bible...really! don't believe it looking so unassuming, it's just lying low for reasons unknown...orrrr so that only those who really seek it can see it? thats a thought...

I am thankful for music!

I am thankful for quotes :D

I am thankful for my classmates, and how i learn from them each day

I am thankful for peace and quiet and being left the hell alone..sometimes, it's crucial..part time hermit?

I am thankful for yummy yummy food :D

I am thankful for Yoga...like OMG! barely a week in and i get what people are on about when they rave about it :D

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for the million and infinity ways in which S inspires me :D

I am thankful for those friends that you know are there for life...not so many, but i love them more than i can explain

I am thankful for memories...you look back, and then understand just how special things were, and it all makes sense that you should cherish the now that much more...see, sometimes we get caught up in being part of the moment that we do not see just how much it means...

I am thankful for that thing that happens when you experience the complex, and then understand the simple so much better!

I am thankful for how everything is really very simple and uncomplicated

I am thankful for online movie watching! *i'm going to watch Fast Forward right after i type this, promise!

I am thankful for Art :D people need to learn the art of feeding their souls with beauty

I am thankful that what i am unhappy about is really absolutely nothing at all...there are people with REAL problems o!

I am thankful that it's Thursday! i have had it up to grrrrrr with uni this week..i need a break so i don't deck someone

I am thankful for...uhm....i'm clean out of enthusiasm. I generated as much as i could out of the awful mood i'm in...any more will make me physically ill..i need to indulge in depressiveness for a bit..all this sugar and butterflies and unicorn things is beginning to sound hypocritical and very nauseating indeed....I am thankful though, that He understands, that i'm only human, and there are days when i need to break down and cry, even if i know that everything is going to be all right. I am thankful that He forgives me for the pointless sins i commit sometimes...I am thankful that He teaches me so much! I am thankful...

Thankful Thursday: ....

Colossians 3:8

But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Today is one of those bleh days for me. I'm mildly depressed and completely overcome with ennui...everything seems to have taken on gargantuan dimensions and absolutely everything is tragic...school work seems to have taken crazy growth pills, and personal ish seems to be going downhill today...i do not like this feeling. At. All.

That being said, on with the post!...i started typing it earlier, and in that version it went straight to thankfulness, no mini sermon (*cringe* i need to stop with the sermons! don't get me wrong though, it's not coming from a "i know what you must do" point of view...selfish as it sounds, i write, first and foremost,for me...it takes seeing it out there for me to make sense of it, see...)..But in line with the mood of today,my laptop went off without warning...and i got pissed...i was about to really indulge in the anger...

And then i realized i had a theme for the mini sermon! Anger. It is one of the sins that i am constantly falling in to...it is so easy to give in..and the annoying thing about it is that it feeds on the energy you give it...a teeny spark of pissed of, when indulged quickly escalates into a higher pissed of that raises your blood pressure and literally makes you hot in the head..this is when you start raising your voice. The more you raise your voice, the more energy you feel...you are completely riding this anger wave like a pro now...but then at some point, it's over...and you feel drained, and you realize what an ass you've been..and most importantly, you realize the damage you've done. See anger has the power to put a nice gap between you and God, between you and yourself. Beyond the moment of anger when you're blind to your better knowledge, the aftermath often leaves you too resentful and guilty to go in the presence of God, or face yourself for that matter.

Anger. I have...or being optimistic, lemme say i used to have a temper problem. It is very easy to set me off...but i've been working on it, and i honestly do think i've improved. I've learned to breathe and shut the hell up, because in line with the anger feeding off the energy you give it theory, when i make my first comment...theres no telling where it could end. It sucks. More sucky than the anger at the moment thing is the anger beyond the moment. lemme explain. It's one thing to react with anger in a situation at the moment you've been provoked (or not :P ), but it's quite another to resurrect this anger ages after the moment has passed. Hanging on to bitterness and not letting it go, i believe it's called. Anger is always too pleased to play along, waking up from it's long (or not so long) forgotten slumber and growing with the energy you give it. I am guilty and i pray about it every day..abi it's my cross to bear? I'm learning though...breathing and meditation and quite a bit of the literature i've been so fortunate to come across help a lot....

Let go of your anger...do not feed it dammit! like the notices in the zoo that go "do not feed the animals!"

Ephesians 4:26,27 In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold.<<<>

Lemme throw in some Bible verses for credibility...

Psalm 4:4
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

Psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 19:11

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Ephesians 4:31,32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

James 1:19,20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Proverbs 15

“A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.” “Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace.” (1,18) Proverbs deal with practical advice as opposed to the Psalms, which tackle deeper theological issues.

Proverbs 25

“If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.” (28)

Proverbs 30

My favorite: “If you churn milk, you get butter. If you hit someone’s nose, it bleeds. If you stir up anger, you get into trouble.” (33)

Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath

There! i know i went a tad colour happy, but oh well...hope that helps put it a bit in perspective as it's doing for me small small *sigh*

I am thankful for life..because it really is b-e-a-utiful!

I am thankful that life has so many wonderful things tucked away, just waiting to be discovered..it's like the great treasure hunt! all the principles, all the secrets...

I am thankful that i able to, by interest and with an abundance of support both material and moral, i am able to slowly but surely be on the path of this great treasure hunt...i promise that life is so much more fulfilling that way! It's the difference between getting your money's worth, just cruising through

I am thankful for that mug of coffee somewhere in this dark room that is scenting surely as only Heaven can...mmmmmmm!!

I am thankful for friends both old and new...

I am thankful for sincerity...It is the single most endearing quality a person can possess and it makes all the difference in the world. Any action could be classified as heroic, or egotistical, based on the sincerity behind the action alone...It seems sincerity is rare, and so i am superthankful for the people in whom i sense it!

I am thankful for vanilla and cinnamon and nutmeg and coffee and...did i mention coffee? lol..i will eat it, i will spray it on, i will rub it on, i will drink it....lol i'm not crazy nau...we talkin body spray and lotion and...you get the picture!

I am thankful for the getting on the bus situation this morning!..i shall start a side career as a sprinter :P and todays bus driver wasn't half as crazy as the one with diarrhea yesterday...because it is only that kinda situation that will make him keep the doors open for one second flat and skip stops...poor kid :(

I am thankful for the nice people who do the whole pass the money thing on the bus...it's amazing that they are ungrumpy enough not to bite somebody!

I am thankful for the sweet sweet women in the er...coat collecting room in school...their smiles and general cheeriness brighten my first period and my way home!...and then theres the thing about being pleasant to start with..it's ah-mah-zing what a smile and approaching someone in a good way can do...it's all rewards meyyn!

I am thankful for schoool!...for all the sweetheart people, from my friends, to my lecturers to the security guards to the women in the cafe to to....yea...it's all gravy!

I am thankful that V.V is coming back next week...*ahem* even if i'd rather he stayed wherever he was a bit longer..can't complain though...his classes are the best! and not just because we all sit spellbound :D

I am thankful for the way God lifts me above problems...all the obstacles i fear each week disappear to oblivion...(speakin of which..i have a SERIOUS craving for video games... :( ) It's a fabulous thing...

I am thankful for forgiveness...cuz i mess up majorly on the daily...today being a day of MAJORLY..and yet...He hasn't smited?smote? ah..spell check didn't underline smote..so i guess i should be thankful that He didn't smote (LMAO!) me for my very careless and irrational sinning, but instead, He used all of that to give me a theme for this post...i am still asking for it though...sometimes, we hold things against ourselves long after He has let them go..it's being human :(...

I am thankful for His grace!

I am thankful for His support...He just never leaves me down, even if half the time i'm a hopeless case :(

I am thankful for S!!! like the vid i saw with my friend yesterday said, "if you can put into words how much you love someone, then you probably don't love them very much at all"...I am thankful for him for so many reasons that words fail me :) I am thankful that he gets me, i am thankful that when i see/read certain things, my mind goes straight to him and i want to share it with him, knowing that he'll GET it, i am thankful for how i realize how thankful i am that much more each day, i am thankful for the grin i get for an hour give or take when he facebooks me (ha! don't you just love all these new verbs? google it, facebook it, facebooked me, youtube the vid...*sigh* we will make words out of anything!), i am thankful for who he is, his intelligence, his philosophy, his ubercuteness ^_^, for the way i've learned to care again, for for...this list, i should warn is inexhaustible, because i discover new things each day!

I am thankful for my mommy!!!! she is the bestest ever person in my life...She's my first, my constant, my everything! One of my fears is that i won't be able to rawk as much as she does with my children, that i wouldn't be able to have this awesome take on parenting as she does...She assures me that i'll do just fine...i love her beyond words,beyond hand gestures, beyond anything that i can imagine!

I am thankful for my dadddy :D...i realize this a bit more each day...especially at the eerie points when i notice i'm becoming him! It hit me when playing psychologist for my friend, sounding exactly like my father!lol...It's awesome to understand someone, because then, you appreciate them a whole lot more...

I am thankful for my superduperawesome friends...I must have done something good somewhere, because i have a group of the most uplifting and supportive friends ever! They are always there to hear me out, to let my cry on their shoulder and to just let me rant until it's all okay...i Love them guyssss!

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for wisdom..it totally changes your paradigm for the better!

I am thankful for learning a bit more each day, and learning new principles and how to prioritize and see things from a higher point of view..it is not easy at all,seeing how your humanity is screaming at you to wallow in animal instinct..

I am thankful for music! God should bless Buddha Bar's DJ's and whoever else puts together their CD's....er...awesome much?

I am thankful for the internets (na so dem say make we talk am o!)..so much info! so much good stuff! so much to learn! and it's all there! woohooo!!

I am thankful for forgiveness again...grrr, guilt is eating at me!

I am thankful that He can keep me away from the bad stuff...even though for a while it's nothing but shivers and shakes...eeeek!

I am thankful for the way everything is related to everything and it's alla huge cycle...it's fun..or i'm just a geek like that :P

I am thankful for moviess! and watching them online...

I am thankful that i don't use "human hair" weave (lol or any weave for that matter...yet)..because i would have ripped it out by the handful after watching that bit in Good Hair...like, i always though it was a bit freaky, but seeing them bald chicks,and the fact that the hair is sacrificed to the temple and that sometimes it is stolen off the head of these girls...er...eww to it all!

I am thankful for nailpolish! oh the fun! the fun!

I am thankful for my sisters! they are the best human beings in the world! They are so teeny and so wise! i learn heaps from them every day...and they are sooo smart and have the wikidest sense of humour..i share the largest collection of inside jokes with them...i am thankful that i have them..because when it comes down to it...it rawks to have siblings! so i am thankful for my mom once again, and her resolution to have three children, so that none of us are alone like she was..yay!

I am thankful for letting things be...while it's good to plan, i have a lot of respect for letting things be the way they will be, and not struggling to fit squares into circles...sometimes, you need to let things go, and sometimes, you need to fight for whats yours...in both cases, you will sense the way it needs to be, and that is what you should listen to...so learn to shhhh and listen!

I am thankful for how this post is turning out to be...i was depressed when i started typing the first time, was very ready to go, i am thankful for family and friends and put a nice big full stop. But lookee what we have here...and my mood is radically different from the way it was!

I am thankful for Love!!! all the types and all the sorts..Love of and from God, love for family, the love i get from them, love for friends, love for...lol yea, that kind...*sigh* the energy love creates is mindblowing!...so keep creating it!

I am thankful for my self claimed extended family!

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful that er..i started doing that assignment...all this work sef..Kilode?

I am thankful that i grew up in PHcity!!! i wouldn't change that for anything in the whole wide world! God only gives out the best gifts,made uniquely for you :D

I am thankful for thoughtfulness...i still get the warm and fuzzies everytime i see the number 18...or Eyore (? ) and thats just for starts..

I am thankful for sillyness ^_^

I am thankful for cake! dhaeeeemn! see aunty T was here a couple of days ago and brought this cake...and it's my weakness...you should see the love in my eyes whenever i see it...:D mmm....gotta have some more when i'm done with this...will go back to eating sensibly once the last mouthful is gone :D

I am thankful for fooooooood! omigossssh!..hippopotamus much? whale regularly? tehhh, it's worth..ish it :P yummy yummy food

I am thankful for long hours of gistiiiiing :P

I am thankful for the way things just work

I am thankful for naps..that fit within the planned time, i must add :P

I am thankful for movies...sometimes, you just need to escape for an hour thirty

I am thankful for books!

I am thankful for good looking people...seriously! i'm just admiring artwork jor :P

I am thankful for Art in all its forms

I am thankful that i have two countries to call home...and both of them are very strangely similar...i do love them, but they break my heart..they, i'm sorry to say, are both hos. Prostituting themselves shamelessly for the benefit of the limited elite that is their pimp, leaving the country and the masses exploited, abused and very much impoverished...i shall pray for them...

I am thankful for my grandparents! they are cool peoples

I am thankful for amateur anger management...baby steps!

I am thankful for daily devotionals

I am thankful for the sad and grey times, cuz like Vika and I concluded today, without them, we won't appreciate the good times, we'll take them for granted...so here's a big thank you to all the ones who hurt me and didn't quite hit the mark..cuz thanks to you, i can see whats good and appreciate dammit!

I am thankful for no regrets..One musn't have regrets, because above feeling bad/feeling guilty over something you did, theres always a lesson learned..so i've learned to be thankful for the lesson and not bitter over the process that led to it..you can't afford to beat yourself up!

I am thankful for that Yoga place...now if only i could find the time...

I am thankful for youtube! :D there are youtubers who warm the soul :D

I am thankful for bloggers!..this time specifically for Rita and Aloted, who inspired me to have a God centred blog :D thanks!!

I am thankful for SCL! because Jon brings me back to earth and the fun in God whenever i start going off on a legalism tangent and getting too serious..i believe legalism is when we get caught up in the rules of what should and shouldn't be done...like any deviation, it builds and builds and we demand more and more ridiculous things of ourselves until we completely miss the point and are walking around miserable...a relationship with God, is anything but miserable. I choose to have a chilled out relationship with Him, because that's real to me. No offence to any Catholics or Orthodox people. God is too close to me for me to make Him into an entity that is so distant. Sorry. Not happening.

I am thankful that i am not under any beliefs involving believing in being cursed to the 7th generation..er..read the new testament lately? yea, it's called forgiveness. On the other hand, i do believe that believing in something gives it power in/over your life...i'm free from that because i do not give it energy by believing in it..i guess the people that do believe are subject to the conditions that come with it..ah well

I am thankful for living in the now,and it sill being okay to have wishes for the later...I want someone to press fast forward and then play 6 years from now, give or take..but at the same time, i know that everything has it's reason and you shouldn't throw away the joy of today by being miserable that you don't have tomorrow right now...

I am thankful for music again!!! i absolutely adore Salif Keita and got reunited with the song i've been looking for for 5 years give or take...Yamore with Cesaria Evora...i LOVE that song!! aaaand Youssou N'dour too :P who would have thought, right? anddd i absolutely am in love with Spanish language songs...Malaguena Salerosa and el mariachi much? teehee....it takes very little to warm the soul :

I am thankful for quotes! hi, i'm TIQ, and i'm a quoteaholic..what? what was that? no, no, i do not need help, absolutely not! i'm just here to er..see who else has quotes so that i could er...ah...look, yes, just look...of course i won't commit them to memory! don't be silly! :P

I am thankful for those weird funny moments that only i seem to get...will find the bit from Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables" that had me laughing till i cried today..it was about the Provincial language and how they make everything sound grand :P teehee..speaking of which..it's kinda very coincidental that i had just read the chapter where Fantine sold her gawjuss hair to send money for her daughter, when i watched that bit from Good Hair..double whammy! i believe is the apt expression here

I am thankful for literature...again for words that come together perfectly, lyrically...I am thankful that God made man with the ability to be creative, so see and to seek beauty...

I am thankful for our blog :) i never did have a blog with anybody before :P

I am thankful for us..however defined or undefined that concept is..

I am thankful for the snow outside..it looks so pretty when you're indoors and warm and ish :P

I am thankful for cooperation...i needz to copy some homework meyyn!

I am thankful for hot showers...and the deliciousness when it hits your neck and shoulders just so

I am thankful that..blink and another week is practically over..fly time, fly!!!

I am thankful that i am so thoroughly blessed :)

I am thankful for time spent in the hostel....good times!

I am thankful for an open mind, i am thankful for the plethora of information and influences that surround me that keep me from being ignorant..well, completely ignorant, cuz i have a LOT that i still need to learn..but i'm thankful that i have the chance of keeping an open mind..

I am thankful that God is everywhere and in everything...you cannot escape Him, and yes, i do believe He is beyond any single definition that we attempt to shrink Him into...

I am thankful for Dalai Lama quotes! Such brilliance i haven't come across in a long time. The wisdom packed in every sentence...

I am thankful for this >>>*agonized Obi-Wan Kenobi scream* which i saw as a comment to someones fb status...i laughed my depression away meynnn...did i mention how much i love words?...and quirkiness? *contented sigh*

I am thankful!!!!

:) Have a faaaabulous weeked! and keep reminding yourself that anger is more trouble than it's worth. Don't feed it, learn to take a deep breath and let that moment go...ESPECIALLY where it concerns revisiting old bitterness...do not even go there...Find peace within yourself and be happy..cuz in the big picture, anger looks ridiculous...

For who He is, and that alone.

O Lord,
If tomorrow on Judgment Day
You send me to Hell,
I will tell such a secret
That Hell will race from me
Until it is a thousand years away.

O Lord,
Whatever share of this world
You could give to me,
Give it to Your enemies;
Whatever share of the next world
You want to give to me,
Give it to Your friends.
You are enough for me.

O Lord,
If I worship You
From fear of Hell, burn me in Hell.

O Lord,
If I worship You
From hope of Paradise, bar me from its gates.

But if I worship You for Yourself alone
Then grace me forever the splendor of Your Face.

Rabi´a al-Adawiyya, translation by Andrew Harvey and Eryk Hanut - 'Perfume of the Desert'

I saw this poem today, and my soul did a little dance...for there is no feeling more pleasant than seeing the reflection of your most intimate thoughts...(in poems, in people, in paintings, in songs, in nature or in books or in...the list is endless..)

I have spent so many years walking around with this revelation, this all encompassing knowledge of the fact that this is my stance on the subject, and yet never able to put it into words..so i am Thankful that this stumbled across my path..God pays attention to the details, doesn't he?..It's a Sufi poem...and i am thankful for that too...discovering these Sufi poems have lifted one veil of ignorance and prejudice from my eyes...Sufis rock!..and to think i assumed....nah, it's too shameful to admit how i'd have brushed it off...do some research..shining light on something you were ignorant/prejudiced about before is a very uplifting experience...

And now to the point...it goes roughly like this. I believe in God beyond a doubt. I pray to Him, i speak to Him, He speaks to me and He is very much a part of my life. Not meaning to sound anyhow, i believe i have my own unique relationship with Him, and i..i do not believe in Him with any motives or agenda whatsoever. I type a Thankful Thursday every week, not because i had plans to get all that i got, but because i am thankful for getting what i do not deserve or expect. That does sound a bit confusing, seeing how i pray for my friends and family and myself and do get round to asking for things..but that, as i hope is understood, is different. Theres a difference in asking being the defining point of the relationship, and asking as part of a much bigger part of the relationship, and not the basis of it...er..hope that makes sense? I also do not believe or worship Him because i fear eternal damnation. True words. Thats me. If "the world ends tomorrow" and come Judgement time, my lot is hell? i'll accept it with a shrug, i must have gone wrong somewhere. If heaven is my lot, then i'd honestly be pleasantly surprised, because i know that i cannot possibly have fulfilled all the conditions..but thats where the theory of grace comes in, doesn't it? That, however, is a whole other discussion.

What i'm saying is this : I Believe in Him, one day at a time. I thank and Praise Him, because of who He is. I will not stop because i didn't get a great big bright pink elephant today, and i will not stop because i won the lottery. All of those are add ons, not the real deal. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added on to you. It doesn't say seek ye first the Kingdom of God SO THAT you can GET STUFF...the point is your relationship with God, and just like any relationship, it gets shallow once it gets materialistic.

And this, this is what i believe faith should be based on. If we can demand it of our fellow man, why can't God demand it of us? That we love Him for who He is, and not the stuff He can get us. So, strip me of everything, and i'll keep on believing in Him and loving Him and Thanking Him..because even if i have nothing, i have Life..and that is already more than some have, and even when life is taken from me? I'll be thankful that i get to see whats beyond..."In death, all Life's questions are answered"...nothing will break me, nothing will stop me, nothing will rain on my parade,and nothing will take away my optimism and faith.Nothing. The fact that i am, is more than enough proof that He is.

But if I worship You for Yourself alone
Then grace me forever the splendor of Your Face.

And this is all i pray....and again, this Rabi chick :P speaks my mind.. even if i am left completely alone...I will always have Him..and that is more than enough.

1. Brothers, my peace is in my aloneness.

My Beloved is alone with me there, always.
I have found nothing in all the worlds
That could match His love,
This love that harrows the sands of my desert.
If I come to die of desire
And my Beloved is still not satisfied,
I would live in eternal despair.

To abandon all that He has fashioned
And hold in the palm of my hand
Certain proof that He loves me---
That is the name and the goal of my search.

Rabi´a al-Adawiyya, translation by Andrew Harvey and Eryk Hanut - 'Perfume of the Desert'

Phew...that make any sense? I sincerely hope it did..

Thankful Thursday: Speaking of Love...

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul. -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen

Disclaimer!!! all views presented beyond this point reflect one side of the many interpretations of the very vast understanding of "Love" i have...so it's by no means er..the summary of my opinion...now..

I'd say that most of all, Love is..giving a sh...ahem, Love is caring. It's that situation you find yourself in where you genuinely care about the wellbeing and happiness of another person. You want them to be well and healthy and happy and will do whatever is in your power to bring them this happiness...It's not about grand gestures and the purchase of gold plated Submarines, for instance...(This variety, i'll have to point out tends to feel like a slap to the face for me...like, heeeey, i really didn't and don't have time to think about what it is that you like, what would be special to you, but here, this seems shiny and expensive enough...no? That is cold...impersonal...not my idea of the point i'm trying to make)..It's the subconscious thing that goes on when you see, say...a stuffed toy and think of the smile it will put on your little sisters face, or going into advanced recipe research because you know such and such is his favourite food...lol will not even attempt to go into confession on that one....long story short, it's the itsy bitsy things that creep up on you and you realize...hey...i care. I care that they are okay, i care that they are not stressing out...teh..i've gone off on a rant...

Funny how i'm typing this in reverse..originally i started this in my journal working from consciousness/awareness and how that puts Love firmly on the list of Good Things...because see when you love/are in love? it sharpens your senses, it makes you aware of not just you and your feelings, but it makes you sensitive to another persons' and that is....that is quite the eye opening experience...to care about another person...ironic how it makes you grow...sebi they say the same about giving...when you give, you get given a whole lot more in return...dunno if i'm making sense anymore...

In summary though, at this point, the picture in my head looks somehow like so...Love=Very good thing, because it facilitates a heightened awareness and sensitivity and that=growth of you as an individual and basicallllllly...it's just bags of rewards for everyone involved...good cycle! :P...Loving someone deeply gives you strength; while being deeply loved gives you courage. -- Lao Tzu

And so...

I am thankful for Love!!!! for the above mentioned reasons, naturally, and for so many more...for His love, for the love of friends and family....it's amazing how the positive energy it creates keeps you going..

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart...Elizabeth Foley<<<>

I am thankful for God...I am thankful that i was able to be in a time and place where it was possible for me to know Him like i do...i am thankful that i didn't get trapped in a dogma world, but i am able to have a relationship with Him that i understand and am comfortable with....

I am thankful for His word...Psalms, Proverbs and dear ol James...gratitude, wisdom, and how to live...lol i do realize that the rest of it is important too, silly...but Chronicles, Lamentations and Job dey tire person..the thing is called Lamentations for crying out loud!!! :P

I am thankful for him...for the friendship we have going...it's the strangest thing, and sometimes i have to give myself a "no, you're not hallucinating" speech lol...i'm soooooo Thankful!!!

I am thankful for Prayer...what happens when you pray, meditate, focus on the conversation with Him, and with yourself...mindblowing things are liable to happening :P

I am thankful for Joss Stone...grrr! i wuv her voice!

I am thankful for that incredibly nice young man at the shoe store...one gets so used to snooty people that you learn to be apprehensive and on your guard...it's pleasant for things to be pleasant :D not to mention all the conspiratory discounts he pulled out of thin air....God should bless him and his lucky wife jor :P

I am thankful for shoes!!! aaaarrrrghhhhhh!! drool much? there is an indescribable happiness that the perfect heel can bring...blanked out all excuses and got some insane (ish? :P) heels...mmmm it's going to be a sexay summer :D

I am thankful for foood! grrrrrr...eat, drink, and be merry...uh HUH..cuz at the end of the day..it's all about food, admit it dammit! cooking it, ogling it, and then...*sigh* food is good :P

I am thankful for food blogs..such talent! such inspiration!...and the fact that food bloggers are the sweetest type of us out there...people that like food cannot be bad people. fact.

I am thankful for kindness.

I am thankful for being able to help when and with what i can...

I am thankful that people are all so different..imagine how utterly boring it would be if it was otherwise...I am thankful for people, individuals..getting to know them, getting to know all about them :P *The King and I, in case any one was wondering :P each person with their unique story, the little things that make them them....lovely!

I am thankful for old movies ^_^

I am thankful for when scenes and dialogues from movies, or lyrics from a song fit just perfect into your conversation or thought...:D cuz i'm cheesy like that

I am thankful for quotes! i think i might have discovered my elusive hobby...quote collecting! and i use them quite liberally too! not my fault that they are so spot on sometimes!!!

I am thankful for the way God sees me through what i fear to be overwhelming situations...i'm a tad paranoid sometimes, but i've learned to not panic and be comforted by the knowledge that He won't leave me hanging...and He hasn't...He has seen me through this week meyn! and the week before, and the month before, and every hour of everyday..i'm just megablessed meyn :D

I am thankful for His comfort...

I am thankful for His encouragement, which is often not so subtle..my bible always randomly opens to some super uplifting verse :D

I am thankful for my mother...she is totally my best friend, and my most favourite person in the whole wide world...like she says, how many friends can love you as genuinely as i do? and thats sooo true...she's the best! She's my first blessing in life...i am thankful for who she is, i am thanful for how she raised me, i am thankful for how she's so much cooler than me :P ..it's like i'm a gumpy old woman and she's the hippie-lets-have-fun-dammit person :D we go together like nutella and crepes! ha!

I am thankful for memories.....a memory, a melody, or just one vision..lately, i've been having a lot of those...they feel like little hugs..the flashbacks and the way memories of us pop up and leave me grinning...and feeling kinda empty and hollow and wanting to cry at the same time...*sigh* memories are good..they keep you going...

I am thankful for my daddy :D

I am thankful for my incredibly sweet sisters...the love they have for me humbles me...and they are soooooo smart, and and talented and and..i'm so proud of my babies! :D

I am thankful for my acquired family..hehe, i have so many brothers and sisters and inlaws and husbands and misters and wifes sef...i am thankful that i know people crazy enough to play along

I am thankful for our craZiness....seriously...you should hear our conversations ^_^..utterly delightful!

I am thankful for the way he inspires me...lol...i dunno what it is, but i go off on quite a bit of much appreciated thought tangents talking to him...or because of him or...arggh you grab jor! :P

I am thankful...that i got to at least see my grandmas cousin in my lifetime, and not just hear stories after he passed...R.I.P

I am thankful that my relationship with my grandma has improved sooooo much!!!, i am thankful for how much she loves me and cares about me and fusses over me...my prayer is that i appreciate her fully and never ever hurt her with insensitivity...okay...she's here now and seems to be going out of her way to press my buttons...Strength lord, strength!!!! ARGH! how can i not be sarcastic when she's begging for it? *breathe, breathe...she means well, she means well*..

I am thankful for my grandpas jokes!!! he is cool peoplez!

I am thankful that...that i threw away my super slims today...shouldn't have started in the first place...but...but.....it does require a bit of willpower to just chuck 'em, you know?

I am thankful that i got to see Ivi today...:( she moved Cities! and and...and i missed her silly

I am thankful for the tonZ of inside jokes we seem to generate as we go...

I am thankful for my bedsheets...no really...they are a shade of blue i'm not quite used to, with giant daisies...i look forward to going to bed ^_^

I am thankful for and yummy smelling body product ever made, and am extra thankful for the babies i have in my posession :D

I am thankful for writing....was reading my journal the other day and thinking...WHO wrote that?? it's really important to write...you figure out so much...*makes mental note to write more often

I am thankful for Ballet!...i already missed out on Don Quixote for this month...ah well...theres always next month..

I am thankful for the way He ALWAYS has a plan...a good one..so i don't even stress anymore and just let him guide me...didn't get on the bus? no problz...theres a reason why...no, no, i'm not a crazed fatalist..just happen to have a lot of Faith in God...

I am thankful for this week!...ahem, and even more for the fact that it's almost over...YAY!!! :D time be going by so quick..blink...and it's Summer!

I am thankful that my prayers get answered...sooner, later, but they do get answered...like how i always really liked travelling...and now i have so many options of what to do this summer that i'm really quite confused and absolutely lacking in time...three months is NOT enough time to contain His answers!!! :P

I am thankful for when He corrects my mistakes and saves me from dealing with the results of my foolishness...for this i can be only thankful

I am thankful for how He saves me from the wrong path each and every time....He pulls me out just in time, and reminds me that His plans for me a worth more than a few foolish decisions...like the Jacob and Esau reference that randomly opened one day..do not sell your birthright for a moments worth of pleasure....all too easy a trap to fall into.word. Asking yourself, "is this worth loosing out in the bigger picture?" and putting it up out there like that tends to help put things in perspective..

I'm thankful for this thing He's teaching me about replacing negativity with prayer...say you know some truly horrible person and could write a three volume encyclopedia on their faults...but pointing out the obvious does absolutely nothing except poison your mind and put your er...good deeds? account in the red....so next time you want to pass some righteous judgment, swallow your words and say a prayer addressing that problem instead for the person...sometimes, it's very difficult...but i'm trying Lord, i'm trying!!! :P

Have i mentioned how thankful i am that He quite often will physically uproot me from a bad situation? and will keep dragging me away until i see for myself why i don't need to be where i'm at....

I am thankful for His patience...

I am thankful for His persistence

I am thankful for the oranges and purples and golds and pinks and yellows of sunsets....omdaze i love sunsets!!! 5pm in PH always felt like a hug at my endz :)

I am thankful that i have more than one place to call home

I am thankful for languages....

I am thankful for jokes

I am thankful for laughs

I am thankful for watching movies online! ha!

I am thankful for getting homework done even if i, at some point think that they will be the death of me

I am thankful for hot showers

I am thankful for books!!!!

I am thankful for yet another day here...living, breathing, loving, seeing, feeling, smiling, crying....for being alive!!!

I am thankful, really truly thankful that i care about you, S....lol because when i think of it...i don't think i've ever really met Z...

I am thankfulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!

Have a great er...weekend/next week....will attempt to do a non TT post within the week though.

Stay blessed, and embrace the love!!!