Thankful Thursday: Third times a charm...

I almost forgot today was Thursday. That is a result of several factors, including tiredness, and the fact that it's been a strange, irregular week..or so it seems..

However! i am not ruling out that i'm, well...in a different place than i was last week. I'm slippin, i'm sliding, i'm falling, i'm questioning. I've tried the "pretend it's all okay until you convince yourself it's okay route"..and it's not working. It just gets worse and worse and more depressing.

Fret not though, He is poining me in new directions, on a path to answers to the questions that plague me. I started writing... I got a notebook, and i write. I just write. Everything. No political correctness or ceremony or protocol. I have a question or a doubt? i write. I ask. I complain. I cry, i am sarcastic, i am brutally honest, i cut the bullshit. And i will write until i get answers.

In its own way, it's working for me. The more i write, the more answers i get, the more i'm comforted in some ways...and unsettled in some. It may be unconventional, but it's what's working for me now. I am really upset about the fact that i'm not zealous as i was a week ago. That upsets me. But the fact is i DO believe in God. It's other things that need ironing out...

There is so much contradiction, so many Why's, it drives me crazy. It has made me wish i was very brainwashable, so i can just skip this and accept every single thing i hear and read, no matter how glaringly dubious it looks. I mean, really? in the same place, i see black and white. But we only listen to white, because black no longer suits the way we think it ought to be, so you know, just ignore it...

Whatever, i did not plan to make this into a theology post. It is a personal thing that i need to sort out.

However, i am Thankful for:

Life

Family

Love

The fact that even through all this confusion, He still somehow finds an alternative path for me.

I am thankful for the fact that i still really am blessed

I am thankful that i can cry my pain away (no really!it's so convinient, what a good cry can do)

I am thankful that i can write my confusion away

I am thankful that i can reason

The guilt is killing me by the way, and i don't even know if i ought to be feeling this way. I wish there was a clear directive, and not so many interpretations and conditions for things to be a certain way.

This post seems shorter than the others. That does not mean i am less thankful...

I am thankful for Protection. I haven't had any run-ins with any funny skinhead characters, for instance

I am thankful for the kindness and positive vibes i am constantly surrounded with

I am thankful for the little anger management that i've been practicing...lol...really, some people seem to go out of their way to tick me off!

I am thankful for rainfall

I am thankful for humour!

I am thankful for nature

I am thankful for Christians (and Jews and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists too...i cannot fathom that God discriminates..i cannot wrap my head around that sort of pettiness)..but i mentioned Christians specifically because of the really nice blogs i've been reading recently..very encouraging...ahem, except this one crazy fellow...I pray for him now.

I am thankful for forgiveness and new beginnings...i can never mention this too much. In fact, mentioning this is mandatory!

I am thankful in advance, that at some point in the (near) future, i will see the light at the end of the tunnel and "i'll run into His arms and the tears will come down and i'll pray: i want to fall in love with You" (LOL..Jars of Clay, Love song for a Saviour, slightly modified), because, right about now, i fluctuate between mumbling Seal's "I have lost my Faith" and begging for forgiveness for saying it. Note though, Lost my Faith in...Religion(hey, i'm just being really honest here). My faith in God is unshakable. It takes a special kind of arrogant, ignorant and very much intellectually myopic person to declare that there is no God. Oh? yea? so like, you can exist, but theres no way God can. Mhhm, sure. Pinch yourself and look around, and think again if there is no God..Humph!

Lol..little post turned into big post. This might seem like soliciting, but please, somebody, anybody, pray for me. I heard that kind of prayer has more power :P and i need it bad! i need my faith back, i want to go back to when believing came easy and didn't make me think to myself..Dogma! Dogma!(once again, being honest)...

Maybe one day..one day i will let loose those writings here...but until then...be thankful!

Be good!

Thankful Thursday : second time around

It's Thursday again...week went by so fast!!

Long story Short, i am really thankful that:

I am still on this path. It's the longest i've stayed on without scoin scoin or giving in to my major weaknesses. I am so thankful, because i know enough to know that it is not my doing. I've been praying like!..oh which reminds me..

Once again i am thankful for prayer! I don't know any other thing that would have kept me sane this past week. I've been praying over everything and anything..and i haven't been let down...which moves us to the next point..

I am thankful for His comfort, reassurance and guidance..i had moments when i was in despair, i felt like all i was doing was a waste of time and God wasn't even bothering, or noticing the effort i was making...i dunno sha, but i really prayed bout it, and He kept me from doing something foolish like giving up and returning to the nonchalant way i lapsed into for some time...

I am thankful for answered prayers! I had a hell of a temper, used to get irritated real quick..prayed over that and i noticed that i just chant some gospel song, or analyze the situation and see the sillyness in getting angry over it, as opposed to just reacting negetively..cuz Lord knows my tongue is quick!.Anger and irritation are just bad mehn...bad for you most of all. all that negetive energy kills you!

I am thankful for positive emotions in place of negetive ones...i used to get soooo mad at my classmates for a host of (valid! :P) reasons..but i also see that i can choose what i concentrate on, and concentrating on the negetive isn't to anyones benefit, being irritated at them wasn't helping me at all...but then i gave them a chance..prayed everytime something they did annoyed me instead of cussin them out...and it led to...

I am thankful for bonding with my classmates...(i take style wan vex for them today o..cuz what they did is NOT cool...)..on Sunday, which was Orthodox easter here, i woke up to a text wishing me happy easter..From my Muslim classmate who i never really talked to much..but we gisted the day before though, because i chose to give him a chance and not be thinkin about all the millions of ways in which he rubs me the wrong way(he's the one i wanted to decapitate at some point, if you read my other blog)...The text message really touched me shaa

I am thankful for my family again...i am truly blessed to have them...

I am thankful for my littlest sister...her nickname of "Angel" is not a coincidence.

I am thanful for Forgiveness again..it makes the world go round!

I am thankful for the Praise and Worship station on Yahoo launchcast radio..

I am thankful for being Nigerian!!!!! :P

I am thankful for inspiration all around me..

I am thankful for life...

I am thankful for prayers unanswered...and this is not in any sort of cynical or patronizing way...those prayers being answered would have been punishment, and i am thankful to God for deciding to ignore my foolishness, instead of allowing me learn my lesson the hard way by making me go through the aftermath of the answer to the prayer...

I am thankful again, that i am still with this!

I am thankful for the time i told someone i have "history" with that i am born again...see, even now it's hard to type out..i don't know why i still find it hard to say it...it's like...i fear the expectation that comes with it, i'm scared that i may not live up to it...but then again i know that the biggest responsibility on my part is to make a choice, a decision, a step in the right direction, and God will show me through...i know this because...

I am thankful for all the things i've gone through in the past month that two months ago i was convinced i would never be able to do, and then God led me through, and now i look back and realize i was scared of harmless illusions...i broke up with someone who i thought i could never bring myself to end things with, i apologised to my friend whom i thought i would never speak to again...but the fact is..i did these things, and they are no longer issues..and i am thankful for that!!

Whats amazing at this point is that when i started typing, i didn't have anything planned out; i thought i'd come in and type out standard things people are thankful for..and then comes this...it's things like this that make me realize that the most important thing is starting something, and not sitting on your behind and thinking of all the things that stand in the way of success...just start, and God will see you through, but by all means commit yourself to the task!

Take care now!!! hugs!

Thankful Thursday : First take

I have managed to blow lie o! lol...but it's a true lie..see, it's my first take on it on blogger..i do have a Thankful Thursday episode in one notebook like that...:P ..theres something catchy about rhymes, no? like i "borrowed" my "Fasting Fridays" from one blogger...can't remember who...N.I.M.M.O maybe...

I Am Thankful:

For Life...i was given it, i still have it, and it's a blessed one!

For Love...i have so much love in my life i'm overwhelmed, and i am not exaggerating. Most of all is God's love for me..and then...

For Family...I was BLESSED to be born into my family..these kinds of things are not coincidence..i love my family

For friends...i have truly truly wonderful friends, who are completely ride or die..and i know enough to realize that maybe that isn't so common, and thus i am blessed to have them...

For laughter....what would i do without it?

For Salvation....i don't deserve it..not one bit..haven't earned, and never will be able to earn it...

For Prayer....which i firmly believe is the second most bestest thing after Salvation...Prayer is the best thing to exist!

*For Forgiveness....both from God and from man...forgiveness makes the world go round!

For health...and the fact that i am blessed enough not to have any funky "conditions"..or downright mean allergies....how can i be expected to stay away from chocolate, for instance?

For Kindness...i know i'm not alone when i say that a kind word has turned my day around..

For God's patiece with me....no explanation necessary!

For common sense

For beauty..chai, not only my own oooo! before pesin chop me :D..for the beauty in the world

For Sunshine and Rain and Wind and Snow

For Rita and Aloted and their support, and their inspired posts ..and JayCee too...who might have no idea the role models they are to me..

For music

For His Word

For His care

For His guidance

For Literature

For Literacy

For Emotions...that make us human, and add so much to life

For the little things

For Today.


I Am Thankful!

* Remember my friend i had that oh so dramatic beef with? i called her and apologised...a year too late..but apologised all the same..He told me to..He helped me to..i thought i couldn't do it, but apparently that fear was some jacked up illusion...and..wow..that's all i can say..because for so long i told myself i was okay with the way things were..but i know that was a lie..but now things are okay so yay! i have my friend back!!!! i missed her meynnnnnnn :P..oh, and she forgave me too...

Христос Воскрес!

The title translates as "Christ is Risen"..and you're supposed to reply "Войстинну Воскрес"...which translates as "truly, He is risen"...pronounciation wise, it would go- Khristos Voskres!- Voistinnu Voskres...

LOL thats it for the lesson in Russian...

But for real though..He truly is risen and alive in all who accept Him and believe. His love is limitless and undescribable, He gave up His life so that we may live. If that ain't love then i don't know what love is!!!

Recently, i came to the decision to honour His sacrifice...as per, consciously...everytime i blatantly went against His word, i disrespected His sacrifice, i took it for granted...and i am not going to do that anymore as far as is within my power.

Have a very blessed Easter, and don't forget the significance of it, That He loved you so much He died for you so your sins may be forgiven...and none of it is because you somehow earned it..It's pure grace....

Happy Easter!!!...Christ is Risen and alive in all those who believe..