Thankful Thursday: Make like Mollusk

....And protect your delicate mushy insides. If they are going to be poked and prodded and all round hurt...you have a shell..clamp that down and make a pearl until the time comes where you give it to a pretty little girl with bows in her hair who will go...wow that's beautiful!

I don't talk fast, it's just hard for people to play catchup...it takes years and patience to become attuned to me if it doesn't happen as kismet...but when it does happen..it's fun all around...in an attempt to characterise it...i am a champion Scattergories player...i have word associations and if you don't know how to listen..blink and it's gone...all the subtlety is in the subtext, satire..see why i wuv Oscar and Bill S?...then again, understanding is by no means mandatory, but oh boy is it fun when i don't have to waste precious time explaining the complexity....ah well

I wasn't going to write a TT..needed to have a shift in attitude towards writing how i say, what i say..lol or maybe i just need to STFU for a while..i chatter too much as it seems...

However! i had a superduperawesome day today and i just needed to acknowledge and point out that i am thankful for it...

I am thankful for that lecturer ooo! lol i could go on and on...he is a superhero...when he is not breaking our Wills into a thousand tiny pieces...even if you want to die in the process, he will make SURE that you die with a backbone.... He cares yo! and for that, he has more than our respect...

I am thankful for my Family....My mommmyyy is my rock, the girls....on that whole getting me thing....i have trained them well....we just have so.much.fun because there's no need to stop and explain...okay except when they have to explain to my ancient self :P They are soo intelligent and wise...especially my sage-like Angel :P

I am thankful....for sammiches..don't ask

I am thankful for friends...

I am thankful for variety

I am thankful for Him

I am thankful for what He knows He's doing right now....heaven knows i need Him to physically intervene...and he's doing that beautifully

I am thankful for peace of mind...me, backpack and all, are heading towards it..it's hard, i won't lie...me i'm like a firecracker and keeping a temper inside feels a whole lot like your insides are burning...i am not a surpressing sort of person...but we all have the ability to change things so...LGT

I am thankful for sparkly water

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for that stranger who made my week on Tuesday...people don't *have*to go out of their ways to be nice to anybody...but when they do....damn near breaks your heart...so make an effort to be nice, do something, say something...you have no idea the effect that will have on a person...

I am Thankful for sleep

I am thankful for yoochoob

I am thankful that i am ME.

I am thankful that i have friends who are just perfect, and i won't trade...

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for sugar and spice and everything nice

I am thankful for communication...even when i wave my hands around and i am smiled at amusedly..important part is that i was got and evaluated fairly :P

I am thankful....

Thankful Thursday: The Wheels of the Bus go Round and Round

And i'm a little bit of grit on the wheel that has spun me underneath itself...

Q:How loud do you have to scream for what you're not saying to be heard?

A:Loud enough so you're hoarse, or not at all..

Heyyy...So not hyper today..maybe i'm just too tired to break out the pompoms, because i know i ought to be proactive about my happiness...What i'm doing instead is being a little Eyore and adopting Charlie Brown's depressed stance..you know you have to stand a certain way to be unhappy or it won't work at all :P

More than anything it's this emptiness that's screaming at me that there's something i need to do, but i try harder to shut it up than to listen...again, not right...

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful that the sun shows itself a lot more these days

I am thankful for Uni..it does have its highlights

I am thankful for music...it makes me happy while the song lasts..

I am thankful for my momma...she's the best...she's perfect the way she is..i am thankful that He gave her to me..

I am thankful for my sisters...Angel makes me proud with each story i hear

I am thankful for my "adopted" fam :P

I am thankful for my godmother

I am thankful for literature

I am thankful for sleep

I am thankful for water

I am thankful for blogger

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for numbness...it's being a turtle, but it's sooooo much better than being sad..

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for smiles

I am thankful for my hedgehogs :P don't judge!

I am thankful for thoughtfulness...V brightened my week with her love...and she didn't have to

I am thankful for people being psychic :P

I am thankful for my very psychic friends...i dunno how i would have gone through some moments without their oblivious kindness

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that Spring is almost here

I am thankful...

Thankful Thursday: Subtle things

I was going to type "Subtlety" but i don't have spellcheck and i am too lazy to check it...and so i decided to leave it...see, i was going to type "forego"..but again..spellecheck...So all this shall be taken in stride :P

Yesterday, i had a panic moment where i compared myself to people i think are successful and thought..oh wow...i'm not doing that! i am SUCH a looser...and had my i-feel-like-a-looser 5 minutes. Then, out of bitterness (wrong, i know) i grudgingly gave in to the push to just pray...two words into the prayer and a very calming answer hit me...will you RELAX? That is not your story. That is not for you. Everybody cannot become The Sartorialist or Philip Pullman, you know? That is their role to play, and you do not, as a person, suck because you are not being successful at what they do.

We all have our scripts planned out, our strengths and weaknesses that are unique to us (well at least in that combination and under that star sign and gender and geographical location and height and hair length and interests and such forth...) and if anything...our job is to identify them, and work WITH them, not be resentful of them. This does not mean you cannot learn from, or be appreciative of other people's gifts...it's a big happy talent party! Do you...I know the theme has practically been raped...but be an individual, that's all you were made to be. Be you, and unapologetically so...

It's interesting how what i just typed is kinda roughly what i had in mind already, and wasn't sure i wanted to go with it...but at the end of the last paragraph, i saw just how it relates directly to the thought that inspired this title. I was watching Desperate Housewives just now, and was taken with Eva Longoria's fingers (oooh do i have a foot and hand fetish...hush)..It wasn't in any perverted sort of way, however..It was the fact that..it's fingers, for crying out loud..everybody has them...and yet you'll be stumped to find a pair of hands exactly the same..the nail bed is different, the fingers are longer, shorter, bonier, chubby, big, small...you see? Then i realized i've been fascinated with faces pretty much the same way since i was small and used to "draw" and never be able to get the same face twice, or how on The Sims, you could make so many tiny modifications that completely change a face..eyebrow hight, length, thickness, eyelids lips, jaw...

My point, then, is this: There are so many subtle things that make each person in a way that's not repeatable. The way you are born aside, every conversation, every walk, every bus ride...people meet different people and have completely different conversations, different experiences...this is another moment that calmed me down...Do i not trust Him? What am i panicking for? He has charted everthing in my life just so, that nothing is wasted...every experience goes into storage and waits for when it meets another moment and is used (okaaay cheeesy!) But it's true...It's like..Q and A (or Slumdog Millionaire for you strange movie obsessed people)..It looks a lot like coincidence...but everything that you go through WILL be put to good use at some point...skills learned, pains experienced, even if they scarred you bad...You just might be in a position to understand somebody else that needs you more than you ever will know...

So it doesn't matter if your role is in the spotlight, or goes unobserved...it is equally important. It is to us that glitz is THE objective...i believe that to God...lives and people are important. Be That Kenyan Boy, or be the janitor that listens to the stressed out CEO when he needs it...If you are able to touch a life and be there, directly, indirectly (God bless Avenged Sevenfold. Amen.) Then you, my dear, are a Star.

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful for His work in mine

I am thankful for the Internet

I am thankful for NaijaFineBoy and for Chammie for getting me on Blogger, i am thankful for everyone who's kept me here...I love each and every one of you..even if i need to get round and comment and SHOW it....#ListOfThingsToDo

I am thankful for my Family. They are my rock.

I am thankful for my Friends...had a weird couple of days last week...they listened, they were patient, they made me laugh, and they ignored my pouting, and they also sent me links at the right times and didn't even know...I am thankful for my guardian angels!

I am thankful for happiness, for Joy

I am thankful for Lisovoii...lolz..i wasn't going to type it, but then it hit me that it rhymed...He's an amazing teacher, and he doesn't "have" to do what he does, going the extra mile to raise us like his children/siblings whatever works for our age correlations...

I am thankful for communication...i am weird and awkward at it (best believe..pay no mind to the epistles i type..once it goes personal i loose my voice) but one strangled word after the other, one disjointed sentence after the other, i manage to choke it out...but that's not even the good part...I am thankful that all that madness is understood...that is communication

I am thankful for S...reallytruly thankful. Every day.

I am thankful for Love..sometimes i love it, some days, i cannot understand what is good about it (again, cynicism :P)...but honestly and without tantrums? Love is an amazing, powerful force. Embrace it.

I am thankful for that A today..how could i forget...the nerves i left in that classroom!

I am thankful for Uni...and how it generally goes super for me :P i am blessed

I am thankful that i am so blessed

I am thankful for yesterday's SCL post about the prodigal son...God did not love him more when he returned... He loved him all along..the thick skull only got to see it again when he came back...gotta keep that in mind, but NEVER EVER forget that He loves you no matter what..whether you think you deserve it or not...Relient K said...the beauty of Grace is that i makes life not fair...because when you analyse it with our understanding..there is nothing to be loved for..

I am thankful for me. issues and all...

I am thankful that He doesn't leave me...this is proved to me everytime i feel useless and i force myself to type something and all of a sudden i cannot shut up, when i thought i had NO inspiration whatsoever...i believe that the times where i do have weird short posts..i must have put a loooot of effort into restraining myself...

I am thankful for every new day

I am thankful that there is SO much to learn...so much

I am thankful for everytime He shifts my paradigm...we get so caught up in our boxes of "how to be" and not questioning that we forget that there are other options...funny story i saw on MLIA...little girl made all the minuses on her math test into plusses...Chick was NOT in the mood for subtraction that day, and she added instead...and you know what? i agree with her.. We stop ourselves from seeing options...I mean..sheep are needed...but it's her that will find her way over, around or through, but by God will she get past that mountain..that's all i'm saying

I am thankful for MLIA....best positivity boost ever!

I am thankful for this week...it is/went by as quick as i prayed

I am thankful for my Godmother and the time we spend together

I am thankful for S. He is a blessing to me. Ups and downs and life in general tend to make us loose sight of just how awesome people are, we get "used" to them and their awesomeness and start slacking in consciously stepping aside to appreciate them every day.. but my days is he a wonderful person..even if he doesn't like pickles or mustard *roll eyes dramatically* I love you baby!

I am thankful for fooood :D yummy yummy happiness bringer

I am thankful for music

I am thankful that February means we're that much closer to warmth..Hello Mr. Golden Sun? i MISS you!!!!!!!!!

I am thankful for BBM! you kiddin me?!

I am thankful for that little doggie that came out of nowhere on a morning when i was well on my way to being miserable the whole day...he melted my soul...gotta be like him...no frontin...he walked up to me and smothered me with his innocent puppy luff (do NOT say he was just hungry...it was a moment jor!)

I am thankful that i have so much to be thankful for....Thinking about everything, and how some people have it..i have no right to make any complaints whatsoever...but it would be biased to say that, because if i am not to be looking at the "happy" people's life path, i shouldn't be comparing here either...So i'll make notes, but ultimately...that is not your life...face your own. Abi you don solve am finish?

I am thankful for my wonderful sisters..they could go under family...but them little babies have grown into fascinating, intelligent beautiful girls that i can *gasp* talk to!

I am thankful!!!

Thankful Thursday: I believe in Miracles....you sexy thing...

Hmm jumble post. Fragments of things. Prayer, Miracles and the fact that you cannot pretend or ignore most things away....lol...listing them out was mostly for my benefit, before my mosquito attention span works its wonder...We shall start from the last..

It's nothing i can go into detail about, but it's worth mentioning because i found myself crying my eyes out yesterday over what i have not known was an issue for most of my life. I have pretended, or convinced myself it was okay, even told myself of the positive that came of it...and then yesterday..i realized i had a lot of hurt and regrets i couldn't explain away, had no start point to pin them to, no box, so they just hung around..crushing and unsolvable..i shouldn't even use the past tense..they are still there...However, they say admitting is the first step, acknowledging the existence of this problem IS a big deal...So i guess i'm thankful for it...the lesson out of it is that no matter how long you pretend, lie to yourself, even manage to believe in the pretence..that's like a bandage on a wound that needs stitches..but then again...there is a time for everything..maybe delusion was necessary all the while it lasted...sooner or later though, we have to confront things, because they don't go anywhere, they only play catch up..so the sooner, the better...

Prayer and Miracles i could lump as one, seeing as my prayers always lead to miracles...Now you know that miracles to me don't mean snow in the Kalahari. Miracles are in everything i see God's work in..be it tiny, or huge jaw droppingly OMG inspiring..I have a soft spot for the little things..because then i feel God right there with me in the most mundane of things. Prayer, cannot be overhyped. I know i'm acting like i just discovered that things grow out of the ground and feel the need to spread the wonderful news to everyone, but after forgetting for so long...yea....Prayer!!! seriously!..i'm still learning even..but i will say that it's most definitely rewarding. You should try it, genuinely and honestly, before knocking it, because when you do, and pay attention to the fact that God DOES respond...it's surreal...like you can see results..and all you can be is awestruck...A recent example of my awestruckness is the fact that last night, i was in some weird melancholy mood when i got into bed..mumbling a prayer, i prayed to learn to pray again, and even more than that, to listen...So i'm lying there, already drifting to la la land and flipping through memories of things, when Quacky comes into my mind full force...I went through how we met first day in ss1, our jokes, our adventures, how totally awesome and selfless and beautiful this person is and it seriously overwhelmed me how much i love my friend. Then i felt...omg i must tell her! i must! it was late so i was thinking it will be an offline sort of thing...and i typed it out...and she wasn't sleeping..and well, it will suffice to say that we had a very emotional before bed conversation...Quacky ROCKS!! and i feel so blessed to have her in my lifem ss1 was worth it, everything we've been through is worth it...Anywho :'( lol...turns out she was also in a weird sort of mood and had needed cheering up...it's just amazing how with that, we were there for each other when we needed it..and didn't even know or nothing...for me, that is a miracle. And as we concured, God is one awesome Somborry!

Sooo that's this Thursday... Life seems to be a series of situations thrown at you, Up ones and Down ones, and it's up to us to choose if we ride the wave as is, or we skip form Up to Up as much as we can..because we do have a choice...and lately i realize i've been struggling very hard to Un-know this. Yes, it's shameful...i find myself trying (knowing full well the truth) to hang on to some to the left upsetting emotions and paranoia because they fuel self pity and anger and resentment which i totally need to be rebellious and angry and sharp tongued...and i realize the ridiculousness of it...and for some reason it seems more tempting to be angry and upset than to let go and ignore paranoia and be bloody happy...but nooo..misery and negativity is all shimmery there and for heaven knows what reason, it's more satisfying to curse than it is to ignore and move on...Seriously..isn't that quite the illusion? How, on the most left/right, black/white level, is one better than the other?

Choosing the right (happier :) ) way seems like, and IS the sensible way to go...but what makes it more tempting then, to give into tantrum throwing and sulking? So many questions...Ah yes...i was making the point about the fact that it IS a choice..one that when it comes down to it, we are just too lazy to make...for reasons that are yet to be coherently revealed to me..but again..baby steps...for now, it's Natalie Grant's "I will not be Moved" that's my inspiration..beautiful lyrics, and soooooo perfect for this moment in my life. She goes : i will stumble, i will fall down, but i will not be moved, i will make mistakes, i will face heartache, but i will not be moved...and such forth..in fact...the first verse is the story of my life...but i'm discovering Him again, and if i have any sense, i will hang on..restore the va va voom to this relationship!!!! now for the verse..

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

...As i said...story of my life...

I am thankful for this post...honestly i was reluctant to type it cuz i thought...eh, i don't know what to write jor, i was freshly (with a lot of personal encouragement) upset, and unwilling to be positive about anything..all cynical and..yea...i'm working on this...i got to typing didn't i? it's a lesson in trust again..just the other day i was looking for the verse that says about (to Paul and Peter i think..no not the Okoyes :P ) not being anxious or worried about what to preach beforehand, because when the time comes, He will give you what to say...what can i say..i rest my case...and i do trust Him.

I am thankful for my family...God stuck me with the perfect bunch of people who have no choice but to love me and i them...

I am thankful for my relationship with S...in line with everything being interconnected...i have learned, and am learning so much from it each day...

I am thankful for S, who he is and for his support :P me 1: nico 0..booya!

I am thankful for jokes

I am thankful that even if this might technically be wrong...hurling something across a room does wonders for your mood...

I am thankful for my friends...again..Angels that God puts in your life. Angels! like, the way i love them...ya dunno meynn :P

I am thankful for the internet...and all the info it puts you in touch with...ahem...yes, watching The real Housewives of Beverly Hills is informative! and i'm ENJOYING it...shut up.

I am thankful for God..and His patience with me, unending forgiveness, understanding and support...cannot be easy..again i say...i woulda smacked my head off tey tey

I am thankful for understanding...

I am thankful for progress

I am thankful that God is as cool as you allow yourself to acknowledge...if you think God is distant, cold and mean..it's time to re-evaluate your power of short sighted assumption and your athletic prowess in jumping to conclusions...

I am thankful that He listens..

I am thankful that He speaks...through everything...

I am thankful that He acts...i can make a very direct connection between Him making me go cold turkey cut off on a coupple of things and the improvement in our relationship...

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for communiation

I am thankful for putting down walls and formality and...lol CC as i will call her put up the status that i have been visualizing for a week...in summary...there is no need to be acting all formal and "proper" with God (or anyone that's worth it really), because it will lead you nowhere...abi everything is okay and you are doing well? ngwanu carry on....nahh...i'm having to learn that if i have to show the world my "of course i have it all together" face, then God is who i can come to and cry and tell just how messed up i am and where i need help...He sometimes delegates the duty of hearing me out to the mommy and a few aformentioned angels...like "God in me" says...What they don't know is when she come home, she gets on her knees....yea... He gives you the support you need to hold it together in the scary scary public...

I am thankful that in line with most things being a cycle..it will swing round, and those things that used to be that are not so much anymore and that i miss will be here again...lol i know..cryptic cryptic me...but i have to universalize these things!

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for my future babies ^_^..the twins, Fruit n Fibre, or Salt and Pepper :P teehee...it's all these shows..i blame them...but they have me wanting to press fast forward...Kendra, Kourtney...I am kuku thankful for parents who LOVE their kids..i'm not one to judge how who expresses their love, but i'm a softie for the hands on parents, who get that there is nothing more important in a child's life than their parents involvement and and.....lol i'm a softie :P

I am thankful for my Uni..lecturers, friends, food and all

I am thankful that i get to be thankful

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that He's dragging me along again...cuz my my do i need help on this :D

What are you thankful for? take a min and push out the tempting negativity and focus on what you do have to be thankful for...Not with resentment...If you hate something, there is no need ti be grudgingly thankful...wait for that until the time is right and you find a reason why you are genuinely thankful for it...oya! count your blessings name them one by one...:P

Listen though...Pray and listen...

Have a blessed week..

OOOh...awareness..i am thankful for awareness...been inert way too long...