Thankful Thursday: Serendipity

I love it when inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources...Was upset today at some point, like really really...Stumbled on Brittney Gray's youtube channel; haven't been on in ages..and hey paradigm shift..good video on peoples attitudes and how it's easy to get desensitized and apathic from media we let affect us, and a whole bunch of things that made me aware of my own apathy in recent times...Plus all that hair stuff just inspires! and when we are inspired...the world is a better place..

I am a stubborn person...typing this is hard..i'm supposed to be learning self control and restraint from all this expressiveness...speaking of which..it's one of the few things i get carried away with..i start out timid..curb here, call it discipline there...and before you know it i'm running a bootcamp on myself...i find myself starting to watch those videos again on Youtube..starting to give food the side eye...i don't want to slip down this road again..but resisting it ends me in that place where i am angry at me for having no control..and on and on and on...

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for the little surprises that He puts throughout your day at unexpected moments..serendipity

I am thankful for my boyfriend...each day. all day.

I am thankful for my mother. I am blessed to have been blessed with her...She is everything to my sisters and i. Everything. My life would suck without her.

I am thankful for my friends...they are a lovely bunch, them...

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for inspiration...lol seminar class was productive scribblewise...long story short...do things for you, not grudgingly for "somebody else". See the ways in which whatever you are doing is a plus for YOU before anything else. Call it experience, call it growth, call it learning..like one of my fave verses says..do things as though you were doing them for God and not for man...do it all with a song in your heart..in my case..study not because the lecturer doesn't know the definition and REALLY needs your copied work to make his life better, but because knowledge is everything, and once you have it, nobody can take it away from you...it has added to who you are, and there's no reverse function..this is just one example...There is wisdom in the bible

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for care... Care is possibly one of the best things one person can show to another

I am thankful for the man that caught me this week...lol...i am thankful for good people..never know the person that might think it's amusing to watch someone hit the floor...bless him plenty

I am thankful for education

I am thankful for self education

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for realness

I am thankful for lady P's parray! lol..we had a blast...and i made some preeety good friends...*hic!...good people are angels...

I am thankful for positivity

I am thankful for being human..not in the sense of two posts ago. I in no way am contradicting that explanation. I mean..being human, being put in these bodies on this earth and thus being able to experience the entire spectrum of sensations, emotions and so forth that comes with this fact..

I am thankful for weather

I am thankful for change

I am thankful for permanence

I am thankful for communication...yay BBM!

I am thankful for our relationship..it's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me

I am thankful for mornings

I am thankful for sleep

I am thankful for humour

I am thankful for intelligence...nothing beats intelligent conversation from a non-ignorant mouth

I am thankful for the little things

I am thankful for the reasons behind things

I am thankful for chaos

I am thankful for the order we find in the midst of the chaos...or is it the order we create? there is a pattern, thus potential in the chaos...so yea..we find it..it is all inbuilt..we just have to learn to read..like life..all the answers are here..we just have to learn to read..

I am thankful for philosophy

I am thankful for expression..because it's the one thing i am occasionally good at dammit!

I am thankful for tears...a good cry solves a lot of things..

I am thankful for laughter...solves even more things

I am thankful for epiphanies...especially moments when you realize that's it's all BS and all that matters is that you're alive and on the pursuit of something higher than the mediocrity trying to pull you down

I am thankful for empathy

I am thankful for awareness

I am thankful for warmth

I am thankful that he is always there for me...

I am thankful that he is who he is, just the way he is...i love my boyfriend much!

I am thankful for Him..

I am thankful for my relationship with Him..conventional "formulas" and guides to Him work not for me...Which i believe is the most honest conclusion a person can come to. There is no such thing as a mass relationship. You and a multitude cannot be in a committed relationship. Sorry. There are other names for that. Each person is supposed to find God, define God in relation to himself, and only then will there be any truth in whatever you have going. I cannot have a relationship with a person based on hearsay or the way they were/are with someone else. God is not into mass production. It is an individual thing...different people produce different relationships...if you decide that your God is a tyrant..na you sabi...the God in my life created bunnies. yes, bunnies. And kittens..that sort of God is cool like!

Lol which brings me to my favourite place...My God made bunnies. And waterfalls, and forests and skies, and oceans and fields, flowers and me....if one more ignorant dumbass asks "then why does He allow wars?" I will smite them dammit. Oh...so....maybe God should just kill you and live instead of you then? make you into a zombie and control you into not causing the war? cuz you know, last time i checked, God never came down and shot anybody...again people refusing to take responsibility..Ingratitude..all God ever put in this world was beauty...people came, wrecked that, and have the audacity to ask for more...oh and while God is running about living for them, could He for crying out loud give them some freedom? democracy? #God is Great, beer is good...and people are crazy!...crazy! ingrate population. That's one of the original sins...Greed...gimme more, gimme more..even if i haven't learned what ought to be done with that i've been given..just give me everything! On the debate of the original sin, i maintain they are several. Greed is ranked highly.

I am thankful for enlightenment...

I am thankful for people who want to learn, want to grow, put aside prejudice and seek meaning..

I am thankful that i have such people in my life

I am thankful that ignorant people melt into the shadows of my life

I am thankful that i am so thoroughly blessed...even when i don't feel like i've done anything to deserve it...lol especially when i'm undeserving..

I am thankful that He does not abandon me...He must have a plan...for even at the peak of my rebeliousness...He's inspiring me? what gives?

Seriously..i don't think it's clear how blessed i am...it's like the cartoons where trees bend for you to cross rivers and birds bring you three course meals while the stars come down and make you a tiara..THATs how blessed i am...no really...*sigh* nobody gets it...

Now...I am thankful that i started the TTs..because they put these blessings in perspective..it's so easy to take for granted and wallow in self pity and unhappiness...just let the misery grow exponentially...now that is a sin, no? I am thankful for the TTs because i learn and grow with each one i write...while i write...i make them up as i go, see...so until i write...i don't know...i don't know anything...

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for S's messages

I am thankful that S is on my mind last thing every night and first thing before i open my eyes...in its own way, it eases the distance...i know he's there...

I am thankful for dancing :D

I am thankful for meaning. This is no coincidence.

I am thankful for history

I am thankful for logic...

I am thankful....

I am THANKFUL!!!!

Thankful Thursday: Penance

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Thankful Thrusday: Of masks and acceptance...

One of those standby themes that have been lying at the back of my mind. Really quick through it though... Cutting through all the preamble i could write, i'll make this conclusion...we wear masks of ways we think we ought to be, because...it is easier to face rejection of an act than it is to face rejection of yourself. Does that even make sense? It's like, we can say..okay that rejection hurt, but ulitmately it wasn't a rejection of me after i had bared myself to scrutiny...we still feel like ha! me is safe, all protected under all these layers...of whatever it is we wrap ourselves in. Lol..ultimately...we want to be liked...we even lie to ourselves, ignoring things we don't care much for, making arguments for our faults...we want to be liked...so we watch and play out our lives like chess...trying oh so hard to be in control, to be "right"..in who's opinion anyways?

Long story short o!...it is a HUGE step to take that step where you take off your mask before another person, lay belly up like a puppy and hope to God they don't reject who you are...

okaaayyy...ramble over

I am thankful for God....even more when i am messing up...somehow, Him being there when you least deserve it is the greatest proof of....whatever it is it proves. Being "good" and getting rewarded....isn't that what conditional is?!...

Slight detour..while on this issue of God oh...just pondering...people be feelin funky and screaming "we are made in His image"...then following it up with "we are imperfect sinners who fall short of His glory"...so riddle me this...God is imperfect? or we are afterall perfect? and as such straddled with all the responsibility of perfection, and none of this nonsense of "i'm only human"... Humanity is on a mission to refuse responsibility for anything....and when you point out this apparent perfection we ought to have, they tell you Adam sinned and wrecked that...oh...so then you are no longer in anybody's image?... Again Scott makes sense...we are supposed to suck it up and realize that we are headed for perfection, through awareness and discipline..but it's easier to claim human and let God handle that. The Alpha and the Omega...He is the beginning..and we are to evolve to the end...lol...i am rambling..but there is a method to this madness...and personal POV? i've already said i believe the soul that strives to create, to express, to improve...that is the image of God in which anybody is made....

where that came from, i don't know...in bits and pieces, but sense is in there somewhere...

I am thankful for my sisters!!! Happy Birthday Princess today!! heehee she's 14 on the 14th...awon bix skelz! she is a sweetheart and i am blessed to have her...and Angel toooo!!!! would give anything to be with them right about now....

I am thankful for my mom. For the three months we got to spend together, her month here, every moment, all the gisting, chopping, laughing, crying....i am thankful! i am thakful she got home safe...and that i have her....

I am thankful for my father...lol dude be earnin brownie points left and right

I am thankful for uni....it's a formality we must pass....

I am thankful for life

I am thankful that i factually have no problems

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for art

I am thankful for music!!! been shakin my bonbon all day! yay 4shared!

I am thankful for friends!!! like joke like play Dee waltzed into my life...and she is a gift! wallahi..i'm not one to have had bff's and things...but she is special..we GET each other, we see things in the same way, she's a beautiful person, always tryna help somebody and wouldn't hurt a fly..she's beautiful!! Dr. Dee lol! and we can gisttttttttt lol.....love is worrying two of us ^_^

I am thankful for love....in the words of that song..i believe that love will save this world..why can't everybody just listen to Jesus and love?! i am on cloud 9...

I am thankful for S!!!! oh my God am i thankful for S...he is the bestester, he is the kindester, intelligentester, he is the thoughtfulester, sweetester, caringester, cutester, hottester, funniester boyfriend in the universe and i wake up every morning happy as a bird with a french fry because he's in my life...

I am thankful for Love...like...love love...i might have thought i knew what the hell it was before..i've realized my mistake...cuz when you love, when you're in love...there is no mistaking it and it's like nothing else...i Love S...i love that he's my first love...and only and and last....shhhhhhhh *blushing like a madwoman* okayyy!

I am thankful for trust...won't lie..have moments where i get this panic and wonder what on earth it is that he likes about me that he's with me...but then he is...and he chooses to be..that's all that matters...

I am thankful for friends :) Nadiush!!!! Daffi....they know when to call, text, or just be themselves and lift me out of gloominess....Daff...still suspectin her o! na winsh to know when to hola like that!

I am thankful for genuine people

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for PDA :P we just don't care_ John Legend talk am o!

I am thankful for poetry

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for each day

I am thankful for our relationship...each and every day, moment, everything...

I am thankful for blissful coincidences..lol when things just happen on point..like the right song coming on on the radio...

I am thankful for my godmother, for V...i love good people!

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for fooood!

I am thankful for every happy memory i have

I am thankful for the Internet....access to sooo much info!

I am thankful for Knowledge

I am thankful for whatever it is that guides us in this search for knowledge....the slightly freaky way in which i read and watch things and exactly the right time i need to..like...a book will lie about for literal years....and then something moves me to read it, even if i've never gotten past the first page before, then i happen to watch a movie/doc..which wouldn't have made sense without the book and so forth...

I am thankful for the grandparents....i dunno how to hold a grudge..i don't know how! :'(

I am thankful for when time goes by fast...and then slows down..according to my needs, you know...

I am thankful for the little things

I am thankful for my boyfriend o! every moment of every day....think about him and BAM! i am delirious and smiling and it's butterflies and and....lol God looked at me...and decided to stone me blessing....

I am thankful for the cafe lady at my uni!!! she's delightful! and oh so kind ^_^

I am thankful for languages

I am thankful for honesty and openneness

I am thankful!!!!!!!

Thankful Thursday: it doesn't really matter...

The irony. I am sitting cross legged on the bed, roughly three meters away from my laptop- and pecking away at this thing. The mommy is watching a Russian detective series- Trace. I am listening to it and giggling at wisecracks and the quintessentially "Russkiy" humour... I cannot interrupt, but I feel the Rene Zellwegger eyes coming on...oh sweet sleep! But I have a commitment to this blog. Every Thursday. Due to what in retrospect might be a tad too much sensitivity, I have next to nothing to say this week. The theme that has been in my head since I wrote the last one, I deem passable. *shrugs and such* in summary, my reasons for wanting children are Nietszche/Zarathustra approved :p...*rubs hands in glee* oh the plans I have...end rant.

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for my sisters

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for intelligence

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for being understood

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for care

I am thankful for attention..it's always the little things...grand gestures...those are easy. They make up in exaggeration what they lack in care.

I am thankful for Art.

I am thankful that there is so much more than meets the eye, always something to discover, to learn..

I am thankful for humour..this show is cracking me up!

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for that woman that saved me...omo it's easy to create trouble o!

I am thankful for creation

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for my mother

I am thankful for S.

I am thankful for my godmother

I am thankful that I'm resistanter to Nico...ha! Can't work his charm anymore...I keep praying

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful (and awed, quite frankly) for the way everything is interconnected...

I am thankful for simple joys...

I am thankful for food :D

I am thankful for nature

I am thankful that phases pass

I am thankful....