Thankful Thursday: everything

Everything that happens, happens for an ultimately positive reason. I believe this.

I am thankful for S...whom i am blessed to have. I am thankful for him that much more each day. He is the goodest, kindest, smartest, clumsiest, sweetest most caring person you'll ever meet.. He is perfect.. Lol my vewy own gift from God...

I am thankful for Him...i owe every breath to Him

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for love...i'm in love, and haven't been happier

I am thankful for every moment i spend with my boyfriend..teehee i just had to :p

I am thankful for my new phone..even if typing this is hell..bye bye nails...

I am thankful!...and this hiatus...na condition..nuttn personal :D

Thankful Thursday: No promises

I'm making no promises, but somewhere, i am trying.

I don't know what it is i'm afraid of, but i'm positive that it's fear that is holding me back from getting to that place i was spiritually. Logically comprehending this is out of the question, because when i draw my pros and cons list...all the cons are where i'm at now.

I think i'm scared of committing myself, and then not being able to carry it through...of course this is the point where i wax eloquent about the importance of the first step, that act of commitment, after which He takes up the burden. See, i know this..but still...i don't like screwing up, i don't like letting people down. Getting "back on track" as it is, is a huge commitment, one which i am not sure of being capable of upholding..hence this drawn out hesitation. It defies and bewilders the sane part of me, it does.

Most times, i am painfully aware of an emptiness, that a huge something is lacking, but i'm too chicken to call it what it is, so i keep pretending that i'm trying to figure it out..pathetic, i know. What exactly is it that i'm hanging on to now? I have no idea...it's the mind games that are keeping me going in circles, rather deep in denial...

But despite all this...He is there, i know it. And i am thankful. No matter how far i may be right now, He still looks out for me in a capacity that is frankly a lot more than i deserve. I realize that it could be lots better..but here i am..settling for less...yes, i am an idiot. A cowardly idiot :P I am waiting for that mythical "moment" where it all snaps..while fully aware that the moment will appear when i create it..but hey..we're human, that's what we do..live on excuses that fuel our procrastination, knowing full well that we are bullshitting...I pray i create my moment soon...on the bright side, i could even say that a couple of things happening in my life right now are pushing me to the drastic and decisive...i have done a couple of things..one more step and i'll be at that final summit..(LOL at that whole expression sha :P )

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for Love, which i have in undeserved abundance

I am thankful for Hope..go figure..upon the love/hate relationship i have with it

I am thankful for literature..Go Colin Dexter!

I am thankful for summer..water and sand and sunshine!

I am thankful for ice cream, don't forget the ice cream!

I am thankful for tribulations, for they only make us stronger..even if they frustrate the sanity out of us in the process...at least you come out knowing you're not a bad fighter at all!

I am thankful for experiences..the best teachers they are!

I am thankful for S...thankful that somehow, by no minor miracle, he is in my life, that he is SUCH an awesome human being, and that he is there...social media and in my mind like att..he is there...

I am thankful for my sisters...whom i should totally give more attention in retrospect...beautiful human beings, the pair of them :D

I am thankful for my mommy...who will listen to me bit...er, whine my heart out and never judge me..she is one amazing woman, my mother!

I am thankful for Guy Ritchie..no seriously..he bringeth joy to my soul :D

I am thankful for being Bi-racial, and as a result bi-cultural...most times, it is absolutely wonderful to get the essence of a culture...Vnature meyn! :P

I am thankful for sports...mm..footb..all and boxing..#LetsGo!

I am thankful for beautiful people...my my..i could ogle them all day :D

I am thankful for philosophy...God's joke on us...it's the elusive perpetual motion machine these people are running around trying to discover like disco-dazed chickens...From time immemorial, people have been pondering all these things, and the beauty is that they have not found one right answer...well, because there isn't :P God found out how to keep us occupied all right :D

I am thankful for Arts...in whatever form the artist, true or accidental expresses it...paintings, photographs, literature, street fashion, dance...the soul is the part of us humans which He created in His own image, and that is what strives to, in turn, project beauty, to express itself...i believe the soul is asexual. Man, woman..we all see and appreciate the same fundamental things in the same way..everything else is hormone influenced :D

I am thankful for writing

I am thankful for these epiphanies that come to me as i write

I am thankful that He does have a plan for me..i glimpse it in moments of non-stupidity..and yet..ah well..working on that...

I am thankful for blessings...those things pack a punch!

I am thankful for His way..and how He will set tests for you all right, but when He sees your dumb self has mistaken a test for a new direction, He will yank you out of that situation doublequick!

I am thankful..for people...fascinating things!

I am thankful that i am alive

I am thankful that i have no problems worth whining about..just minor inconveniences here and there, that's all...

I am thankful for calmness and patience...when i want to rip someone's head off clean with my bare hands..and yet find myself laughing at something else...

I am thankful for my Dad..without whom i wouldn't be me.

I am thankful that TuFace Idibia has stepped up his Video game

I am thankful for the Internet

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for thoughts

I am thankful for rationality

I am thankful for direction

I am thankful for things going well...

Funny how this morning, or more appropriately, this afternoon, at some point, i was on my knees and crying and asking God for one thing..Happiness in the midst of all this nonsense that has been happening this week...midway through that request, it was modified to something along the lines of "Lord, open my eyes to see all the happiness that already is around me, and lift me out of this melancholia that is trying to make me ungrateful for what i do have"...Like T.I said...you gotta stop wanting what you don't have and try to be grateful for what you do have. I have awesome friends, who will genuinely be concerned and do everything they can to make me happy..as if they don't have their own problems? But still..they will endure my sharp tongue and think of ways to make me smile...meyn, God bless them in excess!

So i guess...no matter what is going on in your life, stop and count your blessings, name them one by one. Quite often, we allow the one minor thing happening to us at a moment in time to cloud all the other awesome things that are already there in our lives...i suppose it's not worth it..it's not worth it at all..in everything, through prayer and supplication, Give thanks to God...

I am thankful. No matter what! lol, yes, another T.I reference...

Be Thankful dammit! even if it's for the sip of water you had this morning...find them, list them out...and you just might find yourself with quite a list...and the nasty stuff? Trusssst..tried and tested..you will be compensated sooner or later..true story!