Thankful Thursday: Forgiveness.

Unlike the post i think i've done before, this time, i men forgiveness in the context of giving it, and not just the blessing that is receiving it.

...And forgive us our sins as we forgive those, who trespass against us...

Like the first step in AA, the first step here is admitting that you have a problem. Well, it's hard to admit you have a problem when you feel you have none. Like, forgiveness? sure, i'm a fountain of it, give me another challenge. But then slowly, in glimpses here and there, you are forced to ask yourself if there is any unforgiveness you are carrying about.

Now, this is not about denial, this is not about knowing you have unforgiveness and declaring that you don't. It's about us not even being aware of the hurt and anger and righteous indignation we carry about.

There is an element of pride to unforgiveness. We carry this hurt about and it insults our pride to even imagine forgiving, and gasp! forgetting what was done to us. We may be right in our judgement, and the other party was wrong...but even then, we are called to forgiveness...and it's no easy feat.

In some situations, i'm carrying on with my life, honestly believing that i'm over and done, that i've closed a chaper and moved on...and then i begin to notice that whenever that issue comes up, the anger builds..this can only mean that i haven't truly forgiven and let go...but how do you forgive when there are so many questions, so many wrongs that you feel are yet to be righted...

The thing is, that is not your business. We are to forgive. Before even we are asked for this forgiveness. If the person comes up to you later and apologises, cool! appreciated...but we should remain the same even if it doesn't happen...this is the way it is...and i'm being hit with the fact of what a huge challenge it is.

HUGE.

You mean...to...forgive...to let go...to not feel pain and hurt and anger and want apologies and admitting of wrongs...to forgive, to give a blank sheet over and over again, as though nothing wrong had ever happened. To have the patience of a parent with a child, to forgive, like God forgives us, to forgive, like Jesus calls us to. To have Grace, like we are called to...to be fair, to do unto others as God does unto us.

He holds no grudges. You repent, and it's all gone. There is no record sheet. New beginning. God gives us this.God. The One who made it all, and gives it all to us...so then, what right do we have to withold it from others?

Forgiveness. This is what is challenging me at this point. It by no means i'm walking around with a "did me wrong" sheet...on the contrary...just sometimes, we really need to dig deep and address that which we assume is addressed.

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for His ways...which are so far beyond our ways

I am thankful for grace

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for fate

I am thankful for spirituality

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for love

I am thankful that God is the ultimate lover of my soul, and everything i need. He is more than i need and He is enough.

I am thankful that God cares for me so intimately

I am thankful for the super interesting day i've had thus far today...

I am thankful for "coincidences". :P all it took was threatening to beat somebody with their bouquet, and i got my very  own ^_^

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for religion class

I am thankful for uni

I am thankful for my test classes today

I am thankful for honesty....there is an interesting post there*** need to formulate it...the honesty challenge :P

I am thankful for...souls

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for the people God sends to cross my path...none of them are by mistake

I am thankful for memories

I am thankful for Summer/autumn this year...i got to spend so much time with my family...amazing :D

I am thankful for the time i've been blessed to spend with my awesome mommy this month ^_^

I am thankful for my grandparents

I am thankful that God never lets me lack

I am thankful that He is forever faithful

I am thankful that He is my rock, my strength, my shelter and my protector

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for intimacy (nobody is talking about sex oh! get your minds out the gutters :P)

I am thankful for peace

I am thankful for GOD

I am thankful for the relationship i have with Him

I am thankful for where He leads me, and where He's leading me

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for insight

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for trust

I am thankful!!!!

Thankful Thursday: He doesn't leave you empty...

At the start of the week i had two distinct ideas of the theme for today's post..i think...but they seem to have flown clean out of my head. Now, i kinda know what one was, but i can't remember what direction i was to head with that theme...

Bearing this in mind, i'll just write it as it is now and we'll see where itl goes.

This is kinda personal to me, and it was the thought that followed the initial idea to write a post on this topic. I know it's not a big deal, and is a very matter of fact thing, but for me, sharing things personal to me feel like i'm cutting off pieces and leaving the place raw for all to see...so i'm all reserved like that.

Anyway, what it is is this. It is very important to stop and take stock of things every now and again. Not just any random things..d'uh, but concerning God and how living in the way He says to live has affected your life, is affecting your life and such forth.

Just going about your life, it is easy to get caught up and not notice the changes, the progress or just the connections between then and now...

LOL i just spent three minutes staring at the screen and realising that i might not be able to write my own testimony in detail because..well, it's personal, and i've come to learn to cherish my privacy to keep my bizzness between the people involved in the bizzness..and not because there's anything oh-la-la about it..but just because..

I will say this though...at the beginning, it might seem difficult to part with old habits, not even just seem, it may be difficult. You'll look at the likely outcome and conclude that it is madness to give up one way of doing things and take up what God says about it...I am thankful that He led me to a place, and gave me the understanding and strength to choose His way..and yes, i lost people i truly cared, psh, still care about, and yes, i had to watch a lot of people walk away...but you know what? He also gave me the grace, the peace with which i know that it's for the best, i have no arguments or regrets, i see how flawed things were before, and i am thankful that i see that...

And the truth is, i have been blessed with such special people..i won't say in return or as replacement, but blessings that stand in their own right. In accordance with God's word, i don't have to choose between God's way and the way that i'd have to be with these people. So i know this to be true in my own life, that God doesn't want to deprive you of things that make you happy. He wants you to have the right things that make you happy. I used to worry, and panic, and sometimes still do, that if i'm doing what God says, there is no place for it in real life, where doing the opposite is commonplace. Sometimes i still worry and think..yeah, this is all fun and games but somewhere, you're going to have to face "reality" and see that this is impractical...i pray this day never comes, because God has given me no reason to doubt His faithfulness. By His grace i can obey Him, and by this same Grace He hasn't left me hanging but has provided what i feared i would lose in abundance. Pressed down, and running over.

I am thankful for God.

I am thankful for my relationship with Him, which i am blessed to have, and by His faithfulness that keeps it going

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for my friends

I am thankful for M.K hehe today is her birthday so do say a prayer!

I am thankful for the people who God crosses my path with...it is always magical

I am thankful for His perfect plan

I am thankful for signs

I am thankful for soul

I am thankful for the Holy spirit

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for joy

I am thankful for happiness

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that God is always there, and the fact that where there is life, there is hope..there is always a reason to keep going...there is no "end" except the end. who are we to decide that it has become hopeless?

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for every experience that i've gone through that have made me who i am right here, right now

I am thankful for correspondence

I am thankful for that beautiful beautiful thing that is one person understanding where another person is coming from

I am thankful for my mother...she is my rock.

I am thankful that i am so blessed

I am thankful for when happiness makes your eyes water

I am thankful for this weather yo!

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for Men's Health...i am a FAN of that magazine..no excuses, no apologies :)

I am thankful for honesty...i am thankful for everyone who has contributed to putting me on the path of bluntness i am on now

I am thankful for memories

I am thankful for the internet

I am thankful for Uni...madhouse!

I am thankful for the little things

I am thankful for this post

I am thankful for the awesome spa day we had yesterday...head still kinda hurts, but hey! was oh so lovely

I am thankful for my godmother! ^_^

I am thankful for ME! God knew me before i was. He created me, put me here and sustains me...He cares,He loves, He protects, He teaches...and i'm Me...and i am thankful!

I am thankful!!!

Have a supadupa lovely week!

Thankful Thursday: low on steam...

I don't know if this is halfway tiredness, or if it's the thing that sort of feels like a slow down when it's really you gathering energy for a jump...i don't know...but i seem to be low on zeal...and it's a bit weird..i don't want to be in this place, but at the same time i realize that maybe this is helping me remember that i'm not in a relationship with God because of my piety, He doesn't love me more because i've been "good"...He has been speaking to me loud and clear even when i'm not all on fire in my own mind...it humbles me..and no, it's not chastisement...He carries on as though i weren't in this place...probably because i'm only in this place from my point of view..He sees beyond and above...and i should probably stop looking for a "feeling". He's there, and He is faithful with our without butterflies in my belly...

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for beautiful music and the ballet and that we went tonight

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for growing up

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for my sisters

I am thankful for Church

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for life being dynamic

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for humour

I am thankful for literature

I am thankful for the wonderful weather we've been having

I am thankful for pretty shoes ^_^

I am thankful for encouragement

I am thankful for compliments ;)

I am thankful for correspondence

I am thankful for uni

I am thankfu l for my lecturer

I am thankful!

I am thankful for the energy to write this post :P me sooo tired right now yo! :P

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for His care

I am thankful!!!!

Thankful Thursday...uh ohh

So on this blog, i try to be positive, i intentionally write about things that build up, things that encourage, you know, pointers to that good place i'm striving to be at...I try as much as possible to leave the negative at the door, to take a deep breath, pray, and realize that negative thoughts aren't "right", and i don't want to give them life by dwelling on them. It in no way means that my life is perfect, or i have it all together even most of the time. I have a whole list of things that i am "working on" removing from my life, knowing the "right" and trying, in the face of circumstances to apply it, and not just go apeshit...

Today is not one of those days when i'm zen. I'm writing about it, because frankly, i probably don't have it in me to do the deep breath thing, and writing as is might be the only way to avoid catching a case. Also, in small does, if i don't make a habit of it, it's well worth it just laying it out as it is, before the calm down and philosophy talk.

Maybe it's a sign or signal that something somewhere is off, maybe it's just life...but i've been at wits end for the last couple of days. Love is patient love is kind...yeah, i'm mega irritable, and no, it's not girl problems. My patience is spread thin, and certain people in my life seem to be taking the mickey and somehow manage to do things, to merely exist in such a way that my nerves are frayed from being around them. Maybe i'm cranky and running low on sleep (very possible), maybe our relationship is better diluted, because the whole thin line between love and hate thing seems to get very thin indeed every now and again...This is why some people have great "marriages" where they "date" through the entire thing, you know, give each other space, go visiting...

I know i probably have my own role to play in these altercations, and maybe i should excercise more patience and calm...but dude! a person can only take so much yeah...so right now, i need a prayer and a break, because the rage that has seized me a couple of times today is something i thought i had walked away from...but then again, it's not all bad, because now i have to go back to the start and remind myself that being a christian doesn't mean you stop being human, it means that God will walk you through whatever comes your way. Falling happens, bad habits creep back up...you are not immune to it...and it is not a reason to throw in the towel and say you fail at Christianity...diiig?

Say a prayer for me though...cuz i be going HULK here!

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for the internet!

I am thankful for MY life

I am thankful for friends and family

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for my relationship with God

I am thankful for my relationship with my sisters

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for the pleasant unexpected things that happen

I am thankful for His perfect plan

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for Understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for...calm

I am thankful for today

I am thankful that i am so blessed

I am thankful for summer

I am thankful for answered prayers

I am thankful for faith

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for repentance

I am thankful for Skype :P

I am thankful for philosophy

I am thankful for the amazing people in my life

I am thankful for potential

I am thankful for church

I am thankful...for the ability to chill, and just Trust God.

I am thankful!