Thankful Thursday: it doesn't really matter...

The irony. I am sitting cross legged on the bed, roughly three meters away from my laptop- and pecking away at this thing. The mommy is watching a Russian detective series- Trace. I am listening to it and giggling at wisecracks and the quintessentially "Russkiy" humour... I cannot interrupt, but I feel the Rene Zellwegger eyes coming on...oh sweet sleep! But I have a commitment to this blog. Every Thursday. Due to what in retrospect might be a tad too much sensitivity, I have next to nothing to say this week. The theme that has been in my head since I wrote the last one, I deem passable. *shrugs and such* in summary, my reasons for wanting children are Nietszche/Zarathustra approved :p...*rubs hands in glee* oh the plans I have...end rant.

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for my sisters

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for intelligence

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for being understood

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for care

I am thankful for attention..it's always the little things...grand gestures...those are easy. They make up in exaggeration what they lack in care.

I am thankful for Art.

I am thankful that there is so much more than meets the eye, always something to discover, to learn..

I am thankful for humour..this show is cracking me up!

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for that woman that saved me...omo it's easy to create trouble o!

I am thankful for creation

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for my mother

I am thankful for S.

I am thankful for my godmother

I am thankful that I'm resistanter to Nico...ha! Can't work his charm anymore...I keep praying

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful (and awed, quite frankly) for the way everything is interconnected...

I am thankful for simple joys...

I am thankful for food :D

I am thankful for nature

I am thankful that phases pass

I am thankful....

Thankful Thursday: Thankful for life, here and now...

While on that Zarathustra thing, after my innitial "what is this joker on about", it came to me, an epiphany, that he was making sense. Like the sufi poem i have somewhere here about believing in/worshipping God for who He is and nothing else, Nietszche says to live, and celebrate THIS life, the one you are currently living.

Instead of bemoaning your existence and being a "preacher of death", alive only because you are waiting to die. It hit me that this just may be the peak of ingratitude. Deeming this life "hell" and "suffering" and all these other tragic things, then resolving to endure it until death comes to relieve you and reward you with Heaven. Newsflash: bullshit.

Life, as a wonderful quote i saw somewhere, is a journey, an experience you are let in on to learn a thing or two. To make like a donkey and decide that God has A. Made a mistake or B. is punishin you because He likes to see you suffer is the beginning of the pointlessness of a life. It is individuals deciding that God has constructed a pointless stage in their existence, one which must be endured because we are Big People, and so suffer it with all righteousness so as not to hurt His feelings...#comeoffit and wake up!

We are to learn to work in harmony with The Universe, if you will. Out of the seeming chaos, we are supposed to find the rules and create order. This is what i believe. Thus, to fold your arms like that foolish servant with his buried Talent and wait for life to be over is the most blasphemous thing a person can do. Heaven is all well and nice, but to everything its time and place. Do not leave the gift that is given to you today to be killing yourself with desire over what is not to be opened just right now. The time to die will come; but for now, live. Live every moment and partake in this; here and now. The experiences of this earth, body, mind and soul. God did not make a mistake, and no, He is not confused about anything. #mytwocents

I am thankful for Life. Here, now, and just the way it is.

I am thankful for God and the magic He puts into everyday for me

I am thankful for miracles, large and small...just because it doesn't defy nature doesn't make it obsolete as a miracle

I am thankful for my sisters...Princess called me today just when i needed it most and heard me out and spun her wisdom. She is awesome!!! so little, yet so wise...and my widdle Angel...is the most thoughtful, loving, caring human being ever! so tiny, so gattdemn wise beyond her years, and so selfless....she humbles me, that one...

I am thankful for wisdom!!!

I am thankful for books....i am amassing quite the library...so many books, so little time!

I am thankful for uni..even if i am not head over heels...it isn't unpleasant...there are the sweetest people, my dean is a comedian...and i have Dashka, Vika...and the cafe!!!! whootwhoot!

I am thankful for my friends...lol plus including the ones i've never even met...dunno what i would have done on laptop buying day without Mikey...he doesn't even believe in God..ironic :P i am thankful for strangers who were sweet as pie and twice as helpful...

I am thankful for my new lappy!!!! you sexy Dell you!...i shall name her Delliah....yes...Delliah..pronounced as your conventional Delia, of course...hehe...When you are told not to fight His Will ehn....i was all depressed over the death of the other one...and out of its Acer-ish ashes came Delliah...

I am thankful for every situation. For as we have seen, despite it looking like hell has broken loose and is running amock, there is a silver lining...we are just too short sighted to see, and are probably staring hard in the wrong direction anyways....What we think we want, and what we really need are parallel concepts

I am thankful for languages....best form of expression yo!

I am thankful for Art

I am thankful for kindness....kind people..people without motives...people with motives suck. People that only see "contacts" and not "people"...lol maybe sometimes i sound naive...

I am thankful for my mother....she is my superwoman. Everything about being a good person, she taught me without words...

I am thankful for my father....aiii the stories my sisters tell me ehn! He is the sweetest person ever! He cooks for them! lol...plus all those thoughtful stunts he knows how to pull that leave you with nothin buh love for him...i wanna go homeeee!!!!

I am thankful for my grandparents....Gramps is a clown...and Grams...deep down she cares...lol.sweetest lady ever...5 minutes each day...lol i joke!

I am thankful for everybody who has ever patiently listened to me rant, patiently oohed and ahhd where necessary, and then given me real observations, critisisms, corrections, compassion, and pats on the back as necessary...lets not leave out the "follow me to biach" about it part...

I am thankful for care, attention, sensitivity...lol i bruise easy....shhh!

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for Loving

I am thankful for S <3

I am thankful for Us

I am thankful to Him for somehow, like kaboom and i didn't see that coming, making Us to happen....lol we were never meant to be, baby, we just happened

I am thankful for the awesomeness that is the coincidence of how our birthdays are :P

I am thankful for how happy i am with him...everytime i think about it i'm all lit up and warm and fuzzy

I am thankful for memories...poor substitute for flesh and blood...but right now i'm a begger...i am not about to start choosing!

I am thankful for jokes

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for enlightenment, nudges, epiphanies

I am thankful for communication...an art we are forever learning, perfecting...e no easy o!

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for discipline...seeeee i am typing this...instead of snoring in one corner! :P and and i did my homework...all one million pages of handwritten script...

I am thankful for er...overcoming...we have issues that bother us...but they are challenges that build us...so with tears o, sweat o...we go through them and emerge stronger individuals..lol i'm still fighting my own o!

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for rain...nothing lie the air after it rains..the smell, the...feel? ^_^

I am thankful for hot showers..which i need STAT!

I am thankful for my bed

I am thankful that i am blessed beyond words

I am thankful for forgiveness, for Understanding, and how God never lets me go...even after my misguided hiatuses

I am thankful that....with each passing day, Nico becomes more of a stranger, and i do not delude myself that comfort is to be found with him..lol liar! all "i'm relaxin, i'm relaxing"and after you give in you feel like shit....ahhh, #nothankyou!

I am thankful for blogs. I am thankful that i started this blog. You have no idea how much it puts things in perspective for me....cuz more than half the time we live on automatic, autopilot, don't make the time to think, to evaluate ourselves...not on a weekly basis we don't....so this..this is good...

I am thankful for everything and everyone that have made me who i am today, played their role. No need to mourn losses...like actors, these things have said their lines, and exited; stage left...teehee puncity!

I am thankful for each new day

I am thankful for my baybay...have i said this? :P i am thankful for messages and talkin on the phone...

I am thankful!!!

Thankful Thursday: and some days, i wake up numb...

It is not so much about speaking out as it is about being heard,not so much about being heard as it is about being understood.

Today I woke up and admitted that the matter with me these past two days has been the fact that I am numb. And so the analyst in me kicks in. I believe in figuring out the cause, and dealing with that.

Been trying to be all Zen, see, containing my emotions; because frankly some of them might be unnecessary, or so I've decided. To just mature into that overnight is impossible, and yet I want to attempt this feat. In order, then, to contain anger, irritation and a host of other preferably not-present emotions, my psyche has decided to go numb. Like letting go of, or trying to let go of the need to be understood by second or third or fourth parties, and being comfortable with the idea that I should be the one to understand myself and that should be okay. Rejection of the desire to act out on these emotions.

This, apparently is the only solution I can come up with while my mind comes up with a wiser solution..that's my take on it anyhow... Still on that Buddha thing...our desires are the things that torment us by not being satisfied. Solution is to reject them, no? No desire, no anxiety. Let go of anything that makes you a slave to its whims..if you're not in control of a want or emotion, it is controlling you. Simplicity. Lol..I even woke up to James 1:14? Where it says each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire..sin being very a very subjective and multi faced concept.. Yes, I do realize the pessimistic note..it's just me finding a bit of realism and peace of mind...cuz if I let all my thoughts and emotions run rampant, na crase me plus errybody around me go crase. Indiscipline is not the essence of freedom, it is one of chaos...nobody said growth was a process without pain. Lol all this soul baring sef..need to curb yo!

On to the thankfulness!

I am thankful for today!!! It ias been a productive day in almost. Every way :D

I am thankful for my mom...I love her scatter! I am thankful that she's fine..

I am thankful that my mommy was in good hands..I am thankful for the shweedieheart doc that lemme know she good :D

I am thankful for all the helpful people in uniform that helped me today...darlings!

I am thankful for Me

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for growth..I am not where I was last week

I am thankful for God and His presence in my life...He is patient meyn...cuz half the time I'm an oaf :(

I am thankful for love. It makes you find reason in everything, it gives you strength you didn't know you had...it totally rebuilds your paradigm in many places...caring for someone trulydeeplymadly is..an amazing thing

I am thankful for those *coincidentally* spot on devos and bible passages that turn up when I need them most

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for friends...I have some pretty good ones I've been blessed with, no lie..lol mostly the coincidental ones sef..,

I am thankful for food!! Mm ice cream!

I am thankful that today was a day off

I am thankful for the weather ^_^

I am thankful for my sisters...oh how I love them! Beautiful widdle human beings!

I am thankful for books!!! Me and Neitszche next...oh it's on like donkey kong!

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for every single person who spreads positivity

I am thankful for blogs

I am thankful for Jon Acuff

I am thankful for my grandparents...won't lie..it's not easy some times..make a girl eye the distance between the balcony and the asphalt...

I am thankful for care, attention, the little things..wallahi you can't bully somebody into saying the right things at the right time..

I am thankful for my baybay!!! My baby is sooooo amazing :D I love him...and that's the way it is..

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for BBM ohhh!

I am thankful for ballet...oh so beautiful!

I am thankful for him being there and being patient with my weirdness

I am thankful for Understanding and Wisdom...

I am thankful that everything happens for a reason..one we couldn't script and yet are awed by..

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for faith and belief..you hear it all the time, positive thinkin sef...believing in a thing gives it power. Kabisa!

I am thankful for fun girly things

I am thankful for ridiculous sales...er 40€ to 7€...nope, bo questions, just ring that up right quick..suckassss! Chucks dey go out of season/fashion? Teehee

I am thankful for the high you get when you accomplish something

I am thankful for nature

I am thankful for everybody that has ever said a prayer for me...may them blessings return to them tenfold!

I am thankful for trust..won't even lie..it's humbling to be confided in
Cuz this trust kiniko is not easy..there are layers and forms of it :p

I am thankful for Dee and Miz P and madam R :p wonderful women!

I am thankful for my hair iron..kai..this straight hair is a maintenance delight!

I am thankful for new chances and the opportunity to right wrongs

I am thankful for art

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for being understood, even if not all the ti by everyone in the way I mean..asking for that would be being greedy

I am thankful for philosophies and religions and the wealth of info they've passed down through time..

I am thankful for Philosophy

I am thankful for that psych chick..omdaze angelperson!!

I am thankful that I am so thoroughly blessed

I am thankful that he loves me...for reasons that I can't quite figure out, to be honest..but I'm not asking too many questions :p

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for my budding er..dalliance with Zen..it has helped in a few places..I think..

I am thankful for crying...made me feel proper better numerous times!

I am even thankful for the blues...happy moods never produced good poems..er.."Tortured artist"? There ya go! Pain!

I am thankful for honesty and vulnerability...without which you're not living..read on a blog today that most people would rather avoid hurt/pain and lead miserable lives, than risk experiencing hurt in the course of living life to the fullest...know the theory..fighting it..

I am thankful!!!!!

Thankful Thursday: vulnerability and honesty and growth...and their synonyms

This is the post that might have been last week's post..but as these things tend to happen in my life, is absolutely perfect as today's post instead.
First time this occoured to me, it was about prayer, but as I've seen, it applies wherever you have a relationship that you'd like to see grow with time; be it with God or your superamazing boyfriend..but I digress.. It is allowed, be vulnerable, be open, be honest with God; He knows everything anyway as it is..so no fears in being totally you, without trying to say what's "right" in your prayer. You need help, you need a solution. You don't go to your doctor and lie about symptoms out of politeness. It defeats the purpose. You know you'll feel fake telling your drinkig buddy you teetotal..how much more where it concerns God that knows it all even where you don't? Be there forming holypass cuz you're praying...#comeoffit and open your heart up, be vulnerable, be scrutinizable(?!) and only through that can you find healing and genuine growth... God will keep your secret if that's the concern. :P

Thing is, judging by me, seeing as I'm the only one who's views I can attempt to honestly communicate, we tend to feel a pressure to conform to certain standards of what is "normal" or "accepted" and I don't even mean in the eyes of society, but in our own. We have ideas of the principles that form who we are, and when we sense ourselves being contrary to that, a certain panic and/or disappointment fills us..at least that's what it looks like from where I was standing. And then you come to where you can't even pray about this/talk about it, because you're too bothered being politically correct and trying to be the person that you've decided you ought to be, attempting all the while to ignore real issues with you..thus avoiding confrontation and in essense..growth and progress..lol too much of the road less travelled..don't even know to what degree I'm making sense..bottom like is this though. If you have a problem, address it without trying to be politically correct. If they care, lol as God does, it would only be a stepping stone that takes you past that problem, and won't be a problem in itself..this is the lesson I'm slowly learning..baby steps...and so in prayer, which is just about the most intimate thing you can do, let yourself go and be honest..lol I've caught myself praying "the right things" with resentment, instead of letting it rip what is eating at me, and THEN praying the right thing with a cleared conscience.. God is not giving awards for best behaved.. He fixes the broken, so we can like to chill and top being "strong" in front of Him..you are only standing in your own way..enhen..so rant over :p lol I totally had two parallel things in mind there..and somehow they are the same thing..

I am thankful for S. I am thankful that he is patient with me, reasurring me so forth when a "stop acting crazy" is due...

I am thankful that God gave us each other... Serendipity

I am thankful for God...and that somehow, without any particular encouragement, He is a big part of my life..nobody has ever forced God on me, and quite matter of factly the attempt makes me run in the opposite direction..

I am thankful for uni..I have little to complain about..

I am thankful for communication, love, trust, care..

I am thankful for love..it humbles me..cuz it isn't something you can buy or earn or bully out of another person..it is something they choose to give you..and that..that is quite something

I am thankful for my family...I dread my mom leaving..hating to be pessimistic, I already have nightmares of where I might sink to when she leaves :(

I am thankful for my friends...

I am thankful for the little things

I am thankful for all the sweethearts that gave me their seats on the bus this week :P high heels toh behd!

I am thankful for nice things people do.. God shud bless Bogdan plenty for giving me his old lecture notes!

I am thankful for the lessons I learn each day. Often from the most unexpected situations. Have times when I go to Notes and stare at notes I've made in bewilderment..cuz sometimes they are pure inspiration..

I am thankful for, and continuously pray for growth..there's nowhere to go but up and ahead and to improvement abi? :D

I am thankful for S...lol one day I might have to cut the crap and just copy and paste that phrase until blogger protests...and even then it would be small..still dunno what where how..buh I guess that's the thing about blessing..you don't earn them; they are given to you with Grace..

I am thankful for jokes..I am a living, breathing innuendo machine :P

I am thankful for prayer..ish will keep you grounded!

I am thankful for wisdom. Plus the one flying about and occasionally penetrating out thick skulls, plus the ones passed in written works through the generations...when you see wisdom..well..you just know, no?

Again I am thankful for the little thngs, the intangible things. It is everywhere that they are the best things..and yet people are still looking to literal things to bring them happiness..I..pity people who suffer from that. When it comes down to it, happiness is a personal decision, unrelated to, or not reliant on external factors, cuz those atre forever changing, leaving, reducing, evolving and so forth. Buddha said life is suffering and that our desires are the cause of our suffering. The bible says to not chase, or give ultimate importance to superficial things..and dear Socrates said there are so many things in this life he doesn't need...I see wisdom in all three...are the things we think we want truly the things that bring us joy? Like love, true happiness is not an emotion, because it is always there..even when you're sad..sadness here being the emotion that comes and goes, where happiness is a state of being..if that makes any sense..

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for God keeping me away from things I don't need..lol..me sef I'm shocked

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for the discipline? Love? That is making me write this even if sleep dey catch me and thumbs dey kill me..

I am thankful for gbagaunmopol on twitter.. And D for sending me there..I had a Good laugh. All affiliations, or insinuations concerning twitter end here :P

I am thankful for music :P

I am thankful for the way prayer, a lot of the time will create a calm in the middle of my storms

I am thankful!! Cuz no matter how many things go wrong, make me cry, hurt or frustrate me, the things I have to be thankful about are still more..

I am thankful for nature..plants, air, flowers..WATER!

I am thankful that He has a plan. Now my prayer is not to do anything to mess with t.. He has gotten me here somehow..I trust tha He is capable :P Banky ref!

I am thankful for my boyfriend..words won't begin to do justice to what a wnderful person you are and hw blessed I am to have you...

I am thankful that my baybay is all intelligent..he needs to bemmto counter my blondeness :P

I am thankful that I am so absolutely positively totally blessed...still wondering what the big idea is..

I am thankful...

Thankful Thursday: Reasons why...

So this week has been good to me in the places that matter... The content of this TT has been on my mind rather a lot..which is part of the fun stuff :P seeing as they usually turn out from pure improv. I think that this situation is what would make me talk about certain decisions I've made, because they are totally connected to each other, imho. If anyone is curious, the other subject was about God and honesty and vulnerability, and it was also all doublespeak, cuz it applies to any relationship you're in..the serious ones o! Nobody said you should go and be all vulnerable with random idiots who couldn't care less..
Now, this one is a short post thingy..all illustration. The commonest answer you get when you ask why people drink or smoke, especially when linked to stress is that they want to relax. Probe further and you realize that this relaxation is reached by the numbing of the mind, the "not thinking" thing that kicks in, that temporary memory loss. I won't lie, a lot of the time it feels just like what the doctor prescribed. But I'm talking about me, and this, long term. My week has been good because I've..I'm giving up ish (I'm only human) and I refuse to call it a coincidence that I've been thinking more..my notepads, electronic and regular are filled with scribbles, ideas, inspiration..I haven't had that in ages and missed it terribly..it just might be part of the huge void that has been haunting me. Have a whole other post on doing what's right, but I will say this. We set our priorities, we mark out what is important to us..and then we discipline ourselves to do our part in maintaining/getting it. You are not always going to be thrilled about it, it will be a lot of work, but you know that the end result is worth more than the temporary delusions you think you need at the moment. I apply this to my writing/thinking now, but you can fit it in anywhere really... Diet, exercise, relationship, friendship. Things worth having require commitment, work and nurturing.. Lol when the craving hits,go back and remind yourself why you have chose
n to not give in, think about it, and make that commitment all over again...lol this is largely a motivational talk for yours truly..but it's true, no?
So that's my own reason. My personal growth, which is impossible with a numbed mind, is more important than "not thinking"..time to stop being a wuss and face growing pains. Not claiming this is a universal one-rule-fits-all decison to make... But I have thought about me and this is the conclusion I have reached...lol this week proof much? Me I like enlightenment o! #refuseToCallItACcoincidence...

Now on to the thankfulness...

I am thankful for God, whatever form you choose to have Him. He Is and for that I am thankful..

I am thankful for The Road Less Travelled and Scott Peck and Marc and Angel's blog, which made me get over my initial foolishness, go back, and get the book. It is amazing! Giving me insight in places where I only had vague assumptions, putting things into logic sequences... And most of all, I am thankful for how that book will make you see yourself from the side and make you grow..

I am thankful for books..still giddy over my last haul.

I am thankful for family.. It's all too easy to fall into taking them for granted. #workonthat.

I am thankful for this..whatever this change that is happening with me is.

I am thankful for inspiration, understanding, things that suddenly dawn on you.

I am thankful for music... Shake ya bonBon Ricky Martin style will many times out of the whole amount lift your spirits

I am thankful for laughter and kindness

I am thankful for trust..without it... Well, without it there is nothing. Nowhere. Chaos!

I am thankful I passed all my exams last semester..hunting down lecturers doesn't look like much fun

Ooh...just remembered that my daily devo's have been illustrating those "dude sells all he has to buy field cuz treasure there is stupendous"...well..pretty much the same sacrifice thing... Give up a little to get a lot more AND better quality..#detourover
I am thankful for communication.. Even if I still have a lot of work to do there... :)
I am thankful for my boyfriend ( I quite like the way tat sounds :P) and us and every single moment since we "met" lol... I am thankful

I am thankful that S is there... Gives me this constan happiness underneath whatever I may be going through...

I am thankful for God's plans...reflecting, everything is just the way it is, so even when we don't understand right away, instead of being angry or distraught, let us be thankful before time, knowing that in a little bit, it will all make perfect sense..

I am thankful for BBM!!!! Lol I stick my tongue out at distance...I get to talk to my baby all day :P

I am thankful for the lessons we learn each day

I am thankful for the strive to perfect..yourself, your art, whatever it is, you can always do more. Not out of superficiality, but to reach the potential you are meant to.

I am thankful for life.

I am thankful for memoried...I for don crase...lol they are on replay in my mind.. Me, him..couch, tv :P

I am thankful for love.. Have I said thid already? All versions of it..but espeecially the sort that is real, true, unconditional, unaffected by the weather or your mood, or quite frankly, the acting out of the person/people you love.. Love is patient, love is kind, love is a conscious decision, even if it may er.. Come upon you suddenly. At some point you acknowledge it,and choose to keep it, go along with it.. and that makes it a decision..so you stick whatever out for the same reasons I have all up and through this post. Everything that is not what you've marked out to be of importance is dispensable and inconsequential and can be given up for the sake of the bigger picture..

I am thankful for prezzies ^_^

I am thankful for learning to be comfortable in my own skin andd offering no apologies for not conforming
.I am thankful for prayer..ish helps me meyn.

I am thankful for a whole lot more... But #handsnumb and #thumbsdead

Ooh ooh... Did I say I was thankful for S? He's the bestest...I am thankful for my blessings :D

Thankful Thursday: For everything...

I am thankful for everything that is true to my reality right now. Why the sentence before this one sounds so weird, i do not know. Basically, what i am trying to say is that i am thankful for everything in my life right now; direct and indirect...say..i am thankful that i woke up this morning...and i am also thankful for my classmates who did and got to uni in one piece and with whom i sat in the cafe with..I am thankful that the circumstances in their life are just so today, that they made the conversations we had just so..make sense? lol

Last night, my laptop stopped coming on. The green light would come up all right..but it just wouldn't come on. I left it...This morning i tried again..same story...My defensive Zen attitude came on and i refused to waste emotions on it....bothered the hell out of me all day..(see i don't like when all these little things just go wrong..) i prayed about it oh...as a counter reaction to the urge to cuss it out...Yes, cuz i've been trying to get on that God thing in recent times...but we will get to it...this n that..got home and decided to try again...over and over again i poke this button...take out battery, turn off, turn on, and it won't come on. I felt the tears building up...started getting...hurt...won't even call it angry..cuz i was all like...oh so what is this punishment for...at which point the thought occoured to me that maybe it isn't a punishment at all..but a test? See very close to the time when it eventually started working, i considered going out to the store to get something. I was this close :puts index finger and thumb really close together: you know..all oh eff it, victim me, life unfair...but then i didn't go...and i prayed again, full ready to burst into tears (i realize how dramatic this sounds..but i'm a girl and these times come around)....and then i absent mindedly poked the button..and voila! it came on! to say i was happy is an understatement...

Like am o, no like am o..my own interpretation of it is that i passed my test :P yay me!

I am thankful for today. From start to finish. Everything that happens to us plays a role in making us the people we ought to be.

I am thankful for my classmates; the "i'm not a great big attitude problem riddled person" ones..they aren't as many as the latter...but they mean significantly more

I am thankful for some lecturers shaaa!..cool peoplez :D....ooh thankful for the one my mom and i bumped into...that wonderful woman taught me Ukrainian with a Harry Potter book...bless her meyn!

I am thankful for every single baked good that comes out of the kitchen at my uni erryday... you go fear how many people get out of bed cuz of the lure of foood :D

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for communication :D

I am thankful for my BB; and S getting me it (? getting me it?) and i am even thankful for UpS sef..cuz looking at it from a now point of view, i really like that he gave it to me, you know..like literally :D :D :D :D and that the dude at the MTC office was a complete sweetheart about errything...you don't often get good service meyn..people be actin like you came to their bedroom to make demands..humph!

I am thankful for Sushi!..and for the fact that my mom is more into it that me sef..don't need to beg to get her to go...oh happee daeeeee! ^_^...i am easy to please :P

I am thankful for God. I am thankful that no matter how dysfunctional i let our relationship get..He is always there, being the mature one (D'uh), always nudging me, dropping hints until my senses decide to congregate from wherever it is that they have been holidaying... *sigh* so much wasted time that would have been spent building...

I am thankful that He will reach out to you through any medium...books, inspiration, art, people...

I am thankful for The Road Less Travelled...i dig how the author doesn't say what it is we want to hear, but writes the uncomfortable, unpadded truth that we all know to be true, but disregard cuz it lacks fancy packaging...makes you think, you know? you step aside and question your decisions, the way you are..in a constructive way..helpful..

I am thankful for my boyfriend. I am thankful that honest to goodness, for the first time in my life, i am able to care about somebody this completely...it's amaz :D

I am thankful that he gets me...lol and is patient with me when i am completely blonde...

I am thankful for everything that has made him who he is

I am thankful for memories...it's been less than a week...but they make me smile, and quite often make me cry..i miss him universes, see...

I am thankful for the person he is... he is kind and compassionate and thoughtful like few people i know..if i know any at all... it's like..not even about the er..outward manifestation of it..you think of what motivates it, and you realize that it takes a beautiful person to be that way...and i am thankful that he is :D

I am thankful for words..even if i am superclumsy with them when i need them most...

I am thankful for jewellery...my mother is on a mission..but if it makes her happy to give.... ;)

I am thankful for my mother... misunderstandings come, and they are forgotten just as fast... She gives me and my sisters her all. Everything she does, she does for us, and it's not even hard to see..my prayer is that i learn to be growed up and not let petty things get in the way of her seeing how much i love and appreciate her...

I am thankful for my sisters...my widdle angels... biggest hearts out there :D

I am thankful for appreciation. It's so easy for people to neglect showing it, and yet it makes all the difference...

I am thankful....that He will give you certain unpleasant situations in double dosage very consecutively indeed so that if you're too dumb to notice the first one, an unmistakable pattern is established and you are forced to learn... I feel i've learned a thing or two about trust in the last week..i am thankful for that...

I am thankful for humour...and all the people with whom i can indulge in it with..

I am thankful for D, M and P...lol...wonderful girls!

I am thankful for my bed...mm..it is calling me..all soft pillow and everything!

I am thankful for the weekend...

I am thankful for prayer...call it what you will, believe it how you wish..but there is something about settling down and putting your concentration on this conversation with, well..whoever it is you decide you are conversing with...me..it's God...

I am thankful for God...and the way my relationship with Him is forming up to be (i use the masculine for ease...if i think "He" is a "man" in the human sense? most likely not..He is above that..but i've said this before)

I am thankful for second chances

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for decisiveness... i am thankful that it has helped me let go of so many things that were bad for me...people, things, habits...don't draw it out...just let go and that's it...

I am thankful for thoughtfulness...and all the little ways in which people demonstrate it..Grams got the fruit tea my mom and i like today...she and gramps don't drink the stuff...

I am thankful for my Grandparents.... a LOT of tension...but i love them, and this surpasses everything else...need to curb my anger meyn..."getting back right" with God ought to help this...

I am thankful for epiphanies

I am thankful for kindness...simple as the people holding open the door for you

I am thankful for coincindences and chance meetings...oooh just hit me...i bumped into three people i wasn't expecting to see today AT ALL...coincidence?

I am thankful for fun..and whatever it is that brings it to each individual person..dancing o, clubbing o, reading, painting...

I am thankful for Art

I am thankful for shoes...have mercy! addict? fetishist? grrrr!

I am thankful for health

I am thankful for Love..and not just the butterflies in my belly bit..that bit may (can as the pessimists insist) fade...but it's that love that you just know is there underneath anything else...it is a powerful emotion ni...

I am thankful for blogs

I am thankful for self expression

I am thankful for psych analysis...lol..mmm my favourite past time...:P

I am thankful that i am inside this warm (ish?) dry house..and not hustling a corner under some bridge and feezing myself to death

I am thankful for dreams

I am thankful for Life... like..even on the days when you feel like there's nothing good about it...realize that it's just one day, one moment..and the rest of your life does not consist of it..you have Life..which means the opportunities you have to change your experience are endless..don't like it, change it..it's like..hair..if you don't have it, you can't change its colour. If you have it though, and you get an awful green paintjob done...as horrible as it is fresh, you could always dye it another colour in a week or so..see..the important part is having hair..everything else is negotiable...so i am thankful for Life...

I am thankful that we are here for some reason..living, thinking, loving, striving towards something, wondering, pondering...it's a bit of an overwhelming thing when you realllly think of it..

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for history

I am thankful for puns :P

I am thankful that He has a plan..and it's always the best possible option..and when He means for something to be...everything will come together, cooperate to make sure that it is...you go surprise oh!

I am thankful for Summer...I am thankful for Us...wouldn't have been like this without this summer...

I am Thankful that i have survived day 2...lol..funny how it's a prayer that changed it all...stopped asking that i should stop..and started asking that He should help me stop...

I am thankful ojare...and on and on and on...but there is next Thursday...and a lot of days in between...

Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened, ask, and it shall be given unto you...sounds simple enough...so why are we not seeking, knocking or asking? instead more than half of the time it seems easier to just complain about it...that's one of the policies i'm reviving..don't complain about it; pray about it (lol bumper sticker much?) you'd use the same amount of time, but will achieve more..throwing negativity at a problem is not a solution...

That He will Bless you indeed....(on that Jabez ish atm :P )

Thankful Thursday: Happen already!

The thing that ought to happen, before i forget, is that moment where i resolve to stop hovering between my hiatus from spirituality, and embracing it.

So it's Thursday, 12:45am. Momsi's office, and determined to write. In fact, the challenge before me is to update all my blogs..uh oh...Blog Therapy..didn't think of that one..ironic, how this resolution to write is prompted by that exactly- Therapy... Ah well.

I am Thankful. I am thankful for my life..every aspect of it. That kind of thankful that hits you when you sit down, revise where you're at and go..nna mehn, i am BLESSED.

Problems, i don't have them. Even when i do, they are never too much to move out of the way; sooner or later, they go away...

I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that by His Will, these people are in my life to start with, and that they are still there. I have some good friends. You know? The type that you know you're stuck with for life, if not physically, then sentimentally. Those people who you will never let go of, because, simply put, they rock. Spent the day with M and Babym today... Nothing of the important has changed. Mona trying her best to compose herself while me and Babym loose the understanding of er... being worried about people's opinions...and then we tease M...and on and on..just like Js3...i am thankful for that :D..and M went makeup hunting with me and and...they both truly care about me and i know that not because of the words they say...I am thankful that i have them... I am thankful for all my friends who made me laugh today...lol..corporate beating...laughs!

I am thankful for my sisters...wonderful widdle people them... they just might be the ones who know me through and through and still...ah well..not like they can get rid of me :P...they listen to me whine, they give me massages on demand, they can complete my jokes, they are so goshdarn smart, talented, patient, understanding, caring..you know, when they are in the mood :P...and above all..forgiving

I am thankful for my mom...cuz shun...our occasional misunderstandings aside...she nurtures me like no other...she is always there for me even when i act the fool :P...she is special...

I am thankful for my dad...i owe a lot of who i am to him...

I am thankful for prayer...been doing that a bit more diligently in recent days...it's weird how i could go from praying every 10 minz...lol including short ones nau..to not praying in days..i know..i know... but there is something to slowing down and consulting with...God? Yourself? directing your energies? listening to yourself? there is something to prayer...and i suck majorly for letting that part of my life slip up...mmmm rewarding to get back on it :D

I am thankful for books...you cannot think all the thoughts in this world on your own...and even if you do, you cannot analyze them to their fullest capacities...which is why people write books, in which aside from novel ideas, you get to see your suspicions expounded upon...abi two heads are better than one?

I am thankful for psychobabble and spiritual books...the ones that guilt makes me run away from...*sigh*...

I am thankful for psychology

I am thankful for philosophy

I am thankful for writing...cuz this is kinda good...forces you to think..or at least allows your conscience wreak havoc, allows your words come out more or less unhindered, uninterrupted by our own editing...at least if you're writing the way i write these posts...some people scoff at rants, raise snooty noses in the air and things...well i say a huge ass sorry...is it really possible to confront your thoughts and real issues if you are too busy making them PC and trying to write what you THINK is the right thing? sometimes, for you..just let it rip and be introduced to yourself...i go back and read my posts sometimes, and notice that they are me in what is possibly the truest form...we get so caught up in being the way we ought to be...that we become strangers to ourselves...(yes, i gag at the cliche that whole sentence is drowning in)

I am thankful for the little things...lol.S's concern in me getting away from the cinema today, him calling on my way home...texts in the mornings, goodnights..asking if i'm okay..eh, that way in which he just generally looks out for me..."watch that step" an things...shhhhhhhh! :P

I am thankful for S...every day, over and over..I am thankful that i pray for him, i pray for us...this is no small thing. It is a big thing when it's something you feel you can and want to pray about...it's like

It's like the way i'm thankful for loving him. best.feeling.ever. i care about this person...i care about this person so much that my sisters will soon start shanking me for mentioning it :P...oh have i said how much i love him?...aunty T today mentioned that just being loved...well..that gets old if you don't love the person in return...but now loving a person...well...that's a whole other euphoria :P

I am thankful for love.... Jesus knew what he was on about, eh?

I am thankful for optimism, for happy people... touches me deep when you see people who are (not judging meyn) worse of that you in certain aspects, and they don't hate on you, instead, they wish you well and ask God to bless you... Takes a big person and i am always humbled...

I am thankful for His Word..recent epiphany involved revising an epiphany...at some point i decided that the Bible was just simplified philosophy for the masses....and then one day..i think when i read the lost symbol..it hit me that it is the most brilliant paradox ever... The Bible is simultaneously stupendously simple, and mind bogglingly complex...i guess it depends on how you are reading it...speaking of which..need to get on that..

I am thankful for Bloggerrrrrr!!! which has me writing again *cough* yes, by that i do mean this post but that's beside the point :P...bloggers are just...special..there's this solidarity, there's this beauty of this world of ideas thing happening...just might be my drug...each post touches you in it's own way..dissolved over Chari and Buttercups blog last night...cuz their story is so me right now...*sigh*

I am thankful for lotions and potions...for yes, i am an addict

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for cuddles

I am thankful for all those inexplicable things that make me so damn happy whenever i think of S

I am thankful for who he is...he is sooo considerate, caring, thoughtful (these are not synonyms...for reasons i don't think i can explain sensibly :P), intelligent, kind, sweet..and oh so sexay ;)...talented :P O:-)..funnnyyyyy!!! cute! adorable! deep...arghhhh my baby is perfect.

I am thankful for the way he gets me :D....really...there are not many things more important than this, are there?

I am thankful for the way he is there for me...my hero ^_^

I am thankful that i know him. That we text. That we talk...that i get to stare at him. That all is well with the world when we're cuddled up, "watching" Tv...

I am thankful that God will put you where you need to be...and when it's meant to be...it just works...without you going crazy to get it...

I am thankful that even when i do not realize/acknowledge or appreciate a situation at the moment, i ultimately believe that things work out the way they ought to be, and anything that happens, happens for the best..

I am thankful for trust... It is only trust that will get you through people talking bullshit...and love and support and things of that nature too :P...but trust...that ish is way up there

I am thankful for...vulnerability *..side note on that..i am borrowing a bit of Funms post to put up on the Strangest thing blog...for i stumbled upon it and thought...that is kinda what i was setting out to try to write...it is not easy to open up and trust...it is not easy to get walls down....it is not easy...but the reward is worth it...you cannot experience a relationship (in this case), if you're too busy waging what is essentially, a war. Like, hello..you are supposed to be on the same team..so all this getting battle ready and armed to the teeth, God forbid you get hurt and can't hit as hard in return..omo, in the words of M...go and enter bush and die..you iz confused :P

I am thankful for series...Family Guy has been the poison of choice this past week.....Stewie Griffin is my widdle crush :P #Now what did you learn? BWahahahahahaah! evil little baby!

I am thankful that i am healthy o!..dunno what high tech deficiency or thing i (or anybody for that matter) might have...but i am walking, talking, eating and sleeping without any major palaver...so i am thankful for being healthy ojare..it is not beans!

I am thankful for blissful coincidences

I am thankful for advice..of the well meaning sort..even if at the moment you want to slap the giver sideways...

I am thankful for my, if i might say, not too shabby people scanner...some people will just out of the blue start acting weird...meyn, i don't care how normal you were three years ago..if i sniff "idon'tnecessarilywishyouwell"...er...Goodbye! Anne Robinson style :P...nip that ish in the bud...don't need negativity messin up my aura and things :P

I am thankful for diversity

I am thankful for spirituality

I am thankful for thought

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for art..for a host of reasons...

I am thankful if you have read this far... i have been writing for the past hour!!!! oya..it's enough...let sumn remain for next time...lol

I am thankful more than words can express...but He knows...He knows cuz i can't fake it..

Seek first abi? Prioritize...and everything else will be added on to you...simple words..but the truth, when you see it happen, will blow your mind...