Thankful Thursday: and some days, i wake up numb...

It is not so much about speaking out as it is about being heard,not so much about being heard as it is about being understood.

Today I woke up and admitted that the matter with me these past two days has been the fact that I am numb. And so the analyst in me kicks in. I believe in figuring out the cause, and dealing with that.

Been trying to be all Zen, see, containing my emotions; because frankly some of them might be unnecessary, or so I've decided. To just mature into that overnight is impossible, and yet I want to attempt this feat. In order, then, to contain anger, irritation and a host of other preferably not-present emotions, my psyche has decided to go numb. Like letting go of, or trying to let go of the need to be understood by second or third or fourth parties, and being comfortable with the idea that I should be the one to understand myself and that should be okay. Rejection of the desire to act out on these emotions.

This, apparently is the only solution I can come up with while my mind comes up with a wiser solution..that's my take on it anyhow... Still on that Buddha thing...our desires are the things that torment us by not being satisfied. Solution is to reject them, no? No desire, no anxiety. Let go of anything that makes you a slave to its whims..if you're not in control of a want or emotion, it is controlling you. Simplicity. Lol..I even woke up to James 1:14? Where it says each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire..sin being very a very subjective and multi faced concept.. Yes, I do realize the pessimistic note..it's just me finding a bit of realism and peace of mind...cuz if I let all my thoughts and emotions run rampant, na crase me plus errybody around me go crase. Indiscipline is not the essence of freedom, it is one of chaos...nobody said growth was a process without pain. Lol all this soul baring sef..need to curb yo!

On to the thankfulness!

I am thankful for today!!! It ias been a productive day in almost. Every way :D

I am thankful for my mom...I love her scatter! I am thankful that she's fine..

I am thankful that my mommy was in good hands..I am thankful for the shweedieheart doc that lemme know she good :D

I am thankful for all the helpful people in uniform that helped me today...darlings!

I am thankful for Me

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for growth..I am not where I was last week

I am thankful for God and His presence in my life...He is patient meyn...cuz half the time I'm an oaf :(

I am thankful for love. It makes you find reason in everything, it gives you strength you didn't know you had...it totally rebuilds your paradigm in many places...caring for someone trulydeeplymadly is..an amazing thing

I am thankful for those *coincidentally* spot on devos and bible passages that turn up when I need them most

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for friends...I have some pretty good ones I've been blessed with, no lie..lol mostly the coincidental ones sef..,

I am thankful for food!! Mm ice cream!

I am thankful that today was a day off

I am thankful for the weather ^_^

I am thankful for my sisters...oh how I love them! Beautiful widdle human beings!

I am thankful for books!!! Me and Neitszche next...oh it's on like donkey kong!

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for every single person who spreads positivity

I am thankful for blogs

I am thankful for Jon Acuff

I am thankful for my grandparents...won't lie..it's not easy some times..make a girl eye the distance between the balcony and the asphalt...

I am thankful for care, attention, the little things..wallahi you can't bully somebody into saying the right things at the right time..

I am thankful for my baybay!!! My baby is sooooo amazing :D I love him...and that's the way it is..

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for BBM ohhh!

I am thankful for ballet...oh so beautiful!

I am thankful for him being there and being patient with my weirdness

I am thankful for Understanding and Wisdom...

I am thankful that everything happens for a reason..one we couldn't script and yet are awed by..

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for faith and belief..you hear it all the time, positive thinkin sef...believing in a thing gives it power. Kabisa!

I am thankful for fun girly things

I am thankful for ridiculous sales...er 40€ to 7€...nope, bo questions, just ring that up right quick..suckassss! Chucks dey go out of season/fashion? Teehee

I am thankful for the high you get when you accomplish something

I am thankful for nature

I am thankful for everybody that has ever said a prayer for me...may them blessings return to them tenfold!

I am thankful for trust..won't even lie..it's humbling to be confided in
Cuz this trust kiniko is not easy..there are layers and forms of it :p

I am thankful for Dee and Miz P and madam R :p wonderful women!

I am thankful for my hair iron..kai..this straight hair is a maintenance delight!

I am thankful for new chances and the opportunity to right wrongs

I am thankful for art

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for being understood, even if not all the ti by everyone in the way I mean..asking for that would be being greedy

I am thankful for philosophies and religions and the wealth of info they've passed down through time..

I am thankful for Philosophy

I am thankful for that psych chick..omdaze angelperson!!

I am thankful that I am so thoroughly blessed

I am thankful that he loves me...for reasons that I can't quite figure out, to be honest..but I'm not asking too many questions :p

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for my budding er..dalliance with Zen..it has helped in a few places..I think..

I am thankful for crying...made me feel proper better numerous times!

I am even thankful for the blues...happy moods never produced good poems..er.."Tortured artist"? There ya go! Pain!

I am thankful for honesty and vulnerability...without which you're not living..read on a blog today that most people would rather avoid hurt/pain and lead miserable lives, than risk experiencing hurt in the course of living life to the fullest...know the theory..fighting it..

I am thankful!!!!!