Thankful Thursday: Suspecting God.

I jotted down this topic as a post idea about two weeks ago....it's funny how the last couple of days have helped me understand how it  happens in my life.

God is good, God is faithful, God never lets us down....and yet somehow, we hesitate when He asks something of us. We stop, squint and go...are You suuuure? like, are You serious serious? Do You not see that i'm going to get hurt if i do this?

Quacky and i once talked about how if you're not  being pushed out of your comfort zone, then you're probably sleeping on a bicycle. God is constantly challenging us; it's the only way to grow. If you surround yourself with things that make you comfortable, you will remain stagnant. Growth requires you to go out and do something new...and yes, it's a risk, yes, it feels like you'll fall flat on your face, and even if you do, you won't be where you were and that is already worth it i guess. No lesson learned is a waste...

Now see, apppaaaarently, as i've only recently started to understand, i am not a very trusting person. I might have picked it up somewhere along the line, but i've noticed that i maintain an attitude of not allowing myself believe people for the most part. It's conducting relationships (with people in general) with the acceptance that the person is going to up and leave at any moment, or that whatever they say may or may not be true..And for the most part, i'm really rather okay with it..it's safe. It means that i don't get let down, i don't get as disappointed as i know i would if i threw my heart into it..because when i do trust, when i do let people in..mahn, it's no holds barred and there's a whole different set of expectations...and i've had that thrown in my face and it's the worst..

So anyway, here i am, all comfortable and walled up and it's working out...and God throws me this situation where i'm going on nothing but trust. Different scenarios, but i've noticed the common theme has been having to just go on trust. It sounds crazy, and is most probably walking the thin line of dangerous...but here we are. I have prayed about this in so many ways, i've turned and fled, i've dug my heels in and asked God if He's sure, i've pleaded that it is madness and He should allow me skip whatever this may be...

He just keeps saying that i should look back and answer if anything bad has befallen me so far...and the truth is that nothing has. So He says to keep going, that there is a lesson in there...and b'leeee me! i am learning them, i'm seeing them, and i'm understanding them...And in the face of this, i'm still anxious as crazy most of the time..

God says He will never abandon us, He'll never put us in a situation He isn't planning to get us through...and i testify to this...yet somehow i'm still looking back like...er, God? You want me to go there? like, You're sure? i should keep going? and He's there nodding..and i'm still double checking each move...He understands...

But mahn...He's put me smack in this situation where i have to confront this trust issue. It's pure madness! It's so in yo face it's crazy. I probably am too. I've been in situations where all things considered, i wasn't safe, save for the trust that this person won't decide to cause me any harm. That's crazy...don't do that..but to each his own, and you cannot dictate anyone's course of events but your own.

I believe in God. like believe believe. Some people may find it nuts that i talk about Him guiding me..but it is what it is...i don't think words will ever be able to convey what it is to another person until they experience it. Taste and see that the Lord is good. A couple of months ago, i would have raised eyebrows at myself...but here we are, and too much has happened in my life for me to discredit my relationship with God...

So yes, i do believe that He leads us, i do believe that we need to go where He leads, i do believe He has a purpose...and sometimes it seems to defy logic and common sense...and even i will be the first to tell people to not get carried away and not put themselves in comprmising situations because they think God led them somewhere...maybe i'm being a coward about it, but i would not want to take that kind of responsibility...i am speaking for myself.

What i can say is that i do not regret going where He leads. He has already taught me a lot with the situation to date...it's the continuation part that leaves me apprehensive...but i cannot lie and say it's been without result. Quackster pointed out to me that this situation saved me in one sense...and it's true..i do not fully understand how far the ripples go, but i do know that in one moment, things i've misunderstood, things that have caused me hurt for so long just became so clear that i burst out laughing....so my verdict is that it's worth it...

It's just this thing where i have no safety net, and a lot of logical arguments against going ahead...but there's nowhere to go but there, armed with nothing but faith in God, and my limping trust in mankind...it's a challenge, and i have a lot to learn, so LGT.

I am thankful for life.

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for the relationship He makes possible between us

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for His love

I am thankful for His grace

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for experiences

I am thankful for the great weight He lifted off my soul this week...it was a much needed unburdening

I am thankful for do-overs

I am thankful for His word

I am thankful for doing things His way...truth is, sometimes, it's hard. The alternative is all shiny and begging to be used...it is however, not impossible to do it His way. It's not even that hard once you get round to it..it's just hard choosing it, because our minds scream that it's not rational and will never work, so we try to do what we think is "fail proof"...If you choose to do it His way, He will see you through, best believe. ah, see temptation..you just need to keep your mind on what He says about it and don't allow yourself to fall for anything else...in a short time, you'll come around and wonder why you were even considering to break His instruction...

I am thankful for my family...i am blessed to have them

I am thankful for my friends...shout out Quacky! in my trust issue riddled world, my friends are few...but when they are my friends...dizzamn! My soul agrees with her :P

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for just how much i have changed..in a good way..you don't notice these things from day to day..but at some point you meet situations and realize that you cannot imagine how or why you once handled them the way you did...it's amazing, really...

I am thankful for Uni! i am an anxiety champion...but to say the truth and shame the devil...every single thing i've been nervous about just gets sorted in an instant and it's grace and favour all the way and i'm like :D

I am thankful for church

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for Quackster listening patiently to my ranting and commenting with wisdom and calming me down...that's special

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that God will use everything to bring you to Him..in Love...He doesn't create bad situations, but He will use them to save you...things would move a lot faster if you were seeking Him as well :P He doesn't hide

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for protection

I guess i'm thankful for trust...

I am thankful!!!

P.s...i'm still kinda acting like a ram and digging my heels in and fearing to go on with this...*singing* everything rides on faith somehowwwwwwwww...He is faithful and cannot deny Himself.

Have a blessed week!!!