Thankful Thursday: I believe in Miracles....you sexy thing...

Hmm jumble post. Fragments of things. Prayer, Miracles and the fact that you cannot pretend or ignore most things away....lol...listing them out was mostly for my benefit, before my mosquito attention span works its wonder...We shall start from the last..

It's nothing i can go into detail about, but it's worth mentioning because i found myself crying my eyes out yesterday over what i have not known was an issue for most of my life. I have pretended, or convinced myself it was okay, even told myself of the positive that came of it...and then yesterday..i realized i had a lot of hurt and regrets i couldn't explain away, had no start point to pin them to, no box, so they just hung around..crushing and unsolvable..i shouldn't even use the past tense..they are still there...However, they say admitting is the first step, acknowledging the existence of this problem IS a big deal...So i guess i'm thankful for it...the lesson out of it is that no matter how long you pretend, lie to yourself, even manage to believe in the pretence..that's like a bandage on a wound that needs stitches..but then again...there is a time for everything..maybe delusion was necessary all the while it lasted...sooner or later though, we have to confront things, because they don't go anywhere, they only play catch up..so the sooner, the better...

Prayer and Miracles i could lump as one, seeing as my prayers always lead to miracles...Now you know that miracles to me don't mean snow in the Kalahari. Miracles are in everything i see God's work in..be it tiny, or huge jaw droppingly OMG inspiring..I have a soft spot for the little things..because then i feel God right there with me in the most mundane of things. Prayer, cannot be overhyped. I know i'm acting like i just discovered that things grow out of the ground and feel the need to spread the wonderful news to everyone, but after forgetting for so long...yea....Prayer!!! seriously!..i'm still learning even..but i will say that it's most definitely rewarding. You should try it, genuinely and honestly, before knocking it, because when you do, and pay attention to the fact that God DOES respond...it's surreal...like you can see results..and all you can be is awestruck...A recent example of my awestruckness is the fact that last night, i was in some weird melancholy mood when i got into bed..mumbling a prayer, i prayed to learn to pray again, and even more than that, to listen...So i'm lying there, already drifting to la la land and flipping through memories of things, when Quacky comes into my mind full force...I went through how we met first day in ss1, our jokes, our adventures, how totally awesome and selfless and beautiful this person is and it seriously overwhelmed me how much i love my friend. Then i felt...omg i must tell her! i must! it was late so i was thinking it will be an offline sort of thing...and i typed it out...and she wasn't sleeping..and well, it will suffice to say that we had a very emotional before bed conversation...Quacky ROCKS!! and i feel so blessed to have her in my lifem ss1 was worth it, everything we've been through is worth it...Anywho :'( lol...turns out she was also in a weird sort of mood and had needed cheering up...it's just amazing how with that, we were there for each other when we needed it..and didn't even know or nothing...for me, that is a miracle. And as we concured, God is one awesome Somborry!

Sooo that's this Thursday... Life seems to be a series of situations thrown at you, Up ones and Down ones, and it's up to us to choose if we ride the wave as is, or we skip form Up to Up as much as we can..because we do have a choice...and lately i realize i've been struggling very hard to Un-know this. Yes, it's shameful...i find myself trying (knowing full well the truth) to hang on to some to the left upsetting emotions and paranoia because they fuel self pity and anger and resentment which i totally need to be rebellious and angry and sharp tongued...and i realize the ridiculousness of it...and for some reason it seems more tempting to be angry and upset than to let go and ignore paranoia and be bloody happy...but nooo..misery and negativity is all shimmery there and for heaven knows what reason, it's more satisfying to curse than it is to ignore and move on...Seriously..isn't that quite the illusion? How, on the most left/right, black/white level, is one better than the other?

Choosing the right (happier :) ) way seems like, and IS the sensible way to go...but what makes it more tempting then, to give into tantrum throwing and sulking? So many questions...Ah yes...i was making the point about the fact that it IS a choice..one that when it comes down to it, we are just too lazy to make...for reasons that are yet to be coherently revealed to me..but again..baby steps...for now, it's Natalie Grant's "I will not be Moved" that's my inspiration..beautiful lyrics, and soooooo perfect for this moment in my life. She goes : i will stumble, i will fall down, but i will not be moved, i will make mistakes, i will face heartache, but i will not be moved...and such forth..in fact...the first verse is the story of my life...but i'm discovering Him again, and if i have any sense, i will hang on..restore the va va voom to this relationship!!!! now for the verse..

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

...As i said...story of my life...

I am thankful for this post...honestly i was reluctant to type it cuz i thought...eh, i don't know what to write jor, i was freshly (with a lot of personal encouragement) upset, and unwilling to be positive about anything..all cynical and..yea...i'm working on this...i got to typing didn't i? it's a lesson in trust again..just the other day i was looking for the verse that says about (to Paul and Peter i think..no not the Okoyes :P ) not being anxious or worried about what to preach beforehand, because when the time comes, He will give you what to say...what can i say..i rest my case...and i do trust Him.

I am thankful for my family...God stuck me with the perfect bunch of people who have no choice but to love me and i them...

I am thankful for my relationship with S...in line with everything being interconnected...i have learned, and am learning so much from it each day...

I am thankful for S, who he is and for his support :P me 1: nico 0..booya!

I am thankful for jokes

I am thankful that even if this might technically be wrong...hurling something across a room does wonders for your mood...

I am thankful for my friends...again..Angels that God puts in your life. Angels! like, the way i love them...ya dunno meynn :P

I am thankful for the internet...and all the info it puts you in touch with...ahem...yes, watching The real Housewives of Beverly Hills is informative! and i'm ENJOYING it...shut up.

I am thankful for God..and His patience with me, unending forgiveness, understanding and support...cannot be easy..again i say...i woulda smacked my head off tey tey

I am thankful for understanding...

I am thankful for progress

I am thankful that God is as cool as you allow yourself to acknowledge...if you think God is distant, cold and mean..it's time to re-evaluate your power of short sighted assumption and your athletic prowess in jumping to conclusions...

I am thankful that He listens..

I am thankful that He speaks...through everything...

I am thankful that He acts...i can make a very direct connection between Him making me go cold turkey cut off on a coupple of things and the improvement in our relationship...

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for communiation

I am thankful for putting down walls and formality and...lol CC as i will call her put up the status that i have been visualizing for a week...in summary...there is no need to be acting all formal and "proper" with God (or anyone that's worth it really), because it will lead you nowhere...abi everything is okay and you are doing well? ngwanu carry on....nahh...i'm having to learn that if i have to show the world my "of course i have it all together" face, then God is who i can come to and cry and tell just how messed up i am and where i need help...He sometimes delegates the duty of hearing me out to the mommy and a few aformentioned angels...like "God in me" says...What they don't know is when she come home, she gets on her knees....yea... He gives you the support you need to hold it together in the scary scary public...

I am thankful that in line with most things being a cycle..it will swing round, and those things that used to be that are not so much anymore and that i miss will be here again...lol i know..cryptic cryptic me...but i have to universalize these things!

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for my future babies ^_^..the twins, Fruit n Fibre, or Salt and Pepper :P teehee...it's all these shows..i blame them...but they have me wanting to press fast forward...Kendra, Kourtney...I am kuku thankful for parents who LOVE their kids..i'm not one to judge how who expresses their love, but i'm a softie for the hands on parents, who get that there is nothing more important in a child's life than their parents involvement and and.....lol i'm a softie :P

I am thankful for my Uni..lecturers, friends, food and all

I am thankful that i get to be thankful

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful that He's dragging me along again...cuz my my do i need help on this :D

What are you thankful for? take a min and push out the tempting negativity and focus on what you do have to be thankful for...Not with resentment...If you hate something, there is no need ti be grudgingly thankful...wait for that until the time is right and you find a reason why you are genuinely thankful for it...oya! count your blessings name them one by one...:P

Listen though...Pray and listen...

Have a blessed week..

OOOh...awareness..i am thankful for awareness...been inert way too long...