Thankful Thursday: It's the God in me...

No, no, no need to panic, i haven't caught some New Age confusion bug, i do not think we are God and God doesn't exist. That is silly. I believe in God, for the simple reason that i exist, and i know that for a fact. I think, i can poke and prod myself and i laugh and cry and see other people and the world around me and i know beyond a doubt that it is all real for me. This analogy never fails to cement my belief in God. Like Descartes said, i think, therefore i am. Simple. Profound.

I've had my moments of questioning, of wondering if it's a race without a point to it. Believe, worry, live..then die and face nothingness. Yea, i know. It's funny how this sort of thought used to make me have overwhelming Catholic style Guilt panic attacks, used to feel like, stop bloody thinking you oaf, stop questioning! But of course the rebel in me would accept no such foolishness..which led to extended periods of disbelief and rejection of all things religion tainted...

But then, i think i grew up and realized exactly that. I had a problem with religion and not with the concept of God. Any confusion i've ever had has been with the inconsistent pictures of God that religion keeps painting. Sometimes, it's a bit like 1984..He's supposedly one way today, completely opposite tomorrow and you better believe it, miraculously keeping those two concepts mutually exclusive and equally positive. It gets hard to wrap your head around, and obviously, no one is looking to give you answers for their whims. God is the way then need to be at given moments in time, isn't it? Today they are asking Him to roast their enemies, and tomorrow they are telling you how He is a God of peace and we are supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive 7 times how many times again? and don't forget to love your neighbour, thief or not and, please, please God keep me away from the unholy filth. Uh huh, pick and choose.

Well, see, the God i know gave me a brain, and He proceeds to make it physically hurt every time i try to brainwash it into accepting ridiculous things. That's the point of this blog, isn't it? It's called my God and me. It's me letting go of all these forced misconceptions of God and having a relationship with the One that is alive in my life, the One that is realer than any story i've ever read. That is the God in me, and all i want at this point, is to figure out how he really is and then get in line..easier said than done when half the time you're read a long list of protocol to observe, and the other time you're told to just go up and hug Grandpa G and throw in some cuss words cuz He cool like that and will even do the Scoobi Doo with you...*sigh*..

Sometimes, i speak in crazytalk...but there is no such thing as crazy talk..only talk that other people are not comfortable with believing.

Noooowwwww!

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for Prayer

I am thankful for second chances

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for Spring, sunshine and those pretty purple flowers!

I am thankful for hope...

I am thankful for the triviality of things in the big picture

I am thankful for the complexity of the simple things eventually

I am thankful for the simplicity of the complex things

I am thankful for the beauty of the simple things and how much meaning and value they manage to pack

I am thankful for heels. God bless whoever invented them..naturally while slapping them severely..what sort or sadist invents those things? aaaah...heels...

I am thankful that i am so blessed. That is the truth. I am blessed, and i'm still trying to figure out why. I could do so much more, you know? but i don't and He seems to pick up the tab and everything turns out okay..why? i keep having this fear that soon, it's going to all come crashing down..good things like this don't last, do they? i mean..i did not earn this...i...i have my theories sha..but they are little more than desperate rationalizations...

I am thankful for S, and just how cool it is that i actually think of someone throughout my day, sometimes, we talk a little, again, i really am not nuts! sometimes i just flip through the memory album, and most times, i make sketches for future pictures...and it's all so easy, it comes so naturally...i am thankful for that :P

I am thankful that it's almost the weekend...i seem to be an odd sort of alcoholic/junkie..See i don't abuse any substances, but i manage to actively numb myself so i can get through the week with the least amount of consciousness...i don't even know what's so terrible about my weeks- i'd just rather be doing something else, really, instead of going to that place to fill my head with useless information that keeps me from doing anything truly productive..lol sometimes, i'm a hippie like that

I am thankful for who i am..love me or hate me, i'm pretty cool with me :D

I am thankful for moments of enlightenment and epiphany

I am thankful for literature...Nick Hornby was interesting..strengthened the distrust of marriage in me once again..and now...it's Stephen baybayyy! been wanting him for a while now..been putting him off so i could savour every page when i finally got to him..oddish logic, i know..

I am thankful for writing...which i need to do more often

I am thankful for intelligent conversations

I am thankful for Satire...George Orwell is my hero! and allegory and metaphor...because in some twisted way, talking about something else is the ideal way to convey crystal clear message about something.

I am thankful for my nap this afternoon ^_^...nothing beats sleeping when you really feel like it..might be worth staying up till 4am for sef :P

I am thankful for the way literature is a means of escape...somehow your problems go somewhere long enough for you to get the strength to face them while you read about such and such needing to get to here or there so that God forbid this and that happens to another such and such...and in books...the problems all get solved! do you realize what a burst of positivity that is? problems apparently get fixed! there is hope for you...hehe

I am thankful for our silly convos and my dry jokes and the often juvenile innuendoes we come up with...my dayze they are the best thing ever!!!!

I am thankful for movies and cinemas and holding hands

I am thankful for Old Dogs ;)

I am thankful for Old School..notice a trend here?

I am thankful for Enid Blyton...lmao..okay, random, but again, literature has seen me through so many hard times!

I am thankful for my mom...her love keeps me going meyn, for real..the power of it floors me...

I am thankful for my dad..i am thankful that we have become friends and we mostly cool and i love him :D..might seem a perfectly normal thing to say..but it wasn't always like that so..

I am thankful for friends..real ones..cuz they rawk!

I am thankful for jokes...

I am thankful for cereal!

I am thankful for awful things that you endure, then realize that they made you grow..

I am thankful for my grandma..i really am..keep praying we finally find that balance..

I am thankful for my grandpa...well because he cooool!

I am thankful for me sisters!!! they so kewl! sharp az anyfink meyn..they catch on to my most complex and vague of jokes...mainly because they have a better memory and grasp of pop culture than i do..but no movie/song/book reference, no matter how vague goes unconnected by them..we have day long games based on this!..it's the simple things that mean the world..

I am thankful for my uni...it's all so warm and friendly..you know, especially if you also ignore the idiots :D

I am thankful that my friends live in the hostel. And that the hostel is in practically the same building as my faculty..because i do not know how i would have gone through yesterday without putting my feet up on KiKi's stomach and chillin for a couple of hours...i for commot shoe waka go house meyn :P

I am thankful for Kiki! and all the stuffed toy animals that make my life a brighter place..yes, i have stuffed animals, ndso? hush!

I am thankful, really that i am so blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me, the nastyness in my life is damn near non existent and things seem to go my way even when i'm screwing up majorly..yes, i do realize that screwing up majorly to me is probably a joke to the average person..but it is what it is..

I am thankful for all the things waiting to be learned, and no i do not mean yet another useless formula on how to calculate devaluation of a bloody table...are you SERIOUS? you want to tie ish like that down to numbers? get a therapist. STAT.

I am thankful for intuition...embrace the erm..gut feeling. Voices in the head need special screening..

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for individuality

I am thankful for expression

I am thankful for sleep.

Good night!!!!...ZzzzzzZZzzzz