Thankful Thursday: Forgive me for Forgetting...

I read yesterday, that guilt is the most selfish emotion. This is true.

I am sorry that i have let guilt make me forget that this God and me thing, it's a relationship.

I am sorry that i have forgotten that i can do nothing without Him, and instead have been actin' like mizz Independent...there are people you form that Shakara for...He is not among these people.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to cast my burdens.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk things through with Him.

I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk to Him plain and simple, forgotten to spend time in His presence. What is a relationship without communication?

I am sorry that i have let life get in the way..Ironic, seeing how this "life" does not measure up to what i have with Him in it.

I am sorry that i have neglected Him.

I am sorry that i have taken Him for granted.

Most of all, i am sorry that i forgot what our relationship is, forgot just how amazing it gets, forgotten everything. That is probably the biggest sin there is, yes? I cannot remember the chapter and verse right now, but i suddenly understand what it means that the people who have it worst are those who have seen, and then turned away..those who have felt, known, and then forgotten. It's not that God will smite you ( He doesn't act all petty like tat, contrary to sensational opinion)..it's the fact that the emptiness of a life without spirituality after you have BEEN there will consume you...slowly, quickly and totally. Not a place where you want to be.

So today, i had a long prayer during my massage...saw a couple of mistakes in previous requests..See i used to go to Him and be all "i will be good this time, i will turn over a new leaf and i will do this, and i will stop doing that"...during this prayer, it occurred to me that i just might have it all wrong.

See i'm going to God and promising to do and be all these things....on my own? I am, in essence, telling Him, look, hey, You just forgive me and that's it..i got this....WRONG! as goeth the thing with casting burdens, He doesn't expect you to come to Him all fixed and perfect...the thing is in you coming to Him and asking Him to fix you and make you right...and all this while i have been waiting to get right on my own, and THEN "feel" worthy of His conversation...*sigh*..we wander about blindly in the dark..led in opposite directions because of our own misunderstanding...

So i am thankful for this epiphany...

I am thankful that the future isn't some obscure date some days ahead...it kinda starts when you want it to. Make your changes and stop finding excuses!

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for family

I am thankful that He knocks sense into me

I am thankful for the big picture...because when you look at it...all the day to day wahala looses it's significance and scare ability...it's all so trivial...like how in the big picture..the beef i was having with my mom is such a joke..looked at the big picture and suddenly felt very little, stupid, and selfish..

I love my mother. I love her like none other... Everything and anything she can do for me, she does...continuously...without fail...I love her

I am thankful for my life..all of it.. :D

I am thankful for massages

I am thankful for cooking...for food

I am thankful for art

I am thankful for MY BOYFRIEND!!!! lol.... proof that God loves me no matter how big of an idiot i am? He blessed me with this this this superamazing person, and i still can't figure out where what when or why...but i am so thankful it's not even funny...God makes plans..and His plans...oh they rawk :)

I am thankful that S..is who he is, the way he is...

I am thankful for my friends...them true ones..the ones that matter...

I am thankful that Babym is backkkkkkk!!!!! i can already feel the laughter induced migranes....boy iz a heeeeedyattt!...the best one you'll ever meet

I am thankful for laughter...my new book says that laughter is crucial...S makes me laugh like none other...my sister has accused me of glowing lately, and blames him :P

I am thankful for...thought....which i am off to indulge in...mommy needs PC...

I am thankful that i get to sit here, all then fingers and toes, type this thing out, and be genuinely thankful ,because i have SO MUCH to be thankful for....i am blessed, and it is not a coincidence...there is a God, and that God loves me..

I am thankful for learning...a little bit each day..

I am thankful for open mindedness, open minded people..

I am thankful for how S gets me... He just does and that...that is special.

I am thankful for Us..me and him...i am thankful.

I am thankful that...He brings me joy :P a la LL Cool J and er...kai who was it in that song with Gabrielle Union?..have.to.google.

I am thankful that tomoz is Friday and thus begins the weekend....we get to spend time togetherrrrr :P

I am thankful ooooooooooo! e no get end point meyyyn :P

Stay blessed...and and stop trying to fix your damn self and get over yourself and ask for some help..baby steps...