Obviously, my reasons are quite legit so let's get that one over with :P...it's quite simple really...according to the "once bitten, twice shy" doctrine, i went into turtle mode. Vulnerability overdrive and not wanting to share myself..because my words are an extension of me, and putting them all up and out there and having them...again, no matter....especially as i have been going through a period where there's just been literally no me to share.
They say that a person can only share what they have. Out of what they do possess can they take a bit, or a lot, and hand to another person, in the same nature as is the thing itself...i have come with my long sentences..basically, if you have apples, you can share apples, if you have rotten tomatoes, that's all that you can potentially share, there.
All that one is even another post. In line with taking baby steps, and continuing my all round healing and growth process, it has been hinted to me that writing this post today (not tomorrow, and not yesterday) is the next step...if it's a starting step to a line of steps, or just a control step, after which i go to another lesson, i have no idea.
I just really really really want to yell this from the mountaintops: In ALL things, be thankful. Yesterday just looked like Punkd....it was the first day of the beginning of this reform i've started out on...and all these challenges were just popping up left, right and center to the point where if it wasn't frustrating, i would have given in to the laughter that was just fighting to get out...and i did laugh, eventually....But again, that's not the point. The point is, they all challenged me to be thankful, despite the situation, to live up to the positivity that i embarked on the day before. At first, it was through sheer determination, because the only thing i wanted to do was tap into my rich vocabulary of cusses..in several languages...small small, i answered instead with thanks...and you know what? it calmed me down, and i started being genuinely thankful, regardless of the situation, because it put things in perspective and made me see that the blessings i do have just dwarf and annihilate these insignificant things that if payed attention to, if fed with the negativity they crave, are a threat to my general happiness not just at the given moment, but in future, and in the big picture of my life...
I'm just started out on this...but the blessings and fortune that have just enveloped me as a result...are the best motivation i could ask for...Trust in God, know that He doesn't make mistakes...your own part will be to pass any tests thrown your way, do not give in to negativity and doubt...and your joy will just grow before your eyes. Oh, and that is another point..be happy. NOW. Not when something happens or when you buy something or eat something. Decide to be happy, and simply be so...it requires nothing more than deciding to be so, and BEING so. Do not tie your happiness to any external factors. To do so is to surrender all the rights you have over you to everyone and everything else, and have no control over your own life...and that's just silly. You own your own happiness.
Okayyy...before i gwan break something...these muscles have been out of practice, yea? before i just strain sumn...kai...but i guess there is what to write about meyn...the second half of this year has just been...whoaaaaa! i just thank God! I am so thankful it's making me delirious...
I am thankful for Life, for God, for Love, for friends and family....and everything else that i shall do justice to in subsequent posts....
xoxo.
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