Thankful Thursday: When it rains, it pours...

It's either life is like this in general, or my life has a special knack for taking the piss.

It's gotten so regular that i can predict certain things like clockwork...premonitions, confirmation, chain reaction...it's all so ridiculous sometimes that you just want to cry...there is no energy to even be upset or angry...just neutral tears...

You know...all loneliness wants from us is to spend time with us...And somehow, we keep running, looking for people and things to spend time with so that we can avoid it...but all it wants...is to cosy up with us...and we act like it has cooties...it provides the one thing we seek in our marathon escaping it...It's there when nothing else is...reliable, welcoming, open arms ready to comfort..why do we insult it so?

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for work

I am thankful for words

I am thankful for blessings

I am thankful for favour

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for experience

I am thankful for solitude

I am thankful for who He is making me

I am thankful for God's love

I am thankful for sleep

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for peace

I am thankful for our trainer :P cool people!

I am thankful for new things

I am thankful for finished chapters

I am thankful for moving on

I am thankful for being true to myself

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for routine

I am thankful for changes

I am thankful for distraction

I am thankful for numbness

I am thankful for feelings

I am thankful for letting go

I am thankful for Love

I am thankful for Joy

I am thankful for contentment

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for pain

I am thankful for tears

I am thankful for beauty

I am thankful for nautre

I am thankful for art

I am thankful!

Thankful Thursday: 1, 2, 3.

1. Do not ever let anyone intimidate you.

2. Thrive wherever you are planted, no matter the conditions...Work as though for God and not man.

3. Faith.

I am thankful for Life.

I am thankful for God.

I am thankful for Literature...

I am thankful for the opportunity to read all the books i have practically consumed in the last couple of weeks. Stieg Larsson was a blessed person!

I am thankful for Wisdom

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for blessings

I am thankful for favour

I am thankful for my co-workers

I am thankful for the atmosphere at work

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for my mother

I am thankful for my relationships with my family members

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for change

I am thankful for chance

I am thankful for consistency

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for humour

I am thankful for faith

I am thankful that He leads us to where we are meant to be according to His perfect plan...one step at a time

I am thankful for His love

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for lessons learned

I am thankful for thicker skin

I am thankful for resolutions...That have dawned on me while being enacted. Resolutions declared rarely yield positive results

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for positivity

I am thankful for good people..they exist. In varying shades of permanency

I am thankful that i have God, and nothing else matters. He sees everything, and He is fair and Just.

I am thankful for unanswered prayers

I am thankful that i have so much to be thankful for. Whatever i want and don't have, there's a good reason behind it. We shouldn't let focus on these things make us ungrateful for everything else. That i am thankful about so much doesn't mean i don't have pain you cannot even begin to imagine...i just know that it's not permanent...so we man up and move on...

I am thankful!

Thankful Thursday: No regrets.

It's very simple, really. Straightforward as the title. No regrets. Of course there are things i think i would have  handled differently, given the chance. Of course i'm not sanctioning mistakes i've made or saying they are good and everyone should have a go. However, i do not regret any period or phase in my life, because they have led me to this very place i am right now. And this is a place, space that i'm quite content in. No, i have not peaked, no, i have not attained everything attainable...but that is not a problem for one minute. I have my whole life ahead of me, God willing, and there are things that are yet to happen, and have their own time and place.

The more i pay attention to the picture of my life, the clearer i see the connections, causes and effects, how things happen with that perfect timing that God has. At any given moment in time, i have everything i NEED. It may not be everything i want or crave, but as God is my witness, it's exactly what i need. God always sets it up such that there is a seamless transition between one phase and the next. He always provides a getaway when things get too much. He changes my scenery just at the point when i can't stand the previous one any longer in any way, He moves me on to the next. Lessons learned along the way, wisdom, and growth...Yup, i have no regrets. o

Maybe it's the same for everyone, maybe God wires our lives different, but i know that a long time ago i turned it all over to Him, and live with the trust and faith that He is in control, and whatever happens in my life, happens according to His will...and when i run away and try to go against it, He always leads me back, takes the situation, and shapes it into the way He intended..

So i am thankful. I am beyond thankful. My soul is doing that thing where it feels like it's swollen with joy and bursts out of my body in random smiles, and even more random tears. Have you ever been there? have you ever been so joyful you want to cry?

What am i happy about? Life. Here, now. His presence in it. It's that simple. It's nothing spectacular at the same time as it is everything amazing. He calmed my fears, he soothes my anxiety away, He provides for me, He protects me, He bestows favour upon me, He gives me joy. This is why i'm happy. Because God makes it all okay. And it is. All okay that is..and me? I'll be fine..i always am. :)

I am thankful for Life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for my mother

I am thankful for my sisters

I am thankful for my father

I am thankful for my grandparents

I am thankful for the favour He smothers me in

I am thankful for my Uni

I am thankful for Miss O, who hooked me up with this internship/job...God bless her over and over again. Y'all should say a prayer!

I am thakful for my job

I am thankful for the people at work

I am thankful for encouragement

I am thankful for my friends

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for Joy

I am thankful for Church

I am thankful for sleep

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for new beginnings

I am thankful for shedding skin...figuratively, not literally..i am not a reptile.

I am thankful for humour

I am thankful for books

I am thankful for literature in general..words, language

I am thankful for God's blessings

I am thankful for all those little things He put into my life along the way that are suddenly the big things and decide big, important things

I am thankful for trust

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for His faithfulness

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for Time

I am thankful for Understanding

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for His peace

I am thankful for His Love

I am thankful!

Everything i am, is by the Grace of God. And for this, i am humbled and thankful and so very joyful.

Thankful Thursday: A bit of salt, a little lemon...

Again, i find my voice in food references...what can i say?

First though..i've been on a break, a hiatus if you will...It is with hesitation i call it either since it has been more of chance than choice. Since the last post, i have spent every thursday either at my friend's, at my godmothers...or M or M came back from their holidays and we went out...I usually remembered it was Thursday and i had to do something on Friday morning, or afternoon.

I am not proud of this. Not that i have anything against breaks, or feel that they have no place where this blog is concerned..but that i know it's a reflection, or a result of the state of my spiritual life, if you will. Now, there have been times when i feel less than sunny, and still banged out posts, so the absence of posts is no indication of anything as a general rule. In this case, however, i recognise that if i was where i'd like to be, then i would actually remember, and plan the posts during the week, and would make the time, come rain or shine, to post it.

Again, though..everything happens as it ought to so i'm not beating myself up over it.

God has been amazing, and especially faithful to me this year. I mention faithfulness separately, because along with His Grace, i need that. Our relationship has been riding on His faithfulness, on His being there because from my side..whew! I've been running, i've been hiding, i've been slippin, and i've been slidin'...He is patient, He encourages me. In my darkest moments, He speaks to me and He tells me, He shows me He loves me...and i know we can never do anything to "deserve" or "earn" His love...but mahn...i know better than to be where i've been...that's all i'm saying.

He is faithful, and with every situation, He creates the path that leads me into His arms. If we must run, then let us run into His arms, if we must hide, then let us do it in His embrace. Sometimes, it's when we are beaten and low that we find it in us to crawl back to Him.

And i am thankful for this. It is dual reality of opposite sentiments. On the one hand, there are things in my life right now that upset me and cause me pain, and i feel it and want to wallow in it...on the other hand, i know the truth that is that these things are things i had no business reaching out for or having in the first place, and i'm thankful that God has set it up such that they are not part of my life..it's an interesting state to be in...I'm hurtin' over losses, and i'm so thankful to God for making it possible to let go...ha...

I have so much to be thankful for...it's been a whole month! Today is the last day of the first month of this year! like...whoa...I cannot wait to see what else this year holds for me...there are so many firsts, so many steps, so much growth to be done...

Back to the salt and lemons though.

During one of my mind wanderings and musings, i caught myself on the thought of relationships and the sort of people we ought to be with. (Yeah, i know, huge surprise there). This is what occoured to me. The best sort of person a person can be with, is one who makes you the best you that you are.

I was thinking about this in relation to how there are people, friends included, with whom i feel like there's a part of me locked away when i'm with them. And then there are strangers who make you come alive and achieve things that you never knew you had in you. I have seen this happen with encouragement from teachers, i have had this happen with people just trusting you, or having the sort of demeanour and conversation from which you just...you know...feel you can take on the world.

There is a distinction between this, and just a person who adores your amazing self. This is where lemons come in. and salt too...See, both do this thing to food where they make the original thing pop. A bit of salt in a chocolate cake makes a world of difference, or on a watermelon for instance. Or how lemons make seafood that much better.

I know this sounds silly right about here, but in my head it was a teeny eureka moment. I have had glimpses of this, and i know how amazing it is. I've been around people who make my very spirit shrink and close up...and i'll tell you this...it is the most horrible feeling bar none. To feel repressed in a relationship is the most pointless thing. Be with people- friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues, husbands, wives who water your spirit, the ones who make you pop :P...it goes without saying that you should be the same to them...

On that happy note...

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for favour. The blessings in my life are not worked by my own hand. I am not the smartest, the most hard working, the most kind, or the most anything.

I am thankful for His faithfulness.

I am thankful for His patience.

I am thankful for wisdom.

I am thankful for His patience.

I am thankful for His perfect timing.

I am thankful for love.

I am thankful for laughter.

I am thankful for my first official job yo! Write this date down! whoop whoop! All by His grace..

I am thankful for His provision

I am thankful for His protection

I am thankful for prayer

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for books! and free ebooks!

I am thankful for wifi

I am thankful for His LOVE!

I am thankful that He cares for me

I am thankful that i have everything i need

I am thankful that i have Him

I am thankful for 2Cor5:17

I am thankful for the relationship i am blessed to have with Him, even when i've done everything to not deserve it.

I am thankful!

Thankful Thursday: Twas the eve before the end...

On the one hand, i have jokes about this end of the world thing...there are so many questions that arise from organisation alone..i mean..what time? does it start in New Zealand? Does it go time zone by time zone? On the other hand, i have watched a Zeitgeist vid or two and there is the aspect of the end of an era...so...let me just leave that talk one side...

Like the Sufi poem i have had up here before, let my actions be because of my love for God, and not out of fear, or as a guarantee for something. I do not want to worship God because of Heaven. He is the end, He is the means, He is everything. He is the end first of all. He is the reason, He is the point, and honestly, He is enought. I have nothing against Heaven, but i never would want that to be my reason for loving God. It's like getting married to whomever because of the accomodation they can provide....i would decidedly not enjoy being the owner of the real estate in question, i'll tell you that much.

So in continuation of last week's post, i'll like to say that speaking hypothetically about rapture, i guess i'm okay with whatever the outcome. Not okay as in passive, but okay as in i do not have arguments against God's judgement. If i fall short on the day...then i messed up along the way...we will tighten belts and consult all the knowledge we gathered from Left Behind...warriors are still needed for the Tribulation, and God will not leave those who step up to it without cover...so...not that i'm indifferent..i'm just sayin'...lol while not in said situation...i'm sure i'll rant and rail and whatnot for a bit in this hypothetical situation...

It's kinda weird how this is the post that is typing itself today. I am never one for Apocalypse talk. If it happens, it happens...i'm just not one to be all agitated about it like it's happening live...when it arrives, it will arrive...Or i'm desensitized because 90% of my dreams are set in a post-apocalyptic world, and this has been the case for as long as i can remember so...yeah...

What i'm trying to say, in essence, the part where this post hooks up with the last post...is that it is against my spirit to do eye service for God. To knowingly, intentionally comply with God's will SO THAT...i speak for myself, and the testimony of the spirit within me. It might not be the case for anyone else, but i cannot deny what is true for me, i cannot unknow it, i cannot pretend like this is not how God has wired me...

If i were to form activity SO THAT God will do anything...my spirit will not be at rest within me. I'll feel like a scheming person, and that is the last thing that agrees with my principles. I love God, i love my relationship with Him, i seek Him, i want to know Him, and He reveals Himself to me, He has blessed me with the opportunity to have this relationship, He is alive in my life....and you know...THIS is my joy, this is my contentment...

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for contentment

I am thankful for simplicity

I am thankful for comfort

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for His grace

I am thankful that i am so infinitely blessed

I am thankful that He loves me with a love that shakes the earth

I am thankful for His patience

I am thankful that God is GOD, with the very nature He has

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for understanding

I am thankful for maturity

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful that God is so much bigger than this

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for miss Ruby...like! there are no words!

I am thankful for food

I am thankful for the favour i am experiencing at Uni...grace by the left and by the right man! na God!

I am thankful for who i am. So deeply, thoroughly thankful for the gift of life, for the opportunity to walk this earth, to have the experiences i have...and to have a relationship with God...SO.THANKFUL!

I am thankful for His perfect plan

I am thankful!!!!

oh, P.S

O Lord,
If tomorrow on Judgment Day
You send me to Hell,
I will tell such a secret
That Hell will race from me
Until it is a thousand years away.

O Lord,
Whatever share of this world
You could give to me,
Give it to Your enemies;
Whatever share of the next world 
You want to give to me,
Give it to Your friends.
You are enough for me.

O Lord, 
If I worship You
From fear of Hell, burn me in Hell.

O Lord, 
If I worship You
From hope of Paradise, bar me from its gates.

But if I worship You for Yourself alone
Then grace me forever the splendor of Your Face.

Rabi´a al-Adawiyya, translation by Andrew Harvey and Eryk Hanut - 'Perfume of the Desert'

Thankful Thursday: A little bit of honesty...

So what if we were real? Real with ourselves first of all and then real with others? No apologies..maybe then we can grow?

I've had this "honesty challenge" in mind for a while now, and have mentioned it in previous posts...It's something i've personally taken up in my life and well...we're getting there.

Now, this is not about me being a chronic liar or anything of that sort...it's about the kind of  "omission" that we don't even notice we do, and most of all, it affects and concerns us, before any other person.

We want to be liked, we don't want to offend people, there are social ideals and standards we are called to conform to...and we're all living a lie a little bit. Sometimes i envy, and all the time respect those people who are genuinely themselves, and/or state their point of view even when it goes completely against the norm, against the "grey". I'm not saying anyone should run amok now..but...

If you are constantly bending every which way to conform, to not rock the boat..when are you going to discover you? Learn? Grow?

In being honest with yourself, you are taking the first step in admitting where you fall short, and not just admitting, but giving yourself a chance to make necessary changes and move on. When we aren't honest, when we don't stand up and take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, then all we have is this nagging sense of guilt that we never confront, but are very bitter about...and it gets us nowhere.

It's saying yes, i drink, i smoke, and i'm working on it...and not keeping face like nothing stronger than sparkly water crosses your lips because "oh this crowd won't understand"...lol iono mahn...but i've become more blunt than i used to be...let me be less than perfect, but may God be my strength as i don't shy away from admitting it. How do you want to be grown up and do things and then run away? If you're going to make the decision to do anything, you better get up and stick by it to the end, shameful or not..can't just sweep it under the rug like we're all supposed to pretend it didn't happen..

Okay i'm ranting now..but i hope the gist of it is understood...take that challenge to be honest with yourself, with people...don't allow political correctness make you drive yourself into lying to yourself..face things as they are and work with that...can't build anything on lies and illusions..that's no type of foundation..

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful that He leads me where He intends me to be..and sees me through..no matter how terrified out of my mind i may be...

I am thankful for His ever present voice

I am thankful for His patience

I am thankful for His LOVE

I am thankful for rest...oh sleeep.....

I am thankful that time has been flying sha

I am thankful for uni

I am thankful for friends

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for my family

I am thankful for all the amazing wishes i got on my birthday

I am thnakful for warmth

I am thakful for His promise

I am thankful for the beautiful snow all over everywhere...even though...it's not easy being out and about mahn!

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for feelings

I am thankful for blessings

I am thankful for life...i am thankful for new chances i am thankful for His perseverance, for His faithfulness


I am thankful!

p.s...i've been writing these posts for the last three/four thursdays...and i have faith, and i believe..but for me it's more theory than practice. In my own life, i'm on pause. I'm overwhelmed and i am not turning to God as i ought to..i'm just on pause, telling Him i need alone time..and that's wrong...that's not right...so if you'll say a prayer for me..i'll really appreciate that....thank you :)

Thankful Thursday: Friends

But at least I got my friends
Share a rain coat in the wind
They got my back until the end
If I'll never fall in love again
Well at least I got my friends
Like a life boat in the dark
Saving me from the sharks
Even though I got a broken heart
At least I got my friends, got my friends, got my friends, got my friends
Well at least I got my friends

-Aura Dione- Friends.

So i heard this song in passing, then heard it again, then again, then listened to it, then really listened to it...and mahn, it opened my eyes to how much i am blessed to have my friends.

It is not the easiest thing for me to make friends. I have layers of trust issues, and layers of principles that make it hard for my spirit to agree with a lot of people. I mean, sure, i have aquaintances, acquaintances i really respect and like even...but my friends? That's pure love...

About two weeks ago i was privy to a conversation where there was talk about no such thing as "love at first sight" and how we choose people based on certain parameters and then decide to love them...uhm...listen, my girls, my friends, the ones that i carry in my heart...it was love at first sight, first conversation. LOL okay so not like oooh all sense to the wind this is my besty now! but within a short time of knowing them, you feel it in your spirit that you and this person...a friendship is born. It can't really be explained..but when your spirit clicks, it does...and it's not because you stalked them and decided they are "successful, smart, kind, proper" etc etc..nope...everybody has their shortcomings, and when that love thing happens...they just become minor irritating moments that don't matter in the big picture.

I've gone through ups and downs with these people. They share my joy, they drop everything and are there for me when i need them, i laugh for days with them and never run out of what to talk about. We support each other, advise each other, cry with each other, just hang around and are stupid with each other. I am  myself. They are themselves. The honesty is refreshing, i don't need a mask, i can be myself and i...am never alone...People, i can't describe the soul swelling joy that can fill a person with.

There are a handful of them...but they.are.the.BEST!

And i am blessed to have them in my life. I am thankful for who they are, and everything that made them them, and everything that led our paths to cross. I am so thankful for their love...mahn....

I am thankful for life

I am thankful for God

I am thankful for Grace

I am thankful for laughter

I am thankful for resillience

I am thankful for literature

I am thankful for MY FRIENDS!

I am thankful for patience

I am thankful for wisdom

I am thankful for growth

I am thankful for this here beautiful winter!

I am thankful for communication

I am thankful for strength

I am thankful for love

I am thankful for family

I am thankful for music

I am thankful for making memories!

I am thankful for kindness

I am thankful for honesty

I am thankful for experiences that make me stronger

I am thankful for naivite

I am thankful that no matter what...i still believe

I am thankful for forgiveness

I am thankful for inspiration

I am thankful for people

I am thankful for relationships

I am thankful for Uni

I am thankful!!!