tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40563924484048341982012-02-09T08:10:03.287-08:00Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful...theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.comBlogger821100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-80725705309014625522012-02-09T07:36:00.000-08:002012-02-09T08:10:03.300-08:00I think this is one mistake that we keep making, and are blissfully unaware of. It's deciding what God can, and cannot handle. We limit Him based on the tiny tiny visions that our little minds can grasp. We limit Him based on our faulty and blind "logic". We say..naahh, that's not possible, so i won't bother God with it...<div><br /></div><div>Lies! ANYTHING, ANYTHING that crosses your mind, take it to Him in prayer. Do not censor it, do not filter it, do not try to work out the ways in which it may happen, and then turn to God to make that plan you've seen in your head come to pass.</div><div><br /></div><div>That is not how it works. You tell Him, and allow Him do it His way. No matter how improbable or impossible it seems, He will do it, because His word is Law, and His word is Life, and He is faithful, and He is GOD.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know i'm capitalizing and stating the obvious over and over...but i need to get this through. I asked God to send me inspiration for this post today..and that, as it turns out, is a bold thing to do, because when God delivers, He rocks your entire world. He doesn't do "just enough" to satisfy your needs, He gives you, pressed down and running over..He goes ALL OUT!</div><div><br /></div><div>When i do tell this story, it will sound too good to be true, it will sound like pure fantasy. But it's true, all of it..and that's my testimony, that's truth, that's proof...things like this make me wonder at those moments of pure stupidity where i forget how awesome He is, where i close my eyes to Him and do some foolish thing that i know is not pleasing in His sight...how can i trade this, this magnificent, very much involved God, for some foolishery that serves no purpose..like, what good does venting anger bring? what good does gossip bring? I am in awe right now. there is no other word to describe it..Awe. Sitting here, brain too stunned to process...awe.</div><div><br /></div><div>So this is what today's post is about..it's ridunkulous how the idea of it came to me a while ago, popped up again earlier today..and then THIS happens, like actually this happens, and is basically the principle brought to life...and somebody wants to talk about God being a myth? something we work ourselves up into believing? our own might? plix plix plix!</div><div><br /></div><div>Don't decide what God can and cannot handle. Don't choose the tasks He is fit to undertake, Don't limit Him in your own little mind. He created the universe and all that's in it..believe me, He sees wider and farther than you can ever imagine, and He will make a way where you think it's a solid wall you've come up against. He will cause things to HAPPEN in ways that stun your entire being. And then you're sitting there with this huge grin and tears in your eyes, unable to do anything but thank Him and acknowledge that HE is God, and HE is capable of anything. He is there for you, He is your comfort, He is your strength, and He listens...Trust Him and live the way He says you should...it is not punishment, but the key to true joy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Faith.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His presence in my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He keeps saving me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He listens.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He answers my prayers in the most optimal ways.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for THIS FEELING.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He is just so awesome.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He has set me on this great adventure.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the lessons He teaches me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His patience.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for repaired relationships.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for clarity of vision.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful, that He is teaching me to love me, for He loves me and finds me worthy, and i do not need anyone's approval because this is enough.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Big bro's and his angel of a wife's wedding yesterday. Every time i think of them i end up with rivers of tears of joy. Their love is inspiring, their story is inspiring, them together is inspiring, and God completes the sense of rightness.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have such wonderful role models.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters. Their wonderfulness is something!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that God dries my tears, comforts me, takes away my sorrow and pain and repaces them with causes to rejoice.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for all the miracles that are in my life each and every moment of each and every day. God looks out for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8072570530901462552?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-55419236996416633842012-02-02T05:53:00.000-08:002012-02-02T06:44:01.409-08:00The post last week was going to be on Jonah, and how his situation is not the God-will-haunt-you bad bad situation that people tend to interprete it to be. I think it is something to be ecstatic about! That God has a plan for you. His plans are perfect. All this is, is that He will make sure you end up where He wants you to be...in any case, He will do everything to lead you there. If your own stronghead pass that one, your loss. I personally find comfort in it. That He will find me under any rock and during any lapse of common sense and prod me out into the light. Do you realize how amazing that is? i could paint analogies..but this is supposed to be another post. Also, Proverbs 19:21. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. I dunno about you..but that gives me comfort.<div><br /></div><div>Ehe...oya ring the bell, it's testimony time :P</div><div><br /></div><div>Yup, i'm here again bursting with Joy. It's downright ridiculouuuuussssss! i cannot say this enough, i cannot pinch myself enough, i cannot go over the facts in my head enough. God is AWESOME and i haven't been the same.</div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing how my thoughts and emotions are all over the place, i will just stick with the script and start with the Great Adventure part ( Emi a rire, i gather, means "I will find Favour"...amennnn!).</div><div><br /></div><div>Thing is...when you're faced with the decision of taking that crazy jump i mentioned in my last post, "common sense" starts whispering at you that you're in for boredom, you're in for rules and more rules (ooh, btw, i shall address this with *Liberty...interesting that it is exactly what came up for my devotional this morning)...anywho..so common sense is there whispering at you that you've just about given up everything and what awaits you are days of wearing sackcloth and dusting yourself with ashes and never laughing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Lies! :P But i guess why it IS about taking that crazy leap and trusting...because since i just carried all my load and handed it over to God...i have had more opportunities, more "coincidences", more interesting turns, more cause for rejoicing and just plain MORE in the last month or less than i've had in a very long time. Now, i'm not saying "allow God in your life, so that you can have a party". It isn't about that, and if that's why anybody signs up..they'll never get it...it's more like the very wise "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added on to you" thing. Don't set out to get everything else in place, before you feel you are now equiped to search for God.</div><div><br /></div><div>You do not have to become holy first, drop all your bad habits first, learn to pray first, read your bible first, and then be "qualified" (i am overusing the quotation marks in this post, aren't i?". If that's how you think it goes, you're holding the picture all wrong. God never asked you, or expected you to do, or be able to do anything on your own. Your business is to bring it to Him in prayer,and He will see you through. You just show up, and He will show you how to do it. It's not like school..you don't need a certificate in order to be accepted. You don't need to have any sort of previous skills. </div><div><br /></div><div>Mahn, it's like a thousand and one thoughts..but i hope that one central one is getting through.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can list out clear ties between prayers and results. Each and every one. It's humbling, knowing that God is not only listening and hearing...but is responding in ways that make you sway. I spent most of the week before last in a super emotional state, crying my eyes out because of the love He has enveloped me in. I was having issues with some things, had serious decisions to make concerning something that was tearing my will apart...and i kid you not, i stumbled not only across bible verses that dealt specifically with it, but He threw in two videos on youtube into it, in case i wanted to be slow...anybody that feels like oh, they can call it coincidence...but i call that God.</div><div><br /></div><div>I could go on and on about situations like that...but i will not finish this post EVER then. It's better that you guys try it out for yourselves...me i'm still stunned and awed and grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div>*about Liberty...heavily paraphrasing here...it's the Joy of the Liberty God gives is that..it truly sets you free, unlike most of us assume when we imagine turning everything over to God. It is the freedom to do everything you should be doing, and doing that, you'll reach heights that are dizzying. In the book, the analogy was with cars..and again, heavily paraphrasing: if you drive carefully, within the speed limit,and sober, you have the potential to drive to mars. That is freedom while doing what you ought to...because, you know...it's sensible. Now you could be drunk and going at it breakneck..feeling free and under nobody's control...but then the risk of crashing and making it nowhere are significantly higher, no?</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, in related joy bringing things...gospel, praise and worship...to be perfectly honest, there was a point where i was like..music is music..mm Jesus music can be cool too...but lately...no matter what mood i'm in...gospel and praise just leave me elated. It's something new, to be so emotional over...music! but then...Praise has more power than you can imagine.</div><div><br /></div><div>To be honest though, this post is coming out a bit choppy for me...i do hope, though, that when i go over it after posting (for this girl does not edit :P you guys get it gbagaun and all) it passes a message that resembles what is in my heart.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Praise</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Faith</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Mercy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Grace</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Forgiveness...lol lool up..all these women i'm thankful for sef..heh</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Humour</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that God has a sense of humour</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His faithfulness and relentlessness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thankfulness...it's the gift that gives back :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my life, and everything He is has made, and is making it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for how He sweeps me off my feet and opens my eyes wider than they've ever been</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He teaches me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He always leads me to where i need to be. and even when i stray, He intergrates that into His Plan, or yanks me out of there and sets me where i need to be.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Thankful Thursdays :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have been warm these past "coldest days this winter"</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for praise and gospel songs that uplift my spirits</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He answers my prayers</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He comes to my rescue and is my comfort and joy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that anyhow e wan be...i have God...and that makes ANYTHING have hope.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Hope i have in Him</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration, and everyone He inspires such that their words and actions inspire others'</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for role models</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...I am so thankful....there are no words.</div><div><br /></div><div>So there...turn to God, run, jump, come as you are, and He will show you what to do.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-5541923699641663384?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-42780726710804963142012-01-19T13:55:00.000-08:002012-01-19T14:24:37.325-08:00How do i Love Him? oh sit back and let me count the ways..we'll be here a while, so get comfortable.<div><br /></div><div>I'll try and keep this short (ha!) seeing as it's past 12, and the third day in a row i'll be going to sleep around 1...not cute mahn, not cute!</div><div><br /></div><div>However! lemme do my little song and dance and yell how amazing God is. In general, and to me. I am delirious at how everything that happens around me is not coincidental, but orchestrated by Him to bring me to, to lead me to where He needs me to be. Even if i slip, stumble and make a mess of things, He uses that disaster as a stepping stone, makes it into a lesson that makes me stronger..and all this, have ultimately led me back here, back into His presence and i must say that the joy is overwhelming. It's peace and joy and comfort and everything rolled into one. It's a sense of rightness after all the time i've spent looking for God, as i now realize, everywhere but right beside me, where He was standing all the while, waiting for me to turn and see Him..but that is another post.</div><div><br /></div><div>Today, it's about freefalling. Faith. Majority of us, me included in the times before this realization dawned on me, and in moments now when it slips my mind, say we have faith. And we do, it is by no means a lie when we say it, but miss this vital aspect of it. It is just a layer of knowledge that is added on to the existing faith that you do have. Like everything that's built to last a lifetime, it is built layer upon layer, like a pearl or...you know...so it's perfectly fine and okay..just something we need to work on perfecting or bringing into existence.</div><div><br /></div><div>So back to what faith has to do with freefalling. Me, personally, i am guilty of anxiety. I can be anxious over everything, especially little things, and go into a nervous place, trying to figure out how to control it all and solve it all..by myself. And this is my mistake. Knowing full well that God has asked that we cast ALL our burdens on Him..i still scramble about trying to solve things..perhaps out of habit. Like i pray, and ask Him to help me through and whatnot..and then randomly realize i'm having a panic attack because i am in the midst of backup plans...</div><div><br /></div><div>Now i'm not saying to be all crazy and do absolutely nothing because we have "cast it all on God"..by no means..God didn't say He'll just drop things on your head...What He will do is clear paths and drop opportunities as you go along tackling the problem, believing that He has taken care of it, so it's just formality for you to go through the motions. If you siddon for house carry leg up, waiting for God to do it on your behalf...you're on your own oh!</div><div><br /></div><div>Back to free falling...(this is how i keep it short..) What we should learn to do is trust God completely.Not call Him in as a gamble, to fulfill the demands of probability and increase your chances of cashing in on the right source. Trust Him wholly, such that you are not making backup plans on the side. Pray about it as much as you need, pray to let go of your anxieties and trust Him. Close your eyes, pray, then run like crazy and jump off the edge knowing that you won't just fall, but that He will make you soar. And that will just be the beginning of the adventures. I dunno who came up with the propaganda that living your life according to God's will is "boring"...They haven't seen anything yet. Every moment of every day of my life is filled with surprises and joy...now pray with me and for me that i don't go foolish and forget this joy and try to find God where He doesn't hang out...<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I AM THANKFULLLLLL! for God</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration (as usual, i cannot claim this post mahn..i was going to write two lines! two!..also, the rate at which blog ideas have been attacking me ehn!)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this blog</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He guides my steps</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His plans for me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He saves me each and every time</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He's there every moment of every day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He is in the details,and not just grandiose things...He is there in every book, every flower, kitten and smile..making me smile</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His Joy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for serenity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for words</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lessons</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His word</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, i am thankful for the testimonies i get to give each day...God answers prayers in ways that have me steady picking my jaw up from the ground..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for mentors</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people without an agenda</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep...which i am currently neglecting...</div><div><br /></div><div>God.Is.Awesome!...so don't be afraid to jump..He has your back.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-4278072671080496314?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-90479318665801971972012-01-12T12:05:00.000-08:002012-01-12T12:15:03.667-08:00I am Thankful for His mercy, forgiveness, and faithfulness. I have come full circle...and here i am again..grateful, thankful and bursting with Joy. That joy that depends on nothing, that Joy that He fills you with that fills every cell to bursting..and you're just there, positively vibrating with joy. He never gives up, and is always there, with open arms, ready to continue the lesson...<div><br /></div><div>This is going to be a short one..on Prayer. Apart from being megasuper thankful for Prayer, for what it IS.. Prayer has this other amazing quality to it. It is not about petitioning God and telling Him about things, because let's face it..He knows..His question is, Do YOU know? do you know what you want? what you need?</div><div><br /></div><div>See prayer is the avenue through which we sit down and more or less do our homework with God. He listens, and even more than that, He helps you listen, to yourself, and to Him. It is in prayer that realizations hit me, it is in prayer that things that had me confused get untangled...</div><div><br /></div><div>What i'm saying is...i believe i speak for a lot of people when i say the predominant assumption is that prayer is an avenue through which we speak and God listens. This is not entirely so. It is a conversation, not just you reading out a list to Him and moving on, to wait for your requests to be carried out or otherwise attended to...so next time you pray, be ready to listen as well..have a conversation...talk, joke, ask...God is cool like that :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Faith</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His plans. For they are PERFECT, Without flaw.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His mercy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for how He rolls up His sleeves and goes "that's it! playtime is over" and yanks me out of whatever abyss i've found to fall into..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that my God is an Awesome God!!!!!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-9047931866580197197?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-59028605494777702912011-11-24T13:50:00.000-08:002011-11-24T14:10:38.428-08:00At some point this afternoon, i put two and all the fb and twitter updates i was seeing today together, remembered that it was Thursday...and it hit me that this was a very very actual day for a TT :D Happy Thanksgiving i guess...even if someone rightly pointed out, that for all non US residents, it's tantamount (what sort of Ponce uses "tantamount" in actual sentences?..anyways) to Americans saying Happy Osun (whatever that is)...anywho..any reason to be thankful is good enough for me :D<div><br /></div><div>I am thankful thay God turns my frowns upside down. He does this in ways that calm my anxieties and remind me that He's got my back. For some inexplicable reason, i keep forgetting this and trying to handle everything...then proceed to fail woefully at it, and collapse in gratitude when He comes through and makes all the problems go away..then we sit back and have a good laugh and it's another lesson learned. I don't care how overwhelmed you are, or how hopeless you think a situation looks from where you're sitting, standing or curled up crying...He will stupefy you when He makes it all better. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes (a LOT of the time) it's mad difficult to sit there and act all believerish and positive. It's downright frustrating even, because human logic is constantly stage whispering at you what a fool you look, believing everything is fine when it's all crashing down all around you...I've been there this week, several times. I was there today..i will have a bruise on my arm tomorrow to prove it. I lost my cool, i forgot to be all positive..yes, i'm human..and my tears were 75% pure frustration..because it seems so unfair at the moment...</div><div><br /></div><div>It's evening now..and everything that was causing me to be anxious? done. I was in a panic as to how i'd sort it all, BP up and all over everywhere, thinking of what on my list had to go...and you know what? everything that i had lined up (save for the assignment that i need to copy and paste together until it looks like an original piece :P ) is all done. That is a testimony. He is everything and more than worthy of our 100% trust and love and gratitude...now don't get it twisted..it's properly difficult to go about 24/7 in this state of mind..and that's okay..He understands this, and doesn't demand it of you from the get go...even when you're pro...you're still human...so it's okay..just don't let it turn into a road block, or a "turn around and stop" or "stop and turn around" sign...</div><div><br /></div><div>abi it's Matthew 6&amp;7...do not be anxious...do not be anxious..chant that like a mantra...He's got this...if i list out the ways i've seen this happen in the last week alone....that's what i'm on....take a deep breath, and stop getting in His way so much...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that V is okay...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my godmothers new dog...i had a lesson in love yesterday...suuuch positivity...it's therapy mahn..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for harmony</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for support of the moral variety</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so loved. God has blessed me with the most amazing friends. Not just the ones that have been there since forever...but people who's kindness just touches you down deep, and they don't even suspect how much their care means....God bless them abundantly..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for hardships that we overcome, hardships that are motivation...they make us grow...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this week....DOOOD! it's Friday already? huh? when?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for showers</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for where i am, for who i am, and am thankful for everything and everyone and every experience that led me here..God makes no mistakes.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this feeling i get when i count my blessings..i'm delirious! I have God, and He won't ever, doesn't ever leave me...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-5902860549477770291?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-13325127377341329772011-11-16T11:55:00.000-08:002011-11-16T12:15:47.631-08:00Phewwww it's been a while...this phrase is becoming too much of a standard beginning to my posts...but no matter...<div><br /></div><div>Obviously, my reasons are quite legit so let's get that one over with :P...it's quite simple really...according to the "once bitten, twice shy" doctrine, i went into turtle mode. Vulnerability overdrive and not wanting to share myself..because my words are an extension of me, and putting them all up and out there and having them...again, no matter....especially as i have been going through a period where there's just been literally no me to share. </div><div><br /></div><div>They say that a person can only share what they have. Out of what they do possess can they take a bit, or a lot, and hand to another person, in the same nature as is the thing itself...i have come with my long sentences..basically, if you have apples, you can share apples, if you have rotten tomatoes, that's all that you can potentially share, there.</div><div><br /></div><div>All that one is even another post. In line with taking baby steps, and continuing my all round healing and growth process, it has been hinted to me that writing this post today (not tomorrow, and not yesterday) is the next step...if it's a starting step to a line of steps, or just a control step, after which i go to another lesson, i have no idea.</div><div><br /></div><div>I just really really really want to yell this from the mountaintops: In ALL things, be thankful. Yesterday just looked like Punkd....it was the first day of the beginning of this reform i've started out on...and all these challenges were just popping up left, right and center to the point where if it wasn't frustrating, i would have given in to the laughter that was just fighting to get out...and i did laugh, eventually....But again, that's not the point. The point is, they all challenged me to be thankful, despite the situation, to live up to the positivity that i embarked on the day before. At first, it was through sheer determination, because the only thing i wanted to do was tap into my rich vocabulary of cusses..in several languages...small small, i answered instead with thanks...and you know what? it calmed me down, and i started being genuinely thankful, regardless of the situation, because it put things in perspective and made me see that the blessings i do have just dwarf and annihilate these insignificant things that if payed attention to, if fed with the negativity they crave, are a threat to my general happiness not just at the given moment, but in future, and in the big picture of my life...</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm just started out on this...but the blessings and fortune that have just enveloped me as a result...are the best motivation i could ask for...Trust in God, know that He doesn't make mistakes...your own part will be to pass any tests thrown your way, do not give in to negativity and doubt...and your joy will just grow before your eyes. Oh, and that is another point..be happy. NOW. Not when something happens or when you buy something or eat something. Decide to be happy, and simply be so...it requires nothing more than deciding to be so, and BEING so. Do not tie your happiness to any external factors. To do so is to surrender all the rights you have over you to everyone and everything else, and have no control over your own life...and that's just silly. You own your own happiness.</div><div><br /></div><div>Okayyy...before i gwan break something...these muscles have been out of practice, yea? before i just strain sumn...kai...but i guess there is what to write about meyn...the second half of this year has just been...whoaaaaa! i just thank God! I am so thankful it's making me delirious...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life, for God, for Love, for friends and family....and everything else that i shall do justice to in subsequent posts....</div><div><br /></div><div>xoxo.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-1332512737734132977?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-69036316008593758902011-09-09T12:58:00.001-07:002011-09-09T14:04:04.952-07:00This post, i'll start with a huge Thank You to Him for everything that's inspired it, both the things i am able to communicate and the ones that remain just out of reach, that refuse to be written down things. Secretly, i suspect that they are a stronger force than even the things i can/try to peg down and analyse.<div><br /></div><div>It feels like i've been in hibernation, then in a month and a half, with increasing intensity, i'm being taken apart and put back together over and over again, better each time. It's the start of something..or just a necessary phase...but it feels good. Like the aches you feel all over when you work out (ahem...yes...work out ;)...about that...walking counts!)</div><div><br /></div><div>It's going by me so fast, like i'm on a crash course of something...I don't think i've ever stood aside and seen me the way i have in the last couple of weeks, i am learning(love that!) so much about..well..me, growing up, what i want, what i need. A lot of difficult decisions have been, and have to be made..but somehow it's okay, it's reassuring, it's easier knowing that it's for the best. Nothing good ever came without sacrifice...i embrace growth...gaaaah there's so much emotion right now and it's frustrating not being to just transfer the picture in my head to this here post. It's radical! it's a breath of fresh air! it feels right...</div><div><br /></div><div>One of the epiphanies i had a couple of days ago was that where i am now, this crossroads or empty lot or whatever metaphor/visual works is good for me. No, no, no don't disimiss this point. When you don't realize/accept that you are where you need to be, you start looking for a way out, instead of getting comfortable and learning the lesson of the day. It's just going to be time wasted, because with the way He works..there will be no lesson skipped...He is patient..He has all of Time to wait..so when you're done struggling against, you WILL learn that lesson, and only then can you move on. Me, i'm thirsty, like, let's get this show on the ROAD!</div><div><br /></div><div>In line with this, is realization that dawned on me this evening while watching this interview with some tranny (SUPER FOINE!..when she wasn't speakin sha..cuz that bass....phew) and some producer guy who i don't know, but will track down the interview of, because this unassuming bald pudgy fella was exuding some kind of relaxed wisdom that is the exact brand of what i'm shooting for. Not that he's the bees knees...but there are a couple of things i won't mind learning, knaamean? Now, beside the point. Some of what he said was basically the story of my life. Okay, not the ENTIRE story..but bits i could relate to without even tweaking...But then the light in which he said it made me realize that he seemed to know more about what i was looking for being in those situations that me in them.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's being drawn to something, vaguely knowing that there's a thing which attracts you about it, yet if asked, you mumble and can't quite place your finger on it. This whole episode made me see things a bit differently. That i might be in these situations thinking to learn from them (and that i do! no offence to them in any way) but at the same time, i need to learn to read His intentions better.</div><div><br /></div><div>He's a bit more complex than giving you a thing with one meaning. Be it a blessing, a challenge...So (i just really need to spell this out for me :P) It's not so much about just learning, but also about having all these different situations i'm thrown into challenge me to be the best version of me that i have the potential of being. That, was a long sentence.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, it's not just about Uni, it's not just about friends, it's not just about incidences, coincidences, people and learning from them like you're in class..But also recognizing where the lesson is in fact indirect and you just need to pop into class, and be out of there, knowing what to work towards....you grab? :P Tyler Perry in one Production (i forget which) had this story about friends, acquaintances and i believe he likened them to a tree. How some are the leaves, some the branches, and some, the root system. Likewise experiences and well..everything in life, really. With time, you should learn to spot from a distance who is a leaf and is there for a season. Love and appreciate them, and be genuine for that season, and there are no hard feelings when that season is over. It does not in any way negate the experiences. Problems start when you try to make a seasonal leaf into a lifetime appendage...That's just unhealthy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Everything in life is dynamic, it's all moving, changing..seasons, day to night, people being born, dying...that is life, change, moving on, metamorphosis. Some people are more sentimental than others, and this is their blessing and curse to bear until they wise up, or are matyred for it. To each his own. I, however, for now in any case, am being hinted in the direction of letting things go when they've run their course. No hard feelings...there are just other things that need to be seen, be heard..There is a time to learn, to gather to soak up, to grow...that is now. We never stop learning, and we teach along the way when and where we can, but the objective is also at some point to be able to share something...</div><div><br /></div><div>Sharing. Another current motivating factor, directly tied to the epiphany. You cannot share what you do not have. You cannot have a conversation, you cannot give advice if you have nothing in you (i sense this is another post, potentially), so therefore, before you gwan start cleaving to people, work on yourself. In summary, that is it. You are your first and neverending project. The one you are constantly showing, having evaluated, and the one you and only you will answer for at the end. Deduction strongly hints that it's only advisable to do the best you can raising the person that you are. The world is open, there is everything to know, and you have time...i dunno....Heaven knows i've slacked on that front for months now. Again, there is a time for everything..that period is part of what is motivating me now..so i guess i can call it breaking even. Summary is this; If everything is taken from You, all you have left is you...might as well make that one badass you. It does take constant evaluation, constant awareness, and that favourite of every person (there is pure wisdom in this), work. It is work. It won't just happen to you, but if you identify what you do want for you...it gets better from there (say i, bursting with optimism). I do need to get back to me, and by jove will i make progress. It's sad to remain stuck in a rut...when all around you life is happening..NoThankYou!</div><div><br /></div><div>Also. Cutting off. Like the learn to say Yes movements or the say No movements, another wise one is the cut off one. Again, sentimental sillies like myself have/used to :P have problems letting go..but then you realize that because of that, you are hanging on for way too long to what is not healthy for reasons you can't describe farther than...but it would be so rude to let go. It sounds cruel and terribly non-PC..but sometimes, in some things, you have to learn to be selfish. It is healthy selfishness. Like, weighing the pros and cons, you come to see that the (true story) negativity and lack of drive in someone close to you, or interest in self development as it appears holds you back in the large picture. It worked for a while, dismissing these things as "one of those things", but then you see that not only are they unchanging, but they are catching. So it's either they are potent, or you are weak..either ways...if it's not making you better...you're probably better off without...i dunno...these are thoughts as at now. Perhaps tomorrow i''ll be wiser and see it differently..and even then..it will be built upon this here experience so....</div><div><br /></div><div>Whoa...i have typed an epistle. Making up for lost posts or something...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for epiphanies</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends...i don't know where i'll be without them...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for patience....of which i do need a bit more</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for plans....even if i'm still working out if i love them to bits, or can't stand them...they tend to fall through though..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fantasies...they keep you sane sometimes..your very own telenovela :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for boxing...yes, i know..awful awful violent...but i must have some sort of blood thirst :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for LIFEEEE!!! i cannot say enough or with a strong enough intensity how much i love life and the blessing of it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His blessings, His mercies, His love even if i have done precious little to deserve it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His patience....i know i require it doubledose :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Prayer...i will be straight up honest..haven't had a good pray in ages...something holding me back...emptied myself over the last half year..and it's ridiculous that i feel like i have no ME to share with Him...He freakin gives me ME...so...i'm being counterproductive..need a good pray....i'm scared..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for answered prayers. Even the ones that i don't consciously pray...He hears them.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Kindness. I believe in Kindness.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughtfulness.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for getting to know yourself</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little things. It has gotten repetitive...but it's all about the little things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for shoesss :D :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for writing. In this moment, i realized how ironic it is that pouring yourself out with these words can, instead of emptying you out, fill you with more than you had to start out with...#Therapy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music....Hush Hush and Chudo have helped me through a lot in the last few weeks. That is all there is to be said right about now.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Happiness...go out and GET IT!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am even more thankful for JOY...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for everything that has been in my life, is in my life, and will be...For i trust Him entirely and really need to learn to stop helping Him chart my course, but actually sit back and listen, as opposed to "reading" the "obvious" and quickly acting on that...</div><div><br /></div><div>I AM THANKFUL!</div><div><br /></div><div>:D</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, Aloted, i love you :)</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-6903631600859375890?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-33433014205414746562011-09-01T11:36:00.001-07:002011-09-01T12:24:28.271-07:00As always, i believe everything that happens in my life happens when it's supposed to, and there's a lesson to be learned. So before joking about how i've really been away for a while and apologising...it feels like it was meant to be...so...yea<div> <br /></div><div>Haven't written for several reasons it seems, none of which i have called by name; it's always..no time, no inspiration..but most of all, i think it's avoiding the vulnerability that it is...At the end, it's me opening up and letting in, even if it seems like the most average copy-style writing, to me, and maybe it will only ever be, to me it's kind of a big deal...sometimes i get all hedgehog-y and curl up in a ball, spikes out....well then..oooh of hedgehogs! we found one, proceeded to tear (his grip-toh bahd!) him (or her?) away from the plant or whatever he was hangingo on to and take him indoors...cutest friggin thing everrrr! growls like a champ tho...who would have thought?</div><div> <br /></div><div>Back to basics...</div><div> <br /></div><div>It feels like over this summer, i've packed in several years' worth of growing up...decisions i've misunderstood or struggled with for years now have become clear and it's like a breath of fresh air, really..like i'd been stumbling about and i was just pointed in the right direction. Now, i don't know if this is temporary, or long term...either ways, it's progress.</div><div> <br /></div><div>Back to basics...</div><div> <br /></div><div>It feels like in the world we live in, we are constantly being given a finished picture to work with. A large, complex version of reality that we ought to "be living now" or be losers. From pre-teen girls with full makeup and 4 inch heels trying to untie complicated grown up like emotions, to teens suffering major depression because they feel they fall short of what is considered to be "success", failing to see, to understand that this half way done complicated picture is not where you ought to start.</div><div> <br /></div><div>They don't tell us about the basics anymore. For some reason it's not fun enough, it's not glam enough...so we hit the ground running, without training or at least a good stretch, and basically end up closing our eyes and hoping for the best.</div><div> <br /></div><div>So many things have made me come to a complete stop and ask for some sanity. To stop the spinning, to stop the urgency, not even to clear the plate, but to at least see what i'm working with, and i've come to understand that i need a carte blanche, and a do-over. Not because of any regrets, not because i'm sorry for anything that has happened, but because i've come to see that maybe, just maybe, i need to learn my ABCs, even if i already know how to read. We forget, we get caught up in long sentences...We need to learn to slow it down, abandon pride and the sense of accomplishment that must not omly be matched, but supassed, and learn to learn it all over again. Not because we don't know..but because we could know it better. Everything that you will ever learn or achieve is built on something...you cannot learn algebra if you can't add...and even if you do learn to do the algebra..you'll do it by blind faith until you learn that 2+2 is 4 and not just believe that it is that...knaamean?</div><div> <br /></div><div>So that's my current epiphany...going back to basics, seeking out the elementary, in love, in life, in people, in work, in everything..slow down and go back to basics when it all overwhelms you. Go back to the start and retrace your steps...i don't even know what actions come under this new resolution of mine..or more like..i feel them...to put them in words is still a bit of a stretch, and slightly personal if anything...but..like when you loose something, you go back to the start, back to when and where you first had it, and retrace your steps until you get to where you are and remember why you're there, and where you're headed...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for so much in my life right now, that cliche aside, it's this surge of emotions that make me want to cry, just cry tears of joy for His faithfulness, for His kindness, and the way He has my back. For every bad day i think i have, i get a million good ones, plus the insight that the so called "bad day" was a blessing too...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that He has not, and does not abandon me, even when our relationship is less than traditional..I feel Him there, His presence is oh-so-vivid</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for love. Nope, not the sappy, lets-hold-hands variety (even if i'm sure it's just gravy), but just...love...the one you feel for everybody...just for being humans (lol i growl at people too o! i have my i-hate-people days...) but...the love my family cocoons me in, the love i have for my friends...it might be "just a feeling"...but it can't be that trivial if it makes you feel JOY..just for no reason, you're joyful because of this love...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family...they are the best!...even when they are driving me up the walls...we kiss and make up</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding...in the sense of understanding things, those "it dawns on me" moments</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding..in the sense of being understood and understanding other people...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for jokes</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for UNI!!! 1st September, first day back...and i was soooo happy to see my coursemates! two years will make a family out of strangers...love their yeye heads to bits..we squabble, and we don't entirely agree with each other..but in bits and pieces, we find mutual interests...and that's okay</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Choices...people have options, and that's okay...free them! the world will be happier</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful...for being happy for people..genuinely not playa hating, but clapping on the back and telling them they did good and wishing them well sort of being happy for people...too many people just be puttin sand in other people's garri for no reason</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for growth....i am a long way from knowing anything..buh small small....through burns, stumbles, and straight out parking your face on the floor...we learn and grow..</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for hurt and pain and whatever other unpleasant feelings we may be forced to face every now and then..they push us to be the best we can, they prod us into growing...in the end, you look back and find it in your heart to be thankful to whatever it is that pained you and made you better...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness...there's nothing to it, it's completely free...but it's possibly one of the best things you could share...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for compliments :D :D :D chei i love Kiev :D</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for well mannered/raised/what you will call it men/boys...well and girls too, but that's beside the point...there's something about it that just makes your jaw drop...and when you feel like a girly girl in the presense of a boy..you know he's doing something right..makes you want to track down everybody responsible and give them an award....While on that, a slight detour (mostly a note to me for a future post) that girls need these sort of males in their lives (fathers, brothers, cousins, uncles, etc etc), because when they grow up, they'll have clear set standards of the men they let in their lives and settle for nothing less.....</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for people that are there for you no matter what...whether it's a shoulder they give you, a hanky, a bottle and a pep talk, or just hear you out and see your side...i am thankful with my whole soul for these angels</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for learning</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for God</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that He answers all my prayers</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for all those walks and looking at the stars..for real...escape someplace with wide open spaces and no electricity and just stare at the sky #amazing!!!!!! puts you and your life in perspective..reassures you that there's more to life, that there's so much out there to learn, to know..to be awed by..</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that each new day is an adventure, full of little surprises</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for happiness, for joy...that if you decide to be, it will come your way...everywhere you look...oooh like that cute ass kid at the skate park today...gaddehmn i want one of those running around my house..he'll have me wrapped around his little finger..little cherub!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for writing...and that i have this outlet..let it be that the words come out arseways...but it's good for me like that..monkey no fine but im mama like am..</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Internet!!! :D</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that we all have a chance for a re-think and a do-over</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that everybody that's been flying anywhere has gone and come safely</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!! been scrimping on that lately</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for LIFE! for if we are alive...then the whole world is there to explore, and it can only go up from there...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for positivity</div><div> <br /></div><div>oohi am thankful for this third cousin of mine that has been discovered.....the big brother i've been looking for all my life? *Hong Kong Phooey voice* Miiiight be!! :D hehe so many plans...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my great uncle and my great aunt and and the time we spent together</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for memories</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for simplicity</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for deciciveness (how dem dey spell am again?)</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication..</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for resolutions...i.am.going.to.be.happy.</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for fairness....i am the stomacher of a lot..unfairness still knocks me flat everytime..leaves me gasping and hyperventilating...</div><div> <br /></div><div>i am thankful.....</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-3343301420541474656?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-2686819658849069482011-06-04T01:03:00.000-07:002011-06-04T01:19:58.538-07:00It's been a whiiiiile....and it doesn't mean i've been pissed and ungrateful and can find nothing to be thankful for in my life...on the contrary...God Loves me, and that is a fact i can't escape even if i were foolish enough to try. A while ago i learned not to despair when it felt like my world was imploding,beacause it meant that it was about to get better than it was...or..perhaps not better in that sense of it, but different, but in a way that is good too. It's like the end of one chapter and the start of a new one. Also been contemplating that recently..how my life is so very much like a book divided into chapters...Chapters so wholly different from each other, and the rest unwritten...<div><br /></div><div>I love life and am thankful for it...So i go along with this book of sorts with an open mind, because crying over spilt milk or hanging on to an idea that you think you ought to, whilst not letting life take its course is a bit well...yea...on the whole, i regret nothing ever...well excpept this one..lol beside the point. Like i already said...the start of a new chapter in no way undermines the quality of the previous..it is what it is and has/had its role to play and ought to be celebrated for that...#lessonslearned...</div><div><br /></div><div>It's all nice and theoretical and all to say that, and i believe it...i do and a more accurate evaluation would be to say i am working towards harmonising that theory with reality....but sometimes we are left with unfinished previous chapters, which we refuse to address because...because they aren't really finished and facing them brings up feelings with which one simply isn't equiped to DEAL....and so..they hang in there...unfinished for the moment...but that is life..and it's okay..it really is..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life....intoxicated by the joy of having it and all the little things that make you aware of the awesomeness of it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family....i love them!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for health...wallahi...a headache can RUIN your perception of the world</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for summer and the beach and and...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Uni and the favour He sends my way...exams be like :D...er..pray for criminalistics..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books..literature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fooooood :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for longer days</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for innocence</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for experiences good and bad</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for ice cream</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life....because as long as you have that...you can wing it from there and come out not too shabby...scraped and dishevelled....but otherwise good...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for happiness...because once you decide to be happy..nobody can take that away from you...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful :D</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-268681965884906948?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-89799344021334211452011-03-31T12:59:00.000-07:002011-03-31T13:36:17.077-07:00It's like the cat got my tongue, my mind is a-drifting...school, regular conversation, i'm just lost, no...see, i just lost my train of thought there again...ah yes, concentration. I have none of it. It's like a constant battle to not think, really, a subconscious one, because everything that the conscious part of me feels the obligation to think through, my subconscious wants to have none of. It then seems to be easier to just switch off, because mostly it's confusion and hyperventilation and..confusion...ah well...<div><br /></div><div>This being the situation of things, it's truly a miracle that my week (academic) has been so good. Studying has been out of the question and mostly took place in the form of me shoving a book at V and asking her to read and regurgitate a brief, i'm-talking-to-a-toddler summary.... and tests have turned out good- written ones...it's talking that has me jamming. Like literally, i cannot engage and be all there....which is ironic, seeing as i was just declaring that ADD is one of those fancy new diagnoses that people use to avoid being responsible for their powers of concentration...i guess it is legit..</div><div><br /></div><div>Given all that, and my current inability to focus on any sort of truly emotionally taxing topic, i will state that i am thankful. All this swirling around me is obsolete in the face of all the things i am thankful for.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Family. They have been there for me, in all the right ways when i need them most. Nothing extra, nothing uncecessary, nothing annoying. Just asking the right questions and no more, saying the right things and no more. It's amazing how much that is.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love. The fact that really, no matter how much you screw up, and even when you put yourself down the worst, there are people who won't give up on you. God, naturally is Chief among these Love sources. Even if you're a wreck...He still loves you, like parents still love their deadbeat lazy ass children. Of course they admit that you're rather useless, but more than that is that while they will love you either ways, they'd really like to see you do better...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this week. And all the little things that happen that grow into milestones a little while down the road. Small victories...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the super witty book i'm reading. All i'm saying, is that there is something to Brit authors...a grasp of the English Language that their cousins across the pond just do not have a knack for. Sure they can construct a fascinating, epic, adventure, glitz filled story...But Brit writers have the ability to captivate you with nothing but the use of the words, even if the story itself is generally bland. The banter of it, the telling of it is simply delightful and you really don't mind where you're being taken...I have known the dialogue of two losers sitting on a train to be way more satisfying than a high speed chase involving complicated codes and ample bossomed damsels...but that's just me...I have a thing for words...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the movies i've seen this week...been playing Russian Roulette with those..and i like what's turned up...they haven't left me indifferent..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the people in my life, old and new</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me. You have to be. You're stuck with yourself until the end of your days. Other people have the good fortune to be able to slap you with a restraining order..your predicament is a lifetime sentence...so better buddy up...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for self improvement. I don't think people are born quite the way they are supposed to turn out at the end of it all. It's like a video game. You have a few basic individual qualities you start out with, and along the line you are presented with choices and options and guides and how-to manuals. You pick and choose, undo, start over again, trying to get it right...At least that's what i'm trying to do...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Other People...somewhere i read that people are just angels with one wing, and we need to hug another person so we can fly... Helper or Helpee...everybody wins when one person is there for another person, knowingly or unknowingly.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for expression</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for alone time...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Lion Bars...no seriously...they are underratedly delicious</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for stands taken...Doing the right thing always feels good afterwards...even if you feel ripped out of your comfort zone...Just trust Him</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His persistence....seriously, i need to write one of those dual meaning novels about how God loves us...so it's relatable to, you see...He's like the lover that is always there for you, ever patient, and never ever leaves. It's just...shaming that i don't think about it like that sometimes and act unappreciative</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Contentment...that was what this post was going to be about, you know...but i'll get to it...I am Content. it doesn't mean that i am against things changing or getting better, it means that at every second of the present, i am wholly thankful of where i'm at and trust that it's right.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Faith</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...okay, at this point this post demands that i think deep and come up with other things that i am thankful for. There are, trees and Life and laughter and heels and water and on and on and on....but simultaneously there seem to be things i'm confused about, in conflict over, and the moment my brain senses them on the periphery, it shuts off and refuses to process....lol it is emotional cowardness...write letters, i shall forward them to my brain :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am truly, completely thankful for my life, for every day, and for every new thing i learn that adds to building the me i'm supposed to become...good, bad and ugly...although...the wise thing is to try as much as possible to learn from the good stuff, so you don't have to go through bad and ugly...</div><div><br /></div><div>And with a quote on the theme, i am off to sleep land...</div><div><br /></div><div>We learn from the mistakes of others (or are supposed to anyways), but from our own mistakes, we grow...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8979934402133421145?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-70286841517180924772011-03-25T07:04:00.000-07:002011-03-25T07:14:28.420-07:00For the record, i'm not perfect. I've never claimed to be, quite the opposite. There is little point in writing about all the ways in which i fall. I idealize, theorise, try to rationalise and find a way out of the mistakes i've made. This blog is to encourage, and not only myself. If anyone thinks that i am, lying in any way, pretending to be someone i'm not..then you probably reason with your ass...Through out actions we right wrongs and move towards an objective, that i've made mistakes contrary to what i write does not mean that i am schizophrenic. Detailing every wrong i've done in order to prove anything to anybody is...i'm sure every sane person can generate an adjective concerning that...<div><br /></div><div>What is a shame is when you let people in, and well..it's our fault for thinking that they were any way other than the way they are...It's all good... Everybody has a right to be themselves...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His Grace</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He's always there</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He has a plan, and does anything necessary to make it work</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my girlieees!!!...Mizz Sexy, Mizz D....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Me...yes. just the way i am...scratches, cuts, mistakes and all...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful it's Friday</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Time</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligence</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each and every day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so blessed...at any moment in my life, my blessings outweigh my misfortunes....</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7028684151718092477?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-23622152793575285342011-02-24T06:38:00.000-08:002011-02-24T07:05:17.948-08:00....And protect your delicate mushy insides. If they are going to be poked and prodded and all round hurt...you have a shell..clamp that down and make a pearl until the time comes where you give it to a pretty little girl with bows in her hair who will go...wow that's beautiful!<div><br /></div><div>I don't talk fast, it's just hard for people to play catchup...it takes years and patience to become attuned to me if it doesn't happen as kismet...but when it does happen..it's fun all around...in an attempt to characterise it...i am a champion Scattergories player...i have word associations and if you don't know how to listen..blink and it's gone...all the subtlety is in the subtext, satire..see why i wuv Oscar and Bill S?...then again, understanding is by no means mandatory, but oh boy is it fun when i don't have to waste precious time explaining the complexity....ah well</div><div><br /></div><div>I wasn't going to write a TT..needed to have a shift in attitude towards writing how i say, what i say..lol or maybe i just need to STFU for a while..i chatter too much as it seems...</div><div><br /></div><div>However! i had a superduperawesome day today and i just needed to acknowledge and point out that i am thankful for it...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for that lecturer ooo! lol i could go on and on...he is a superhero...when he is not breaking our Wills into a thousand tiny pieces...even if you want to die in the process, he will make SURE that you die with a backbone.... He cares yo! and for that, he has more than our respect...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Family....My mommmyyy is my rock, the girls....on that whole getting me thing....i have trained them well....we just have so.much.fun because there's no need to stop and explain...okay except when they have to explain to my ancient self :P They are soo intelligent and wise...especially my sage-like Angel :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful....for sammiches..don't ask</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for variety</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for what He knows He's doing right now....heaven knows i need Him to physically intervene...and he's doing that beautifully</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for peace of mind...me, backpack and all, are heading towards it..it's hard, i won't lie...me i'm like a firecracker and keeping a temper inside feels a whole lot like your insides are burning...i am not a surpressing sort of person...but we all have the ability to change things so...LGT</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sparkly water</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for that stranger who made my week on Tuesday...people don't *have*to go out of their ways to be nice to anybody...but when they do....damn near breaks your heart...so make an effort to be nice, do something, say something...you have no idea the effect that will have on a person...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am Thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for yoochoob</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am ME.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have friends who are just perfect, and i won't trade...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sugar and spice and everything nice</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication...even when i wave my hands around and i am smiled at amusedly..important part is that i was got and evaluated fairly :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful....</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-2362215279357528534?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-45175136535821018992011-02-17T09:50:00.000-08:002011-02-17T10:05:06.047-08:00And i'm a little bit of grit on the wheel that has spun me underneath itself...<div><br /></div><div>Q:How loud do you have to scream for what you're not saying to be heard?</div><div>A:Loud enough so you're hoarse, or not at all..</div><div><br /></div><div>Heyyy...So not hyper today..maybe i'm just too tired to break out the pompoms, because i know i ought to be proactive about my happiness...What i'm doing instead is being a little Eyore and adopting Charlie Brown's depressed stance..you know you have to stand a certain way to be unhappy or it won't work at all :P</div><div><br /></div><div>More than anything it's this emptiness that's screaming at me that there's something i need to do, but i try harder to shut it up than to listen...again, not right...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that the sun shows itself a lot more these days</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Uni..it does have its highlights</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music...it makes me happy while the song lasts..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my momma...she's the best...she's perfect the way she is..i am thankful that He gave her to me..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...Angel makes me proud with each story i hear</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my "adopted" fam :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my godmother</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for water</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for blogger</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for expression</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for numbness...it's being a turtle, but it's sooooo much better than being sad..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my hedgehogs :P don't judge!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughtfulness...V brightened my week with her love...and she didn't have to</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people being psychic :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my very psychic friends...i dunno how i would have gone through some moments without their oblivious kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that Spring is almost here</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-4517513653582101899?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-32944811602392298602011-02-10T08:14:00.000-08:002011-02-10T09:01:08.869-08:00I was going to type "Subtlety" but i don't have spellcheck and i am too lazy to check it...and so i decided to leave it...see, i was going to type "forego"..but again..spellecheck...So all this shall be taken in stride :P<div><br /></div><div>Yesterday, i had a panic moment where i compared myself to people i think are successful and thought..oh wow...i'm not doing that! i am SUCH a looser...and had my i-feel-like-a-looser 5 minutes. Then, out of bitterness (wrong, i know) i grudgingly gave in to the push to just pray...two words into the prayer and a very calming answer hit me...will you RELAX? That is not your story. That is not for you. Everybody cannot become The Sartorialist or Philip Pullman, you know? That is their role to play, and you do not, as a person, suck because you are not being successful at what they do.</div><div><br /></div><div>We all have our scripts planned out, our strengths and weaknesses that are unique to us (well at least in that combination and under that star sign and gender and geographical location and height and hair length and interests and such forth...) and if anything...our job is to identify them, and work WITH them, not be resentful of them. This does not mean you cannot learn from, or be appreciative of other people's gifts...it's a big happy talent party! Do you...I know the theme has practically been raped...but be an individual, that's all you were made to be. Be you, and unapologetically so...</div><div><br /></div><div>It's interesting how what i just typed is kinda roughly what i had in mind already, and wasn't sure i wanted to go with it...but at the end of the last paragraph, i saw just how it relates directly to the thought that inspired this title. I was watching Desperate Housewives just now, and was taken with Eva Longoria's fingers (oooh do i have a foot and hand fetish...hush)..It wasn't in any perverted sort of way, however..It was the fact that..it's fingers, for crying out loud..everybody has them...and yet you'll be stumped to find a pair of hands exactly the same..the nail bed is different, the fingers are longer, shorter, bonier, chubby, big, small...you see? Then i realized i've been fascinated with faces pretty much the same way since i was small and used to "draw" and never be able to get the same face twice, or how on The Sims, you could make so many tiny modifications that completely change a face..eyebrow hight, length, thickness, eyelids lips, jaw...</div><div><br /></div><div>My point, then, is this: There are so many subtle things that make each person in a way that's not repeatable. The way you are born aside, every conversation, every walk, every bus ride...people meet different people and have completely different conversations, different experiences...this is another moment that calmed me down...Do i not trust Him? What am i panicking for? He has charted everthing in my life just so, that nothing is wasted...every experience goes into storage and waits for when it meets another moment and is used (okaaay cheeesy!) But it's true...It's like..Q and A (or Slumdog Millionaire for you strange movie obsessed people)..It looks a lot like coincidence...but everything that you go through WILL be put to good use at some point...skills learned, pains experienced, even if they scarred you bad...You just might be in a position to understand somebody else that needs you more than you ever will know...</div><div><br /></div><div>So it doesn't matter if your role is in the spotlight, or goes unobserved...it is equally important. It is to us that glitz is THE objective...i believe that to God...lives and people are important. Be That Kenyan Boy, or be the janitor that listens to the stressed out CEO when he needs it...If you are able to touch a life and be there, directly, indirectly (God bless Avenged Sevenfold. Amen.) Then you, my dear, are a Star.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His work in mine</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Internet</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for NaijaFineBoy and for Chammie for getting me on Blogger, i am thankful for everyone who's kept me here...I love each and every one of you..even if i need to get round and comment and SHOW it....#ListOfThingsToDo</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Family. They are my rock.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Friends...had a weird couple of days last week...they listened, they were patient, they made me laugh, and they ignored my pouting, and they also sent me links at the right times and didn't even know...I am thankful for my guardian angels!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for happiness, for Joy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Lisovoii...lolz..i wasn't going to type it, but then it hit me that it rhymed...He's an amazing teacher, and he doesn't "have" to do what he does, going the extra mile to raise us like his children/siblings whatever works for our age correlations...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication...i am weird and awkward at it (best believe..pay no mind to the epistles i type..once it goes personal i loose my voice) but one strangled word after the other, one disjointed sentence after the other, i manage to choke it out...but that's not even the good part...I am thankful that all that madness is understood...that is communication</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S...reallytruly thankful. Every day.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love..sometimes i love it, some days, i cannot understand what is good about it (again, cynicism :P)...but honestly and without tantrums? Love is an amazing, powerful force. Embrace it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for that A today..how could i forget...the nerves i left in that classroom!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Uni...and how it generally goes super for me :P i am blessed</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so blessed</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for yesterday's SCL post about the prodigal son...God did not love him more when he returned... He loved him all along..the thick skull only got to see it again when he came back...gotta keep that in mind, but NEVER EVER forget that He loves you no matter what..whether you think you deserve it or not...Relient K said...the beauty of Grace is that i makes life not fair...because when you analyse it with our understanding..there is nothing to be loved for..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me. issues and all...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He doesn't leave me...this is proved to me everytime i feel useless and i force myself to type something and all of a sudden i cannot shut up, when i thought i had NO inspiration whatsoever...i believe that the times where i do have weird short posts..i must have put a loooot of effort into restraining myself...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every new day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that there is SO much to learn...so much</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for everytime He shifts my paradigm...we get so caught up in our boxes of "how to be" and not questioning that we forget that there are other options...funny story i saw on MLIA...little girl made all the minuses on her math test into plusses...Chick was NOT in the mood for subtraction that day, and she added instead...and you know what? i agree with her.. We stop ourselves from seeing options...I mean..sheep are needed...but it's her that will find her way over, around or through, but by God will she get past that mountain..that's all i'm saying</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for MLIA....best positivity boost ever!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this week...it is/went by as quick as i prayed</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Godmother and the time we spend together</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S. He is a blessing to me. Ups and downs and life in general tend to make us loose sight of just how awesome people are, we get "used" to them and their awesomeness and start slacking in consciously stepping aside to appreciate them every day.. but my days is he a wonderful person..even if he doesn't like pickles or mustard *roll eyes dramatically* I love you baby!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fooood :D yummy yummy happiness bringer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that February means we're that much closer to warmth..Hello Mr. Golden Sun? i MISS you!!!!!!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for BBM! you kiddin me?!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for that little doggie that came out of nowhere on a morning when i was well on my way to being miserable the whole day...he melted my soul...gotta be like him...no frontin...he walked up to me and smothered me with his innocent puppy luff (do NOT say he was just hungry...it was a moment jor!)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have so much to be thankful for....Thinking about everything, and how some people have it..i have no right to make any complaints whatsoever...but it would be biased to say that, because if i am not to be looking at the "happy" people's life path, i shouldn't be comparing here either...So i'll make notes, but ultimately...that is not your life...face your own. Abi you don solve am finish?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my wonderful sisters..they could go under family...but them little babies have grown into fascinating, intelligent beautiful girls that i can *gasp* talk to!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!!!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-3294481160239229860?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-71790398978195510232011-02-03T04:16:00.000-08:002011-02-03T05:28:22.870-08:00Hmm jumble post. Fragments of things. Prayer, Miracles and the fact that you cannot pretend or ignore most things away....lol...listing them out was mostly for my benefit, before my mosquito attention span works its wonder...We shall start from the last..<div><br /></div><div>It's nothing i can go into detail about, but it's worth mentioning because i found myself crying my eyes out yesterday over what i have not known was an issue for most of my life. I have pretended, or convinced myself it was okay, even told myself of the positive that came of it...and then yesterday..i realized i had a lot of hurt and regrets i couldn't explain away, had no start point to pin them to, no box, so they just hung around..crushing and unsolvable..i shouldn't even use the past tense..they are still there...However, they say admitting is the first step, acknowledging the existence of this problem IS a big deal...So i guess i'm thankful for it...the lesson out of it is that no matter how long you pretend, lie to yourself, even manage to believe in the pretence..that's like a bandage on a wound that needs stitches..but then again...there is a time for everything..maybe delusion was necessary all the while it lasted...sooner or later though, we have to confront things, because they don't go anywhere, they only play catch up..so the sooner, the better...</div><div><br /></div><div>Prayer and Miracles i could lump as one, seeing as my prayers always lead to miracles...Now you know that miracles to me don't mean snow in the Kalahari. Miracles are in everything i see God's work in..be it tiny, or huge jaw droppingly OMG inspiring..I have a soft spot for the little things..because then i feel God right there with me in the most mundane of things. Prayer, cannot be overhyped. I know i'm acting like i just discovered that things grow out of the ground and feel the need to spread the wonderful news to everyone, but after forgetting for so long...yea....Prayer!!! seriously!..i'm still learning even..but i will say that it's most definitely rewarding. You should try it, genuinely and honestly, before knocking it, because when you do, and pay attention to the fact that God DOES respond...it's surreal...like you can see results..and all you can be is awestruck...A recent example of my awestruckness is the fact that last night, i was in some weird melancholy mood when i got into bed..mumbling a prayer, i prayed to learn to pray again, and even more than that, to listen...So i'm lying there, already drifting to la la land and flipping through memories of things, when Quacky comes into my mind full force...I went through how we met first day in ss1, our jokes, our adventures, how totally awesome and selfless and beautiful this person is and it seriously overwhelmed me how much i love my friend. Then i felt...omg i must tell her! i must! it was late so i was thinking it will be an offline sort of thing...and i typed it out...and she wasn't sleeping..and well, it will suffice to say that we had a very emotional before bed conversation...Quacky ROCKS!! and i feel so blessed to have her in my lifem ss1 was worth it, everything we've been through is worth it...Anywho :'( lol...turns out she was also in a weird sort of mood and had needed cheering up...it's just amazing how with that, we were there for each other when we needed it..and didn't even know or nothing...for me, that is a miracle. And as we concured, God is one awesome Somborry!</div><div><br /></div><div>Sooo that's this Thursday... Life seems to be a series of situations thrown at you, Up ones and Down ones, and it's up to us to choose if we ride the wave as is, or we skip form Up to Up as much as we can..because we do have a choice...and lately i realize i've been struggling very hard to Un-know this. Yes, it's shameful...i find myself trying (knowing full well the truth) to hang on to some to the left upsetting emotions and paranoia because they fuel self pity and anger and resentment which i totally need to be rebellious and angry and sharp tongued...and i realize the ridiculousness of it...and for some reason it seems more tempting to be angry and upset than to let go and ignore paranoia and be bloody happy...but nooo..misery and negativity is all shimmery there and for heaven knows what reason, it's more satisfying to curse than it is to ignore and move on...Seriously..isn't that quite the illusion? How, on the most left/right, black/white level, is one better than the other? </div><div><br /></div><div>Choosing the right (happier :) ) way seems like, and IS the sensible way to go...but what makes it more tempting then, to give into tantrum throwing and sulking? So many questions...Ah yes...i was making the point about the fact that it IS a choice..one that when it comes down to it, we are just too lazy to make...for reasons that are yet to be coherently revealed to me..but again..baby steps...for now, it's Natalie Grant's "I will not be Moved" that's my inspiration..beautiful lyrics, and soooooo perfect for this moment in my life. She goes : i will stumble, i will fall down, but i will not be moved, i will make mistakes, i will face heartache, but i will not be moved...and such forth..in fact...the first verse is the story of my life...but i'm discovering Him again, and if i have any sense, i will hang on..restore the va va voom to this relationship!!!! now for the verse..</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><i>I have been the wayward child<br />I have acted out<br />I have questioned Sovereignty<br />And had my share of doubt<br />And though sometimes my prayers feel like<br />They're bouncing off the sky<br />The hand I hold won't let me go<br />And is the reason why...</i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">...As i said...story of my life...</span></div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this post...honestly i was reluctant to type it cuz i thought...eh, i don't know what to write jor, i was freshly (with a lot of personal encouragement) upset, and unwilling to be positive about anything..all cynical and..yea...i'm working on this...i got to typing didn't i? it's a lesson in trust again..just the other day i was looking for the verse that says about (to Paul and Peter i think..no not the Okoyes :P ) not being anxious or worried about what to preach beforehand, because when the time comes, He will give you what to say...what can i say..i rest my case...and i do trust Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family...God stuck me with the perfect bunch of people who have no choice but to love me and i them...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my relationship with S...in line with everything being interconnected...i have learned, and am learning so much from it each day...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S, who he is and for his support :P me 1: nico 0..booya!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for jokes</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that even if this might technically be wrong...hurling something across a room does wonders for your mood...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends...again..Angels that God puts in your life. Angels! like, the way i love them...ya dunno meynn :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the internet...and all the info it puts you in touch with...ahem...yes, watching The real Housewives of Beverly Hills is informative! and i'm ENJOYING it...shut up.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God..and His patience with me, unending forgiveness, understanding and support...cannot be easy..again i say...i woulda smacked my head off tey tey</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for progress</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that God is as cool as you allow yourself to acknowledge...if you think God is distant, cold and mean..it's time to re-evaluate your power of short sighted assumption and your athletic prowess in jumping to conclusions...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He listens..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He speaks...through everything...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He acts...i can make a very direct connection between Him making me go cold turkey cut off on a coupple of things and the improvement in our relationship...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for words</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communiation</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for putting down walls and formality and...lol CC as i will call her put up the status that i have been visualizing for a week...in summary...there is no need to be acting all formal and "proper" with God (or anyone that's worth it really), because it will lead you nowhere...abi everything is okay and you are doing well? ngwanu carry on....nahh...i'm having to learn that if i have to show the world my "of course i have it all together" face, then God is who i can come to and cry and tell just how messed up i am and where i need help...He sometimes delegates the duty of hearing me out to the mommy and a few aformentioned angels...like "God in me" says...What they don't know is when she come home, she gets on her knees....yea... He gives you the support you need to hold it together in the scary scary public...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that in line with most things being a cycle..it will swing round, and those things that used to be that are not so much anymore and that i miss will be here again...lol i know..cryptic cryptic me...but i have to universalize these things!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my future babies ^_^..the twins, Fruit n Fibre, or Salt and Pepper :P teehee...it's all these shows..i blame them...but they have me wanting to press fast forward...Kendra, Kourtney...I am kuku thankful for parents who LOVE their kids..i'm not one to judge how who expresses their love, but i'm a softie for the hands on parents, who get that there is nothing more important in a child's life than their parents involvement and and.....lol i'm a softie :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Uni..lecturers, friends, food and all</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i get to be thankful</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He's dragging me along again...cuz my my do i need help on this :D</div><div><br /></div><div>What are you thankful for? take a min and push out the tempting negativity and focus on what you do have to be thankful for...Not with resentment...If you hate something, there is no need ti be grudgingly thankful...wait for that until the time is right and you find a reason why you are genuinely thankful for it...oya! count your blessings name them one by one...:P</div><div><br /></div><div>Listen though...Pray and listen...</div><div><br /></div><div>Have a blessed week..</div><div><br /></div><div>OOOh...awareness..i am thankful for awareness...been inert way too long...<br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7179039897819551023?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-2913934484753148312011-01-27T13:41:00.001-08:002011-01-27T14:11:23.768-08:00It's before 12, so i insist that i made my deadline! No electricity and all :P<div><br /></div><div>Two things on my mind...Joy, and well..this story with Quacky I'll start with Quacky cuz it leads to the joy bit...See like two days ago, while joking about how we'd market Holy Shampoo and Holy bodywash and a whole lot of that nonsense, i, in the spirit of the joking told Quacks that i liked her vision. See we hadn't talked in a while, and i didn't know wussup...So we talk on a bit, and she brings me back to that moment...Turns out that my French Duckie DOES have a vision, a beautiful mission to change the youth, to wake a whole lot of people up from this superficiality we now seem to bask in....We had a super duper conversation on that (it's all serious and paperwork and churches and things...i am too proud of her!)..then i get to the personal bit for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing as Quacks vision is God and religion based...She brought it up, that i could help and we could write and...well i couldn't very well sign on with a lie, now could i? So i told her...i'd help where i can, but i have to tell you that me, i'm kinda on rocky terrain with God right now...I know all the ad libs and all the passages, i'd write the textbook in a heartbeat...i mostly know what i need to change, and i know God will see me through and this and that...and She told me that....The point of this preamble is that i told her; i cannot go through the motions and pretend that all is good with God. I've been there, it frustrated me so much i ran away again. I cannot do devotions and read my bible earlier than the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>See i believe in that. Nothing is coincidence (like the convo, and whats with me now, for instance), and everything happens when it's supposed to, for it's own reasons. I've had intense periods of being all in tune with God....and that's cool...it was productive and played it's role...When that alloted time is done...it's like i go into hibernation and nothing happens...then the time comes again and me and Him work...i have more or less come to accept this for now...I do not regard the lags as time wasted...it was time given to me to gather those experiences and learn those lessons, which always seem to play key roles in the me and God times that follow...and now.. it feels right inside, see</div><div><br /></div><div>As this blog is called, it's my God and me. It's personal, it's my own relationship with God...i am learning to pay attention to cues, to recognise the ups and downs and patterns...it works for us..discover for yourself the sort of thing you have going with Him..it's amazing..it really is...but most important, i think..is to listen and not fight it...just Trust Him...</div><div><br /></div><div>And so...after a lot of months of being just meh...and last week's depression...for the last two days...i have been happy..lol know how they say it's darkest before it gets light?...I am still trying to get used to it...like..i could be standing, then i'm so overcome with this joy that i want to break out in giggles...yea...i know it sounds weird...it's like..i feel a peace i haven't felt in a while...I guess it takes reaching rock bottom before you can go up again...still on it getting darkest...homesickness, crankyness...then i foolishly went and got in a fight with S....meh...that too played it's role...at one point i just saw my mumuishness clearly and realized that i entertain one too many foolish thoughts sometimes. Thoughts that do nothing but make you walk around like a storm cloud ready to drop at any moment....and such...as i said...everything plays its role in moving you towards the light at the end of that tunnel....there's a beautiful explanation in Shantaram..but it's long...in summary..it is Good. If it ultimately moves you to the light..it is good.</div><div><br /></div><div>So..i let go, rather subcounsciously, even, of a lot of foolish notions...and i'm now swamped with all this peace and happiness and....and i feel like i'm all set to hang out with Him again...like...i want it, i'm ready to listen...not shutting Him out, but looking for His words...it's..nice..i missed it...</div><div><br /></div><div>For everything above, i am thankful</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for cooking...number 1 de-stresser!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for when S says all the right things at the right time without even knowing...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend...he is the bestester....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed! oh how inseparable we've been..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that there's an upside to everything...no light? Candle light bath!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...they are my angels!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lessons learned</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that nothing is random</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He uses everything to speak to you</div><div> </div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness and second chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding and being understood</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for little things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this JOY!!!! i wish it on everyone...</div><div><br /></div><div>be good now...x</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-291393448475314831?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-4558617313705923882011-01-27T13:41:00.000-08:002011-01-27T14:09:01.445-08:00It's before 12, so i insist that i made my deadline! No electricity and all :P<div><br /></div><div>Two things on my mind...Joy, and well..this story with Quacky I'll start with Quacky cuz it leads to the joy bit...See like two days ago, while joking about how we'd market Holy Shampoo and Holy bodywash and a whole lot of that nonsense, i, in the spirit of the joking told Quacks that i liked her vision. See we hadn't talked in a while, and i didn't know wussup...So we talk on a bit, and she brings me back to that moment...Turns out that my French Duckie DOES have a vision, a beautiful mission to change the youth, to wake a whole lot of people up from this superficiality we now seem to bask in....We had a super duper conversation on that (it's all serious and paperwork and churches and things...i am too proud of her!)..then i get to the personal bit for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Seeing as Quacks vision is God and religion based...She brought it up, that i could help and we could write and...well i couldn't very well sign on with a lie, now could i? So i told her...i'd help where i can, but i have to tell you that me, i'm kinda on rocky terrain with God right now...I know all the ad libs and all the passages, i'd write the textbook in a heartbeat...i mostly know what i need to change, and i know God will see me through and this and that...and She told me that....The point of this preamble is that i told her; i cannot go through the motions and pretend that all is good with God. I've been there, it frustrated me so much i ran away again. I cannot do devotions and read my bible earlier than the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>See i believe in that. Nothing is coincidence (like the convo, and whats with me now, for instance), and everything happens when it's supposed to, for it's own reasons. I've had intense periods of being all in tune with God....and that's cool...it was productive and played it's role...When that alloted time is done...it's like i go into hibernation and nothing happens...then the time comes again and me and Him work...i have more or less come to accept this for now...I do not regard the kags as time wasted...it was time given to me to gather those experiences and learn those lessons, which always seem to play key roles in the me and God times that follow...</div><div><br /></div><div>As this blog is called, it's my God and me. It's personal, it's my own relationship with God...i am learning to pay attention to cues, to recognise the ups and downs and patterns...it works for us..discover for yourself the sort of thing you have going with Him..it's amazing..it really is...but most important, i think..is to listen and not fight it...just Trust Him...</div><div><br /></div><div>And so...after a lot of months of being just meh...and last week's depression...for the last two days...i have been happy..lol know how they say it's darkest before it gets light?...I am still trying to get used to it...like..i could be standing, then i'm so overcome with this joy that i want to break out in giggles...yea...i know it sounds weird...it's like..i feel a peace i haven't felt in a while...I guess it takes reaching rock bottom before you can go up again...still on it getting darkest...homesickness, crankyness...then i foolishly went and got in a fight with S....meh...that too played it's role...at one point i just saw my mumuishness clearly and realized that i entertain one too many foolish thoughts sometimes. Thoughts that do nothing but make you walk around like a storm cloud ready to drop at any moment....and such...as i said...everything plays its role in moving you towards the light at the end of that tunnel....there's a beautiful explanation in Shantaram..but it's long...in summary..it is Good. If it ultimately moves you to the light..it is good.</div><div><br /></div><div>So..i let go, rather subcounsciously, even, of a lot of foolish notions...and i'm now swamped with all this peace and happiness and....and i feel like i'm all set to hang out with Him again...like...i want it, i'm ready to listen...not shutting Him out, but looking for His words...it's..nice..i missed it...</div><div><br /></div><div>For everything above, i am thankful</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for cooking...number 1 de-stresser!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for when S says all the right things at the right time without even knowing...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend...he is the bestester....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed! oh how inseparable we've been..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that there's an upside to everything...no light? Candle light bath!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...they are my angels!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lessons learned</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that nothing is random</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He uses everything to speak to you</div><div> </div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness and second chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding and being understood</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for little things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this JOY!!!! i wish it on everyone...</div><div><br /></div><div>be good now...x</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-455861731370592388?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-85053899941020956402011-01-20T15:00:00.000-08:002011-01-20T15:21:39.582-08:00This used to be a funhouse....but now it's full of evil clowns...<div><br /></div><div>I love P!nk...and this song seems rather definitive of the sad parts of where i'm currently at..</div><div><br /></div><div>call the movers, call the maids, we'll try to exorcise this place...</div><div>'</div><div>All my thoughts have abandoned me, but that is okay, i've thought them, they've played their role..not much point writing them down..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful. I have never stopped being so...for even when i am in full blown misery and hate mode, He smothers me with reasons to be thankful...and that i cannot ignore...really...He makes you see just how trivial some things are.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life...because as long as, and while there is life...then there is something to look forward to and no hope is lost..the possibilities and dynamics of it fascinate me..the only direction you get to move in is forward, whether you like it or not, want it or not...and that just might be the best part..no matter what happens, you pick yourself up and keep going...or sit down and get tumbled along anyways..your choice really..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God...i'm a long way away...but we both know it's temporary..been here, got out...i am too thick to learn apparently :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lessons</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His plans...if you planned it, it wouldn't have been as perfect as the way it turns out when you don't even think of it..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for what we choose to call coincidences...i believe that nothing is by mistake, and nothing goes without a continuation connected to you somewhere, somehow...years on, seconds away...it's one huge web...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my new frands! best trip back to Kiev ever...kick ass people do exist! totally distracted me from being miserable and homesick..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am actually writing this much..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that it suffocates me to pretend...i'd rather that than be good at it..so yea, maybe sometimes i'm naive and drastic and hot or cold but never in between, but pretence does not sit well on me..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family and the awesome awesome time i got to spend with them :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for makeup :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lotions and potions and all that yummy stuff...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Mommmmyyy!!! best.mommy.ever!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankfuk for my father..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have so much to learn...the prospect of it is delicious...this is why i don't too much mind this prodigal phase...being all goodygoody has this annoying potential of protecting you from learning..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me grandparents</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books...Shantaram is THE best book i've read in a loong while...i am in love with it!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love..whatever it is..i need to learn to recognize and appreciate it even when it's not in the prejudiced love-hearts and huggie-bears way we insist on idealizing it...it's tricky though...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughtfulness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for care</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for genuine people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding and patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the world</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every person who brings other people happiness and love..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8505389994102095640?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-47838128644405820652010-11-18T12:46:00.000-08:002010-11-18T13:48:33.464-08:00I know..the imagery is disturbing. I, however, do solemnly assure you that they are mutually exclusive. The images that is. Once they are separated, the message isn't so ominous afterall.<div><br /></div><div>Have a bit of a headache and a residual tiredness, so i shall attempt to make this snappy.Ha!</div><div><br /></div><div>Shears. One day, the day before yesterday it seems to me, while out on the balcony and randomly pondering God and punishment and Karma and a whole casserole of things, it hit me that another way to look at this (which makes more sense to me and my conscience) is that God doesn't prune <i>you, </i>He prunes <i>your life</i>. Yes i know, the subtlety is major, blink and you miss it. Somewhere in me though, it's not as terrifying when i don't feel attacked. Now i am in no way saying you should tweak your Faith around to pamper you...But i do think this middle-ages Catholic guilt and fire thing is also a bit much in the other direction, if you catch my drift. God, i believe, ultimately works with us, guides us so that we go through the maze that we were put here to go through. Our own customized maze. As i have established in a trillion of my posts, i don't believe God harbours a personal Vendetta against any one of us...which is why this very image of Him pruning <i>me</i> is wonky. It has too many undertones of getting personal in a non-rainbow sort of way. Pruning my life, however, taking out bits i don't need, by force where necessary...well that's a whole other kettle of fish...or tub of ice cream or whatever pleasant things you can think of...As i say, the difference is subtle, but to me, it's there. God prunes my life, He has on several occasions pried out of my relentless grip things i needed to let go of but just could not be reasoned with to. He has dropped in my lap things i wouldn't have thought i needed..He is quite the Gardner in my life all right...But He isn't out to get me...as the other version starts looking when them Zealots have a go at it..i mean really!</div><div><br /></div><div>On to the second part! Final Destinations (lovely movie too, by the way...a lot of laughs)...So I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love. Towards the end, i was reminded of a quote i came across while still in search of aforementioned book (oh i was dedicated all right). I think i come across things at the exact time i'm supposed to...a Sufi Quote..Hafiz, if i remember correctly: God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot you are standing now...oh wait...or is that from the book?.Hafiz say i! i attribute it to him in any case, like it or not...if you requote, you can go..IceQueen-Hafiz-Gilbery...ha!..anyways...it was the illustration her Bali medicine man gave her...about how he's been to Heaven. He starts off with that bit, about going through 7 levels and how heaven was all bliss and unimaginable beauty and just everything you think it is but to the highest power....and then he says he's been to hell too..but the seven levels on the way there, unlike the ones to Heaven are literraly that- Hell. Unpleasant, unhappy and in summary- you don't wanna go that way. So how's Hell then, Elizabeth asks? Oh..same as Heaven he says. The difference is in the way you get there. You might as well take the happy road. </div><div><br /></div><div>This, i believe, sums up the way i regard this whole Journey/Tour of life business. You are here, we are all going somewhere when the show is over... No telling that it's not the same place, but that's not for us to worry our pretty heads about. We are here, and only here can we make decisions. Ones that affect us now, and hypothetically later. The later will sort itself out...Even the Bible says not to be anxious about tomorrow...SEE? they knew Amebos will about that want to plot everything plus write God's script and His entrances and exits...i roll my eyes, really...So basically...you choose if you are taking the happy route, or the unhappy one. Final destination unknown, but now highly suspected to be the same for us all...and we'll get asked by Stewie Griffin "what did you learn?" hehe..i crack myself up<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I had a tangent thought..but i lost it :( hate when that happens...ah well..bottom line..oh there it is! Machiavelli. Good...now that i have that written down, it ought to keep me on track. This is how my mind works..associations...because when you come down to it, EVERYTHING is interconnected. Best believe it. Ah yes, Machiavelli. How i came to him. Seeing that we just might be the ones setting the rules that govern our individual lives, we are the ones who chose the laws, Karmic or otherwise, by which we are judged/punished...see?connections; what you believe will materialize and be your reality..i am not bonkers, i assure you. This thought sprung on me in the midst of defining my righs and wrongs and trying to monitor and scrutinze my every thought, for example : those shoes are hideous! whoops...am i going to hell now? am i going to fail my test? oh Lord! what will become of me for my impure thoughts? and then i think of all the famous people throughout history who swore by lewd behaviour...those memoirs and letters can make porn stars blush! and at the same time, you have people who swore by chasity...and also didn't get struck down and did not bad for themselves really....Ah yes, Machiavelli...i haven't forgotten that one, whom i misunderstood for a bit...until both he and the bible agreed in my head...Nic says if you are going to be an evil overlord, for crying out loud, BE an evil overlord, and don't pussyfoot about it. Be thorough, be evil, invoke terror in your minions and opposers until they wise up. No slacking...This is if you choose to go that way. If you choose to be a saint,m there are handbooks on that too, but we aren't going there today. Now the bible parallel. Can't remember where, but it says, be hot for God..oh wait..that sounds wrong..okay, have a hot heart, not a lukewarm one in any case, or God will spit you out (really, how do they come up with these things?) See what i mean? it says, choose a path and do that...i guess when you croak you'll find out how that works out...</div><div><br /></div><div>Personally, i believe in goodness *shrug*, you know..regular, people-liking, non murdering goodness. As for slip ups, they happen, but in no way do they mean you have failed. Know what you are working towards (fingers crossed it involves fields of flowers and not world domination, cuz frankly, that's sooo tired and sad) and do that...</div><div><br /></div><div>Lol..sometimes, i raise more questions than i find clarity with these things...But questions are good. M. Scott says to question (in a much more eloquent and logically all smartass convincing way, of course), and only when you have questioned and returned to the same general conclusions may you boast of your faith...Works for me...I would like to be understood to some degree, not just terrify people into supplication...Nosiree!..okay so i've gone and typed a minor monograph....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration then! the miracles that happen, eh? i was going to do a paragraph and a half!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God...believe in Him or not, He exists. He is the one thing you cannot mind-bend or positive think away...I'd suggest you got with the program and incorporated Him into your life sharpish...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He gave us delightful puzzle within a puzzle to ponder...We get to live this life, and while doing so...get to wonder about it and try to figure it out...Freud might be right in that little bit that it's all about sex, but that's just one corner of the whole ouzzle...the huge giant picture of it is that we are all wondering the Meaning Of Life..trying to find the Key to the code..except that there are so many...see; on a Tangent..people search for The Truth...which is where we get knocked off course really...in the pursuit of One, when there are so many! ooh this is totally next week's post...there's a Shaw quote, i believe...there are so many ways to live a life...but as for the single right way, it doesn't exist. So with truth....the single, correct, universal one..is a myth...Life is beyond hitting that perfect combo and winning the jackpot..it just doesn't work like that...Right and Wrong, even, are forever debatable. Will go into this next Thursday...but one question..Is Judas to blame? see? not that easy afterall, huh? and if you say yes, i will pelt you with a teacup, for it is my blog and how dare you! Think! :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my father...without whom i won't be me...not in any way that i can think of...physically, psychologically.... His mind, his principles...i don't claim to have inherited them verbatim (heavens no! what would we argue about?), but the bulk of the important stuff...yea...even the butterfly effect ones...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother...she is...whoa...she is my friend, she is my rock, she is my comforter, she is the one who grounds me, the one who props me up, the one who makes me see that the sky falling down is nothing but a minor problem that will right itself while we plaster on huge smiles and stick our tongues out at it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...i am not alone. My two widdle darling angels who are growing up wayyy faster than i can process...i keep starting a collection of go-to, default solutions to boy crises...how do i keep them in check? will a frightening mask do? how do i not smother them? so many questions...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandparents</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my amazing boyfriend...baby, i LOVE YOU!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books...*ahem* and my sunshine of a book lady, and i am thankful for awesome books coming in....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends...real, true ones...those are angels God surrounds you with</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles and the people who never fail to get them out of me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thanfuk for kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for change...this weather ne...as grateful as i am...Summer please come soon! if only i could Hybernate...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for learning...and for new skills not eluding me..anybody need a quick sketch of a skirt?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for beauty</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for art</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for talented people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligence and intelligent people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for conscience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughtfulness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my life, and it being just the way it's meant to be..yea, fatalist me..except it's not that simple..but i saw an explanation recently, involved horses called Fate and Free will and you trying to balance them while performing a circus trick</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for spontaniety</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he loves me :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for us...i keep saying this..but i am truly blessed..BLESSED i tell you!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i'm so blessed</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for bloggers and their kindness, really....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for indie films...nothing beats an indie film :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour! Sophie Kinsella is a riot!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every breath and every waking moment and every thought and and....God...I am thankful that after running around in all the circles people want to...the fact is that we exist. Descartes...i think, therefore i am...this has been my proof of God since i was tiny...the fact that i exist, and i am asking this question...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful! for things big and small, things obvious and sublime, things earth shattering and things you barely notice...all of it is a blessing..and nothing should be taken for granted or forced to be confined to our ill informed ranking system...really</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-4783812864440582065?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-82020359400812309252010-11-11T14:26:00.000-08:002010-11-11T14:46:18.469-08:00You know how it is when you play a video game- Football in my case, and you know nothing, but tap those buttons randomly but with a lot of determination, and hope for the best? Hits are bound to come your way once in a while and you feel pretty smug.<div><br /></div><div>Now think about the people that know exactly what they are doing, and make use of every skill, know where and when to do what, know what resources are available to them and how they ought to be used? yea. Now imagine who's game is going to <i>work</i>...</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes, like right now, i feel this way about the Idea of God. Religions and whatnot are furiously tapping random buttons, occasionally stumbling upon combinations that seem to work and crediting their..dogma? determination? Whereas (i cringe at this word) this combination of actoins would work outside the frame of the given dogma....make sense?</div><div><br /></div><div>There are rules to the...Universe, if you will. They are beyond any individual religion. They are what they are, and like God, they transcend individual narrowmindedness..This, this higher wisdom then, is what i feel we should be in the pursuit of. Understand that, and play by those rules, knowing what we are doing, instead of taking blind stabs in the dark, hoping to make that killer combo which makes your player do some fantastic finishing move...Mortal Kombat and Tekken memories...:P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the simplicity of it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for letting go of illusions that hold us down</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thanful for His patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend... i cannot explain with words how wonderful he is</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that everything is exactly the way it should be...Read: stress over nothing..don't throw tantrums...everything is precisely according to plan</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for eye candy :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He never leaves me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for discipline</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for today!!! aii lovely classes ey?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for hot water bottles</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for BBM...oh how thankful i am...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each new day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this glorious weather!!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for olive oil :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for good lecturers...which ultimately means good people, right?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for diversity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for happiness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lotions and potions...the joy showergel can bring!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful every moment of every day, no matter what i am going through...because nothing can trump the fact that i'm alive, that everything passes, and that i will be happy again. The knowledge of this is more than enough to make you shrug off any unhappiness...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for everyone that reads this..Tricia...BIG LOVE!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love...wish it upon everyone...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being in love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Us...some days i still pinch myself...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8202035940081230925?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-19622975852214690512010-11-04T09:04:00.000-07:002010-11-04T09:22:52.579-07:00I am uninspired. I am empty. I am fulfilling a task. It hurts. This is everything unlike the picture in my head. I have pushed Him away out of sheer laziness to the point where i can't even ask for His help. Won't be fair, i don't deserve it. This is an isolated observation of this one part of The Way Things Are, because it's not like we're feuding or anything.<div><br /></div><div>Just that this is not the place where i see myself spiritually, ideally. Apart from an effort, i guess i just need time.. but simultaneously this upsets be because if inspiration comes upon me as a phase independent of my own will, then why should i take blame when it just as independently leaves? Was pondering morality the other day. This complex of things we consider right or wrong and thren spend our lives in guilt and conflict because we fall short of them? Karma is all well and nice, but what if there is no judgement? It is what it is and you face consequences here and now? *sigh* I have no energy...Again i'm at this place, treading water, unsure if the direction i've chosen to swim is the right one afterall...need some conviction before i stop wearing silk with linen...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for meaning</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend, for us...We mean the world to me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for writers</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for art, for beauty</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindess</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him making me just the way i am...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Godmother and V and Eat, Pray, Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wanting things...the worst feeling in the world next to loneliness is not wanting anything. No dreams, no drive, no aspirations and no hopes...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for language</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that my week is overrr! no uni tomo! whatwhat!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for conversations</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for puns...oh him and i? we could go all night long *straight face*</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who get things the same way...Dr. Dee is an angelface!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for....shoesssss!!! Dear Santa...yes, about those Louboutins...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food...grams has finished me today</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being thankful</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for baths...like the one i'm about to have</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for non irritating people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for learning.....helllooo sewing!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me nailssss :D they make me happy and A is a darling</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for uni</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he makes me happier than i've ever been</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he is perfect in every -ally that you can think of....intellectually, physically...s..i shall leave it to your imaginations...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him....i am...even if i haven't vibed with Him in a min...i miss Him...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am Thankful!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-1962297585221469051?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-5370425847577824182010-10-28T12:01:00.000-07:002010-10-28T12:41:12.905-07:00I love it when inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources...Was upset today at some point, like really really...Stumbled on Brittney Gray's youtube channel; haven't been on in ages..and hey paradigm shift..good video on peoples attitudes and how it's easy to get desensitized and apathic from media we let affect us, and a whole bunch of things that made me aware of my own apathy in recent times...Plus all that hair stuff just inspires! and when we are inspired...the world is a better place..<div><br /></div><div>I am a stubborn person...typing this is hard..i'm supposed to be learning self control and restraint from all this expressiveness...speaking of which..it's one of the few things i get carried away with..i start out timid..curb here, call it discipline there...and before you know it i'm running a bootcamp on myself...i find myself starting to watch those videos again on Youtube..starting to give food the side eye...i don't want to slip down this road again..but resisting it ends me in that place where i am angry at me for having no control..and on and on and on...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little surprises that He puts throughout your day at unexpected moments..serendipity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend...each day. all day. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother. I am blessed to have been blessed with her...She is everything to my sisters and i. Everything. My life would suck without her.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends...they are a lovely bunch, them...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration...lol seminar class was productive scribblewise...long story short...do things for you, not grudgingly for "somebody else". See the ways in which whatever you are doing is a plus for YOU before anything else. Call it experience, call it growth, call it learning..like one of my fave verses says..do things as though you were doing them for God and not for man...do it all with a song in your heart..in my case..study not because the lecturer doesn't know the definition and REALLY needs your copied work to make his life better, but because knowledge is everything, and once you have it, nobody can take it away from you...it has added to who you are, and there's no reverse function..this is just one example...There is wisdom in the bible</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for care... Care is possibly one of the best things one person can show to another</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the man that caught me this week...lol...i am thankful for good people..never know the person that might think it's amusing to watch someone hit the floor...bless him plenty</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for education</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for self education</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for realness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for lady P's parray! lol..we had a blast...and i made some preeety good friends...*hic!...good people are angels...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for positivity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being human..not in the sense of two posts ago. I in no way am contradicting that explanation. I mean..being human, being put in these bodies on this earth and thus being able to experience the entire spectrum of sensations, emotions and so forth that comes with this fact..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for weather</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for change</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for permanence</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication...yay BBM!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for our relationship..it's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for mornings</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligence...nothing beats intelligent conversation from a non-ignorant mouth</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the reasons behind things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for chaos</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the order we find in the midst of the chaos...or is it the order we create? there is a pattern, thus potential in the chaos...so yea..we find it..it is all inbuilt..we just have to learn to read..like life..all the answers are here..we just have to learn to read..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for philosophy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for expression..because it's the one thing i am occasionally good at dammit!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for tears...a good cry solves a lot of things..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter...solves even more things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for epiphanies...especially moments when you realize that's it's all BS and all that matters is that you're alive and on the pursuit of something higher than the mediocrity trying to pull you down</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for empathy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for awareness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for warmth</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he is always there for me...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he is who he is, just the way he is...i love my boyfriend much!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my relationship with Him..conventional "formulas" and guides to Him work not for me...Which i believe is the most honest conclusion a person can come to. There is no such thing as a mass relationship. You and a multitude cannot be in a committed relationship. Sorry. There are other names for that. Each person is supposed to find God, define God in relation to himself, and only then will there be any truth in whatever you have going. I cannot have a relationship with a person based on hearsay or the way they were/are with someone else. God is not into mass production. It is an individual thing...different people produce different relationships...if you decide that your God is a tyrant..na you sabi...the God in my life created bunnies. yes, bunnies. And kittens..that sort of God is cool like! </div><div><br /></div><div>Lol which brings me to my favourite place...My God made bunnies. And waterfalls, and forests and skies, and oceans and fields, flowers and me....if one more ignorant dumbass asks "then why does He allow wars?" I will smite them dammit. Oh...so....maybe God should just kill you and live instead of you then? make you into a zombie and control you into not causing the war? cuz you know, last time i checked, God never came down and shot anybody...again people refusing to take responsibility..Ingratitude..all God ever put in this world was beauty...people came, wrecked that, and have the audacity to ask for more...oh and while God is running about living for them, could He for crying out loud give them some freedom? democracy? #God is Great, beer is good...and people are crazy!...crazy! ingrate population. That's one of the original sins...Greed...gimme more, gimme more..even if i haven't learned what ought to be done with that i've been given..just give me everything! On the debate of the original sin, i maintain they are several. Greed is ranked highly.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for enlightenment...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who want to learn, want to grow, put aside prejudice and seek meaning..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have such people in my life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that ignorant people melt into the shadows of my life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so thoroughly blessed...even when i don't feel like i've done anything to deserve it...lol especially when i'm undeserving..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He does not abandon me...He must have a plan...for even at the peak of my rebeliousness...He's inspiring me? what gives?</div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously..i don't think it's clear how blessed i am...it's like the cartoons where trees bend for you to cross rivers and birds bring you three course meals while the stars come down and make you a tiara..THATs how blessed i am...no really...*sigh* nobody gets it...</div><div><br /></div><div>Now...I am thankful that i started the TTs..because they put these blessings in perspective..it's so easy to take for granted and wallow in self pity and unhappiness...just let the misery grow exponentially...now that is a sin, no? I am thankful for the TTs because i learn and grow with each one i write...while i write...i make them up as i go, see...so until i write...i don't know...i don't know anything...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S's messages</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that S is on my mind last thing every night and first thing before i open my eyes...in its own way, it eases the distance...i know he's there...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for dancing :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for meaning. This is no coincidence.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for history</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for logic...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am THANKFUL!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-537042584757782418?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-68244473011777387102010-10-21T12:51:00.000-07:002010-10-21T12:52:30.994-07:00//-----//-----//-----//<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-6824447301177738710?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-88374023530397381732010-10-14T09:16:00.000-07:002010-10-14T09:51:45.259-07:00One of those standby themes that have been lying at the back of my mind. Really quick through it though... Cutting through all the preamble i could write, i'll make this conclusion...we wear masks of ways we think we ought to be, because...it is easier to face rejection of an act than it is to face rejection of yourself. Does that even make sense? It's like, we can say..okay that rejection hurt, but ulitmately it wasn't a rejection of me after i had bared myself to scrutiny...we still feel like ha! me is safe, all protected under all these layers...of whatever it is we wrap ourselves in. Lol..ultimately...we want to be liked...we even lie to ourselves, ignoring things we don't care much for, making arguments for our faults...we want to be liked...so we watch and play out our lives like chess...trying oh so hard to be in control, to be "right"..in who's opinion anyways?<div><br /></div><div>Long story short o!...it is a HUGE step to take that step where you take off your mask before another person, lay belly up like a puppy and hope to God they don't reject who you are...</div><div><br /></div><div>okaaayyy...ramble over</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God....even more when i am messing up...somehow, Him being there when you least deserve it is the greatest proof of....whatever it is it proves. Being "good" and getting rewarded....isn't that what conditional is?!...</div><div>Slight detour..while on this issue of God oh...just pondering...people be feelin funky and screaming "we are made in His image"...then following it up with "we are imperfect sinners who fall short of His glory"...so riddle me this...God is imperfect? or we are afterall perfect? and as such straddled with all the responsibility of perfection, and none of this nonsense of "i'm only human"... Humanity is on a mission to refuse responsibility for anything....and when you point out this apparent perfection we ought to have, they tell you Adam sinned and wrecked that...oh...so then you are no longer in anybody's image?... Again Scott makes sense...we are supposed to suck it up and realize that we are headed for perfection, through awareness and discipline..but it's easier to claim human and let God handle that. The Alpha and the Omega...He is the beginning..and we are to evolve to the end...lol...i am rambling..but there is a method to this madness...and personal POV? i've already said i believe the soul that strives to create, to express, to improve...that is the image of God in which anybody is made....</div><div><br /></div><div>where that came from, i don't know...in bits and pieces, but sense is in there somewhere...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters!!! Happy Birthday Princess today!! heehee she's 14 on the 14th...awon bix skelz! she is a sweetheart and i am blessed to have her...and Angel toooo!!!! would give anything to be with them right about now....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mom. For the three months we got to spend together, her month here, every moment, all the gisting, chopping, laughing, crying....i am thankful! i am thakful she got home safe...and that i have her....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my father...lol dude be earnin brownie points left and right</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for uni....it's a formality we must pass....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i factually have no problems</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for art</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music!!! been shakin my bonbon all day! yay 4shared!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends!!! like joke like play Dee waltzed into my life...and she is a gift! wallahi..i'm not one to have had bff's and things...but she is special..we GET each other, we see things in the same way, she's a beautiful person, always tryna help somebody and wouldn't hurt a fly..she's beautiful!! Dr. Dee lol! and we can gisttttttttt lol.....love is worrying two of us ^_^</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love....in the words of that song..i believe that love will save this world..why can't everybody just listen to Jesus and love?! i am on cloud 9...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S!!!! oh my God am i thankful for S...he is the bestester, he is the kindester, intelligentester, he is the thoughtfulester, sweetester, caringester, cutester, hottester, funniester boyfriend in the universe and i wake up every morning happy as a bird with a french fry because he's in my life...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love...like...love love...i might have thought i knew what the hell it was before..i've realized my mistake...cuz when you love, when you're in love...there is no mistaking it and it's like nothing else...i Love S...i love that he's my first love...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and only and and last....</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shhhhhhhh *blushing like a madwoman* okayyy!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for trust...won't lie..have moments where i get this panic and wonder what on earth it is that he likes about me that he's with me...but then he is...and he chooses to be..that's all that matters...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for friends :) Nadiush!!!! Daffi....they know when to call, text, or just be themselves and lift me out of gloominess....Daff...still suspectin her o! na winsh to know when to hola like that!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for genuine people</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for kindness</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for PDA :P we just don't care_ John Legend talk am o!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for poetry</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for expression</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for communication</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for each day</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for our relationship...each and every day, moment, everything...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for blissful coincidences..lol when things just happen on point..like the right song coming on on the radio...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for my godmother, for V...i love good people!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for laughter</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for fooood!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for every happy memory i have</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for the Internet....access to sooo much info!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for Knowledge</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for whatever it is that guides us in this search for knowledge....the slightly freaky way in which i read and watch things and exactly the right time i need to..like...a book will lie about for literal years....and then something moves me to read it, even if i've never gotten past the first page before, then i happen to watch a movie/doc..which wouldn't have made sense without the book and so forth...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for the grandparents....i dunno how to hold a grudge..i don't know how! :'(</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for when time goes by fast...and then slows down..according to my needs, you know...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for the little things</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for my boyfriend o! every moment of every day....think about him and BAM! i am delirious and smiling and it's butterflies and and....lol God looked at me...and decided to stone me blessing....</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for the cafe lady at my uni!!! she's delightful! and oh so kind ^_^</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for languages</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful for honesty and openneness</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am thankful!!!!!!!</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8837402353039738173?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-42465794043515548702010-10-07T12:53:00.000-07:002010-10-07T12:54:37.531-07:00The irony. I am sitting cross legged on the bed, roughly three meters away from my laptop- and pecking away at this thing. The mommy is watching a Russian detective series- Trace. I am listening to it and giggling at wisecracks and the quintessentially "Russkiy" humour... I cannot interrupt, but I feel the Rene Zellwegger eyes coming on...oh sweet sleep! But I have a commitment to this blog. Every Thursday. Due to what in retrospect might be a tad too much sensitivity, I have next to nothing to say this week. The theme that has been in my head since I wrote the last one, I deem passable. *shrugs and such* in summary, my reasons for wanting children are Nietszche/Zarathustra approved :p...*rubs hands in glee* oh the plans I have...end rant.<br /><br />I am thankful for life<br /><br />I am thankful for God<br /><br />I am thankful for my sisters<br /><br />I am thankful for books<br /><br />I am thankful for intelligence<br /><br />I am thankful for wisdom<br /><br />I am thankful for understanding<br /><br />I am thankful for being understood<br /><br />I am thankful for love<br /><br />I am thankful for care<br /><br />I am thankful for attention..it's always the little things...grand gestures...those are easy. They make up in exaggeration what they lack in care.<br /><br />I am thankful for Art.<br /><br />I am thankful that there is so much more than meets the eye, always something to discover, to learn..<br /><br />I am thankful for humour..this show is cracking me up!<br /><br />I am thankful for patience<br /><br />I am thankful for that woman that saved me...omo it's easy to create trouble o!<br /><br />I am thankful for creation<br /><br />I am thankful for words<br /><br />I am thankful for my mother<br /><br />I am thankful for S.<br /><br />I am thankful for my godmother<br /><br />I am thankful that I'm resistanter to Nico...ha! Can't work his charm anymore...I keep praying<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer<br /><br />I am thankful (and awed, quite frankly) for the way everything is interconnected...<br /><br />I am thankful for simple joys...<br /><br />I am thankful for food :D<br /><br />I am thankful for nature<br /><br />I am thankful that phases pass<br /><br />I am thankful....<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-4246579404351554870?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-73329740502939649702010-09-30T13:31:00.000-07:002010-09-30T14:24:26.359-07:00<div>While on that Zarathustra thing, after my innitial "what is this joker on about", it came to me, an epiphany, that he was making sense. Like the sufi poem i have somewhere here about believing in/worshipping God for who He is and nothing else, Nietszche says to live, and celebrate THIS life, the one you are currently living.</div><div> <br /></div><div>Instead of bemoaning your existence and being a "preacher of death", alive only because you are waiting to die. It hit me that this just may be the peak of ingratitude. Deeming this life "hell" and "suffering" and all these other tragic things, then resolving to endure it until death comes to relieve you and reward you with Heaven. Newsflash: bullshit.</div><div> <br /></div><div>Life, as a wonderful quote i saw somewhere, is a journey, an experience you are let in on to learn a thing or two. To make like a donkey and decide that God has A. Made a mistake or B. is punishin you because He likes to see you suffer is the beginning of the pointlessness of a life. It is individuals deciding that God has constructed a pointless stage in their existence, one which must be endured because we are Big People, and so suffer it with all righteousness so as not to hurt His feelings...#comeoffit and wake up!</div><div> <br /></div><div>We are to learn to work in harmony with The Universe, if you will. Out of the seeming chaos, we are supposed to find the rules and create order. This is what i believe. Thus, to fold your arms like that foolish servant with his buried Talent and wait for life to be over is the most blasphemous thing a person can do. Heaven is all well and nice, but to everything its time and place. Do not leave the gift that is given to you today to be killing yourself with desire over what is not to be opened just right now. The time to die will come; but for now, live. Live every moment and partake in this; here and now. The experiences of this earth, body, mind and soul. God did not make a mistake, and no, He is not confused about anything. #mytwocents</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life. Here, now, and just the way it is.</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for God and the magic He puts into everyday for me</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for miracles, large and small...just because it doesn't defy nature doesn't make it obsolete as a miracle</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...Princess called me today just when i needed it most and heard me out and spun her wisdom. She is awesome!!! so little, yet so wise...and my widdle Angel...is the most thoughtful, loving, caring human being ever! so tiny, so gattdemn wise beyond her years, and so selfless....she humbles me, that one...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom!!!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for books....i am amassing quite the library...so many books, so little time!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for uni..even if i am not head over heels...it isn't unpleasant...there are the sweetest people, my dean is a comedian...and i have Dashka, Vika...and the cafe!!!! whootwhoot!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends...lol plus including the ones i've never even met...dunno what i would have done on laptop buying day without Mikey...he doesn't even believe in God..ironic :P i am thankful for strangers who were sweet as pie and twice as helpful...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my new lappy!!!! you sexy Dell you!...i shall name her Delliah....yes...Delliah..pronounced as your conventional Delia, of course...hehe...When you are told not to fight His Will ehn....i was all depressed over the death of the other one...and out of its Acer-ish ashes came Delliah...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for every situation. For as we have seen, despite it looking like hell has broken loose and is running amock, there is a silver lining...we are just too short sighted to see, and are probably staring hard in the wrong direction anyways....What we think we want, and what we really need are parallel concepts</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for languages....best form of expression yo!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Art</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness....kind people..people without motives...people with motives suck. People that only see "contacts" and not "people"...lol maybe sometimes i sound naive...</div><div> <br /></div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother....she is my superwoman. Everything about being a good person, she taught me without words...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my father....aiii the stories my sisters tell me ehn! He is the sweetest person ever! He cooks for them! lol...plus all those thoughtful stunts he knows how to pull that leave you with nothin buh love for him...i wanna go homeeee!!!!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandparents....Gramps is a clown...and Grams...deep down she cares...lol.sweetest lady ever...5 minutes each day...lol i joke!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for everybody who has ever patiently listened to me rant, patiently oohed and ahhd where necessary, and then given me real observations, critisisms, corrections, compassion, and pats on the back as necessary...lets not leave out the "follow me to biach" about it part...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for care, attention, sensitivity...lol i bruise easy....shhh!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Loving</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for S <3</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Us</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful to Him for somehow, like kaboom and i didn't see that coming, making Us to happen....lol we were never meant to be, baby, we just happened</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for the awesomeness that is the coincidence of how our birthdays are :P</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for how happy i am with him...everytime i think about it i'm all lit up and warm and fuzzy</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for memories...poor substitute for flesh and blood...but right now i'm a begger...i am not about to start choosing!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for jokes</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for enlightenment, nudges, epiphanies</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication...an art we are forever learning, perfecting...e no easy o!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for Grace</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for discipline...seeeee i am typing this...instead of snoring in one corner! :P and and i did my homework...all one million pages of handwritten script...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for er...overcoming...we have issues that bother us...but they are challenges that build us...so with tears o, sweat o...we go through them and emerge stronger individuals..lol i'm still fighting my own o!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for music</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for rain...nothing lie the air after it rains..the smell, the...feel? ^_^</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for hot showers..which i need STAT!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am blessed beyond words</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness, for Understanding, and how God never lets me go...even after my misguided hiatuses</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful that....with each passing day, Nico becomes more of a stranger, and i do not delude myself that comfort is to be found with him..lol liar! all "i'm relaxin, i'm relaxing"and after you give in you feel like shit....ahhh, #nothankyou!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for blogs. I am thankful that i started this blog. You have no idea how much it puts things in perspective for me....cuz more than half the time we live on automatic, autopilot, don't make the time to think, to evaluate ourselves...not on a weekly basis we don't....so this..this is good...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for everything and everyone that have made me who i am today, played their role. No need to mourn losses...like actors, these things have said their lines, and exited; stage left...teehee puncity!</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for each new day</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful for my baybay...have i said this? :P i am thankful for messages and talkin on the phone...</div><div> <br /></div><div>I am thankful!!!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7332974050293964970?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-81805345136004101822010-09-23T09:49:00.000-07:002010-09-23T09:50:46.735-07:00It is not so much about speaking out as it is about being heard,not so much about being heard as it is about being understood.<br /><br />Today I woke up and admitted that the matter with me these past two days has been the fact that I am numb. And so the analyst in me kicks in. I believe in figuring out the cause, and dealing with that.<br /><br />Been trying to be all Zen, see, containing my emotions; because frankly some of them might be unnecessary, or so I've decided. To just mature into that overnight is impossible, and yet I want to attempt this feat. In order, then, to contain anger, irritation and a host of other preferably not-present emotions, my psyche has decided to go numb. Like letting go of, or trying to let go of the need to be understood by second or third or fourth parties, and being comfortable with the idea that I should be the one to understand myself and that should be okay. Rejection of the desire to act out on these emotions.<br /><br /> This, apparently is the only solution I can come up with while my mind comes up with a wiser solution..that's my take on it anyhow... Still on that Buddha thing...our desires are the things that torment us by not being satisfied. Solution is to reject them, no? No desire, no anxiety. Let go of anything that makes you a slave to its whims..if you're not in control of a want or emotion, it is controlling you. Simplicity. Lol..I even woke up to James 1:14? Where it says each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire..sin being very a very subjective and multi faced concept.. Yes, I do realize the pessimistic note..it's just me finding a bit of realism and peace of mind...cuz if I let all my thoughts and emotions run rampant, na crase me plus errybody around me go crase. Indiscipline is not the essence of freedom, it is one of chaos...nobody said growth was a process without pain. Lol all this soul baring sef..need to curb yo!<br /><br />On to the thankfulness!<br /><br />I am thankful for today!!! It ias been a productive day in almost. Every way :D<br /><br />I am thankful for my mom...I love her scatter! I am thankful that she's fine..<br /><br />I am thankful that my mommy was in good hands..I am thankful for the shweedieheart doc that lemme know she good :D<br /><br />I am thankful for all the helpful people in uniform that helped me today...darlings!<br /><br />I am thankful for Me<br /><br />I am thankful for lessons learned<br /><br />I am thankful for growth..I am not where I was last week<br /><br />I am thankful for God and His presence in my life...He is patient meyn...cuz half the time I'm an oaf :(<br /><br />I am thankful for love. It makes you find reason in everything, it gives you strength you didn't know you had...it totally rebuilds your paradigm in many places...caring for someone trulydeeplymadly is..an amazing thing<br /><br />I am thankful for those *coincidentally* spot on devos and bible passages that turn up when I need them most<br /><br />I am thankful for laughter<br /><br />I am thankful for friends...I have some pretty good ones I've been blessed with, no lie..lol mostly the coincidental ones sef..,<br /><br />I am thankful for food!! Mm ice cream!<br /><br />I am thankful that today was a day off<br /><br />I am thankful for the weather ^_^<br /><br />I am thankful for my sisters...oh how I love them! Beautiful widdle human beings!<br /><br />I am thankful for books!!! Me and Neitszche next...oh it's on like donkey kong!<br /><br />I am thankful for inspiration<br /><br />I am thankful for every single person who spreads positivity<br /><br />I am thankful for blogs<br /><br />I am thankful for Jon Acuff<br /><br />I am thankful for my grandparents...won't lie..it's not easy some times..make a girl eye the distance between the balcony and the asphalt...<br /><br />I am thankful for care, attention, the little things..wallahi you can't bully somebody into saying the right things at the right time..<br /><br />I am thankful for my baybay!!! My baby is sooooo amazing :D I love him...and that's the way it is..<br /><br />I am thankful for communication<br /><br />I am thankful for BBM ohhh!<br /><br />I am thankful for ballet...oh so beautiful!<br /><br />I am thankful for him being there and being patient with my weirdness<br /><br />I am thankful for Understanding and Wisdom...<br /><br />I am thankful that everything happens for a reason..one we couldn't script and yet are awed by..<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer<br /><br />I am thankful for faith and belief..you hear it all the time, positive thinkin sef...believing in a thing gives it power. Kabisa!<br /><br />I am thankful for fun girly things<br /><br />I am thankful for ridiculous sales...er 40€ to 7€...nope, bo questions, just ring that up right quick..suckassss! Chucks dey go out of season/fashion? Teehee<br /><br />I am thankful for the high you get when you accomplish something<br /><br />I am thankful for nature<br /><br />I am thankful for everybody that has ever said a prayer for me...may them blessings return to them tenfold!<br /><br />I am thankful for trust..won't even lie..it's humbling to be confided in<br />Cuz this trust kiniko is not easy..there are layers and forms of it :p<br /><br />I am thankful for Dee and Miz P and madam R :p wonderful women!<br /><br />I am thankful for my hair iron..kai..this straight hair is a maintenance delight!<br /><br />I am thankful for new chances and the opportunity to right wrongs<br /><br />I am thankful for art<br /><br />I am thankful for words<br /><br />I am thankful for being understood, even if not all the ti by everyone in the way I mean..asking for that would be being greedy<br /><br />I am thankful for philosophies and religions and the wealth of info they've passed down through time..<br /><br />I am thankful for Philosophy<br /><br />I am thankful for that psych chick..omdaze angelperson!!<br /><br />I am thankful that I am so thoroughly blessed<br /><br />I am thankful that he loves me...for reasons that I can't quite figure out, to be honest..but I'm not asking too many questions :p<br /><br />I am thankful for expression<br /><br />I am thankful for my budding er..dalliance with Zen..it has helped in a few places..I think..<br /><br />I am thankful for crying...made me feel proper better numerous times!<br /><br />I am even thankful for the blues...happy moods never produced good poems..er.."Tortured artist"? There ya go! Pain!<br /><br />I am thankful for honesty and vulnerability...without which you're not living..read on a blog today that most people would rather avoid hurt/pain and lead miserable lives, than risk experiencing hurt in the course of living life to the fullest...know the theory..fighting it..<br /><br />I am thankful!!!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8180534513600410182?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-79163383911099867502010-09-16T13:23:00.000-07:002010-09-16T14:28:30.110-07:00This is the post that might have been last week's post..but as these things tend to happen in my life, is absolutely perfect as today's post instead. <br />First time this occoured to me, it was about prayer, but as I've seen, it applies wherever you have a relationship that you'd like to see grow with time; be it with God or your superamazing boyfriend..but I digress.. It is allowed, be vulnerable, be open, be honest with God; He knows everything anyway as it is..so no fears in being totally you, without trying to say what's "right" in your prayer. You need help, you need a solution. You don't go to your doctor and lie about symptoms out of politeness. It defeats the purpose. You know you'll feel fake telling your drinkig buddy you teetotal..how much more where it concerns God that knows it all even where you don't? Be there forming holypass cuz you're praying...#comeoffit and open your heart up, be vulnerable, be scrutinizable(?!) and only through that can you find healing and genuine growth... God will keep your secret if that's the concern. :P<br /><br />Thing is, judging by me, seeing as I'm the only one who's views I can attempt to honestly communicate, we tend to feel a pressure to conform to certain standards of what is "normal" or "accepted" and I don't even mean in the eyes of society, but in our own. We have ideas of the principles that form who we are, and when we sense ourselves being contrary to that, a certain panic and/or disappointment fills us..at least that's what it looks like from where I was standing. And then you come to where you can't even pray about this/talk about it, because you're too bothered being politically correct and trying to be the person that you've decided you ought to be, attempting all the while to ignore real issues with you..thus avoiding confrontation and in essense..growth and progress..lol too much of the road less travelled..don't even know to what degree I'm making sense..bottom like is this though. If you have a problem, address it without trying to be politically correct. If they care, lol as God does, it would only be a stepping stone that takes you past that problem, and won't be a problem in itself..this is the lesson I'm slowly learning..baby steps...and so in prayer, which is just about the most intimate thing you can do, let yourself go and be honest..lol I've caught myself praying "the right things" with resentment, instead of letting it rip what is eating at me, and THEN praying the right thing with a cleared conscience.. God is not giving awards for best behaved.. He fixes the broken, so we can like to chill and top being "strong" in front of Him..you are only standing in your own way..enhen..so rant over :p lol I totally had two parallel things in mind there..and somehow they are the same thing..<br /><br />I am thankful for S. I am thankful that he is patient with me, reasurring me so forth when a "stop acting crazy" is due...<br /><br />I am thankful that God gave us each other... Serendipity<br /><br />I am thankful for God...and that somehow, without any particular encouragement, He is a big part of my life..nobody has ever forced God on me, and quite matter of factly the attempt makes me run in the opposite direction..<br /><br />I am thankful for uni..I have little to complain about..<br /><br />I am thankful for communication, love, trust, care..<br /><br />I am thankful for love..it humbles me..cuz it isn't something you can buy or earn or bully out of another person..it is something they choose to give you..and that..that is quite something<br /><br />I am thankful for my family...I dread my mom leaving..hating to be pessimistic, I already have nightmares of where I might sink to when she leaves :(<br /><br />I am thankful for my friends...<br /><br />I am thankful for the little things<br /><br />I am thankful for all the sweethearts that gave me their seats on the bus this week :P high heels toh behd!<br /><br />I am thankful for nice things people do.. God shud bless Bogdan plenty for giving me his old lecture notes!<br /><br />I am thankful for the lessons I learn each day. Often from the most unexpected situations. Have times when I go to Notes and stare at notes I've made in bewilderment..cuz sometimes they are pure inspiration..<br /><br />I am thankful for, and continuously pray for growth..there's nowhere to go but up and ahead and to improvement abi? :D<br /><br />I am thankful for S...lol one day I might have to cut the crap and just copy and paste that phrase until blogger protests...and even then it would be small..still dunno what where how..buh I guess that's the thing about blessing..you don't earn them; they are given to you with Grace..<br /><br />I am thankful for jokes..I am a living, breathing innuendo machine :P<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer..ish will keep you grounded!<br /><br />I am thankful for wisdom. Plus the one flying about and occasionally penetrating out thick skulls, plus the ones passed in written works through the generations...when you see wisdom..well..you just know, no?<br /><br />Again I am thankful for the little thngs, the intangible things. It is everywhere that they are the best things..and yet people are still looking to literal things to bring them happiness..I..pity people who suffer from that. When it comes down to it, happiness is a personal decision, unrelated to, or not reliant on external factors, cuz those atre forever changing, leaving, reducing, evolving and so forth. Buddha said life is suffering and that our desires are the cause of our suffering. The bible says to not chase, or give ultimate importance to superficial things..and dear Socrates said there are so many things in this life he doesn't need...I see wisdom in all three...are the things we think we want truly the things that bring us joy? Like love, true happiness is not an emotion, because it is always there..even when you're sad..sadness here being the emotion that comes and goes, where happiness is a state of being..if that makes any sense..<br /><br />I am thankful for inspiration<br /><br />I am thankful for God keeping me away from things I don't need..lol..me sef I'm shocked<br /><br />I am thankful for understanding<br /><br />I am thankful for the discipline? Love? That is making me write this even if sleep dey catch me and thumbs dey kill me..<br /><br />I am thankful for gbagaunmopol on twitter.. And D for sending me there..I had a Good laugh. All affiliations, or insinuations concerning twitter end here :P<br /><br />I am thankful for music :P<br /><br />I am thankful for the way prayer, a lot of the time will create a calm in the middle of my storms<br /><br />I am thankful!! Cuz no matter how many things go wrong, make me cry, hurt or frustrate me, the things I have to be thankful about are still more..<br /><br />I am thankful for nature..plants, air, flowers..WATER!<br /><br />I am thankful that He has a plan. Now my prayer is not to do anything to mess with t.. He has gotten me here somehow..I trust tha He is capable :P Banky ref!<br /><br />I am thankful for my boyfriend..words won't begin to do justice to what a wnderful person you are and hw blessed I am to have you...<br /><br />I am thankful that my baybay is all intelligent..he needs to bemmto counter my blondeness :P<br /><br />I am thankful that I am so absolutely positively totally blessed...still wondering what the big idea is..<br /><br />I am thankful...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7916338391109986750?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-64257940500012360012010-09-09T13:47:00.000-07:002010-09-09T14:46:59.197-07:00So this week has been good to me in the places that matter... The content of this TT has been on my mind rather a lot..which is part of the fun stuff :P seeing as they usually turn out from pure improv. I think that this situation is what would make me talk about certain decisions I've made, because they are totally connected to each other, imho. If anyone is curious, the other subject was about God and honesty and vulnerability, and it was also all doublespeak, cuz it applies to any relationship you're in..the serious ones o! Nobody said you should go and be all vulnerable with random idiots who couldn't care less..<br />Now, this one is a short post thingy..all illustration. The commonest answer you get when you ask why people drink or smoke, especially when linked to stress is that they want to relax. Probe further and you realize that this relaxation is reached by the numbing of the mind, the "not thinking" thing that kicks in, that temporary memory loss. I won't lie, a lot of the time it feels just like what the doctor prescribed. But I'm talking about me, and this, long term. My week has been good because I've..I'm giving up ish (I'm only human) and I refuse to call it a coincidence that I've been thinking more..my notepads, electronic and regular are filled with scribbles, ideas, inspiration..I haven't had that in ages and missed it terribly..it just might be part of the huge void that has been haunting me. Have a whole other post on doing what's right, but I will say this. We set our priorities, we mark out what is important to us..and then we discipline ourselves to do our part in maintaining/getting it. You are not always going to be thrilled about it, it will be a lot of work, but you know that the end result is worth more than the temporary delusions you think you need at the moment. I apply this to my writing/thinking now, but you can fit it in anywhere really... Diet, exercise, relationship, friendship. Things worth having require commitment, work and nurturing.. Lol when the craving hits,go back and remind yourself why you have chose<br />n to not give in, think about it, and make that commitment all over again...lol this is largely a motivational talk for yours truly..but it's true, no? <br />So that's my own reason. My personal growth, which is impossible with a numbed mind, is more important than "not thinking"..time to stop being a wuss and face growing pains. Not claiming this is a universal one-rule-fits-all decison to make... But I have thought about me and this is the conclusion I have reached...lol this week proof much? Me I like enlightenment o! #refuseToCallItACcoincidence...<br /><br />Now on to the thankfulness...<br /><br />I am thankful for God, whatever form you choose to have Him. He Is and for that I am thankful..<br /><br />I am thankful for The Road Less Travelled and Scott Peck and Marc and Angel's blog, which made me get over my initial foolishness, go back, and get the book. It is amazing! Giving me insight in places where I only had vague assumptions, putting things into logic sequences... And most of all, I am thankful for how that book will make you see yourself from the side and make you grow..<br /><br />I am thankful for books..still giddy over my last haul.<br /><br />I am thankful for family.. It's all too easy to fall into taking them for granted. #workonthat.<br /><br />I am thankful for this..whatever this change that is happening with me is.<br /><br />I am thankful for inspiration, understanding, things that suddenly dawn on you.<br /><br />I am thankful for music... Shake ya bonBon Ricky Martin style will many times out of the whole amount lift your spirits<br /><br />I am thankful for laughter and kindness<br /><br />I am thankful for trust..without it... Well, without it there is nothing. Nowhere. Chaos!<br /><br />I am thankful I passed all my exams last semester..hunting down lecturers doesn't look like much fun<br /><br />Ooh...just remembered that my daily devo's have been illustrating those "dude sells all he has to buy field cuz treasure there is stupendous"...well..pretty much the same sacrifice thing... Give up a little to get a lot more AND better quality..#detourover<br />I am thankful for communication.. Even if I still have a lot of work to do there... :)<br />I am thankful for my boyfriend ( I quite like the way tat sounds :P) and us and every single moment since we "met" lol... I am thankful<br /><br />I am thankful that S is there... Gives me this constan happiness underneath whatever I may be going through...<br /><br />I am thankful for God's plans...reflecting, everything is just the way it is, so even when we don't understand right away, instead of being angry or distraught, let us be thankful before time, knowing that in a little bit, it will all make perfect sense..<br /><br />I am thankful for BBM!!!! Lol I stick my tongue out at distance...I get to talk to my baby all day :P<br /><br />I am thankful for the lessons we learn each day<br /><br />I am thankful for the strive to perfect..yourself, your art, whatever it is, you can always do more. Not out of superficiality, but to reach the potential you are meant to.<br /><br />I am thankful for life.<br /><br />I am thankful for memoried...I for don crase...lol they are on replay in my mind.. Me, him..couch, tv :P<br /><br />I am thankful for love.. Have I said thid already? All versions of it..but espeecially the sort that is real, true, unconditional, unaffected by the weather or your mood, or quite frankly, the acting out of the person/people you love.. Love is patient, love is kind, love is a conscious decision, even if it may er.. Come upon you suddenly. At some point you acknowledge it,and choose to keep it, go along with it.. and that makes it a decision..so you stick whatever out for the same reasons I have all up and through this post. Everything that is not what you've marked out to be of importance is dispensable and inconsequential and can be given up for the sake of the bigger picture..<br /><br />I am thankful for prezzies ^_^<br /><br />I am thankful for learning to be comfortable in my own skin andd offering no apologies for not conforming<br />.I am thankful for prayer..ish helps me meyn.<br /><br />I am thankful for a whole lot more... But #handsnumb and #thumbsdead<br /><br />Ooh ooh... Did I say I was thankful for S? He's the bestest...I am thankful for my blessings :D<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-6425794050001236001?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-21523736820870729032010-09-02T14:45:00.000-07:002010-09-02T15:55:44.095-07:00I am thankful for everything that is true to my reality right now. Why the sentence before this one sounds so weird, i do not know. Basically, what i am trying to say is that i am thankful for everything in my life right now; direct and indirect...say..i am thankful that i woke up this morning...and i am also thankful for my classmates who did and got to uni in one piece and with whom i sat in the cafe with..I am thankful that the circumstances in their life are just so today, that they made the conversations we had just so..make sense? lol<div><br /></div><div>Last night, my laptop stopped coming on. The green light would come up all right..but it just wouldn't come <i>on</i>. I left it...This morning i tried again..same story...My defensive Zen attitude came on and i refused to waste emotions on it....bothered the hell out of me all day..(see i don't like when all these little things just go wrong..) i prayed about it oh...as a counter reaction to the urge to cuss it out...Yes, cuz i've been trying to get on that God thing in recent times...but we will get to it...this n that..got home and decided to try again...over and over again i poke this button...take out battery, turn off, turn on, and it won't come on. I felt the tears building up...started getting...<i>hurt</i>...won't even call it angry..cuz i was all like...oh so what is this punishment for...at which point the thought occoured to me that maybe it isn't a punishment at all..but a test? See very close to the time when it eventually started working, i considered going out to the store to get something. I was this close :puts index finger and thumb really close together: you know..all oh eff it, victim me, life unfair...but then i didn't go...and i prayed again, full ready to burst into tears (i realize how dramatic this sounds..but i'm a girl and these times come around)....and then i absent mindedly poked the button..and voila! it came on! to say i was happy is an understatement...</div><div><br /></div><div>Like am o, no like am o..my own interpretation of it is that i passed my test :P yay me!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for today. From start to finish. Everything that happens to us plays a role in making us the people we ought to be.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my classmates; the "i'm not a great big attitude problem riddled person" ones..they aren't as many as the latter...but they mean significantly more</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for some lecturers shaaa!..cool peoplez :D....ooh thankful for the one my mom and i bumped into...that wonderful woman taught me Ukrainian with a Harry Potter book...bless her meyn!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every single baked good that comes out of the kitchen at my uni erryday... you go fear how many people get out of bed cuz of the lure of foood :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my BB; and S getting me it (? getting me it?) and i am even thankful for UpS sef..cuz looking at it from a now point of view, i really like that he gave it to me, you know..like literally :D :D :D :D and that the dude at the MTC office was a complete sweetheart about errything...you don't often get good service meyn..people be actin like you came to their bedroom to make demands..humph!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Sushi!..and for the fact that my mom is more into it that me sef..don't need to beg to get her to go...oh happee daeeeee! ^_^...i am easy to please :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God. I am thankful that no matter how dysfunctional i let our relationship get..He is always there, being the mature one (D'uh), always nudging me, dropping hints until my senses decide to congregate from wherever it is that they have been holidaying... *sigh* so much wasted time that would have been spent building...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He will reach out to you through any medium...books, inspiration, art, people...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for The Road Less Travelled...i dig how the author doesn't say what it is we want to hear, but writes the uncomfortable, unpadded truth that we all know to be true, but disregard cuz it lacks fancy packaging...makes you think, you know? you step aside and question your decisions, the way you are..in a constructive way..helpful..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my boyfriend. I am thankful that honest to goodness, for the first time in my life, i am able to care about somebody this completely...it's amaz :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he gets me...lol and is patient with me when i am completely blonde...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for everything that has made him who he is</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for memories...it's been less than a week...but they make me smile, and quite often make me cry..i miss him universes, see...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the person he is... he is kind and compassionate and thoughtful like few people i know..if i know any at all... it's like..not even about the er..outward manifestation of it..you think of what motivates it, and you realize that it takes a beautiful person to be that way...and i am thankful that he is :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for words..even if i am superclumsy with them when i need them most...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for jewellery...my mother is on a mission..but if it makes her happy to give.... ;)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mother... misunderstandings come, and they are forgotten just as fast... She gives me and my sisters her all. Everything she does, she does for us, and it's not even hard to see..my prayer is that i learn to be growed up and not let petty things get in the way of her seeing how much i love and appreciate her...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...my widdle angels... biggest hearts out there :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for appreciation. It's so easy for people to neglect showing it, and yet it makes all the difference...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful....that He will give you certain unpleasant situations in double dosage very consecutively indeed so that if you're too dumb to notice the first one, an unmistakable pattern is established and you are forced to learn... I feel i've learned a thing or two about trust in the last week..i am thankful for that...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for humour...and all the people with whom i can indulge in it with..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for D, M and P...lol...wonderful girls!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed...mm..it is calling me..all soft pillow and everything!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the weekend...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer...call it what you will, believe it how you wish..but there is <i>something</i> about settling down and putting your concentration on this conversation with, well..whoever it is you decide you are conversing with...me..it's God...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God...and the way my relationship with Him is forming up to be (i use the masculine for ease...if i think "He" is a "man" in the human sense? most likely not..He is above that..but i've said this before)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for second chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for decisiveness... i am thankful that it has helped me let go of so many things that were bad for me...people, things, habits...don't draw it out...just let go and that's it...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughtfulness...and all the little ways in which people demonstrate it..Grams got the fruit tea my mom and i like today...she and gramps don't drink the stuff...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Grandparents.... a LOT of tension...but i love them, and this surpasses everything else...need to curb my anger meyn..."getting back right" with God ought to help this...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for epiphanies</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness...simple as the people holding open the door for you</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for coincindences and chance meetings...oooh just hit me...i bumped into three people i wasn't expecting to see today AT ALL...coincidence?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fun..and whatever it is that brings it to each individual person..dancing o, clubbing o, reading, painting...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Art</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for shoes...have mercy! addict? fetishist? grrrr! </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for health</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love..and not just the butterflies in my belly bit..that bit may (can as the pessimists insist) fade...but it's that love that you just know is there underneath anything else...it is a powerful emotion ni...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for blogs</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for self expression</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for psych analysis...lol..mmm my favourite past time...:P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am inside this warm (ish?) dry house..and not hustling a corner under some bridge and feezing myself to death</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for dreams</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life... like..even on the days when you feel like there's nothing good about it...realize that it's just one day, one moment..and the rest of your life does not consist of it..you have Life..which means the opportunities you have to change your experience are endless..don't like it, change it..it's like..hair..if you don't have it, you can't change its colour. If you have it though, and you get an awful green paintjob done...as horrible as it is fresh, you could always dye it another colour in a week or so..see..the important part is having hair..everything else is negotiable...so i am thankful for Life...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that we are here for some reason..living, thinking, loving, striving towards something, wondering, pondering...it's a bit of an overwhelming thing when you realllly think of it..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for history</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for puns :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He has a plan..and it's always the best possible option..and when He means for something to be...everything will come together, cooperate to make sure that it is...you go surprise oh!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Summer...I am thankful for Us...wouldn't have been like this without this summer...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am Thankful that i have survived day 2...lol..funny how it's a prayer that changed it all...stopped asking that i should stop..and started asking that He should help me stop...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful ojare...and on and on and on...but there is next Thursday...and a lot of days in between...</div><div><br /></div><div>Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened, ask, and it shall be given unto you...sounds simple enough...so why are we not seeking, knocking or asking? instead more than half of the time it seems easier to just complain about it...that's one of the policies i'm reviving..don't complain about it; pray about it (lol bumper sticker much?) you'd use the same amount of time, but will achieve more..throwing negativity at a problem is not a solution...</div><div><br /></div><div>That He will Bless you indeed....(on that Jabez ish atm :P )</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-2152373682087072903?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-86242161873254026702010-08-25T16:47:00.003-07:002010-08-25T17:52:02.039-07:00The thing that ought to happen, before i forget, is that moment where i resolve to stop hovering between my hiatus from spirituality, and embracing it.<br /><br />So it's Thursday, 12:45am. Momsi's office, and determined to write. In fact, the challenge before me is to update all my blogs..uh oh...Blog Therapy..didn't think of that one..ironic, how this resolution to write is prompted by that exactly- Therapy... Ah well.<br /><br />I am Thankful. I am thankful for my life..every aspect of it. That kind of thankful that hits you when you sit down, revise where you're at and go..nna mehn, i am BLESSED.<br /><br />Problems, i don't have them. Even when i do, they are never too much to move out of the way; sooner or later, they go away...<br /><br />I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that by His Will, these people are in my life to start with, and that they are still there. I have some good friends. You know? The type that you know you're stuck with for life, if not physically, then sentimentally. Those people who you will never let go of, because, simply put, they rock. Spent the day with M and Babym today... Nothing of the important has changed. Mona trying her best to compose herself while me and Babym loose the understanding of er... being worried about people's opinions...and then we tease M...and on and on..just like Js3...i am thankful for that :D..and M went makeup hunting with me and and...they both truly care about me and i know that not because of the words they say...I am thankful that i have them... I am thankful for all my friends who made me laugh today...lol..corporate beating...laughs!<br /><br />I am thankful for my sisters...wonderful widdle people them... they just might be the ones who know me through and through and still...ah well..not like they can get rid of me :P...they listen to me whine, they give me massages on demand, they can complete my jokes, they are so goshdarn smart, talented, patient, understanding, caring..you know, when they are in the mood :P...and above all..forgiving<br /><br />I am thankful for my mom...cuz shun...our occasional misunderstandings aside...she nurtures me like no other...she is always there for me even when i act the fool :P...she is special...<br /><br />I am thankful for my dad...i owe a lot of who i am to him...<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer...been doing that a bit more diligently in recent days...it's weird how i could go from praying every 10 minz...lol including short ones nau..to not praying in days..i know..i know... but there is something to slowing down and consulting with...God? Yourself? directing your energies? listening to yourself? there is something to prayer...and i suck majorly for letting that part of my life slip up...mmmm rewarding to get back on it :D<br /><br />I am thankful for books...you cannot think all the thoughts in this world on your own...and even if you do, you cannot analyze them to their fullest capacities...which is why people write books, in which aside from novel ideas, you get to see your suspicions expounded upon...abi two heads are better than one?<br /><br />I am thankful for psychobabble and spiritual books...the ones that guilt makes me run away from...*sigh*...<br /><br />I am thankful for psychology<br /><br />I am thankful for philosophy<br /><br />I am thankful for writing...cuz this is kinda good...forces you to think..or at least allows your conscience wreak havoc, allows your words come out more or less unhindered, uninterrupted by our own editing...at least if you're writing the way i write these posts...some people scoff at rants, raise snooty noses in the air and things...well i say a huge ass sorry...is it really possible to confront your thoughts and real issues if you are too busy making them PC and trying to write what you THINK is the right thing? sometimes, for you..just let it rip and be introduced to yourself...i go back and read my posts sometimes, and notice that they are me in what is possibly the truest form...we get so caught up in being the way we ought to be...that we become strangers to ourselves...(yes, i gag at the cliche that whole sentence is drowning in)<br /><br />I am thankful for the little things...lol.S's concern in me getting away from the cinema today, him calling on my way home...texts in the mornings, goodnights..asking if i'm okay..eh, that way in which he just generally looks out for me..."watch that step" an things...shhhhhhhh! :P<br /><br />I am thankful for S...every day, over and over..I am thankful that i pray for him, i pray for us...this is no small thing. It is a big thing when it's something you feel you can and want to pray about...it's like<br /><br />It's like the way i'm thankful for loving him. best.feeling.ever. i care about this person...i care about this person so much that my sisters will soon start shanking me for mentioning it :P...oh have i said how much i love him?...aunty T today mentioned that just being loved...well..that gets old if you don't love the person in return...but now loving a person...well...that's a whole other euphoria :P<br /><br />I am thankful for love.... Jesus knew what he was on about, eh?<br /><br />I am thankful for optimism, for happy people... touches me deep when you see people who are (not judging meyn) worse of that you in certain aspects, and they don't hate on you, instead, they wish you well and ask God to bless you... Takes a big person and i am always humbled...<br /><br />I am thankful for His Word..recent epiphany involved revising an epiphany...at some point i decided that the Bible was just simplified philosophy for the masses....and then one day..i think when i read the lost symbol..it hit me that it is the most brilliant paradox ever... The Bible is simultaneously stupendously simple, and mind bogglingly complex...i guess it depends on how you are reading it...speaking of which..need to get on that..<br /><br />I am thankful for Bloggerrrrrr!!! which has me writing again *cough* yes, by that i do mean this post but that's beside the point :P...bloggers are just...special..there's this solidarity, there's this beauty of this world of ideas thing happening...just might be my drug...each post touches you in it's own way..dissolved over Chari and Buttercups blog last night...cuz their story is so me right now...*sigh*<br /><br />I am thankful for lotions and potions...for yes, i am an addict<br /><br />I am thankful for music<br /><br />I am thankful for laughter<br /><br />I am thankful for cuddles<br /><br />I am thankful for all those inexplicable things that make me so damn happy whenever i think of S<br /><br />I am thankful for who he is...he is sooo considerate, caring, thoughtful (these are not synonyms...for reasons i don't think i can explain sensibly :P), intelligent, kind, sweet..and oh so sexay ;)...talented :P O:-)..funnnyyyyy!!! cute! adorable! deep...arghhhh my baby is perfect.<br /><br />I am thankful for the way he gets me :D....really...there are not many things more important than this, are there?<br /><br />I am thankful for the way he is there for me...my hero ^_^<br /><br />I am thankful that i know him. That we text. That we talk...that i get to stare at him. That all is well with the world when we're cuddled up, "watching" Tv...<br /><br />I am thankful that God will put you where you need to be...and when it's meant to be...it just works...without you going crazy to get it...<br /><br />I am thankful that even when i do not realize/acknowledge or appreciate a situation at the moment, i ultimately believe that things work out the way they ought to be, and anything that happens, happens for the best..<br /><br />I am thankful for trust... It is only trust that will get you through people talking bullshit...and love and support and things of that nature too :P...but trust...that ish is way up there<br /><br />I am thankful for...vulnerability *..side note on that..i am borrowing a bit of Funms post to put up on the Strangest thing blog...for i stumbled upon it and thought...that is kinda what i was setting out to try to write...it is not easy to open up and trust...it is not easy to get walls down....it is not easy...but the reward is worth it...you cannot experience a relationship (in this case), if you're too busy waging what is essentially, a war. Like, hello..you are supposed to be on the same team..so all this getting battle ready and armed to the teeth, God forbid you get hurt and can't hit as hard in return..omo, in the words of M...go and enter bush and die..you iz confused :P<br /><br />I am thankful for series...Family Guy has been the poison of choice this past week.....Stewie Griffin is my widdle crush :P #Now what did you learn? BWahahahahahaah! evil little baby!<br /><br />I am thankful that i am healthy o!..dunno what high tech deficiency or thing i (or anybody for that matter) might have...but i am walking, talking, eating and sleeping without any major palaver...so i am thankful for being healthy ojare..it is not beans!<br /><br />I am thankful for blissful coincidences<br /><br />I am thankful for advice..of the well meaning sort..even if at the moment you want to slap the giver sideways...<br /><br />I am thankful for my, if i might say, not too shabby people scanner...some people will just out of the blue start acting weird...meyn, i don't care how normal you were three years ago..if i sniff "idon'tnecessarilywishyouwell"...er...Goodbye! Anne Robinson style :P...nip that ish in the bud...don't need negativity messin up my aura and things :P<br /><br />I am thankful for diversity<br /><br />I am thankful for spirituality<br /><br />I am thankful for thought<br /><br />I am thankful for understanding<br /><br />I am thankful for art..for a host of reasons...<br /><br />I am thankful if you have read this far... i have been writing for the past hour!!!! oya..it's enough...let sumn remain for next time...lol<br /><br />I am thankful more than words can express...but He knows...He knows cuz i can't fake it..<br /><br />Seek first abi? Prioritize...and everything else will be added on to you...simple words..but the truth, when you see it happen, will blow your mind...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-8624216187325402670?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-21127412476305526492010-08-19T14:58:00.000-07:002010-08-19T15:26:17.606-07:00I read yesterday, that guilt is the most selfish emotion. This is true.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have let guilt make me forget that this God and me thing, it's a relationship.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have forgotten that i can do nothing without Him, and instead have been actin' like mizz Independent...there are people you form that Shakara for...He is not among these people.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have forgotten to cast my burdens.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk things through with Him.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have forgotten to talk to Him plain and simple, forgotten to spend time in His presence. What is a relationship without communication?<br /><br />I am sorry that i have let life get in the way..Ironic, seeing how this "life" does not measure up to what i have with Him in it.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have neglected Him.<br /><br />I am sorry that i have taken Him for granted.<br /><br />Most of all, i am sorry that i forgot what our relationship is, forgot just how amazing it gets, forgotten everything. That is probably the biggest sin there is, yes? I cannot remember the chapter and verse right now, but i suddenly understand what it means that the people who have it worst are those who have seen, and then turned away..those who have felt, known, and then forgotten. It's not that God will smite you ( He doesn't act all petty like tat, contrary to sensational opinion)..it's the fact that the emptiness of a life without spirituality after you have BEEN there will consume you...slowly, quickly and totally. Not a place where you want to be.<br /><br />So today, i had a long prayer during my massage...saw a couple of mistakes in previous requests..See i used to go to Him and be all "i will be good this time, i will turn over a new leaf and i will do this, and i will stop doing that"...during this prayer, it occurred to me that i just might have it all wrong.<br /><br />See i'm going to God and promising to do and be all these things....on my own? I am, in essence, telling Him, look, hey, You just forgive me and that's it..i got this....WRONG! as goeth the thing with casting burdens, He doesn't expect you to come to Him all fixed and perfect...the thing is in you coming to Him and asking Him to fix you and make you right...and all this while i have been waiting to get right on my own, and THEN "feel" worthy of His conversation...*sigh*..we wander about blindly in the dark..led in opposite directions because of our own misunderstanding...<br /><br />So i am thankful for this epiphany...<br /><br />I am thankful that the future isn't some obscure date some days ahead...it kinda starts when you want it to. Make your changes and stop finding excuses!<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer<br /><br />I am thankful for books<br /><br />I am thankful for wisdom<br /><br />I am thankful for family<br /><br />I am thankful that He knocks sense into me<br /><br />I am thankful for the big picture...because when you look at it...all the day to day wahala looses it's significance and scare ability...it's all so trivial...like how in the big picture..the beef i was having with my mom is such a joke..looked at the big picture and suddenly felt very little, stupid, and selfish..<br /><br />I love my mother. I love her like none other... Everything and anything she can do for me, she does...continuously...without fail...I love her<br /><br />I am thankful for my life..all of it.. :D<br /><br />I am thankful for massages<br /><br />I am thankful for cooking...for food<br /><br />I am thankful for art<br /><br />I am thankful for MY BOYFRIEND!!!! lol.... proof that God loves me no matter how big of an idiot i am? He blessed me with this this this superamazing person, and i still can't figure out where what when or why...but i am so thankful it's not even funny...God makes plans..and His plans...oh they rawk :)<br /><br />I am thankful that S..is who he is, the way he is...<br /><br />I am thankful for my friends...them true ones..the ones that matter...<br /><br />I am thankful that Babym is backkkkkkk!!!!! i can already feel the laughter induced migranes....boy iz a heeeeedyattt!...the best one you'll ever meet<br /><br />I am thankful for laughter...my new book says that laughter is crucial...S makes me laugh like none other...my sister has accused me of glowing lately, and blames him :P<br /><br />I am thankful for...thought....which i am off to indulge in...mommy needs PC...<br /><br />I am thankful that i get to sit here, all then fingers and toes, type this thing out, and be genuinely thankful ,because i have SO MUCH to be thankful for....i am blessed, and it is not a coincidence...there is a God, and that God loves me..<br /><br />I am thankful for learning...a little bit each day..<br /><br />I am thankful for open mindedness, open minded people..<br /><br />I am thankful for how S <span style="font-style: italic;">gets</span> me... He just does and that...that is special.<br /><br />I am thankful for Us..me and him...i am thankful.<br /><br />I am thankful that...He brings me joy :P a la LL Cool J and er...kai who was it in that song with Gabrielle Union?..have.to.google.<br /><br />I am thankful that tomoz is Friday and thus begins the weekend....we get to spend time togetherrrrr :P<br /><br />I am thankful ooooooooooo! e no get end point meyyyn :P<br /><br />Stay blessed...and and stop trying to fix your damn self and get over yourself and ask for some help..baby steps...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-2112741247630552649?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-27471191612116898102010-08-14T15:03:00.000-07:002010-08-14T15:19:48.953-07:00Ooh so by some miracle, no insinuation intended, the internet seems to be working more or less sensibly today..and it's been ages since my poor deprived fingers have been let at a keyboard(redundant argument, seeing as the person imposing the deprivation is er, well..me :P)..Now...<br /><br />I am having the best holidays ever, so really, without exaggeration, i have only things to be thankful for. Wallahi, anything that might have bothered me is some minor ish that i miiight have blown out of proportion...<br /><br />I am thankful for books...i've let my whole reading game slip meyn...but in the moments i do read...nothing but bliss :D<br /><br />I am thankful for my family...my sisters are the sweetest human beings...you know, when they aren't being..ARGHHH! :P<br /><br />I am thankful for communication..<br /><br />I am thankful for HELPFUL advice<br /><br />I am thankful for real friends<br /><br />I am thankful for intuition<br /><br />I am thankful for Him<br /><br />I am thankful that He plots out all these uberfab plans and everything just falls into place of its own accord, you know?...true word that most things you have to fight for to make work..probably aren't yours to have. Not to be confused with working towards a thing that you KNOW is meant to be...eh figure it out :P<br /><br />I am thankful for prayer<br /><br />I am thankful for not being indifferent<br /><br />I am thankful for every new thing i learn<br /><br />I am thankful for people<br /><br />I am thankful for tact and knowing how and when to employ it...recruit me into diplomatic work stat! lol...except...it's like the proverbial psychologist who can help everybody but themselves...<br /><br />I am thankful for FOOOOOD...grrrrrrr..gettin fat an things...:( oh well...<br /><br />Yummy food....<br /><br />I am thankful for Love<br /><br />I am thankful that i am in love...it's the strangest thing, you know, how you very subconsciously loose any selfishness you have and find yourself er..attuned seems to be the word, to this other person. For what is probably the first time, i have caught myself more than all the time :P thinking, "oh what would he think of this?" "hmm he'd like that ,i should get/link/tell him" and on and on...note to world...caring rawks..lol does it count as selfish if you know...you are incredibly happy because of it?<br /><br />I am thankful for S...every day, all day. Words would not describe how happy i am because of him.it's this sort of happiness that i can't even say where exactly i feel it (mind out of gutter!)..He's just..the bestester and i can't stop thanking Him for him :P..<br /><br />I am thankful for the way he gets me, the way he makes me laugh, the way he makes me happy even when he's nowhere near ,texts that make me act like i'm on something and grin like the cat who got the cream..<br /><br />and i could go on and on, and prolly would..but my mommy just came and said i should haul ass....<br /><br />TBC and things of that nature.. :)<br /><br />OOOH..i am thankful^infinity for every moment we spend together...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-2747119161211689810?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-54691149633180403792010-07-29T17:39:00.001-07:002010-07-29T17:55:28.453-07:00Everything that happens, happens for an ultimately positive reason. I believe this.<br /><br />I am thankful for S...whom i am blessed to have. I am thankful for him that much more each day. He is the goodest, kindest, smartest, clumsiest, sweetest most caring person you'll ever meet.. He is perfect.. Lol my vewy own gift from God...<br /><br />I am thankful for Him...i owe every breath to Him<br /><br />I am thankful for family<br /><br />I am thankful for love...i'm in love, and haven't been happier<br /><br />I am thankful for every moment i spend with my boyfriend..teehee i just had to :p<br /><br />I am thankful for my new phone..even if typing this is hell..bye bye nails...<br /><br />I am thankful!...and this hiatus...na condition..nuttn personal :D<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-5469114963318040379?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-32869561396414009852010-07-01T12:42:00.000-07:002010-07-01T13:12:13.031-07:00I'm making no promises, but somewhere, i am trying.<div><br /></div><div>I don't know what it is i'm afraid of, but i'm positive that it's fear that is holding me back from getting to that place i was spiritually. Logically comprehending this is out of the question, because when i draw my pros and cons list...all the cons are where i'm at now.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think i'm scared of committing myself, and then not being able to carry it through...of course this is the point where i wax eloquent about the importance of the first step, that act of commitment, after which He takes up the burden. See, i know this..but still...i don't like screwing up, i don't like letting people down. Getting "back on track" as it is, is a huge commitment, one which i am not sure of being capable of upholding..hence this drawn out hesitation. It defies and bewilders the sane part of me, it does.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most times, i am painfully aware of an emptiness, that a huge something is lacking, but i'm too chicken to call it what it is, so i keep pretending that i'm trying to figure it out..pathetic, i know. What exactly is it that i'm hanging on to now? I have no idea...it's the mind games that are keeping me going in circles, rather deep in denial...</div><div><br /></div><div>But despite all this...He is there, i know it. And i am thankful. No matter how far i may be right now, He still looks out for me in a capacity that is frankly a lot more than i deserve. I realize that it could be lots better..but here i am..settling for less...yes, i am an idiot. A cowardly idiot :P I am waiting for that mythical "moment" where it all snaps..while fully aware that the moment will appear when i create it..but hey..we're human, that's what we do..live on excuses that fuel our procrastination, knowing full well that we are bullshitting...I pray i create my moment soon...on the bright side, i could even say that a couple of things happening in my life right now are pushing me to the drastic and decisive...i have done a couple of things..one more step and i'll be at that final summit..(LOL at that whole expression sha :P )</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love, which i have in undeserved abundance</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Hope..go figure..upon the love/hate relationship i have with it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature..Go Colin Dexter!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for summer..water and sand and sunshine!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for ice cream, don't forget the ice cream!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for tribulations, for they only make us stronger..even if they frustrate the sanity out of us in the process...at least you come out knowing you're not a bad fighter at all!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for experiences..the best teachers they are!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S...thankful that somehow, by no minor miracle, he is in my life, that he is SUCH an awesome human being, and that he is <i>there...</i>social media and in my mind like att..he is there...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...whom i should totally give more attention in retrospect...beautiful human beings, the pair of them :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mommy...who will listen to me bit...er, whine my heart out and never judge me..she is one amazing woman, my mother!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Guy Ritchie..no seriously..he bringeth joy to my soul :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being Bi-racial, and as a result bi-cultural...most times, it is absolutely wonderful to <i>get</i> the essence of a culture...Vnature meyn! :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sports...mm..footb..all and boxing..#LetsGo!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for beautiful people...my my..i could ogle them all day :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for philosophy...God's joke on us...it's the elusive perpetual motion machine these people are running around trying to discover like disco-dazed chickens...From time immemorial, people have been pondering all these things, and the beauty is that they have not found one right answer...well, because there isn't :P God found out how to keep us occupied all right :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Arts...in whatever form the artist, true or accidental expresses it...paintings, photographs, literature, street fashion, dance...the soul is the part of us humans which He created in His own image, and that is what strives to, in turn, project beauty, to express itself...i believe the soul is asexual. Man, woman..we all see and appreciate the same fundamental things in the same way..everything else is hormone influenced :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for writing</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for these epiphanies that come to me as i write</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He does have a plan for me..i glimpse it in moments of non-stupidity..and yet..ah well..working on that...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for blessings...those things pack a punch!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His way..and how He will set tests for you all right, but when He sees your dumb self has mistaken a test for a new direction, He will yank you out of that situation doublequick!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful..for people...fascinating things!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am alive</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have no problems worth whining about..just minor inconveniences here and there, that's all...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for calmness and patience...when i want to rip someone's head off clean with my bare hands..and yet find myself laughing at something else...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Dad..without whom i wouldn't be me.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that TuFace Idibia has stepped up his Video game</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Internet</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for thoughts</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for rationality</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for direction</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for things going well...</div><div><br /></div><div>Funny how this morning, or more appropriately, this afternoon, at some point, i was on my knees and crying and asking God for one thing..Happiness in the midst of all this nonsense that has been happening this week...midway through that request, it was modified to something along the lines of "Lord, open my eyes to see all the happiness that already is around me, and lift me out of this melancholia that is trying to make me ungrateful for what i do have"...Like T.I said...you gotta stop wanting what you don't have and try to be grateful for what you do have. I have awesome friends, who will genuinely be concerned and do everything they can to make me happy..as if they don't have their own problems? But still..they will endure my sharp tongue and think of ways to make me smile...meyn, God bless them in excess!</div><div><br /></div><div>So i guess...no matter what is going on in your life, stop and count your blessings, name them one by one. Quite often, we allow the one minor thing happening to us at a moment in time to cloud all the other awesome things that are already there in our lives...i suppose it's not worth it..it's not worth it at all..in everything, through prayer and supplication, Give thanks to God...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful. No matter what! lol, yes, another T.I reference...</div><div><br /></div><div>Be Thankful dammit! even if it's for the sip of water you had this morning...find them, list them out...and you just might find yourself with quite a list...and the nasty stuff? Trusssst..tried and tested..you will be compensated sooner or later..true story!</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-3286956139641400985?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-74375182989256060342010-06-16T13:49:00.000-07:002010-06-16T14:12:09.576-07:00Technically, it will be Thursday in fifteen minutes...<div><br /></div><div>Detox. Of the Mind, body and..soul? purgatory, confession, laying it all out, accepting blame and attempting to make it right..baby steps. Letting go and hanging on. I'm only human, and some things are harder to let go of than others...who would have thought?</div><div><br /></div><div>Good thing about detox though, (of the mind, body or the soul) is that with each passing day, the light gets clearer and it's that much easier...i guess...need to find balance, need to find truth, and then you know what it is that you should, how it is that you should...like...like when people are all bundled up and hyped to hike across a desert (why they would do this is beyond me, but work with me here). First order of business is agreeing on where they are headed and how they are getting there, before...he even touches a pen or speaks in a rhyme, lol..excuse the outburst of Fort Minor...it's been a while, and this whole thinking thing..i haven't done in a while. I meant before they take any steps in any direction whatsoever.</div><div><br /></div><div>Which is kinda the big question in Religion in general, no? WHAT to believe? how to go about it? tell me and i shall do...it is the lack of instructions that convict and convince that are the bane of my existence. Each day i find new answers, new interpretations that leave me going, right. So what now? I dunno..most of the time, i like it, this pick n mix relationship that i'm building with Him...It just might be the one place in which a truth of any sort lies...but that's a whole other basket of...what's the expression again? i'm pretty sure it's one of those absurd oxymoronic word combinations. Yes i know that "oxymoronic" is not a word. Shame.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for so much. I know i haven't been here logging it, but each day i am thankful, even when i'm too thick headed and busy being an ostrich about things..(there is nothing fun to look at in the sand, i assure you..oh, and because you can't see "them" it doesn't mean they don't see your great mighty behind sticking up in the air like the dumb bird that you are).</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful for Family, who do not even know how much they have influenced the decisions i make...This detox? started the moment when Gramps looked at me..with this look..all innocent and trusting like when i said i was heading out to the park to read...i didn't mention <i>everything</i>, but i realized that i could not betray that trust...and i can't...it breaks my heart to remember that look..so i am Thankful for Grandpa and his unknowing help...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mom! Who keeps me sane a lot of the time..she is AMAZING! and the best person i have been blessed to have in my life..i dunno bout lots of people, buh i gist with my mom, and she is awesome about it...Wonderful person!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters...perfect little perfections! i can talk to them like...like it happens with no one else, that's what!</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful that this semester/year is overrrr! okay one day to go, one test to go :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my lecturers, and God will bless the chill ones overplenty...the ones that want to be biaches about it..una own dey wait una :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for L.V.V..because he is an awesomeness of a human being..even when he's being bloody annoying..he means well...teehee</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful for friends, and memories</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for SUMMER!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S! omgomgomg..sometimes, i have to take the time out to convince myself that i know this person, and he is my friend, and i talk to him every day...no, nobody should pinch me abeg! :P</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful for manybooks.net</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books! yah kiddin me?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for art</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that this Detox thing is making me appreciate so many things anew...say what you will, but lots of things people take for granted fuck (sorry blog!) with your mind, no lie. There, i said it. Pretend it's all "normal tingz" but somewhere, somehow, on some level, it messes with your mind, with your er..spirituality? with Something, That Something that makes me, in any case, think things, be a certain way..okay so maybe now i'm starting to sound a bit bonkers, but there is sense to this madness!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...well that it's been more than a min, yea? lolz in our situations, every hour is a triumph!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for pleasant people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for tingles</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful for the beach</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for who i am, where i am...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that..yup, again, He has incredibly not given up on me....</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fooood! lol..sometimes it's like...abi make i shun just chop? fat o, rotund o, spherical o, at least i'll be fed and happy?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for eye candy..in human or stuff form :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that he has a plan, and coincidences simply do not exist</div><div><br /></div><div>i am thankful for Philosophy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for talented people...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration and a whole lot of things, including love, laughter and lemons, but i forsee a productive future as concerns writing...So here's to detox and *incredulously!* and another chance.....</div><div><br /></div><div>#off to attempt to think :P</div><div><br /></div><div>Be blessed!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7437518298925606034?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-18952511226883348982010-05-17T08:36:00.000-07:002010-05-17T08:55:45.938-07:00<div><br /></div><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-yCg-0-baE&amp;hl=en_GB&amp;fs=1&amp;"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-yCg-0-baE&amp;hl=en_GB&amp;fs=1&amp;" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre">G</span>rits + TOBYMAC!!!...i don't know how it rates on the coolness scale to think TobyMac is rather boss, but if it's nerdy, then so be it...i dig him majortime!</div><div><br /></div><div>Now...i have skipped two TT's...not because i forgot, because i totally, wholeheartedly went over them in my head...but...you know, it was suddenly 2am and i didn't have the energy...Not, good, i know, but hey...</div><div><br /></div><div>This post was supposed to be titled "it's all in your head"...but maybe i'll leave that until next time? I'm just in a really good mood, and i'm all thankful about my life at this moment in time...so it's like..my life is all gravy :D</div><div><br /></div><div>Which brings me to the point i'm going to attempt to make. My life is not perfect, it may not be the way i want and wish it to be..but i think i had a mini epiphany and realized that what i need to do is be embracing where i'm at, and not fighting it. Afterall, everything, every phase is there to teach a lesson, and fulfill its own purpose...Yes, i know that saying the purpose of this is to realize that this may not be the best thing is a valid argument...but i'm tired of feeling guilty, i'm tired of feeling like i'm failing, i'm tired of being disappointed in me. IT'S ENOUGH! it's earning me no points and bringing no happiness...So i'm going to do me. In the end, i firmly believe that all there are in the world are individuals, and right and wrong are subjective. What is right for one person isn't for the next. We all have different stories to write, so i think it's about time i just wrote my own for what it is, and stop reading other stories to see how it should be written..make sense? It doesn't matter if it's prose or poetry, a song or a series of quotes, it doesn't matter if it rhymes or not, if it's comedy or it's drama..It's your own story, and it will be what it will be...</div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, i do see how this sounds like me trying to justify a situation...but really, embrace You!</div><div><br /></div><div>I've had a good day, i have good people in my life, i have people who love me, and i've spoken to only pleasant people all day..i've laughed and walked under the rain, frozen my po' ass off and then been delighted at sunshine. Was a bit of a nervous wreck because of two tests i was supposed to have today...Lecturer left=no tests. I got my booking, quick in, quick out, and the lady was a doll...came home and chilled with the grandparents, joked with gramps and yanned with grams, and got FED proper!..Spoke to my mom today...then my friend decided to "do me christmas" :P...ooh and i'm still Nigerian!</div><div><br /></div><div>You see? I have more than enough to be thankful for. Each day is a blessing, and i am truly thankful for every moment..the real sin, then, would be sulking and obsessing over things i think i'm doing wrong..when really, who knows what is wrong? We spend lifetimes, (thanks to religion!) punishing ourselves over every little thing, instead of just living and embracing everything life has to offer...That's the whole point of it...to experience..how are you supposed to experience when you work yourself into a state of believing than that everything is wrong? I refuse! lol i might just go all out Hedonistic! no apologies or nothing...main rule, don't hurt anybody...</div><div><br /></div><div>So i am thankful for today, and i am thankful for life, i am thankful for love, i am thankful for thought, i am thankful for my senses, i am thankful for people, i am thankful for family, i am thankful for food, i am thankful for shelter, i am thankful for communication, i am thankful for laughter, i am thankful that there is tomorrow, i am thankful that there is so much to be experienced...</div><div><br /></div><div>Bearhugs all around!</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-1895251122688334898?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-68023369521312766372010-05-05T12:59:00.000-07:002010-05-05T14:02:11.571-07:00Bout a perfect week too late..but that's the way it is. Deal.<div><br /></div><div>The awful thing about guilt, is that nothing productive comes out of it. Nothing at all..you just wallow in your guilt until it's around your eyeballs and you're tryna remember how exactly you got in so deep. Guilt is what keeps me from getting back on the God track, Guilt is what has kept me from praying for so long that i can't really remember anymore...Sure, i give Him the heads up everyday, mostly accompanied by an ironic smile and a side order of some more guilt..cuz i won't lie, i'm stuck in this rut that is major, and instead of getting out one of the millions of ties each day He offers me the opportunity, i'm like...nah, i'm too messed up to act all Sunshine right now, i can't be all fake like that...</div><div><br /></div><div>But that's absurd, yes? Logically, i tell myself that you cannot screw up so much that He's like, gerraway you...i know this...but i don't want to get all emotional like, i'm getting on track and then i do sumn stupid an hour later...it's complicated, i hate making promises that i have a huge chance of breaking...so i figure, don't make the promise at all so your Guilt doesn't have fodder...</div><div><br /></div><div>Guilt is terrible meyn, just creates this force field around you and moving on...Sure, acknowledge your wrong doing, for a moment, take notes, then fuggedabout it in the words of Donnie Brasco, fuggedabout it and move on without looking back...Yup, i could write volumes...it's the putting into practice bit that gets tricky...It's all good...the bright side is that <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993300;">It's All In Your Head</span>..and that means that there is hope yet...</div><div><br /></div><div>And then we break out the PomPoms...you do need that spurt of optimism to delude yourself into the first steps, that spurt of energy that makes you let go of the guilt that's messing with your game plan...So shamelessly break out the PomPoms and cheer yourself on!</div><div><br /></div><div>So Basically...lol i've been wanting to say that all day...So basically, </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life..wouldn't be doing much thinking if i didn't have it eh?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this rut i'm in because i firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, there is an important lesson to be learned..Now if only my dumb self can learn it so we can all move right on..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for directions</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for second, third, and millionth chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little things He does that seem like nothing at the moment, and then a while on, you're like WHOA!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for writing</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Writers</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for photoblogs</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for art</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for talented people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for surprises</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for simplicity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for things that are uncomplicated</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for clarity of thought</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for epiphanies</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Olive oil :P ish does wonders!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for The Olive Garden...which is one book that makes me more happy on the inside than i can tell</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for hope</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the future, and the endless, unpredictable possibilities it holds</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kismet</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for language</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles...someone did say it's the shortest distance/the bridge between two hearts? lol i have seen simple smiles work wonders...testimony here!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for foood! and food blogs and and food bloggers</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for genuine people, warm people, kind people, people with no agenda and no talent at plotting and scheming</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the amazing people that i can talk to, like really talk to..and they are there for me each and every time, and may not even know how truly i love them</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people with no issues and hangups, people who simply don't judge...That might be the single most amazing quality a person can have</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for those random moments that happen that open up your heart and mind..those unconventional times...I love those! recent one..That homeless guy musing about my nailpolish then bumming a stick off me...i love people!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for..Psychology..which is what i really ought to be doing..people fascinate me...and i want to help..i really do!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Political Theory talks with the gramps...he is the amazingest person ever! we go for hours and i don't even notice..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for who i am...even if i keep forgetting</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Spring and all the beauty about</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for solitude</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for diversity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for variety</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each and every day...because it means i get another chance...which i've been neglecting, but that's beside the point...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligence</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for individuality...yea, so sometimes i live vicariously..just waiting for my confidence to mature..hush!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for support</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for beauty</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Art..have i mentioned this?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Pidgin!!! like, seriously.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being Nigerian...and Ukrainian too..God save these countries meyn, cuz their citizens are on a mission to murder them with their greed and absence of vision of any sort</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i'm me..and messed up as i might be..not everyone hates me :P *gasp*</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful..that this..this whatever this is..is temporary....</div><div><br /></div><div>Be good, and stay out of ruts...not fun..not fun at all....</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-6802336952131276637?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-79586944737828714392010-04-22T03:53:00.000-07:002010-04-22T09:00:42.452-07:00Hey..whagwan? It's one of those days when i feel like bleh..maybe it's the dark drizzly weather outside, cuz it sure as hell cannot technically be hormones...that's over...I'm upset at my friends for no reason and i want to curl up and cry..i want to yell at people and pick fights and at the same time i want them to all take a flying...yea..that.<br /><br />However! i am thankful for today<br /><br />I am thankful for the view outside this library window<br /><br />I am thankful for the chatty chatty with the librarian..it's funny how she's the one i gist with when i cannot find a way to stand half my classmates...smh<br /><br />I am thankful for my test..cuz even if i got 3 out of 4...damn it's always a pleasure watching that man ;)<br /><br />I am thankful for my family<br /><br />I am thankful for my friends<br /><br />I am thankful for S..who means more to me than his big head might guess :P<br /><br />I am thankful for cartoons<br /><br />I am thankful for facebook messages<br /><br />I am thankful for facebook<br /><br />I am thankful for youtube<br /><br />I am thankful for dancehall<br /><br />I am thankful for moodiness<br /><br />I am thankful for tears<br /><br />I am thankful for the internet<br /><br />I am thankful for good vibes<br /><br />I am thankful for music<br /><br />I am thankful for blogs<br /><br />I am thankful that i got to see Ivilinka today :) missed her silly<br /><br />I am thankful for the rain<br /><br />I am thankful for the sunshine<br /><br />I am thankful for jokes<br /><br />I am thankful for emotions<br /><br />I am thankful that i don't have to study anything for tomorrow<br /><br />I am thankful for who i am<br /><br />I am thankful for His blessings<br /><br />I am thanful for songs that get stuck in your head and make you smile for days...bwoi me just wan fi hold yuh, put me arms right around yuh...:D<br /><br />I am thankful for diversity<br /><br />I am thankful for people just like me<br /><br />I am thankful for flowers<br /><br />I am thankful for new things..<br /><br />I am thankful for old things<br /><br />I am thankful that somehow, we keep going<br /><br />I am thankful that i am Nigerian..cuz we hot like that...George Bernard Shaw said a patriot is a person who thinks his country is the best simply because he was born in it...true..and at the same time, i want to believe that Nigerianness is something people who have experienced it envy :P<br /><br />I am thankful forrrrr Herbal Essences..make me want to not be me so i can hug me and bury my nose in my hair<br /><br />I am thankful for facebook groups and fan pages...with all them witty names that be makin me LOL<br /><br />I am thankful for innuendoes...arguably one of the best forms of humour!<br /><br />I am thankful for my mom..I love her..she rocks in every way..and her love keeps me going..<br /><br />I am thankful for love...<br /><br />I am thankful for indifference..it's the best defence sometimes...<br /><br /><br />aaand i'm out..late for a concert bullshittything...ihate everyone there..lol..emo moment here...*sigh*<br /><br />be good!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7958694473782871439?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-76162208129253587182010-04-15T13:47:00.000-07:002010-04-15T14:18:40.647-07:00That's what i suppose i feel like right now...i'm not particularly drowning anymore, but i'm not swimming yet..just here, treading, greatest concern being keeping my head above it all..actual movement is a whole other stage...i love analogies!<div><br /></div><div>Again i'm amazed how i always end up coming full circle...i go through a phase of complete lawlessness..lol, okay so maybe that's a bit dramatic..but it is anarchy to go for weeks on end without actually praying, when you'd been going months with a very serious prayer thing happening. And the most painful part is that you are aware of right and wrong, and know that this isn't quite right...but you keep doing it, which makes you feel useless, which makes you depressed and when i'm depressed, i feel to guilty to act like best friends with God...vicious cycle, really...</div><div><br /></div><div>However! i read a Jon Acuff post about the comma...and it was like he wrote that for me...i forget the verse, but there's a comma and not a full stop, and that makes all the difference. It's the point where God tells you that nope, you cannot screw up so much that it will be the final screwup, so get over yourself and get back on track...but even though you know this, it doesn't make it any easier...oh well.</div><div><br /></div><div>He has been good to me. He has been beyond good to me..He has been good to me throughout periods of me all but ignoring Him, He has been good to me throughout periods of disobeying Him, He has been good to me while i do the exact opposite of what it is i know i should be doing, He has been good to me, unwavering in His love and support...that's the kind of love that stuns you...literally not based on any conditions, just the fact that He cares, and that's it...good o, bad o..He is just there, being understanding..I am thankful for that. The weird part is that i realize that being good, or living by His rules is for MY own good. God isn't using you not being angry to do anything, like i've said before, it doesn't affect His status anyhow...it's your life that's better when you're less angry..and there's the thing about that anger coming up as a wall between you and Him..and well...that is not a good thing at all..cuz when you're at that good place, you realize how amazing that communication is..and anger cuts it off..and you're like..so what do i do nowww?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that due to several this' and that's i have the relationship that i have with Him..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for compassion</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for kindness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for surprises</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for talented people and the beauty they create</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people...they are sooo beautiful..each in their own specific way..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for learning..from everything,anything..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who care</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who get me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the people that i care for</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the people that i get</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sports</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for today! rawked too hard to put into words..wasn't expecting it at all!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inconsistencies...monotony kills!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Herbal essences! omdaze i'm in loveeeeeee!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for communication mediums</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Spring..and Summer that's coming</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my daily devos</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sincerity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His guidance</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the abundance of unearned miracles and blessing in my life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He doesn't give up on me..i'd have given up on me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful..for solitude</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for time</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have no problems</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i don't have any funky illnesses</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for where i am at this moment, who i am...i love me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for each new day...each one is an adventure..24 hours..which i sadly often misuse/underuse</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i kicked it..nasty habit ya</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every single thing...because even the bad stuff- are a path to the good...call me crazy</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!!!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-7616220812925358718?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-69071596291529063112010-04-08T12:52:00.000-07:002010-04-08T14:32:17.448-07:00No, no, no need to panic, i haven't caught some New Age confusion bug, i do not think we are God and God doesn't exist. That is silly. I believe in God, for the simple reason that i exist, and i know that for a fact. I think, i can poke and prod myself and i laugh and cry and see other people and the world around me and i know beyond a doubt that it is all real for me. This analogy never fails to cement my belief in God. Like Descartes said, i think, therefore i am. Simple. Profound.<div><br /></div><div>I've had my moments of questioning, of wondering if it's a race without a point to it. Believe, worry, live..then die and face nothingness. Yea, i know. It's funny how this sort of thought used to make me have overwhelming Catholic style Guilt panic attacks, used to feel like, stop bloody thinking you oaf, stop questioning! But of course the rebel in me would accept no such foolishness..which led to extended periods of disbelief and rejection of all things religion tainted...</div><div><br /></div><div>But then, i think i grew up and realized exactly that. I had a problem with <i>religion</i> and not with the concept of God. Any confusion i've ever had has been with the inconsistent pictures of God that religion keeps painting. Sometimes, it's a bit like 1984..He's supposedly one way today, completely opposite tomorrow and you better believe it, miraculously keeping those two concepts mutually exclusive and equally positive. It gets hard to wrap your head around, and obviously, no one is looking to give you answers for their whims. God is the way then need to be at given moments in time, isn't it? Today they are asking Him to roast their enemies, and tomorrow they are telling you how He is a God of peace and we are supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive 7 times how many times again? and don't forget to love your neighbour, thief or not and, please, please God keep me away from the unholy filth. Uh huh, pick and choose. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, see, the God i know gave me a brain, and He proceeds to make it physically hurt every time i try to brainwash it into accepting ridiculous things. That's the point of this blog, isn't it? It's called my God and me. It's me letting go of all these forced misconceptions of God and having a relationship with the One that is alive in my life, the One that is realer than any story i've ever read. That is the God in me, and all i want at this point, is to figure out how he really is and then get in line..easier said than done when half the time you're read a long list of protocol to observe, and the other time you're told to just go up and hug Grandpa G and throw in some cuss words cuz He cool like that and will even do the Scoobi Doo with you...*sigh*..</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes, i speak in crazytalk...but there is no such thing as crazy talk..only talk that other people are not comfortable with believing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Noooowwwww!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for God</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for second chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for patience</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Spring, sunshine and those pretty purple flowers!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for hope...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the triviality of things in the big picture</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the complexity of the simple things eventually</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the simplicity of the complex things</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the beauty of the simple things and how much meaning and value they manage to pack</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for heels. God bless whoever invented them..naturally while slapping them severely..what sort or sadist invents those things? aaaah...heels...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so blessed. That is the truth. I am blessed, and i'm still trying to figure out why. I could <i>do </i>so much more, you know? but i don't and He seems to pick up the tab and everything turns out okay..why? i keep having this fear that soon, it's going to all come crashing down..good things like this don't last, do they? i mean..i did not earn this...i...i have my theories sha..but they are little more than desperate rationalizations...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S, and just how cool it is that i actually think of someone throughout my day, sometimes, we talk a little, again, i really am not nuts! sometimes i just flip through the memory album, and most times, i make sketches for future pictures...and it's all so easy, it comes so naturally...i am thankful for that :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that it's almost the weekend...i seem to be an odd sort of alcoholic/junkie..See i don't abuse any substances, but i manage to actively numb myself so i can get through the week with the least amount of consciousness...i don't even know what's so terrible about my weeks- i'd just rather be doing something else, really, instead of going to that place to fill my head with useless information that keeps me from doing anything truly productive..lol sometimes, i'm a hippie like that</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for who i am..love me or hate me, i'm pretty cool with me :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for moments of enlightenment and epiphany</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature...Nick Hornby was interesting..strengthened the distrust of marriage in me once again..and now...it's Stephen baybayyy! been wanting him for a while now..been putting him off so i could savour every page when i finally got to him..oddish logic, i know..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for writing...which i need to do more often</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligent conversations</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Satire...George Orwell is my hero! and allegory and metaphor...because in some twisted way, talking about something else is the ideal way to convey crystal clear message about something.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my nap this afternoon ^_^...nothing beats sleeping when you really feel like it..might be worth staying up till 4am for sef :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way literature is a means of escape...somehow your problems go somewhere long enough for you to get the strength to face them while you read about such and such needing to get to here or there so that God forbid this and that happens to another such and such...and in books...the problems all get solved! do you realize what a burst of positivity that is? problems apparently get fixed! there is hope for you...hehe</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for our silly convos and my dry jokes and the often juvenile innuendoes we come up with...my dayze they are the best thing ever!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for movies and cinemas and holding hands</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Old Dogs ;)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Old School..notice a trend here?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Enid Blyton...lmao..okay, random, but again, literature has seen me through so many hard times!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mom...her love keeps me going meyn, for real..the power of it floors me...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my dad..i am thankful that we have become friends and we mostly cool and i love him :D..might seem a perfectly normal thing to say..but it wasn't always like that so..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends..real ones..cuz they rawk!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for jokes...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for cereal!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for awful things that you endure, then realize that they made you grow..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandma..i really am..keep praying we finally find that balance..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandpa...well because he cooool!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me sisters!!! they so kewl! sharp az anyfink meyn..they catch on to my most complex and vague of jokes...mainly because they have a better memory and grasp of pop culture than i do..but no movie/song/book reference, no matter how vague goes unconnected by them..we have day long games based on this!..it's the simple things that mean the world..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my uni...it's all so warm and friendly..you know, especially if you also ignore the idiots :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that my friends live in the hostel. And that the hostel is in practically the same building as my faculty..because i do not know how i would have gone through yesterday without putting my feet up on KiKi's stomach and chillin for a couple of hours...i for commot shoe waka go house meyn :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Kiki! and all the stuffed toy animals that make my life a brighter place..yes, i have stuffed animals, ndso? hush!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful, really that i am so blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me, the nastyness in my life is damn near non existent and things seem to go my way even when i'm screwing up majorly..yes, i do realize that screwing up majorly to me is probably a joke to the average person..but it is what it is..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for all the things waiting to be learned, and no i do not mean yet another useless formula on how to calculate devaluation of a bloody table...are you SERIOUS? you want to tie ish like that down to numbers? get a therapist. STAT.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intuition...embrace the erm..gut feeling. Voices in the head need special screening..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for individuality</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for expression</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep.</div><div><br /></div><div>Good night!!!!...ZzzzzzZZzzzz</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-6907159629152906311?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-1426660925304977592010-04-02T14:45:00.001-07:002010-04-02T15:19:26.032-07:00Maybe it isn't so bad after all that i didn't post yesterday. Good Friday is a good day for a Thankful Post. It is all symbolical, isn't it? it is the whole significance of Jesus. His birth is all well and good, but it really wouldn't matter if He hadn't been born to fulfill the purpose of dying so our ungrateful selves could keep messing up and asking for forgiveness and recieving it despite overwhelming evidence supporting the position that we should on no account receive this forgiveness...<div><br /></div><div>For God so loved the world...</div><div><br /></div><div>Which just about sums up the importance of this day..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am trying so hard to use this as a springboard for getting right, for finding my way back to that "good" spiritual place where i can afford to go over my day and feel at least a teeny bit smug..No such luck lately...i evaluate my day and want to give myself a ringing slap..the kind that leaves you so fascinated with the colours you start to see that you do not feel the pain at all but casually assert that this is what the 'shrooms they keep talking must do...Trying...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for knowledge</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for understanding</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being understood</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for grace</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Patience...lol..grace and Patience..even if i barely know girls with these names..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for purity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for trust</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friendship..when it's true, it's like magic..somebody trusting you honestly, earnestly to be their friend..i have been through some "tough" friendships so i KNOW...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the person i <i>had </i>a tough friendship with...we wouldn't have the great one we have now if we hadn't gotten through those times of madness...i love M2!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for new friends...i love making new friends..if it's by surprise, or by strategy..you know them one's you've been smiling at for ages and then finally discover that they are actually pretty decent people...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for strong people...i hear some people's stories and realize what a wuss i am..they Inspire me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who care..VV is a awesome person because he cares about our useless lives :P he really does, and that is special</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for uni..even if sometimes....all i have are nightmares</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nightmares...for a whole lot of reasons that will prolly make me sound a bit potty so i won't even go there</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for football</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Internet! i would totally fail with a side order of epic without it...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Youtubeeee!!! what can't you learn from youtube?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for rainy days</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sunny days</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for diversity</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for strength</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Parents</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandparents</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Jelly...how did i live so long hating it? damn jello brand jelly which it the ultimate yuckydom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for series</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nerdiness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way He never leaves me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the light that's always waiting for me whenever i decide to get up off my behind and make progress down the tunnel</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for language</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that there's so much to living..so much to learn, so many ways to live it...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He just won't quit on me, no matter how far gone i think i am</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for last Wednesday...i had a GOOD day :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way S makes me grin from ear to ear with every message, memory, mindread...no really..who knew that you could go so inexplicably <i>happy </i>for no reason other than this person...hmmm</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for everything about who he is...he just..works :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that <i>he's there..</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>I am thankful for sleep</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for tension-free environments</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that it's factually Saturday and i have Monday off</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i know..somehow, that everything will be okay...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nailpolish</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for psychobabble and cliche's...because as much as anybody wants to be uber posh and look down their rhinoplastied nose at them..they are what they are for a reason-they are true...and thus often repeated..it's not just a case of mass poor taste</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people that <i>get</i> you..when you discover such people, shame on you if something as race/age/sex/height/religion/status/job/hair colour/piercings/addictions/faults..get in the way of you appreciating the fact that this person has not, and will do you no wrong in the relationship that the pair of you have going on. Anything else, is none of your damn business,so don't let it mess with the good stuff</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i "discovered" that 3D cinema nearish my ends...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that in the end..everything happens exactly the way it's meant to..if you like wish and work until you're rainbow in the face..you will not take a breath one second earlier than you are meant to...figuratively speaking..lol who knew i was such a fatalist?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for where and who i am right this moment...i love life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that there are Other People in my life that make everyday worth looking forward to and living to the fullest</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that all is well with my world even when nothing looks the slightest bit well</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that that silly optimist in me is coming out of hibernation...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for prayer</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for second chances</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for me and S's jokes...we have more than i have managed to accumulate with people i've known all my life...jokes are special :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiley faces :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for touch typing..i am SO impatient that i will go crazy without it</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have truly amazing people in my life on the daily...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for care. I could give up almost every emotion/situation for the single emotion of care..think about it...nothing has value if it's not done with care. If you like run from China to Cali via Europe to meet Ms. She'sTheOne, and you do it out of spite, then it means bloody nothing..make a cup of tea out of care and it means the world..abi it's just me? lol</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the little things...i know i've said this before..but it's always the little things...ALWAYS.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>Have a blessed Easter Weekend..and try to spend at least a couple of minutes reflecting on the reason why you have a day or two off...in any case, set some time out to do the spiritual thing..Christian o, Muslim o, Hindu, Buddhist o...</div><div><br /></div><div>Muchos love!</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-142666092530497759?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-39589102719233754542010-03-25T10:59:00.000-07:002010-03-25T11:58:22.373-07:00Bleh. Lately it feels like i'm going round in a circle at breakneck speed. Like i have no energy to break free of this blehness...so i just wallow in it...ah dunno...There must be a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel...<div><br /></div><div>**I had a conversation sometime this week/last weekend? That made me a bit..ashamed of myself? See, because i caught myself thinking in the way that i've been trying to make people stop thinking. I hate that mentality..and yet, it's so ingrained into our consciousness, our subconsciousness...it's about conformity again. People yell, scream, preach, publish books encouraging people to be individuals, to be them, to be confident in who they are...</div><div><br /></div><div>Which makes our society very ironic indeed, seeing as from birth, we are groomed, encouraged, and downright threatened to be normal. "normal" is subjective, no? We are begged to blend into the crowd, heaven forbid any sort of standing out, because we all know that isn't "normal" and so you must be crazy and should be sent to the loony house..and so little kids learn to lie, learn to act the way they know they are expected to, learn to lie low in this mad effort to be mediocre. School systems routinely annihilate any potential talent, instead of studying these young people as individuals and guiding them to be who they ought to. Instead, they are labeled and put in ugly corners, because they are deemed "not normal". People are just different in the end, and we should learn to embrace this, and stop this drive for conformity.</div><div><br /></div><div>Conformity. This brings me right back to the conversation i had. This guy i knew from forever ago. Hey hey, whassup? where you at now,what are you doing?...I asked what he was up to..he told me he was helping out at an art studio and wanted to start fashion school next year. For a moment or two, i caught myself thinking..and somebody is ALLOWING your Naija ass to take this path? Why, how is it that you are not doing something <i>serious</i>?..and then i stopped and realized how much that train of thought conflicts with <i>me, </i>with the person i know i ought to be. It's been injected into my damn DNA, this mentality of study something <i>sensible</i>, and believe me, i understand that. I have almost had a fight with my friend, taking her mothers point of view and supporting this whole <i>sensible</i> agenda. Lol well that was mainly because i like to keep it objective, like to see all sides to a story and not just passionately and blindly defend what i want to see...but that's beside the point.</div><div><br /></div><div>People are all different. We are all individuals, and in an ideal world, nobody should be made to feel like they should apologise for being who they are and doing what they do. Nobody should be forced to live a lie for fear of not blending into the crowd. Which is why i sit here feeling trapped, wanting to break free but being held down by this fear of conformity, by this idea of what ought to be done. This is why i am happy for every single person not doing the traditional thing, for every person chasing their dream and believing in themselves, in their talents, in their visions. I am proud of them, and at the same time a bit ashamed of the spineless coward i am..which is why i break free in baby steps, from neon nails to bright red lips on boring wednesdays...it's not about anybody else..it's about testing, and then escaping these invisible boundaries of conformity...<br /><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for zee Internetttt lol..because it keeps me occupied and entertained and educated and and...yeaa</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Petrilude..cuz he's the coolest youtube makeup guru..and the sexiest person i've ever seen in drag..and and..he's just lovely!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Ugly Betty and and Entourage and Scrubs and all the series that have made me smile from ear to ear this week..Ari Gold made me literally LOL all through!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for literature! I've chomped my way through three novels this week...It's lovely!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friends..old and new and purely coincidental ^_^</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for pleasant people...somehow, the ones that crossed my path today outnumbered any grumpy people..heh! even that chick from year two that supposedly has bitch juice running through her veins was a sweetheart to me today...^_^</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for being understood..Like Vika and i were saying today..i really do not require for the whole world to get me, i do not need everybody's love, no matter how nice it may be..all i need is to know that one person understands, and truly gives a shit...Thankfully, they are more than one..and that is a huge blessing in itself!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for high heels!...even if they are the one thing that could make me to concede that guys are more intelligent than us. What sort of person that is claiming sanity would do that to themselves? ha..us..because heels are sexxxaaay :P and yes, we do feel like superwoman running in stilettos..you think say na beans?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that it's finally, FINALLY spring! no snow on the pavements and it's warm enough that i can wear my aforementioned high heels and loose the turtle necks...aaaaaaah freedom!...cannot wait for summer!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful...that there is this deluded confidence at loose somewhere inside me that remains unfazed by the fact that my coursework is due next wednesday..it's there formin badguy as per...chhhhhiiiiil boo, nottin to get yourself in a huff about...and somehow, i listen to this deranged thing..*sigh*</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for laughter!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for friendship</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for some of my classmates..LOL i have to be honest nau!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sportssss! and by sports i mean Football, Boxing and er..Tennis..most other things are incredibly gay, Period. Ah wait, basketball is fun too...lolz</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for individuality...whether you show it be refusing to be anybody but you, sticking to odd opinions, dyeing your hair oompa loompa orange...be an individual, don't strive to be a bloody copy!* oooh remembered sermon! off to type...phew, all typed!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nailpolish!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for water! gattdemit i am dehydrated right now!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for evening..for night...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sleep!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for tact and diplomacy...they come in very handy when saying no to an apparently serious proposal..i learned my lesson from the fight of catastrophic proportions i had with my best friend on my birthday in '07 :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for family and the love they have for me!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food...grrr that's some serious love/hate lol</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters..amazing pair!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for..cats? lol had a really interesting conversation this morning :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for smiles...you'd be surprised how you can literally confuse someone into getting your way with a well timed smile :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the french braid..lol Lifesaver!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that...lol that my issues only make me appreciate other people more..so i can't complain</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the nasty people in my life...lol they keep you from under appreciating the wonderful ones</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S..that i can talk to him..sounds simple enough..i've been unfortunate to know otherwise...which is why i am MEGA thankful for this!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S's jokes, cuz they get me everytime..lol laughing out loud and grinning from ear to ear from the sheer cuteness of them!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for every day...because every day is an adventure</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for people who just don't send...lol because us chickens tap confidence from them..which is ironic, seeing as i think i'm one of the chickens and yet i'm one of the most out there people i know right now..go figure :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for learning</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for knowledge</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for wisdom</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Purity of...mind</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for daydreams :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Google! what would i be without google? i could totally get an honorary Ph.D in Google use meynnn...lookin for something? i WILL find it..i am relentless </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for poetry</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for indifference...believe me, it is an emotion worth having. Not to use as your default emotion, but to apply where necessary. Lots of people get into all sorts of trouble by caring too much about things they shouldn't have given a shit about..i'm just saying</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for maturity...and confidence and...lol shh i am not listing qualities that make a guy hawwwt beyond comprehension :P </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for..grrr..i have never been this dehydrated! brb..back..mouth feels like the Sahara..I am thankful for beautiful people...Artwork!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for life...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that tomoz is Friday..even if i heard some deluded rumour about us having classes on Saturday? abi dem mad?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful!</div><div><br /></div><div>Have a good one. X</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-3958910271923375454?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-30284192898543689192010-03-18T09:01:00.000-07:002010-03-18T10:02:06.059-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,<br />And it seems as though the writings on the wall,<br />Superstar you finally made it,<br />But once your picture becomes tainted,<br />It's what they call,<br />The rise and fall - Craig David, Rise and Fall</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">So many times i've tried to fight sinking with being ridiculously upbeat...Most times it worked..even if i could physically feel my brain wince in protest. Truth is, sometimes, you finally get to that good place, you seem to be living right, doing okay..and then comes the fall; one little slip helps another along and all of a sudden you really don't care about much at all, and all the ideas of doing what's "right" become blurry and you are really not sure what it means anymore so you shrug and say eff it, i'll wallow in this low place.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">That's kinda where i seem to be right now if i take away any fancy euphemism. I am in a low place. That place where you are, and it seems like you're watching yourself from the outside, seeing how the you on the inside is just powerless to the fact of the you that is actually doing these things that are making the other two yous go...na me be this?...yes i know, that was a complicated sentence buh i promise it makes sense.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">What happens though? How do you go from a comfortable place of thinking the fight is over and you can finally get on with cruising at this comfortable altitude, to plummeting helplessly until you're back at ground zero...or lower still? What is the method to this breaking down and building up if i end up right where i started? Yea..it's my fault in the end, i allowed slip ups that are totally not me, mistakes that are crystal clear in theory and yet....in practice i'm making them over and over again? What wears you down and makes you indifferent to this metaphorical fight? What the hell is that happens and you think..shiiiii i'm out of strength, i'm out of cheer, i'm out of team spirit and i am tired of being confused about what is wrong and why it's wrong and why it's wrong in this situation and why i have to be fighting anyways...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Again, in theory all this is crystal clear...i wonder why i'm asking questions. I can point to all the things that are creating this lowness. I can list them out and then list out their solutions right next to them. So what is the problem? The problem is that it isn't very well easy..and that is one thing i cannot explain. Why on earth is it hard to do what's right? You'll be there, indulging in some messed up habit that offends your common sense...and yet...funny enough, i just might have an answer to that. Character building. I guess it takes a strong person to live rigidly by principles. Whenever i feel like the fight is over, that i've finally made it..in that brief phase i do establish and adhere to some impressive principles...but then i loose steam..because i am only human and i'm just a little girl and it is overwhelming to take up that cross each day...so yea, maybe i'm a coward and i detach, scream screw it all and sink to...sink to this place i am in, looking around in horror and remembering how much better it could be..vaguely relating the girl then to me now...*sigh* This is not fun</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">That being said though, i cannot, and refuse to act all pretend cheery and positive. Right now, my facebook status says "</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><h3 class="UIIntentionalStory_Message" ft="{&quot;type&quot;:&quot;msg&quot;}" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-weight: normal; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">They say it's never too late to start over, that you're never too far gone to rise again...The biggest battle is in your mind, remembering this and resolving to pick yourself up and get back where you should be. Stage one. Believe."</span></span></span></h3><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I typed that in a feeble effort to motivate myself...it's yet to kick in..i know i should i know i should..but all i want to do now is curl up and cry until everything goes back to normal. I do not like this place..</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Baby steps, right? They always say to do it one step at a time, win the war one battle at a time. Lol this post sounds a bit more melancholy than i thought i was..</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for Life</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for love</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for blogger</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for friends...like the REAL ones lol..not dem friends for mouth kinda ish</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for words</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for Creativity...</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for Intrigue..</span></span></span></div><div><span class="UIStory_Message"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Which is why i'm thankful for Dan Brown!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for crying..because sometimes, it's the best release</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for uni..you have to spend 5 years doing something, right?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for philosophy</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for books</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for my mama!!! i am more than blessed to have been given to her</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for my daddy! and for who he is..because if he was even slightly different, i wouldn't be who i am...same for my mom..and i really kinda like who i am so hey</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for my sisters...they are amazing. To have become the intelligent darlings they are despite the trauma i put them through? That's dangerous..a kid raising kids..sometimes i look back and am awed by their resilience, the whole rose through concrete thing they have pulled..cuz lord knows i've done them wrong..i didn't know any better!..so i am thankful that He didn't let my blunders affect them, instead, He blessed me with these darling young women :)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for S, because sometimes, most times when he doesn't even know, he keeps me going when i'm just about ready to tell the world in explicit detail where to stick it...a word, a gesture...and i snap out of silly mode :P</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for S..because of who he is. I really do not know how to explain that more..who i am just agrees with who he is..it's that simple.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for simple things</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for smiles</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for laughter</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for fooood! kai..food..that delicious thing that agreeeth not with my body...the grandparents disagree..but it's their job to make empty statements like that..apparently that's how you express love...by lying to the ones you claim to love :P</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for my ultracaring grandparents...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for all the miraculous narrow escapes He sees me through...Econs test on Wednesday is still a mystery</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for next week's timetable...I almost burst into song when i saw it...NO tests!!!!!!!!!!! plenty of time to er..tie up loose ends...*cough* read through all dem novels i have stacked in line</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that i have no problems</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that i have people who will give me their shoulders for me to cry on...that is very comforting to know</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for people who understand me..i know it's not easy</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for quality..not quantity</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for lessons learned</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful or wisdom</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for knowledge</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for God's plans</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for daydreams</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for sunny days</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for kind people</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for positivity...never force it though...cry through the pain, don't try to drown it..cry knowing that it's not the end, but by all means cry and allow yourself wallow in the misery of the moment</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for baby steps..abi even if you want to eat enyimba, na one bite at a time...don't be overwhelmed by the volume of work before you..choose whats immediately in front of your nose and get started doing that, thinking nothing at all of "all else"...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for Naijaaa! if i had to do it all again, i wouldn't change a thing...UST, PHC, NAIJA! lol firealz..Naija rawks hard..faults and all</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for Nairaland...guilty pleasure..but dammit it can be entertaining</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for knowledge gathered from everywhere...no knowledge is wasted...whether you discovered it in a library or in an M&amp;B novel, in a classroom or from a music video..LOL school is overrated...most of what makes you, you did not learn in a classroom...A classroom did not teach anybody to have a fabulous personality..which er..got you your job? lol learn for school o! buh you've gotta learn not to obsess...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that there are so many recipes...grrr i have soo many things i want to try..buh i can't...cuz there's no one to feed it to and i damn well am not going to gorge myself on all that i want to make..grandparents are a bit vanilla and not into trying new things..humph!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for.....for whatever it is that keeps pulling, dragging, pushing, prodding, holding me up while i stumble along this...this path..There is always that voice not letting me give up, no matter how bad it gets. There is always that voice through the haze telling me that i shouldn't dare log off...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that them down times are just glitches on my radar..temporary lows...i will get back where i need to be</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for the internet..whatever would i do without it?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for everybody who uploads stuff...like Ugly Betty, season 4 ep 16 OMG new eye candy!! he was duly drooled over *sigh*</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for eye candy :D</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for common sense</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for S!!! i am thankful that i met him, i am thankful that i know him, i am thankful that i care so much about him, i am thankful that he gets me and i am SO thankful that he makes it so easy..i am thankful that even though i miss him silly, songs, lines from books, pictures, videos...lol they all make it seem like he's much closer...that's compensation..right?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for how God doesn't actually blow you up into smithereens when you mess up...that does beg the controversial question of how come bad things happen to good people, but i'm not even going to go there...it's a sore topic with me...one on which my stand is to be the classic drone sort of Christian. Ask no questions and for crying out loud don't try to think too much..lol..that's just for this post though...it is an issue to be pondered</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that tomorrow is Fridayy!!! this week has exhausted me..shaa, i've learned a few valuable lessons and am earning my student status small small...lol..skip class, check, go to class hung over, check, write test well on empty head, check..lol and a few colourful scenarios we won't be painting just right now.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for logic</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for rationality</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for principles</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for recognizing the real value/worth of things</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for compassion</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for good people</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for being able to say No to what is wrong...e hard sha...and lately i've been saying yes a lot..baby steps</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that despite scoin scoin (OmDaze i just realized how much i miss NFB! :((...need to re-read that blog meyyyn..shame on him for stopping) i know deep down that everything is going to be okay</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that i am able to shrug and adapt to whatever situation i find myself in...i am ultra thankful for this ability.very very useful!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful, really..that out of every messed up situation, a lesson can be learned, a foothold can be created for your climb to where you ought to be</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for...enlightenment..cuz with it comes the natural ability to see the folly in a lot of the foolishness that people dedicate their lives to.again like Socrates said..there are so many things in this world i don't need...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for memories</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful for every day i've lived, every thought i've though, every tear i've shed, every laugh i've let loose...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">I am thankful that someday not far away..all will be well with me again...just have to er..regroup, and stop putting it off for tomorrow...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';">Stay blessed and don't give up...there's no shame if you're down..just don't get too comfortable there..</span></span></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-3028419289854368919?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-23019579761475935422010-03-11T07:39:00.000-08:002010-03-11T07:51:02.244-08:00Some days, i think i've had a bad day, and proceed to feel justified in complaining and being angry. There is nothing i could do that would be more selfish and ungrateful than that. Like Babym pointing out to me that, you know what? we don't have problems. Any small thing, we have parents to complain to and they wave magic wands and make it go away. B doesn't have that, he said to me, speaking of our friend, neither does A. They have to make plans for their next meal or where they will live, because if they don't, nobody is going to do it for them. We do not have problems. We have ungrateful kid issues.<div><br /></div><div>Jos. Who the FUCK..excuse my language, who the fuck kills children? Who throws a baby into a fire? Who murders children in their sleep? Women? Men? Who kills innocent people? On a facebook note today, Banky W started it with this quote from Shakespeare "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here". Somehow, i do not question a word of that statement. People share a city with beings who are capable of commiting these atrocities.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't have many fears, maybe two total. One of them, the feature of many nightmares, is being killed for no other reason than being who i am. Just the way hundreds of innocent people have been killed in Jos this month. How can they butcher 500 people in one week? for WHAT? </div><div><br /></div><div>Now those people, those people have a real problem. Those people can shout and scream and be angry at and question every deity they ever knew. Not me.</div><div><br /></div><div>R.I.P to the ones we've lost. To the ones that are left, i cannot choose any words, because no matter what i come up with, it will still fall short. What do you say to people who have lived through that? what do you say to people who have lost family that way? There is nothing i can say. Courtesy will demand that empty words like comfort, and it will pass, and..what the bloody hell do you say? So i say nothing.</div><div><br /></div><div>So here, in my warm room, with no threat to my life whatsoever, i am Thankful that i have no problems. And honestly? That about covers everything.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-2301957976147593542?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-91071534448278888852010-03-04T11:01:00.000-08:002010-03-04T12:13:42.260-08:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Disclaimer!!! why the text is a different colour <i>and</i> underlined from the middle of the first paragraph onwards is as much a mystery to me as it is to you...</span></span></div><div><br /></div>In usual fashion, i get inspiration once i start writing...this is surely a "hint! hint!" thing..i need to write more! lol...</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">God will do anything and everything to make you see the light, to teach you, to make you understand. It is very easy to get caught up in legalism, rule following. While for the most part they are good, they have a tendency </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">of getting very physical </span></span><a name="1"></a><div class="song" style="text-decoration: none; display: inline !important; "><a name="1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">of getting very physical, so watch your step cuz if i do you'll need a miracle!! <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, verdana; font-style: normal; font-size: -webkit-xxx-large; "></span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><a name="1"><div class="song" style="font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; display: inline !important; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">:P </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">got carried away for a bit there..that bit is from Maroon 5's Harder to Breathe...heart it silly by the way..Where was i? ah yes, a tendency of getting out of hand and becoming the objective and not just a means of achieving the true objective..does that even make sense? It's like you focus so much on the rules that they become your aim, instead of being what they are..merely a means to achieving something higher...make sense nooow?</span></span></span></i></div></a></span></div></i></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:arial, helvetica, verdana;font-size:13px;"><a name="1"><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></i></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then it starts. You make all this rule following the center of attention, and then naturally you feel all good with yourself that you are being good...While that may not be a bad thing, for me, it doesn't work like that. This thing happens where He doesn't like the pride that comes with it...so letting you slip is what happens, and you kinda realize that, nah, in fact, it is not your goodness or piousness that earns you your blessings, because that's what happens, right? you start feeling like you've earned your blessings...That is exactly what you did not do.</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You do not, and cannot earn them. If it worked on that principle, we'd all be screwed. Methinks this fact is being drilled into me so i don't have any misconceptions. So yea, according to my self-adopted rules, i kinda screwed up/am still screwing up this week, but it's okay. It will be okay..This too will pass, as they say...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">On the confirmation of this theory side of it, i've had and am having a great week! So see, it is not your goodness or your principledness or any of that that "earns" you anything...I thought about it in relation to writers today. At some point i really thought, for a brief period that there was a formula to inspiration...while some things </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">might</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> help you out, it comes down to the fact that it's beyond your control. There are a ton of great works out there by less than pious people...conclusion? He wants something to be said, He'll get it said through </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">His Chosen Vessel</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and it really seems to make no difference if you're the Pope, or a druggie. He chose you do do this in this space and time, and He will get it done through you, whether it's writing, or inspiring someone or whatever it is that passes a message...That's my two cents at this moment in time...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for life! every new day is a blessing</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for this week!! He saw me through the madhouse that Tuesday promised to be, for starts</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the very very productive study session i had last night..i am still confused o! but what i know is that i know something ^_^ even if the lecturer wasn't there for the test today..boooo!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for smiles...a smile will get you everywhere!..it's what i've been trying to tell my friend..who seems to be a recreational grump...relaaaaaaxxxx...i don't care how awful somebody is..smile at them until they give in..or go crazy..either way, it's very rewarding to watch indeed! Plus there's nothing wrong with positive energy</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the wardrobe ladies! They are the perfect way to start a day at uni, it seems...smiles and warmth all around!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the...cosyness of my uni..it has this...this family feel about it</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for our Dean..he is such a great person!..hehe i seem to be in school spirit today..</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for my friends! sometimes, we take for granted the fact that we have them..</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for Spring...even if it freakin snowed today...e never do?</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for kindness...without motive...just because..i love just becauses!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for Love</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for people that are there for you no matter what!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for cheerfulness...there is enough to depress you as it is..</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for understanding...this whole thing happening with things suddenly making SO MUCH SENSE is awesome!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for books!! omigosh how i'm thankful for them!...i think i need to seek help ni..you should see me at the bookstore!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for my book lady..because she is da bosss! She brings me so much joy ^_^</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for music! and how sometimes, it's the most effective means of communication :-)</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for S!! each day that much more..i am thankful for how effortless it is to like him so much, for how utterly adorable he is ^_^</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for his mind...a complete breath of fresh air! i can talk to him without feeling like a slightly crazed alien...and even when i do feel like one, somehow, it's okay</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for jokes and general sillyness..one has to be serious so much of the time these days that any opportunity to break free of that makes me giddy with excitement :P</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for Literature...like...utterly passionate about it!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for words..lots and lots of words! for synonyms and antonyms and homonyms and word play and codes and rhyme and all the magic that happens when words come together...i appreciate this even more after reading that bit from 1984 when words are generally annihilated to well, kill expression, individuality, thought...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for expression</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for individuality</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for thought</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for George Orwell, because frankly, he rocks. Nothing you can say about it! I am thankful for "discovering" him</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the classics..they are that for a reason!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for old books..and the way they hold the energy of everyone who has ever held them between their pages..</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for communication...hmm i'm on a literary love spree here!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for food and every single thing involved with it ^_^</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for my mother! again, she is the biggest blessing i have in my life!!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for my sisters..and the conversations we have, and all our inside jokes, and the way they can understand my beginnings of sentences so much that i don't have to bother competing them ^_^ I am thankful that they are so darn smart..when they feel like it..hehe</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for my father...and the fact that</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> he</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> is my father..it was a long time coming, but i'm all growed up and slightly more sensible now and thus i can appreciate :)</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the way time seems to be flying...it's March people! three months like zap!...exactly three months to the end of my first year...eeew i'm old! and more importantly, three months to being back home again and seeing all the people i love</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for being Nigerian, for being born in PHC!!! if i could do it all over again from the beginning, i wouldn't change a single thing!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the miraculous way in which i'm coping, and in fact, all my life have coped with school VERY WELL without well..much effort. That is a blessing right there..i claim nothing..i'm just as bewildered as you...He obviously has plans...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for crappy movies with actors i have crushes on..teehee..okay, just one crappy movie, but for some weird reason i can watch it over and over, because somehow, he makes it okay...Ten Inch Hero Baybay!! shhh, tell no one</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for yet another week that has gone by without any negetive happenings...it all turns out good, even if just two seconds to the end..but that's all that matters</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for words! and pictures and music..because they are all we seem to have as substitutes, as compensation for distance..but i guess that's okay too...they manage to make me oh so happy, so i am nothing but thankful</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for art once again, in all its forms</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for wisdom</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for lessons learnt, learning, and yet to learn</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful that He always, always has a light at the end of the tunnel and nothing, absolutely nothing is done or allowed to happen without an amazing end result..i believe this</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for ebooks ^_^</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for Naija music...it's like..hugs, it takes me home..it's familiar and oh so very comforting when you're so very far away...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for progress</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for growth</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for wit...ooh that phrase has been playing in my head today..."i have nothing to declare but my wit!"..Oscar? George Bernard? i forget who, but both have the right to say that :P I don't think Naija immigrations officers will get the joke though... witty literary reference will have to wait *sigh*..kai forgive my prejudice o!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for languages...and for accents :P</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for the way life is oh so dynamic on the small scale..and fantastically static in the big picture...really! take for instance, the fact that man has not changed one bit..save for the fact that he now has fancier toys...</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for philosophy</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for psychology...grrr...i love law, i really do, especially after fraternizing with all those laws last night and having criminology to look forward to *cough* for more reasons than the obvious.. but theres a little..or a huge part of me that just knows psychology is what it needs!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful that i went to the yeye secondary school i went to...sometimes, God will let you get caught in a storm, just so you can realize how awesome rain is...Babym and M2 are TOTALLY worth that whole experience..i love them die!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for Love again..if you let it grow within you, it is the most rewarding experience...but like anything worth having, it takes a bit of work..apparently..hating is so easy, yes?</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am thankful for random coincidences that appeal to your inner simpleton and kinda wow you..hehe</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am Thankful!!!!</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Be happy, and let nothing and no one take your happiness away from you...fight every grumpy person in your path with a smile..it might take a while, but by the time they give in, you would have taught two people a very valuable lesson</span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div class="song" style=" font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; font-family:verdana, sans-serif, arial, helvetica;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Have a blessed week and a kick ass weekend!</span></span></div></a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-9107153444827888885?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-6503584734957742602010-02-25T08:31:00.000-08:002010-02-25T09:19:35.463-08:00Honest to goodness, hand on heart, until 5 seconds ago i was sure i didn't have a sermon for today. That changed once i typed the last word of the title. The World. A couple of days ago, it hit me that somewhere along the line, i stopped praying for the world.<div><br /></div><div>Call it growing up and loosing your illusions of good and evil, call it loss of innocence or naivite, but i stopped praying for the world, because i made peace with the fact that the world, essentially, is not, will not be, and isn't even meant to be great. That's the whole point of Heaven and the afterlife, right? That this world is what it is, evil and unfair, and what will be will be, you can only live your part and enjoy what there is to enjoy. So i stopped praying for fairness and love and bad people turning good. I sad-smiled over that memory for sure. I seriously used to pray along the lines of, "And God, please let all the armed robbers change, let them see that they really do not have to hurt other people, provide for them and their families so they stay the hell away from evil."...I used to pray that. And then i stopped.</div><div><br /></div><div>But then there's the Buddhist stuff i read, and their meditations and mantras involve "peace be on to the world, unto all the creatures, stones, trees..." you get my drift.</div><div><br /></div><div>It made me pause, think, and re-evaluate. The next day after this situation, one of my daily devo's was about the little boy with the bread and fish and feeding the crowd. They put it so...thoughfully though, that this little boy had NO idea how the hell this cwazy man was gonna feed this stampede of people, but hey, he was the only one with food here, so he will give it. He will do his part, even if he has no idea how this stunt was going to work.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the way that all things God involved work, this seemingly far fetched story spoke to the issue that was raised out of the blue for me. I stopped praying for the world because I decided that I didn't see the logic, I decided that it was futile. Stop. Rewind. What do i know? Did God ever, at any point tell me that i was my job to plan the party? All that is asked of me is to do my part. The rest, He will handle. Isn't that how prayer in general works? You just let Him know whats up, you put it out there. How it will come to pass is really none of your business after you do your part and say your prayer. All you know is that somehow, it will get handled.</div><div><br /></div><div>And so i came to my conclusion. Even if i've been bitter, even if it defies my logic, i shall learn to pray for the world again. I will embrace the fact that it is not my business to figure out how it works, my business is to honestly care, to genuinely summon the love and concern that fuels wanting to pray for the world. To pray for happiness for one and all..Surely this is not a bad thing? The result is not/may not be in the format, or any of the formats i can imagine, it may not be here, or now, it may not in unicorns and rainbows and strawberry fields forever..It may just be in the life of one person..but we all know that the life of one person if often magnanimous enough to change the fate of millions..And so, i will learn to pray for the world again...</div><div><br /></div><div>:-)</div><div><br /></div><div>That being said, On to the Thankfulness!</div><div><br /></div><div>It has gone full circle, and balance has been restored, i am right proper happy again, and all is well with the world! I had a great day today, and even in the midst of it, i realize that the reasons why i'm so happy today are as a result of what happened a week ago. Sometimes, you need to cry to see the light, you need to be sad so that whatever "it" is can snap and cause you to make crucial decisions that show their effects in ripples long after the moment has passed. I realize this.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that even if i woke up er..2 hours later than my new "regime" requires me to, i was fifteen minutes early.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that my bus came smack on time, and i didn't have to wait, or run to catch it...also, there were free seats...Yay!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way my classes were today. Very grateful that they weren't in the order in which i mistook them. All the studying i didn't do yesterday, i did today during first snooze class, missing lecturer second class, and 20 minute break..oh, and during 10 minute walked out of class lecturer ^_^</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that last mentioned lecturer is truly awesome. We are very VERY lucky to have someone who knows what the hell he's on about, someone who genuinely cares that we get something into our thick skulls, and someone who has the patience to deal with us lot...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my Grandma..who truly cares about me..a tad too much sometimes..but it's okay :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandpa and his jokes and his constant, very practical concern...he fixes EVERYTHING! talk about being useful :P</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my friends...had the noicest time after classes today..and Nadia rawks for knowing how to twist people around her little finger for the benefit of me :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sincerity and friendships without ulterior motives</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Life and all the things that come along with it...it is such FUN</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Him getting me through this week...it's a miracle everyday!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way my mind opens up each day..Wisdom, insight, growth...the best things ever!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for all these sites i stumble upon..abi that stumble upon me...They have the best material!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for StumbleUpon, speaking of which...because it led me to MarcandAngel, which is a very VERY interesting blog</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Twilight Saga..and to think i was prepared to snob the life out of it...It is soooooo....lol read it...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Twilight Saga again, because in some very odd..or not so odd way, i feel closer to S whenever i'm reading. Now, i realize that Edward is a friggin Superhero..but there's something about him and Bella and....most of the time i think, but that's kinda us right there! and yes, i've retracted my earlier sentiments about them being dysfunctional..it really does even out the farther you go along...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for S..i cannot stop saying this. I am thankful for him several hours a day, everyday. I am thankful for the way i look forward to him...to seeing that i have a fb message in my inbox, to *cough* just knowing that he's there. It's very..it's a very good feeling to cayre about somebody.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for fb, speaking of which! whatever would we do without it, hmm?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way he makes me oh so happy, even when he does nothing at all :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way God just looks out for me all day, everyday</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for hot showers!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for books unread</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that tomorrow is Friday and i have only two classes...can i get a witness!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for youtube</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Google! if you can't find it on Google, then PEBCAK! you ID10T! lol the nerdy things you pick up on the internets, yes?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for jokes :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for languages...i will German accent you under the table meyyn</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for food! and ingredients that inspire :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sugar!..even if i really should stop indulging</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for chillin out</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the shower i'm going to have once i'm done typing this</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i am so thoroughly blessed! You think you know, but you have NO idea :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for this communication thing Me and God have going..i am Thankful that He's answering this my prayer to understand Him, to be in tune with Him..nowadays, i can actually point to the reason why something happened...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for spellcheck!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that He sees to it that i am surrounded by material for growth..i do not lack!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for old friends and old memories...me and M2 been trading "do you remember that time when.." jokes back and forth...I laugh myself to tears each time!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that, from what i hear, i am able to make people feel better by hearing them out and encouraging/advising them..it's what i live for! Like the epiphany i had while talking to Vika...that's what Other People are in your life for. You may be the wisest person to crash land on this planet, but when YOU are involved in the situation, logic fails you and you are too biased to do what you know you should..which is why you need friends...and sometimes not friends to guide you through those moments...maybe that's why you don't always take your own advise..it's too hard to discipline yourself so..</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mommy!...and the fact that she rawks more than i ever will :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my daddddyyy...and his advice..that i'm too thick to get until way after...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my amazing sisters, who's love astounds me each and every day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Love..for having it, for giving it, for seeing it all around me...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my bed...dear sweet bed and jumbo pillow!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for forgiveness</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for intelligent, rational people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for when people are caring in small ways...grand gestures tend to make me uneasy..and doubt their honesty, see...it takes a series of small gestures to validate the grand ones..if that makes sense..it's hard to pretend for the little things..but that's a whole other post...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that Spring, my dears, is, albeit timidly, here...i felt it today..YAY!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am Thankful that i'm alive, breathing, and able to live this life in a way that i hope, is at least slightly beyond the surface, slightly beyond the superficial..it is so much more fulfilling! and worth every seeming "sacrifice"</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that...we have this situation even if when i count the years i'm thinking...what tha? i can't survive that long without him! :(</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that God has His plans, and had them without my suggestions or advice...i am confident in the fact that He knows what He's doing..and He's never wrong or off point :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I am Thankful for all the kind small talk that happened in the bus on my way home+the seat+the pleasantness of the wardrobe lady+her kids before i left school...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful and could keep on going like the energizer bunny meyn!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for anger management!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the Bible and all the wisdom within</div><div><br /></div><div>I pray for you guys then, to seek the good, and turn a blind eye to the bad. When you look with the intent of seeing happiness and joy, you will find it. And you will also find despair if that's what you're shopping for..it's that easy :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Be happy and seek wisdom for all you're worth...the Peace that comes with it is astounding!</div><div><br /></div><div>Mwaaah!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-650358473495774260?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-58510750617666604822010-02-18T06:18:00.000-08:002010-02-18T06:47:20.982-08:00At some point, i must have subconsciously thought that Thankful Thursday=mandatorily happy me...uh, to quote Em, "snap back to reality, oops there goes gravity". You know what? Thursday is a day, and there are days that suck..for big reasons or small ones, there are days that you are not the most cheerful of people. That's life, and that's being human...you can add it's called being a girl to that..damn you PMS!<div><br /></div><div>That i've had a sucky day doesn't mean i'm not thankful..i am, there are so many things to be thankful for at this moment in time, for this week. I know it's silly and immature and "not proper" to let one thing cloud everything else, but again. It's being bloody human, and yes, i know quite well what is right, and what is wrong and how things ought to be...that fact is doing very little to improve my situation, so it can just rest.</div><div><br /></div><div>The weirdest thing today though, was that in the midst of silently bawling my eyes out in the toilet stall on the third floor today, i suddenly went.."well this BETTER mean that at least S's day is going good, cuz there's no way in hell i'll accept two sucky days and no compensation for the madness!"....just read his fb message...i am thankful for S :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that i have friends who will just go on a cheer me up campaign without asking questions</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for nice people..for real! If you are ever upset, just go to the market and smile at someone...I totally got happy for ten minutes gisting with the lovely saleswoman and bonding with her Persian oga over black eyed peas!..grr, they have green, red lentils, all sorts of funny looking legumes,and NO black eyed peas...we agreed that we both miss them dearly :P yum yum to dried apricots and that sesame nougat thing...i am thankful for discovering that shop!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for how my bus was right on time ^_^..yea, He does look out for me...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my daddddy! He called me yesterday and it was the sweetest thing..every time i realize that i actually love the man! i miss him :(</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my mommmy! and the sometimes scary realization of how much she loves me</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my sisters..who are the daaahlingest people</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for sugar and flour and all that good stuff mixed together..viva la confectionery! </div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the way He has totally gotten me through things i was worried about this week</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for youtube!..and CTFxC cuz Charles and Alli are the most adorable people and they always make me smile ^_^</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my grandpa..cuz he cool like tha!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for His Word...there is more wisdom than you could guess in the bible...really! don't believe it looking so unassuming, it's just lying low for reasons unknown...orrrr so that only those who really seek it can see it? thats a thought...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for music!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for quotes :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for my classmates, and how i learn from them each day</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for peace and quiet and being left the hell alone..sometimes, it's crucial..part time hermit?</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for yummy yummy food :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Yoga...like OMG! barely a week in and i get what people are on about when they rave about it :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for inspiration</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for the million and infinity ways in which S inspires me :D</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for those friends that you know are there for life...not so many, but i love them more than i can explain</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for memories...you look back, and then understand just how special things were, and it all makes sense that you should cherish the now that much more...see, sometimes we get caught up in being part of the moment that we do not see just how much it means...</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for that thing that happens when you experience the complex, and then understand the simple so much better!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for how everything is really very simple and uncomplicated</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for online movie watching! *i'm going to watch Fast Forward right after i type this, promise!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for Art :D people need to learn the art of feeding their souls with beauty</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that what i am unhappy about is really absolutely nothing at all...there are people with REAL problems o!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful that it's Thursday! i have had it up to grrrrrr with uni this week..i need a break so i don't deck someone</div><div><br /></div><div>I am thankful for...uhm....i'm clean out of enthusiasm. I generated as much as i could out of the awful mood i'm in...any more will make me physically ill..i need to indulge in depressiveness for a bit..all this sugar and butterflies and unicorn things is beginning to sound hypocritical and very nauseating indeed....I am thankful though, that He understands, that i'm only human, and there are days when i need to break down and cry, even if i know that everything is going to be all right. I am thankful that He forgives me for the pointless sins i commit sometimes...I am thankful that He teaches me so much! I am thankful...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4056392448404834198-5851075061766660482?l=theapexrelationship.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>theicequeenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376204756356613951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4056392448404834198.post-83843029513654033732010-02-11T08:06:00.001-08:002010-02-11T11:13:25.575-08:00<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><p><span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS;color:#000080;">Colossians 3:8 </span></p><p><span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS;color:#000080;">But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.</span></p></span></div><div><br /></div>Today is one of those bleh days for me. I'm mildly depressed and completely overcome with ennui...everything seems to have taken on gargantuan dimensions and absolutely everything is tragic...school work seems to have taken crazy growth pills, and personal ish seems to be going downhill today...i do not like this feeling. At. All.<div><br /></div><div>That being said, on with the post!...i started typing it earlier, and in that version it went straight to thankfulness, no mini sermon (*cringe* i need to stop with the sermons! don't get me wrong though, it's not coming from a "i know what you must do" point of view...selfish as it sounds, i write, first and foremost,for me...it takes seeing it out there for me to make sense of it, see...)..But in line with the mood of today,my laptop went off without warning...and i got pissed...i was about to really indulge in the anger...</div><div><br /></div><div>And then i realized i had a theme for the mini sermon! Anger. It is one of the sins that i am constantly falling in to...it is so easy to give in..and the annoying thing about it is that it feeds on the energy you give it...a teeny spark of pissed of, when indulged quickly escalates into a higher pissed of that raises your blood pressure and literally makes you hot in the head..this is when you start raising your voice. The more you raise your voice, the more energy you feel...you are completely riding this anger wave like a pro now...but then at some point, it's over...and you feel drained, and you realize what an ass you've been..and most importantly, you realize the damage you've done. See anger has the power to put a nice gap between you and God, between you and yourself. Beyond the moment of anger when you're blind to your better knowledge, the aftermath often leaves you too resentful and guilty to go in the presence of God, or face yourself for that matter.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anger. I have...or being optimistic, lemme say i used to have a temper problem. It is very easy to set me off...but i've been working on it, and i honestly do think i've improved. I've learned to breathe and shut the hell up, because in line with the anger feeding off the energy you give it theory, when i make my first comment...theres no telling where it could end. It sucks. More sucky than the anger at the moment thing is the anger beyond the moment. lemme explain. It's one thing to react with anger in a situation at the moment you've been provoked (or not :P ), but it's quite another to resurrect this anger ages after the moment has passed. Hanging on to bitterness and not letting it go, i believe it's called. Anger is always too pleased to play along, waking up from it's long (or not so long) forgotten slumber and growing with the energy you give it. I am guilty and i pray about it every day..abi it's my cross to bear? I'm learning though...breathing and meditation and quite a bit of the literature i've been so fortunate to come across help a lot....</div><div><br /></div><div>Let go of your anger...do not feed it dammit! like the notices in the zoo that go "do not feed the animals!"</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 128); font-family:'Comic Sans MS';font-size:medium;">Ephesians 4:26,27 In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold.<<<></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Lemme throw in some Bible verses for credibility...</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b>Psalm 4:4</b><br />In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b>Psalm 37:8</b><br />Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b>Proverbs 15:18</b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; ">A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.</span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b>Proverbs 16:32</b></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; ">Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.</span></b></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b>Proverbs 19:11</b></span></b></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; ">A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.</span></b></span></b></span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 128); font-family:'Comic Sans MS';font-size:medium;">Ecclesiastes 7:9 </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 128); font-family:'Comic Sans MS';font-size:medium;">Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(8, 56, 122); font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;"><p></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">Ephesians 4:31,32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. </span></i>^{<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">32</span></i>}<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;"> Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.</span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS;color:#000080;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:'Times New Roman';"></span></span></p><span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS;color:#000080;"><p><span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#6600CC;">James 1:19,20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, </